Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 13:17:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2014 1:25:53 GMT
This man should NOT be a coach. You need to say something and this coach needs to be removed.
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Post by Mary_K on Jul 10, 2014 1:29:41 GMT
I would not hesitate to take his comments to the board.
That needs to be stopped.
Mary K
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 10, 2014 1:32:35 GMT
That is just awful! And I really want to know what this means:
The guy needs to be ripped a new one.
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Post by baslp on Jul 10, 2014 1:42:57 GMT
Coaches should be fired for saying those types of comments. I think that a huber of college basketball coaches lost their jobs because of how they talked to their players. I would def. report this and tell you son why it has to be done.
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on Jul 10, 2014 1:42:59 GMT
Say something. That's disgusting and no grown man should be saying that to a child! Yeah that is totally inappropriate.
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Post by peanutterbutter on Jul 10, 2014 1:49:25 GMT
You really do need to say something. This when it's having your son's back vs. being a helicopter mom. This is an adult bullying a child , and how many others has he done this to or will do it to?
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Post by irisheyes on Jul 10, 2014 1:59:57 GMT
Say something. What is said is not alright. What else is he saying that no one is finding out about. He needs to go.
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Post by LAM88 on Jul 10, 2014 2:06:14 GMT
Honestly I think your husband should say something either with or without you. This sounds like the kind of guy who won't take it seriously if it's coming from a mom because you don't understand how boys/men talk to each other. If your husband is on board with this, and he absolutely should be, then you should approach the coach together. But your husband can't be wishy washy about it either, IYKWIM.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,684
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jul 10, 2014 2:13:27 GMT
I'm normally one that thinks the world is too sensitive and don't mind if a coach gets a little tough with kids. I don't buy the whole "oh, no need to keep score, everyone gets a medal" thing. But this is so far beyond what is acceptable that something absolutely needs to be done, soon! It doesn't matter how you go about it, but someone needs to get this guy under control and probably away from those kids.
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jenkate77
Full Member
Posts: 427
Jun 26, 2014 1:33:16 GMT
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Post by jenkate77 on Jul 10, 2014 2:20:27 GMT
The reason people get away with saying inappropriate things like this to kids is because no one will speak up and demand better. There's no way I'd be silent if someone in authority said this to my son. You're right. I'll talk with my son and let him know I'm going to say something. Back in 4th Grade I raised an issue after he asked me not to, and he still brings it up. I think if I let him know I'm going to say something before I do, it will be better this time. For me - the worst case scenario is to have him stop talking to me about things.
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Post by eebud on Jul 10, 2014 2:20:49 GMT
Add me to the list of those who think you really need to speak up. This coach is so far out of line.
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jenkate77
Full Member
Posts: 427
Jun 26, 2014 1:33:16 GMT
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Post by jenkate77 on Jul 10, 2014 2:21:52 GMT
Honestly I think your husband should say something either with or without you. This sounds like the kind of guy who won't take it seriously if it's coming from a mom because you don't understand how boys/men talk to each other. If your husband is on board with this, and he absolutely should be, then you should approach the coach together. But your husband can't be wishy washy about it either, IYKWIM. This may be a better plan. It feels like a cop out, but my husband is a very rational, reasonable man. I would cry if I confronted the coach directly. My husband is out of town but will be back tomorrow. It didn't seem like a discussion to have over the phone or by text.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 13:17:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2014 2:24:42 GMT
I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. Only it was my 10 year old daughter and her science teacher. He is very well liked by everyone. He is definitely the alpha male in a school full of women teachers. I liked him too. Until he called my daughter a liar to her face and then proceeded to intimidate her and humiliate her in front of classmates. I have firsthand experience dealing with bullies so I knew I had to confront him one on one to put an end to it. I set up a meeting and asked him outright why did he call my daughter a liar? Listened to him dance around and talk in circles. Finally I called him out on everything. Told him what a horrible example he was setting and how his behavior was unacceptable. He never took responsibility for his words and actions and I told him how disappointed I was in him. I left the meeting so angry my ears were red and I was shaking. I've never had that experience before and I absolutely cannot stand confrontation like that. But it had to be done. I had to put a stop to it and also show my daughter that I had her back. The fact that I went up to bat for her has been priceless. She trusts me and confides in me with things I know other girls of her age do not tell their parents. (Not just because of this incident, but for other reasons.) The science teacher immediately stopped his bullying tactics and she regained some of her self esteem.
I know how tough it is to take that step to confront the swim coach but it will be worth it. If nothing comes of it from his end, at least your son will always know you have his back. And that is priceless.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 10, 2014 2:51:25 GMT
Say something. That's disgusting and no grown man should be saying that to a child! I agree. And I think what the coach says borders on abuse, or something very close to it. I would not want my son swimming on a team lead by that man.
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Post by mdoc on Jul 10, 2014 3:17:47 GMT
I do think talking to your son first is important. I could definitely see the worst case scenario taking place if I said something after one of my kids begged me not to. I would first have to convince them of the necessity and appropriateness of saying something, and I would want to prepare them in case there was blowback.
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Post by worrywart on Jul 10, 2014 3:30:39 GMT
Yes, I do think that you need to talk about this with your son. He needs to know that your job as a parent it to look out for him and do the right think in his interest. This coach, from your description, is using basically verbal abuse and/or totally inappropriate communications. I would not let my child be alone with him after this incident.
I'd also want to know what 'other things' he said that your son did not want to repeat. I am so sorry!
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Post by melrose on Jul 10, 2014 3:49:44 GMT
If a parent reported this to you, as a board member wouldn't you do something? This is no different.
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Post by traceys on Jul 10, 2014 4:00:58 GMT
I agree with those who say this might be better addressed by your husband....especially since your son doesn't want you to say anything. But he might feel differently about his dad going to the coach. He also might be more willing to discuss the full conversation with his father.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Jul 10, 2014 4:08:22 GMT
I like the idea of your husband doing it - male to male. That way he can't say you're being a 'paranoid mom' or anything of that sort. Hopefully your DH can say enough to put him in place and your son can continue to compete.
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Post by luv2scrapaboutmykids on Jul 10, 2014 4:12:43 GMT
You MUST say something. This is not only inappropriate of the coach if you don't say anything and you know what he said it is like you are allowing his behaviour to continue.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 10, 2014 5:06:39 GMT
Report him immediately. No question.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,387
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Jul 10, 2014 5:24:57 GMT
I do think dad should get involved, but not to confront the coach. He should find out exactly what was said and then it should go directly to those who supervise this guy. He needs to be suspended, at minimum. I'd prefer to see him fired, but that may not be possible if this report is the first one against him.
Don't confront the coach directly - even if he smartens up around your son, he may well still be inappropriate with other. By confronting him directly but not filing a formal complaint with the supervisor and board, you have no record & no leverage if it turns out he is doing this to lots of kids. And it stands to reason he is.
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Post by Legacy Girl on Jul 10, 2014 5:28:51 GMT
As a board member, you could be held legally responsible if he should continue these tactics or, God forbid, escalate to something even worse. I think you're on the right track to have your DH intervene, and it's also something that you or DH should bring to the board's attention. You know how rare "pea-greement" is. We're all in your corner for sure!
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scrappinghappy
Pearl Clutcher
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,307
Jun 26, 2014 19:30:06 GMT
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Post by scrappinghappy on Jul 10, 2014 5:36:37 GMT
Say something. Not to jump the gun, but this could be the coach testing the water, no pun intended. This is abusive language....if it goes unreported then the coach knows it's "safe" to step it up a notch with the inappropriateness. Far fetched perhaps, but not a risk I would be willing to take as a mom. This. I'd be too worried about the safety of my kid to care what the jerk of a coach thinks.
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scrappinghappy
Pearl Clutcher
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,307
Jun 26, 2014 19:30:06 GMT
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Post by scrappinghappy on Jul 10, 2014 5:43:15 GMT
You can also discuss with your son that the reason this MUST come out is for the safety of other kids on the team as well, kids who can't, won't or don't talk to their parents. At 14 he's old enough to have a meaningful conversation with and he will then understand why the risk to both himself and others outweighs his need not to be a tattletale, which, BTW, I don't think he is.
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Post by gar on Jul 10, 2014 7:09:50 GMT
Whether or not you could find another coach should not factor into your decision to say something. You should base your decision on the inappropriateness of the comments themselves.
The comments were inappropriate. As others have said - can you even imagine some of the other things that are being said that you aren't hearing about.
I think you should speak up. It's important for your son to see you standing up to poor behavior. This, the inappropriateness overrides all other considerations I'm afraid.
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Post by gar on Jul 10, 2014 7:10:47 GMT
Honestly I think your husband should say something either with or without you. This sounds like the kind of guy who won't take it seriously if it's coming from a mom because you don't understand how boys/men talk to each other. If your husband is on board with this, and he absolutely should be, then you should approach the coach together. But your husband can't be wishy washy about it either, IYKWIM. Good point.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 10, 2014 9:27:02 GMT
I agree. If this individual goes on to assault a child, or worse, you would never forgive yourself.
Do you have a Safeguarding policy?
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,022
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Jul 10, 2014 10:17:42 GMT
I guess your question WWTPD has been answered, this might be the first agreement thread on the free forum.
I think you have to tackle two things, the coach's totally unacceptable behaviour and teaching your son what way he should expect to be treated. As a board member your issue is deeper than just being a parent as your duty extends to the other children under his "care". If it was me I would be ensuring this incident was marked on his record and he would be very clear that only his best behaviour was acceptable.
Not aimed at you OP but how many times do we (general we) read after some horrible event, people coming forward saying I thought he was odd or this happened but I didn't want to make a fuss.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jul 10, 2014 11:13:19 GMT
Is there only one swim coach for the club? Aren't there different coaches for different levels? I'd have my kid moved to a different group, even if it meant he weren't with the same aged kids. It would be preferable to what's going on. I'd also go talk to the club director. Any adult talking to my kid about my kid and satisfaction in the shower in the same sentence? Good luck to him. I cannot fathom why anyone would be questioning whether to say something or not! OF COURSE YOU SHOULD!!!! These are still children that you are speaking of!!! Perverted, grumpy, inappropriate coaches can be replaced, a child's innocence and worth cannot! Just think if you didn't say something and he is inappropriate with another child!!!!
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