michellegb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,915
Location: New England and loving it!
Jun 26, 2014 0:04:59 GMT
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Post by michellegb on Jun 29, 2015 9:06:02 GMT
I'd unfriend him.. He has the right to his beliefs but I wouldn't subject myself or DS to it. But shouldn't tolerance go both ways? People believe what they believe because they believe it to be right and true. If a person disagrees with your (general you) personal opinion and publicly shares their point of view, without vile words or hatred, why is it any different than you publicly sharing your happy opinion? You (general you) know that the two of you have different views. I don't understand why it's ok to post on FB saying "I am so happy about this!" yet someone else saying "I'm disappointed about this." is not ok. Now, if he would have said something derogatory, or used foul language or resorted to name calling, THAT deserves an unfriend/block and it most certainly would cause a divide in a family. But simply having a differing point of view does not negate that, IMO. EVERYONE has to start and continue showing love, from both sides of the fence. It has to start somewhere. This seems like a good a time as any. Having a different opinion does NOT have to cause a divide. He didn't say he hated gays, he said he believes in traditional marriage. And he is just as entitled to share that belief politely as you are to share yours. Facebook creates so much unnecessary drama. It's why I stepped away from it. I get that your mama heart is hurt, but you're making too much of this particular post.
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Post by mollycoddle on Jun 29, 2015 10:54:50 GMT
I would try not to take it personally. Opinions are changing quickly! And besides, you have so much to celebrate right now. Roll your eyes and move on.
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Post by gritzi on Jun 29, 2015 11:20:42 GMT
My thought exactly!
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Post by christine58 on Jun 29, 2015 11:44:57 GMT
So, you're allowed to post your opinions, but he can't...got it. Just because he doesn't support gay marriage doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, your son or your feelings. I don't understand why his opinion hurts anyone. I don't see why this will make family gatherings awkward. I think a better analogy for the situation would be this: His family is heavily involved in Law Enforcement. If I posted that I believed that LE were racist or evil, that would have the potential to hurt him so regardless of what I believed (this is PURELY hypothetical btw), I wouldn't post it. So knowing that an opinion that I shared on FB would potentially hurt someone, I would be extra sensitive not to post my opinion. Have I probably unknowingly hurt someone with a post - probably. But I guess i'm extra sensitive to try and not post things I know have the power to hurt. He absolutely has a right to his feelings- I just wish he would have been a bit more sensitive Oh well, it's not something that I will make a big deal out of - it just hurt my son and my Mama Bear is coming out a bit Your son then got a life lesson....not everyone..family or not...will approve of his lifestyle. He has a life long battle ahead, regardless of how things changed last week.
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Post by mollycoddle on Jun 29, 2015 11:58:06 GMT
I think a better analogy for the situation would be this: His family is heavily involved in Law Enforcement. If I posted that I believed that LE were racist or evil, that would have the potential to hurt him so regardless of what I believed (this is PURELY hypothetical btw), I wouldn't post it. So knowing that an opinion that I shared on FB would potentially hurt someone, I would be extra sensitive not to post my opinion. Have I probably unknowingly hurt someone with a post - probably. But I guess i'm extra sensitive to try and not post things I know have the power to hurt. He absolutely has a right to his feelings- I just wish he would have been a bit more sensitive Oh well, it's not something that I will make a big deal out of - it just hurt my son and my Mama Bear is coming out a bit Your son then got a life lesson....not everyone..family or not...will approve of his lifestyle. He has a life long battle ahead, regardless of how things changed last week. I agree, and as unpleasant as it is, it's better to develop a thick skin now while he is young. He will run into people like this over the course of his life, and he will have to learn to deal with it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 15:34:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 12:53:10 GMT
I'd unfriend him.. He has the right to his beliefs but I wouldn't subject myself or DS to it. If I unfriended every person on my FB friends list that has a different opinion than mine? I'd have maybe 5 people left.
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desertgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,646
Jun 26, 2014 15:58:05 GMT
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Post by desertgirl on Jun 29, 2015 12:54:04 GMT
This is where we all put on our big girl/boy panties and have a flat out discussion with one another, face to face. It's time, especially for families in this type of situation, to go to the reunion and enjoy the potato salad and badminton, and after awhile, talk about it. One to one. Not in a group.
The Internet is a great place to offend, but an honest heart to heart would be a way to heal, even a tiny bit.
Your DS could begin the conversation, a mature step for him, with your cousin's husband. Explain his views and his biology to him. Be warm and inviting to him. "I wanted to let you know who I am" kind of a thing. And it would give the cousin's husband an opportunity to do the same in person.
Personal contact is always the way to help with understanding, as hard as it is to do. And it's not your rodeo. It's your adult son's.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Jun 29, 2015 12:59:38 GMT
I wouldn't unfriend everyone who had a different opinion than me, but I would unfriend someone that thinks that access to rights should be based on inherent qualities such as skin colour or sexuality.
Sorry - if that makes me intolerant, I'm okay with that.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 15:34:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 13:08:01 GMT
I think a better analogy for the situation would be this: His family is heavily involved in Law Enforcement. If I posted that I believed that LE were racist or evil, that would have the potential to hurt him so regardless of what I believed (this is PURELY hypothetical btw), I wouldn't post it. So knowing that an opinion that I shared on FB would potentially hurt someone, I would be extra sensitive not to post my opinion. Have I probably unknowingly hurt someone with a post - probably. But I guess i'm extra sensitive to try and not post things I know have the power to hurt. He absolutely has a right to his feelings- I just wish he would have been a bit more sensitive Oh well, it's not something that I will make a big deal out of - it just hurt my son and my Mama Bear is coming out a bit Your son then got a life lesson....not everyone..family or not...will approve of his lifestyle. He has a life long battle ahead, regardless of how things changed last week. Sigh. Being gay is NOT a lifestyle. It's their life. Just like yours.
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Post by moveablefeast on Jun 29, 2015 13:56:57 GMT
I guess for me... it depends on where he is in his process, what I would tell him to do.
If he is feeling uncertain or unsettled, lacking confidence, I might suggest filtering out relatives and friends who post things like this. There is a time in the process when one benefits from being primarily associated with supportive people. I don't see a need to unfriend and cause further divide over the issue. Just filter out what isn't helpful at this time in life.
If it doesn't bother him, though, I would take it as a life lesson and perhaps suggest it's a good time for him to show that he is still the same person he's always been, with this characteristic coming to light. A little good old fashioned consciousness raising is a good thing - if that's where you are in life.
I don't expect everyone to fall in lockstep with my opinion. I have many conservative friends and family and can't expect everyone to agree with me on this issue. I also can't expect people to keep their opinions silent because I certainly don't keep mine silent.
I'm not offended by people with a religious conviction that marriage is meant to be for one man and one woman. I understand that viewpoint and don't find it offensive. I have always believed the Constitution should treat us all equally under the law and let the churches and the individuals decide what's right for them. And if you want to call me and people like me bad names and tell us how we are disgusting and destroying America then I will take issue with that. And if you want to talk about how gay people are ruining marriage but you don't want to talk about how divorce is ruining marriage then I will take issue with that too.
But I won't take issue with you having a belief.
I won't deny that sometimes I feel disappointed when someone I love says something that pricks at my heart. I have one dear FB friend who is really offended by the ruling and had posted meme after meme after meme about it all weekend. I unfollowed him until he settles down a little. He's pretty aggressive about it. It's not his job to make me feel good about myself, but I can't say as it makes me trust him with my feelings either.
Anyway, listen mama, you're doing a great job. Your child can't control the world, but it sure sounds like he can trust his mama. You'd be hard pressed to overstate what that means.
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Post by mollycoddle on Jun 29, 2015 14:09:29 GMT
Your son then got a life lesson....not everyone..family or not...will approve of his lifestyle. He has a life long battle ahead, regardless of how things changed last week. Sigh. Being gay is NOT a lifestyle. It's their life. Just like yours. y I agree with you. But in the real world, there are lots of people who will not approve. You can and should avoid them when possible. But they might be your neighbors one day. Or your boss. You can't always avoid them; sadly, it just isn't realistic.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 15:34:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 14:11:06 GMT
I won't deny that sometimes I feel disappointed when someone I love says something that pricks at my heart. I have one dear FB friend who is really offended by the ruling and had posted meme after meme after meme about it all weekend. I unfollowed him until he settles down a little. He's pretty aggressive about it. It's not his job to make me feel good about myself, but I can't say as it makes me trust him with my feelings either. This really says exactly how we are feeling about this. Disappointment. I don't think I've done a very good job on this thread about explaining why this is really sticking with me. I totally get differences of opinions and really do believe that we all have a right to our opinions. In this specific case, it's different for us and it is personal. DS now has rights that his kids have enjoyed all along without giving it a second thought. He's never had to worry that his kids would be excluded from some basic rights and I guess I was hoping that even if he didn't agree with "gay marriage," that he would understand what an important impact this ruling has on our lives. Oh well, as I've stated numerous times - I'm not going to defriend him or make it a huge deal but I AM disappointed. We'll get past it eventually but right now, it's still too fresh. The upside is that we now have the law of the land on our side
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Post by christine58 on Jun 29, 2015 16:07:02 GMT
Your son then got a life lesson....not everyone..family or not...will approve of his lifestyle. He has a life long battle ahead, regardless of how things changed last week. Sigh. Being gay is NOT a lifestyle. It's their life. Just like yours. Ok wrong choice of words..
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Post by Merge on Jun 29, 2015 16:17:45 GMT
I get that everyone has the right to post what they want, but I think this is a case where the old adage "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" applies.
This isn't just another political debate. It's highly personal and emotional for the people affected (and please don't try to tell me that anyone other than gay people and their families are affected by this ruling - gay marriage being legal does NOT affect your heterosexual life or marriage). I think it's a situation where people who don't agree could just choose not to pee in Wheaties of everyone who is happy about it. But there are always a few who just can't help themselves.
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,883
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Jun 29, 2015 16:30:47 GMT
I would ignore it. It's his wall, and he can post whatever he wants, even if you don't agree. Remember that you can hide his posts if he starts spouting off too much. or you can unfriend him.
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Post by jackie on Jun 29, 2015 17:45:15 GMT
He's entitled to his opinion just as you and you DS are entitled to yours! It's Facebook land of hurt feelings and all sorts of rubbish! Your are upset that he is posting his beliefs, but what about how he feels about you posting in support of gays, when he clearly does not Not targeting you specifically papercrafteradvocate! Many people said something along this line. I don't think the OP is saying her cousin isn't entitled to his opinion. In fact she made a point of saying she knows he has this opinion and accepts him. And yes, he can say what he wants on FB, of course. What I think that people are missing or forgetting is that, despite this wonderful ruling on Friday, gays are very much a minority. They are still victims of abuse, violence, and discrimination. They have very high suicide rates and life can be extremely difficult for them, even when they have support from family and friends. They face challenges most of us will never know. Knowing all of that, I can't imagine that I would share anti-gay right messages on my FB wall when I have a relative who is gay. It just seems so insensitive. It's just not the same as anti-gay right people getting their feelings hurt when they see people celebrating their happiness with the decision. It's a much more personal decision for LGBT people than it is for non-LGBT people looking on, whatever our opinions are. If I had someone I loved who was gay, I would be sensitive to that. It just seems like the right thing to do.
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Post by jonda1974 on Jun 29, 2015 17:47:50 GMT
Here is a great blog post by a pastor you could put on your FB. It was very poignant for me. I have always out of respect avoided being outward in my gayness on Facebook. This weekend, I changed the profile image to the gay flag. I'm sure there were a lot of background conversations, and my mom even changed her profile picture to one of the cross on a red background instead of the equal sign. One thing to remind those who oppose gay sexuality and marriage is that the "love the sinner" euphemism isn't really working. Can you really call something love if the recipient doesn't recognize it as love. link
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Jun 29, 2015 18:09:05 GMT
But shouldn't tolerance go both ways? People believe what they believe because they believe it to be right and true. If a person disagrees with your (general you) personal opinion and publicly shares their point of view, without vile words or hatred, why is it any different than you publicly sharing your happy opinion? You (general you) know that the two of you have different views. I don't understand why it's ok to post on FB saying "I am so happy about this!" yet someone else saying "I'm disappointed about this." is not ok. Now, if he would have said something derogatory, or used foul language or resorted to name calling, THAT deserves an unfriend/block and it most certainly would cause a divide in a family. But simply having a differing point of view does not negate that, IMO. EVERYONE has to start and continue showing love, from both sides of the fence. It has to start somewhere. This seems like a good a time as any. Having a different opinion does NOT have to cause a divide. He didn't say he hated gays, he said he believes in traditional marriage. And he is just as entitled to share that belief politely as you are to share yours. Facebook creates so much unnecessary drama. It's why I stepped away from it. I get that your mama heart is hurt, but you're making too much of this particular post.
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 15:34:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 18:13:10 GMT
He's entitled to his opinion just as you and you DS are entitled to yours! It's Facebook land of hurt feelings and all sorts of rubbish! Your are upset that he is posting his beliefs, but what about how he feels about you posting in support of gays, when he clearly does not Not targeting you specifically papercrafteradvocate! Many people said something along this line. I don't think the OP is saying her cousin isn't entitled to his opinion. In fact she made a point of saying she knows he has this opinion and accepts him. And yes, he can say what he wants on FB, of course. What I think that people are missing or forgetting is that, despite this wonderful ruling on Friday, gays are very much a minority. They are still victims of abuse, violence, and discrimination. They have very high suicide rates and life can be extremely difficult for them, even when they have support from family and friends. They face challenges most of us will never know. Knowing all of that, I can't imagine that I would share anti-gay right messages on my FB wall when I have a relative who is gay. It just seems so insensitive. It's just not the same as anti-gay right people getting their feelings hurt when they see people celebrating their happiness with the decision. It's a much more personal decision for LGBT people than it is for non-LGBT people looking on, whatever our opinions are. If I had someone I loved who was gay, I would be sensitive to that. It just seems like the right thing to do. Thank you. You've said everything I have been trying to say in a much better way
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Post by christine58 on Jun 29, 2015 18:25:15 GMT
jonda1974Thank you for sharing that blog...his words are so true....
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 15:34:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 18:30:44 GMT
Wow! I think this might be my most-viewed and commented on post ever! I have read everyone's replies and only wish that I had spoken as eloquently as others have in my behalf.
It would be extremely presumptuous of me to try and change another's belief system, no matter what it is, and that is not my intent. As others have stated, this ruling is so very important to those of us with gay kids, friends and family members. Every parents wants their child to have a wonderful life with the same rights and responsibilities as everyone else regardless of gender or sexual orientation. I worry daily that my DS will be discriminated, bullied or attacked based on who he is. That's a really hard reality for parents of gay kids. Not to mention the struggles he has gone through personally in coming out.
Of course, I'm sensitive to this subject. How could I not be? I don't, however, live under a rock and I know that not everyone shares my same beliefs. I would hope that my family and friends would feel the same way that I do in support of my DS, but clearly that's not the case. Attitudes ARE changing though. I've seen it in my elderly parents who probably would have marched along side me yesterday in the parade if they were able. Maybe we do need to develop a thicker skin and we're working on that. I know though at the end of the day, that my family loves my child and that is really what matter. We'll get through this and hopefully forge better relationships all around!
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 15:34:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 18:42:14 GMT
Here is a great blog post by a pastor you could put on your FB. It was very poignant for me. I have always out of respect avoided being outward in my gayness on Facebook. This weekend, I changed the profile image to the gay flag. I'm sure there were a lot of background conversations, and my mom even changed her profile picture to one of the cross on a red background instead of the equal sign. One thing to remind those who oppose gay sexuality and marriage is that the "love the sinner" euphemism isn't really working. Can you really call something love if the recipient doesn't recognize it as love. linkUgh the board ate my post! Thanks for posting that article, Jonda. I agree with the whole "love the sinner, hate the sin" phrase. It's not like I say "I love you, but...you cheat on your taxes." it only seems to apply to gay people. How about just "I love you" and call it good!
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Post by littlemama on Jun 29, 2015 18:49:57 GMT
Today my cousin's husband posted a red, white and blue pic of a man and woman saying that he's sorry if he offends anyone but he only believes in traditional marriage. He's friends with my son (and DH and I) on FB and knew that my son would see this. I actually don't care how my cousin't husband feels but I'm just disappointed that he chose to post this knowing it would hurt my son. He has a right to his beliefs as we all do but I just felt he could have been a bit more sensitive in posting. Just disappointed today in what should have been a really positive day. Not sure how I will handle this going forward with them. Any thoughts or suggestions? Here's the thing, he is entitled to his beliefs and in his view, maybe he feels that all the rainbow/pride stuff is shoving something he doesn't believe down his throat so to speak. There are plenty of belief systems that make other people feel bad, but those people are entitled to those beliefs. So, as to how to handle it going forward, don't change a thing. There are tons of people with differing viewpoints on various topics who manage to have the same relationship as they did before they found out they didn't share the same viewpoint. The only time I would say something is if he said something in front of or about your family to make you or your son feel uncomfortable. At that point, there would be a serious cooling down of the relationship. Posting on facebook is not saying something in front of you or to you, even though he had reason to believe your son would see it. I don't think he was singling your son out, just expressing his view on the matter.
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Post by bc2ca on Jun 29, 2015 19:04:57 GMT
I'd wonder why my son is friends with my cousin's husband in the first place. It isn't like THEY are cousins. I'm not friends with my mom's cousins spouses (I'm not even sure I know my mom's cousin's spouses!) There comes a point the extended family is too far removed.. and time to remove them further! If for some reason you son feels he is obligated to keep this cousin's spouse as a friend on facebook then just go to his home page and uncheck the "following" box. That way is stuff doesn't show up on son's newsfeed. My extended family is very close geographically and we have all grown up together, kids included. Cousins are more like siblings- even 3rd cousins. We spent all holidays together so it makes it really awkward. We've been pulling away over the last few years because of things like this. Just disappointing. DH's family is like yours, and everyone is a "cousin". Family gatherings can be a gong show if politics get discussed because they are pretty evenly split between R and D. I can understand how your family was hurt & disappointed by the comments, but I really think a little time and patience is needed. The SCOTUS ruling isn't going to change anyone's views overnight and many are digging their heals in harder, not really thinking about why this ruling is correct.
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Post by auntkelly on Jun 29, 2015 19:28:12 GMT
I think if I were you I'd let a little time pass before you make a decision as to how you want to handle this matter. I think emotions were running very high on Facebook this weekend and I saw a lot of stuff from both sides that I thought was obnoxious. I have a young relative who posted a Bible verse on FB (she does this often) and it had nothing whatsoever to do with homosexuality as far as I could tell, but someone took it completely out of context and interpreted it as a comment on the court's decision.
I'm not saying that you misinterpreted what your relative said, but maybe he posted something without thinking about how hurtful his words would be to you and your son, Maybe the post doesn't even really reflect what he believes. If he has never been unkind in the past, you might want to give him a pass this time and wait and see how he behaves in the future.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 15:34:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 19:36:52 GMT
I think if I were you I'd let a little time pass before you make a decision as to how you want to handle this matter. I think emotions were running very high on Facebook this weekend and I saw a lot of stuff from both sides that I thought was obnoxious. I have a young relative who posted a Bible verse on FB (she does this often) and it had nothing whatsoever to do with homosexuality as far as I could tell, but someone took it completely out of context and interpreted it as a comment on the court's decision. I'm not saying that you misinterpreted what your relative said, but maybe he posted something without thinking about how hurtful his words would be to you and your son, Maybe the post doesn't even really reflect what he believes. If he has never been unkind in the past, you might want to give him a pass this time and wait and see how he behaves in the future. I think you're spot on! I know my emotions have been really out there and time does make things better. I'm just letting it go for now and we'll see how it shakes out!
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 29, 2015 19:39:42 GMT
Here is a great blog post by a pastor you could put on your FB. It was very poignant for me. I have always out of respect avoided being outward in my gayness on Facebook. This weekend, I changed the profile image to the gay flag. I'm sure there were a lot of background conversations, and my mom even changed her profile picture to one of the cross on a red background instead of the equal sign. One thing to remind those who oppose gay sexuality and marriage is that the "love the sinner" euphemism isn't really working. Can you really call something love if the recipient doesn't recognize it as love. linkI just posted that on FB. tfs The same can be said for those suffering from emotional or mental turmoil. Lepers
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 15:34:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 19:42:35 GMT
Just disappointed today in what should have been a really positive day. Not sure how I will handle this going forward with them. Any thoughts or suggestions? please don't be sad or hurt for that is EXACTLY what he wants he wants you all to reflect on his words and feel bad for your choices and then change to his point of view do not give him that power for every moment of sadness you have, his agenda is winning be happy in your choices and do not let him rain on your parade
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 15:34:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2015 20:04:45 GMT
I'm back. I want to state something "for the record" that I think many just can't understand (or won't) let alone believe.
A person can disagree with same-sex marriage and still love their LGBT family members with all their hearts. I, in fact, have concerns about same-sex marriage based on my faith. Despite that, I love my daughter with all my heart and soul. I am supporting her decision because it is HER life and she's reached the age that I no longer can dictate what she believes nor what does. As if I ever could. She knows my beliefs and she knows how much I love her. The two are not mutually exclusive. I would bet the uncle involve in this matter feels exactly the same.
I am so, so, so, so tired of being painted with the broad brush so many here and elsewhere paint people like me. Yes there are haters and bigots with loud mouths that twist things into very ugly fashion. I, LIKE MOST OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW LIKE ME, am not those people.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Jun 29, 2015 20:18:55 GMT
Here is a great blog post by a pastor you could put on your FB. It was very poignant for me. I have always out of respect avoided being outward in my gayness on Facebook. This weekend, I changed the profile image to the gay flag. I'm sure there were a lot of background conversations, and my mom even changed her profile picture to one of the cross on a red background instead of the equal sign. One thing to remind those who oppose gay sexuality and marriage is that the "love the sinner" euphemism isn't really working. Can you really call something love if the recipient doesn't recognize it as love. linkOf course you can. I'm quite certain that my children did not feel loved when I put them in time out, even though my actions were based in the great love I have for them. I totally believe "love the sinner" is a great way to look at issues that might arise. I admit that it is hard for me to get past some sins, and my attitude towards the people committing them is negative. That's a fault that I own, and I am trying to get past it. But for the most part, I do what I can to find some level of love for people around me, even if they aren't perfect
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