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Post by ahiller on May 28, 2015 1:48:13 GMT
Well, DH is at a concert tonight and I have been sitting outside DD's room for the better part of nearly 2 hours, trying to get her to sleep. I am at my wit's end and could use some practical advice from you all.
DD was an excellent sleeper, never had any problems putting herself to sleep after we tucked her in, until about 6 months ago. She watched an episode of Curious George (I didn't see it with her) where there is a "No-Noggin" which is some kind of headless thing. Since then, she has been terrified of everything. She won't go upstairs or to the bathroom or to sleep or even just sit in her room by herself. I really thought it was just a small phase she was going through, we talked about how monsters and "no-noggins" aren't real and nothing to be afraid of. She is still terrified of being alone.
We've tried nightlights and rearranging her room (because some of the shadows looked scary), I've made "no-monster" spray (out of water and lemon and peppermint essential oils (about all I've used them for, lol) and we spray it around the room and into the vents. We check in the closet and under the bed and dressers. And on and on and on.
The good news is that once she is asleep, she usually stays asleep. Getting her to sleep is the issue. She wants us to sit outside her room and sing or hum or just be there and if she hears us leave, she FREAKS out.
While I'd love to do something as simple as a bigger kid version of cry-it-out, it's really hard when said kid can't be contained to a crib. Anytime we put her in bed and close the door, she's immediately back out. She's a stubborn little thing too so we can keep marching her back in there but it's likely to be a losing battle on our end since she doesn't give up easily. It doesn't help that DH is so not a night person and is a complete grumpy pants by the end of the day because he gets up so early for work. I feel like I am battling this alone.
Anyone BTDT and can give me some advice? I am losing my damn mind!
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SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,408 
Location: Dallas Texas
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Post by SabrinaP on May 28, 2015 1:59:11 GMT
Ug! Sleep issues are so hard. Have you tried a sticker chart? She could get a sticker for staying in bed and earn something she really wants. Start by just earning a few stickers for a prize and then increase.
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scrappinghappy
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“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,307
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Post by scrappinghappy on May 28, 2015 2:03:12 GMT
With my little one, I just got into bed with her and read to her till she fell asleep. Usually 30 minutes and she was out.
Good luck, momma. She needs all the loving you can give her
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Post by ahiller on May 28, 2015 2:03:51 GMT
I am willing to try anything! She is my more difficult child - she doesn't generally have much currency that she actually cares about gaining/losing, if that makes sense. I do feel bad for her though because I know she is actually scared. It didn't help tonight when I shouted at her around the 2 hour mark. I feel like a bad mom. It's been a loooong day and I'd just had it.  |
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Post by gracieplusthree on May 28, 2015 2:04:16 GMT
probably the unpopular answer here but when my youngest was about 3 he stopped sleeping thru the night in his room. we discovered if we let him sleep on the couch he slept all night,which meant we did too.. so for a LOOOOOONG time he slept on the couch..
now at 17 he still sometimes sleeps on the couch(mostly only in winter when its cold though as we have wood heat and the heater is in the living room-heck sometimes I sleep in here too)..really we got to the point of where he slept being less the issue than THAT he slept..
but if you go that route, you could be starting a habit that could turn longer term than you want.but...
if you read to her will she fall asleep? maybe start a long book or series..
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Post by ahiller on May 28, 2015 2:15:06 GMT
I'm thinking about re-watching the show with her, to see if I can make it funny or silly. It can either help or *really* make things worse.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 9:31:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2015 2:20:21 GMT
I'm thinking about re-watching the show with her, to see if I can make it funny or silly. It can either help or *really* make things worse. Try watching it yourself, without her, so you get a better idea of what freaked her out and use that to help her through this. My son is very sensitive to some things and watching it with him again would only make it worse, but if I watched it on my own, I would better understand what was scary to him and then I could use that to improve the situation - generally through funny and silly stuff. |
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Post by Dixie Lou on May 28, 2015 2:24:44 GMT
Sounds just like what we went through with our daughter.
My DH let her watch ET when she was four years old. You know that part where the little sister first sees ET and screams and then ET screams? She was traumatized to no end. She was attached to my hip quite literally. Once I went in the bedroom and locked the door so I could hear something over the phone and immediately she ran out the front door to the neighbor's house.
She was terrified of sharks, aliens, dinosaurs, masks...She got lost during a parade at Disneyland in the dark...She had a coughing spell where she couldn't catch her breath and that ended with a trip to the ER in an ambulance. Too much happened to her within a few weeks time.
We took her to a counselor who visited with her a few times. She told us that DD's room was too far away from ours so we switched her room with her older sister. That helped. We also put all three girls in the same room for sleeping (one older and one younger) and that helped also. At the time the rule for sleeping in our room was you had to sleep on the floor so she did that sometimes too.
She was definitely very afraid so I would not let her cry it out. Her fears continued until she was in middle school but she was sleeping alone long before then.
Good luck.
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Post by ahiller on May 28, 2015 2:25:50 GMT
I'm thinking about re-watching the show with her, to see if I can make it funny or silly. It can either help or *really* make things worse. Try watching it yourself, without her, so you get a better idea of what freaked her out and use that to help her through this. My son is very sensitive to some things and watching it with him again would only make it worse, but if I watched it on my own, I would better understand what was scary to him and then I could use that to improve the situation - generally through funny and silly stuff. I am actually watching it as I type!  |
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Post by fiddlesticks on May 28, 2015 2:26:56 GMT
What about some kind of music or white noise machine maybe? I bet there is some kind of thing you could get to would have a timer.
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Post by freecharlie on May 28, 2015 2:29:36 GMT
I paid my kid. Not my best parenting moment, but it worked. Every night he slept in his own bed he got a quarter. After one full week he got an extra dollar or five...not sure.
We had the issue because older DS watched a scary movie at a friend's and didn't want to sleep alone so he convinced younger brother. After a while older brother was fine, but younger had gotten used to someone in the room and he didn't transition back well.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 9:31:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2015 2:31:24 GMT
Oh I am so sorry...I have no good advice. I agree with the pea who recommended possibly letting her sleep on the couch. We've had success with that when out kids have gone through rough sleeping patches.
*hugs* it's no fun. don't be too hard on yourself for losing it tonight. You're only human. I've been there done that. My husband is the same way as yours, but there are times that I've had to go get him and say "I need a break, I'm gonna lose it."
I also agree with you that watching the show again may not be a bad idea...ugh, who knows. Good luck!!
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Post by ahiller on May 28, 2015 2:32:08 GMT
She was definitely very afraid so I would not let her cry it out. Her fears continued until she was in middle school but she was sleeping alone long before then. Good luck. The reason I mentioned a cry-it-out type of a thing is that DD is very much an all or nothing type of kid. Generally speaking, it's easier for her to deal with us cutting off something completely than winding down slowly. The whole "back out of the room a few feet every night" thing would never work with her, as an example. I DO NOT want to traumatize her further though so I wouldn't do it now. |
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Post by myshelly on May 28, 2015 2:34:20 GMT
I would just cuddle with her until she falls asleep every night. She's 5. She won't want cuddles forever.
I just don't see staying with her until she falls asleep as a big deal. This wouldn't even be an issue for me.
That's my view on parenting in general though - they're little, they won't be little forever, enjoy it instead of fighting it.
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Post by ahiller on May 28, 2015 2:35:06 GMT
I paid my kid. Not my best parenting moment, but it worked. Every night he slept in his own bed he got a quarter. After one full week he got an extra dollar or five...not sure. We had the issue because older DS watched a scary movie at a friend's and didn't want to sleep alone so he convinced younger brother. After a while older brother was fine, but younger had gotten used to someone in the room and he didn't transition back well. Oooh, now that might actually work! I like the white noise idea too - she used to listen to a cd as a baby but decided a few years ago that she couldn't sleep with noise anymore. I will definitely mention it again to see if she wants it again. |
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Post by mama2three on May 28, 2015 2:39:57 GMT
When we were going through something similar, I would read to her in her bed and usually fall asleep myself! We also had a white noise machine that played a variety of sounds like waterfall, crickets, waves, etc. that helped for a time.
Later we would let her sleep in our room if she felt she was scared and needed to, but she had to bring her own blanket and sleep on the floor at the end of our bed. That only lasted a few weeks before she decided her bed was more comfortable.
Good luck. Sleep issues are tough. I thought we'd never survive them, but now I have teens who would rather sleep all the time. When it gets bad, remind yourself that "this too shall pass".
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Post by mama2three on May 28, 2015 2:44:30 GMT
Also wanted to mention that this was about the age we started letting her listen to audio books from the library at bedtime after we finished reading together. She loved her "story tapes /CDs" and usually fell asleep halfway through one CD. You just have to carefully choose stories that are age appropriate and won't be scary. These days you can probably borrow via download from library.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on May 28, 2015 2:47:35 GMT
I can only empathize with your DD. Then was the episode of full house where Jesse breaks both arms in a motorcycle accident. All I saw was the commercial preview with him with his upper body in a cast, with both arms stuck out in front of him. That freaked me out, though, because I didn't understand what I was actually seeing. (He looked like a scary monster.) I remember that once my mom explained what I was actually seeing-- broken arms, a cast on his body-- it wasn't scary anymore. But I just literally did not know what I was looking at in the commercial.
So maybe she's having an issue processing something she saw in the episode, beyond just scary headless guy or something.
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Post by ahiller on May 28, 2015 2:54:18 GMT
Also wanted to mention that this was about the age we started letting her listen to audio books from the library at bedtime after we finished reading together. She loved her "story tapes /CDs" and usually fell asleep halfway through one CD. You just have to carefully choose stories that are age appropriate and won't be scary. These days you can probably borrow via download from library. Good idea! She may like that. |
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Post by utmr on May 28, 2015 2:56:48 GMT
She's only 5. I'd be inclined to lay with her and rub her back untill she fell asleep. But I've never been a fan of cry-it-out, and our big kids will still come to our bed if they're sick, tired, upset, scared, lonely or bored.
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 28, 2015 3:00:33 GMT
My suggestion would be making a playlist of soothing music that she can listen to in her room after story time. I have an old iPod that I put in DD's room on a speaker dock and made her a list of some Disney songs she likes followed by (of all things, LOL) a selection of Josh Groban Christmas music. She loves it and listens to it every night. Most of the time she falls asleep before the music runs out. The best part is that we can either bring the iPod with us when we travel or go to the cabin or she can listen to it on one of our phones so her nighttime routine never has to change no matter where we are.
We also have had a variety of night lights for her room, currently she likes having her tiny Christmas tree with lights plugged in on top of her dresser. I like that it's not as bright as some of the others. I just go in and turn it off before I go to bed myself.
I've seen that No Noggin Halloween special and can understand how it could be scary for some kids. Maybe you could just have her watch the end part of it again where she can see it was just the squirrels stealing the hats all along and not something actually scary.
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Post by ahiller on May 28, 2015 3:04:31 GMT
I've seen that No Noggin Halloween special and can understand how it could be scary for some kids. Maybe you could just have her watch the end part of it again where she can see it was just the squirrels stealing the hats all along and not something actually scary. I just rewatched it and I'm starting to think that maybe she missed that part. I am definitely going to watch it again with her. |
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Post by ahiller on May 28, 2015 3:06:50 GMT
She's only 5. I'd be inclined to lay with her and rub her back untill she fell asleep. But I've never been a fan of cry-it-out, and our big kids will still come to our bed if they're sick, tired, upset, scared, lonely or bored. I usually do lay with her at naptime until she falls asleep (and I usually do too most of the time, lol). There are a variety of reasons why we are not really fans of doing it at nighttime, which I won't bore you with. If we can get her out of this stage without making it a habit of laying with her at night, we'd prefer that. |
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Post by ahiller on May 28, 2015 3:07:50 GMT
Thanks for all of the replies everyone! I really appreciate all of the suggestions. I'm heading to bed - good night! |
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Post by alittleintrepid on May 28, 2015 3:19:41 GMT
She's only 5. I'd be inclined to lay with her and rub her back untill she fell asleep. But I've never been a fan of cry-it-out, and our big kids will still come to our bed if they're sick, tired, upset, scared, lonely or bored. I usually do lay with her at naptime until she falls asleep (and I usually do too most of the time, lol). There are a variety of reasons why we are not really fans of doing it at nighttime, which I won't bore you with. If we can get her out of this stage without making it a habit of laying with her at night, we'd prefer that. I would get her to have the same settling routine at nap time and at bedtime. I actually wonder if the nap is your problem though... My five year old falls asleep pretty quickly at bedtime but hasn't napped in years. |
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Post by ahiller on May 28, 2015 3:37:03 GMT
I usually do lay with her at naptime until she falls asleep (and I usually do too most of the time, lol). There are a variety of reasons why we are not really fans of doing it at nighttime, which I won't bore you with. If we can get her out of this stage without making it a habit of laying with her at night, we'd prefer that. I would get her to have the same settling routine at nap time and at bedtime. I actually wonder if the nap is your problem though... My five year old falls asleep pretty quickly at bedtime but hasn't napped in years. I know I said I was going to bed, lol. You are right, on the days she takes a nap, I know we are in for it at night. That was even before this all started. She definitely doesn't nap every day, though she certainly could use one.  The days she doesn't nap, she falls asleep relatively quickly at night but still with the same issues of being afraid of everything and refusing to do anything alone. |
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Post by scrappychick on May 28, 2015 4:02:13 GMT
Have you tried leaving her door open with a hall light on?
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Post by Jennifer C on May 28, 2015 4:11:39 GMT
I agree with the nap. Once my dd started having a tough time going to sleep and sleeping alone, we did away with naps.
We also played soft kids soothing music for her, not the wiggles. This would lull her to sleep.
Jennifer
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2015 4:44:17 GMT
She's only 5. I'd be inclined to lay with her and rub her back untill she fell asleep. But I've never been a fan of cry-it-out, and our big kids will still come to our bed if they're sick, tired, upset, scared, lonely or bored. I usually do lay with her at naptime until she falls asleep (and I usually do too most of the time, lol). There are a variety of reasons why we are not really fans of doing it at nighttime, which I won't bore you with. If we can get her out of this stage without making it a habit of laying with her at night, we'd prefer that. I can totally get that and don't fault you at all for not wanting it become a habit with no foreseeable end. It exhausts the hell out of you. However, I must share that my youngest was a HORRIBLE sleeper. No reason other than he was simply a super clingy child. He could not/would not go to sleep unless I lay with him at night until he fell asleep. I despaired that he never outgrow it. But he did, and he's going to be turning 18 in a few months. And, oh! I miss those days of him 'needing' me like that. He's now the most independent young man and I find myself wanting those days back sometimes. L |
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zella
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Post by zella on May 28, 2015 5:32:46 GMT
My answer to these questions is always a variation on this: let the kid sleep with you. Now I realize that you don't want to go to bed when she needs to go to bed, but could she perhaps fall asleep in a corner of the family room or wherever you hang out of an evening? Then you could carry her up to bed, either her bed or yours, once you go up (presuming you have a 2 story house, obviously).
My dd was scared to sleep alone for years. She slept with dh and I. And she did eventually grow out of it. I'd rather be in my room with my kiddo than sit outside her bedroom door for two hours, that's for sure. I don't believe in the cry it out method, not at any age. I wanted my children to feel secure, to know they were safe.
Bear in mind that in most places and cultures in the world children do NOT sleep alone; and frankly, I don't think it is a normal or healthy thing to expect from them.
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The days she doesn't nap, she falls asleep relatively quickly at night but still with the same issues of being afraid of everything and refusing to do anything alone. 
