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Post by justkallie on Jul 12, 2014 7:14:53 GMT
Knowing how important our last family vacation was with my father, I would say something. When my father received a stage 4 cancer diagnosis, the only thing he wanted was to have a vacation with his family - and a large family we were. He died around 18 months after that trip, but he talked fondly of it til the day he died.
I want to say that having his wife and children with him was the very most important thing to my Dad, and really to us, as time is the one thing you can't get back.
I am thinking that your Mom and Dad are feeling the same way, as it sounds they are very much booking a really, really nice vacation and were willing to foot the bill for it. I think you need to say something - but in all reality, the delivery of said message will be most important. If your brother and SIL choose to stay, I would ask if you could at least take your niece if she is old enough to be apart from her parents, as many children grow up regretting not having enough time with grandparents...
I know I am in a minority, but animals will never come between my relationship with my kids or my parents. But I come from a family where pets were a luxury that could not have been afforded, and the responsibility to be there for family was paramount.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 7:47:40 GMT
It sounds like it truly is time to put the dog down. But that is within your brother and his family's boundaries. I would just let them make their own decision. No use to bring it up as it will just make them feel bad. I'm so sorry that your dad is dying. I hope that you will be able to enjoy the time with your dad no matter what your brother decides to do.
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Post by Really Red on Jul 12, 2014 7:59:50 GMT
How about this: Brother - you know I understand what you're going through as we just recently had to put down our Spot. It's hateful and horrible and I am so sad about your dog. I'm really sad about dad, too, and I know he was looking forward to this family trip a lot. Do you think we could take our niece with us? She's so young to understand why she can't go on vacation with all of us and it will be awfully hard for her to be waiting out the dog.
You're not making any judgement calls or clear statements for your brother to get upset at, but you're making your statement.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 12, 2014 8:09:00 GMT
If the dog is that sick, it's cruel to keep it alive. If it was me, I would find it difficult to not say anything, especially since your dad has a terminal disease. They give the impression the dog is more important to them than their grandfather/father.
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Post by jamieson on Jul 12, 2014 8:13:12 GMT
You just can't weigh one hurt against another. Logic doesn't enter into the equation no matter how obvious the solution my be to you.
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gsquaredmom
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jul 12, 2014 9:16:37 GMT
Can their own vet board the dog fpr the week?
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conchita
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Post by conchita on Jul 12, 2014 9:18:04 GMT
Knowing how important our last family vacation was with my father, I would say something. When my father received a stage 4 cancer diagnosis, the only thing he wanted was to have a vacation with his family - and a large family we were. He died around 18 months after that trip, but he talked fondly of it til the day he died. I want to say that having his wife and children with him was the very most important thing to my Dad, and really to us, as time is the one thing you can't get back. I am thinking that your Mom and Dad are feeling the same way, as it sounds they are very much booking a really, really nice vacation and were willing to foot the bill for it. I think you need to say something - but in all reality, the delivery of said message will be most important. If your brother and SIL choose to stay, I would ask if you could at least take your niece if she is old enough to be apart from her parents, as many children grow up regretting not having enough time with grandparents... I know I am in a minority, but animals will never come between my relationship with my kids or my parents. But I come from a family where pets were a luxury that could not have been afforded, and the responsibility to be there for family was paramount. What she said! My father would always come first before a beloved pet. The Great Carpezio I'm sorry that your time is so short with your father. I hope no matter the outcome with your brother that your parents and your family will make memories that will forever be cherished.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 9:58:41 GMT
If my dad wasn't dying (just getting used to saying this), I would not consider saying anything. I just think he (it is mostly my brother) isn't thinking this through. Five years from now will he still be glad he spent the week going to work, and coming home and being sad while his dog slowly gets worse, or will he wish he had gone and made memories with his father? One more week with my dog or my dad? Hmmmm. Let me think.... I agree. Are you close enough to your brother to gently point this out to him. Maybe not directly but along the lines of " I'm sad that you won't be able to share this time with us,but with Dad's health I hope there will be other times we can be together for a lovely vacation" or something along those lines. Whilst not direct it might get him thinking maybe?
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 12, 2014 10:53:31 GMT
I wouldn't say anything, because it will make you the bad guy.
But.... I agree with you. I think they should put their dog down, if for no other reason than to ease his suffering. And they absolutely should not back out of the planned family vacation, especially with your dad's health being fragile.
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tagsie2000
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Jun 25, 2014 21:05:21 GMT
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Post by tagsie2000 on Jul 12, 2014 11:14:40 GMT
I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I have lost both parents so can understand the feelings. We also had a similar family trip with FIL last year for the same reasons.
Honestly, I would leave it. They know the situation and can make their own decisions. At such an emotional time for everyone as well it would be easy for someone to get upset and things to be said that aren't meant, but once said can't be forgotten IYKWIM. Please understand I am not saying you would say anything to upset them, but if everyone is very sensitive at the moment innocent comments can be taken the wrong way.
Whatever happens I hope you manage to make happy memories with your father this holiday.
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Post by Miss Ang on Jul 12, 2014 12:22:07 GMT
I agree with you but DON'T say anything. It will only cause hurt feelings that may last a long time. Sorry about the trip, and your dad and the dog and the whole thing. I hope it all works out.
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Post by anonrefugee on Jul 12, 2014 12:32:25 GMT
Pet over Dad? It would be hard not to say something! Do you think your brother is trying to avoid dealing with your Dad's prognosis? Because honestly. I can't imagine this even being a choice.
In my family the sick parent (Dad) would tell the child not to do this to their surviving spouse (Mom). In other words, my Dad would be thinking of my Mom continuing to live with happy memories of the reunion vacation.
I'm sorry for your situation.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 13:21:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 12:45:37 GMT
Vacation or no vacation, they should put the dig down if he has gotten worse. They are being selfish letting him suffer.
Ann
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Post by maryland on Jul 12, 2014 12:47:07 GMT
Because of your dad's health, I think it would mean so much to him if they go. If your dad was healthy, I would say they should do what they want to do and it's completely understandable to stay. It's their decision regardless. With their dog doing worse right now, that is probably consuming their thoughts. But I completely understand why you feel that your brother and the grandkids should be there.
We were in a situation about 8 yrs. ago and it didn't involve a parent, but a great uncle. He wasn't doing well, and neither was our dog. My husband went to see his uncle (long trip, but he flew) and I stayed with the dog. We both felt that he needed to see his uncle and we couldn't leave the dog so that was what we did.
Just a thought. Depending on the ages of the grandkids, could they go with you? That way they could spend time with their grandpa.
So sorry to hear about your dad. I hope he proves everyone wrong and has more years left.
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Jul 12, 2014 16:18:52 GMT
I wouldn't say anything. Everyone grief is different. Personally, having made the "big shot" decision four times, if they chose to stay home I would totally understand.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 16:22:24 GMT
I probably would have the dog put to sleep - vacation or not.
But perhaps they just haven't reached their "it's time" moment with him.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 16:30:52 GMT
It is not up to you to say anything. I know you are suffering with your dads diagnosis and so is your brother in his own way. Life still goes on though and he has to live his life. Stay out of it. If you step in you will set up resentment and possibly worse. Do you really want to add that into this mix?
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Bridget in MD
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Post by Bridget in MD on Jul 12, 2014 16:39:40 GMT
I don't think you should say anything as they won't take it well. Personally, I would put the dog to sleep when he took the turn for the worse. I don't want my pet to suffer. I agree with this. I too, would have put my dog down when he went downhill because his not suffering would be more important to me than my selfishness to keep him around longer. I would not want to go on vacation, but in the end I would probably go because the distraction would help with the the loss....and I love my Dad and would want to spend as much time with him as possible. But each person has to decide for themself. Thread Hijack - FurryP your avatar is ADORABLE!!!!!!! =)
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Post by vronn on Jul 12, 2014 16:50:14 GMT
I just wanted to say, I'm sorry about your dad. For what it's worth, I agree with you.
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Post by sisterbdsq on Jul 12, 2014 17:07:03 GMT
As many you know, I adored my Princess. I have never loved another being the way I loved, and still love, her. She was my heart and soul. I had to let her go the day before I left for Florida last summer. It was difficult, but it was the best decision for her. I barely made it on the plane, but I went. And I have no regrets in doing so.
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Post by momofkandn on Jul 12, 2014 17:13:13 GMT
I agree with you and if it were me, I would put the dog down and go on the vacation. If it were my brother, I could have the conversation with him about how important this vacation is to Dad. But that's the relationship we have. He wouldn't be offended or hurt. We are very blunt and honest with each other. I think you need to decide yourself if you can talk to your brother or SIL about this. I have a SIL that if I said anything to her about her dog, I would be disowned forever and she'd make it known to the whole family how horrible I was. If it were her, I wouldn't say anything. Its a really hard situation. And I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Hugs!
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Jul 12, 2014 17:17:43 GMT
I may have a different relationship with my sisters, but this is what I'd say: "I am SO sorry about the dog. You know I just went through this and I understand the pain. I do. I'm only going to say this once and I won't harp on it and I won't judge whatever decision you make: but I think sharing one last vacation with dad and his kids and all his grandkids will, in the long run, be more important than staying home and mourning the dog. You'd be showing a kindness both to the dog and to our parents by gently putting the dog down and going on the trip. Again, whatever you decide I will live with, but I just felt like I had to say that. "
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Post by leannec on Jul 12, 2014 17:23:18 GMT
We were in a similar situation a number of years ago ... our elderly dog was having hip and bathroom issues and was obviously at the end of her life ... we were scheduled to go on vacation ... it hurt A LOT, but we put her down before so that it was taken care of before we left ... it was just inevitable anyway There are no easy answers but you really have to be practical ...
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Post by doxielady on Jul 12, 2014 17:26:58 GMT
Very tough position to be in. I don't envy you at all. I'm so sorry about your Dad.
I think it does depend on the relationship you have with them would dictate whether you can say anything. I love my dogs so much and while I might be thinking it's time to let them go, if anyone suggested it to me, I can see me taking it so wrong and feeling betrayed. It needs to be my decision in my time. It looks like a logical decision from the outside, but letting go of a loved dog isn't always a logical place to be. Lots of emotions and pain.
Plus, as someone else noted, it would be even trickier to have the kids see "putting a pet down" for the convenience of a vacation. That's a hard road to navigate.
I would simply have to support them whatever they decided and not say anything about what might be "best".
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wannapea
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Jun 25, 2014 23:00:05 GMT
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Post by wannapea on Jul 12, 2014 20:04:57 GMT
We all have to make our own choices and live with them. It's never a good idea to tell someone else how to deal with the illness or impending death of a loved one (human or animal). I've had to forgo family events <gasp, CHRISTMAS> to care for a sick/paralyzed dog. It was always thrown out as an accusation at a convenient later date-usually when someone wanted to try and make me feel like crap. Fun times. Sure, I could have put her down earlier than I intended and satisfied others (including a sick relative). Gotta say, after the behavior and comments that came my way after making that decision to stay home with my sick dog-I never have regretted it!
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Post by krazykatlady on Jul 12, 2014 20:09:33 GMT
It is not up to you to say anything. I know you are suffering with your dads diagnosis and so is your brother in his own way. Life still goes on though and he has to live his life. Stay out of it. If you step in you will set up resentment and possibly worse. Do you really want to add that into this mix? I agree with this. As much as you want to step up and say something I think it would be a mistake and you could possibly jeopardize your relationship with your brother. Unfortunately I also think that if your brother doesn't do what you think he should do you are going to be harboring resentment towards him later. You need to find a way to get past this. Your parents don't need their children to be divided at this point.
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Dani-Mani
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Post by Dani-Mani on Jul 12, 2014 20:14:44 GMT
I would hope their vet is giving them advice on when to put the dog down; I know I wouldn't personally put a dog down unless a qualified professional told me it was time.
That said, I wouldn't say a word to your brother. Sorry.
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moodyblue
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Jul 12, 2014 20:33:29 GMT
I MIGHT, under those circumstances, gently ask about taking the niece with you on the vacation.
Or,
I MIGHT just confine any discussion to concern about the dog and what is best for him/her, asking what the vet thinks, maybe what you felt about having to make that decision, and what you might have done differently. It sounds like quality of life for the dog is rapidly going, if not gone, so maybe just dealing with that in conversation would be enough for them to think some more about whether they should make the decision sooner rather than later.
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Post by PenandInk on Jul 12, 2014 22:53:48 GMT
I just want to send you a hug! I'm assuming your dad's IPF is Ideopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis? My dad had this. My heart breaks for you and your family. Whether or not your brother and his family go on the trip, you should go and enjoy your dad every minute you are there. Those memories will be a gift for you!
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Post by scrappychick on Jul 12, 2014 23:36:11 GMT
If you feel like you can talk to your brother or SIL, I would say something like, "I'm so sorry that Rover is in so much pain, and I know you've all been hit with terrible sadness at having to witness his declining health. I understand why you want to drop out of the vacation, I really do. I just wanted to see if you would reconsider. It makes me sad to think that this might be our last opportunity for a family vacation because of dad's health. His health, and the fact that they've already spent so much money to make this happen, I just felt like I had to make a last desperate plea to you. I hope you won't be angry with me for saying something-you know how upset we were when we had to put Sosa down. I respect any decision you make, but I don't want the grief you are feeling for your dog to turn into regret for not spending this time with dad."
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