julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Jun 30, 2015 22:12:54 GMT
DD is getting married next year and we are gifting them 25K. It was originally 15K, but the costs for a wedding in the Chicago area are crazy. So we sat down and worked out a budget. The wedding will probably be around 35k for 200 guests. I think we are being more than generous and plan on giving the same to our 2 sons. DD is an event planner and this wedding will be pretty laid back. She's seen crazy.
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Post by padresfan619 on Jun 30, 2015 22:13:11 GMT
My parents had a set amount of money set aside for me and it was to use for a wedding or for part of a down payment on a house. My husband's father gives his kids access to their trust fund once they are engaged so we could have used the money for a wedding, a house, or retirement. We went with a small wedding funded by our own finances and pooled some money from each sets of parents for our house and the rest is used for investments and retirement funds. I did not feel like it was my parent's responsibility to pay for our wedding. Also, by funding it ourselves we were able to keep it smaller. I wasn't about to blow through 5 years of savings for one day.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jun 30, 2015 22:15:34 GMT
I'll pay for a kick-ass honeymoon. That's it. I really don't believe in big weddings.
I'm sure my opinion will change when the time comes.
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Post by gracieplusthree on Jun 30, 2015 22:17:17 GMT
My daughter just got married in May and the whole thing didn't even come close to costing that much, but in a lot of ways we got lucky. the grooms grandmother gave them $1500 to use towards the wedding. we know the people who own the event site where she had the ceremony, and when I say we know them I mean the husband and my late husband were best friends, ive lived in a house they own for 20yrs, my 17yr old works on their far all the time, they are my neighbors etc etc. the wife does events at one of their other farms. they donated the location to us for free,said they in no way could charge us Dds room mate from college does cakes on the side. so she did the main cake and 50 cupcakes, we also bought 50 cupcakes from the bakery at the grocery store where I work. her dress wasn't over the top expensive, only $500 but was absolutely perfect for her. the girls dresses were all in the neighborhood of $120 and had to wear cowboy boots that they provided, and the guys had vest and bowties which I have no clue what those cost,the groom took care of that(they wore white button up shirts with the sleeves rolled up and jeans). the flower girl dress came from etsy(and was dropdead gorgeous!), the ring bearer had a white shirt and suspenders and bowtie(and jeans). having done a couple weddings I did the photography, others were encouraged to bring cameras as well. she won her flower boquet from a local florist through a drawing at a local bridal fair. A friend who makes gorgeous arrangements out of party napkins(of all things) did the bridesmaids flowers and the boutineers for the guys. along with shaker things for the send off(all different ribbons on wooden dowels) no sparklers or bubbles allowed at the site, and dd didn't want to do rice or birdseed. my daugher made the table centerpieces. we hired a friend who does music dj'ing to do the music for the ceremony and the reception dance party($200,normal fee not a discount) and it was so so worth it anyway.doesnt have to cost a fortune, her wedding was absolutely gorgeous.
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 30, 2015 22:25:25 GMT
My son asked me the other day which set of parents pay for the honeymoon. I told him neither. He said he was sure it was the groom's parents. I told him that was traditionally the rehearsal dinner. He's just 19 and has college to get through. I'm playing it all by ear. We'll see when we get there. I have in-laws in the northeast and man, do they go big for celebrations. Hoping both of my boys pick girls who are either rich or practical.
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Post by polz on Jun 30, 2015 22:27:55 GMT
In this day and age, I'm more likely to pay for a house deposit than a wedding. Where we are now, I can't pay for either, but given a choice, I'd pick the house. I didn't have a honeymoon so I'm not paying for anyone elses.
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Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,834
Location: NW PA
Jun 25, 2014 23:50:38 GMT
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Post by Judy26 on Jun 30, 2015 22:28:43 GMT
Between college degrees, health insurance and weddings kids in their twenties have turned into really expensive investments. I was hoping to be reired within the next year or so but its hard to plan with all of the upcoming and ongoing expenses. I would like to think we would be able to pay for a nice wedding for DD but in reality I don't see us having 20 - 49 thousand extra available unless we both drop dead and the kids inherit our pensions! (And that's not sounding like much fun...)
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Post by myboysnme on Jun 30, 2015 22:30:30 GMT
I have 2 sons. I think they both know that we could not and would not contribute significantly to a wedding. My mother gave me $500 when I got married and we paid for our own wedding. I might offer to pay something in the range of $1000 but even still I don't know where I would get it from.
I think when they decide to marry, the couple can come and tell me what they are thinking of and maybe I'll offer to pay for something like the photographer. But hopefully I have raised them to be reasonable about something like wedding costs and they wouldn't even think for a minute that I would pay $20K toward a wedding.
Actually, no freaking way.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 13:50:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2015 22:30:58 GMT
When exDH and i married his family put on a show for whatever reason...and they wanted my parents to pay $10K of it as that was the outstanding part for us. Yeah um NO my parents were hosting a wedding for us in this country 6 months later and they sure as heck aren't paying for 2 weddings for us.
The Japanese wedding came to about $65K (that was about 4,500,000 yen at the time) between kimonos, the matchmaker services, the wedding venue, food, enough alcohol to sink a ship, the wedding gifts for attendees (yeah like $200 each!!!), etc. That didn't cover my dowery either which my fiance had to pay my father for my hand. (Which went to the Bay and furniture store to furnish our condo).
When DS marries I am willing to pay a portion of it, but if he is planning to marry someone from another culture we are going to discuss it ahead of time not let spending get out of hand like ours did.
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Post by Heart on Jun 30, 2015 22:35:11 GMT
I have a son who is engaged. I have no idea how much I can give towards the wedding, but his bride-to-be and I are collaborating on the invitations. It is my hope to handmake them for her as a gift.
When I got married, my total cost was under $1k, and I have instilled the idea of simple but elegant weddings into both my kids.
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Post by annabella on Jun 30, 2015 22:35:33 GMT
My friend just got married and had to pay for everything herself. There were about 50 guests. She DIY all the decorations, bought flowers and cake from Costco, negotiated discounts on all the contracts and still paid $30K and her wedding was not extravagant.
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Post by lucyg on Jun 30, 2015 22:40:46 GMT
Four daughters here. We intend to pay for their weddings. We saved for college; we're saving for weddings. Not directed at you specifically peabay, but those of you with multiple daughters... Will you contribute the same amount? Or whatever amount you can do so comfortably at that time? Those whose parents paid for their weddings, did they pay the same amount toward your sister(s)'s wedding(s)? My wedding and my sisters' varied greatly. I wore my mom's wedding dress with $75 worth of alterations and got married at my parents' home; my youngest sister had a designer gown that cost almost as much as my entire wedding, but she looked so beautiful, it was worth it. My middle sister actually was married alone in judge's chambers in NYC, but my parents put on a formal reception when they came to visit out here the next month. Now they did give us (DH and me) a generous wedding gift aside from the wedding itself. Maybe they didn't give my sister the same, after her much more expensive wedding. I don't know. For my kids ... I think I would figure out how much total I could afford to give them and split it between them. I won't be paying for any $50K weddings on my own, that's for sure. But I don't think that's their style, anyway.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,179
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Jun 30, 2015 22:41:06 GMT
We got married in 1990. My mum paid for the reception and the cake. She also made my bridesmaids' dresses, and the flower girl's dress. DH and I paid for everything else ourselves. There is no tradition of a rehearsal dinner here, and my ILs didn't contribute anything.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jun 30, 2015 22:43:24 GMT
I'm happy to contribute to either my son's or daughter's wedding. I actually fear they will elope and I won't get to help plan another wedding - we have a big family, so eloping may sound better than dealing with crazy family drama. I can see my husband trying to talk them into taking a lump sum for a house or other purposes - but I actually like weddings. My daughter's current "crush" is a bit terrifying. We went to his father's 50th birthday bash which was way more elaborate than most weddings. Even with a 50/50 split, I could see planning a wedding with that family being crazy expensive. Luckily she has a few more decades to settle down.
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Post by peasapie on Jun 30, 2015 22:48:26 GMT
My daughter was married five years ago. We were budget-minded because I was the only one of the four parents, all divorced, who could/would pay, but we had what I think was a lovely wedding for a total of about $15k (in New Jersey). This included invitations, her gown, the reception, a DJ, and her bridal shower as well. There were 100 people at the wedding.
Spending a total of $40k on a wedding sounds extremely generous to me. I wonder if your daughter's friend might have misunderstood his parents or meant $20k total?
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Post by krazykatlady on Jun 30, 2015 23:58:58 GMT
My son got engaged three weeks ago. They are planning a small wedding (trying to keep it to 75 guests) for the end of September. Up until now I've been fretting on who from our extended family needs to be invited. After reading this thread I'm seriously freaking out. How in the world do regular, everyday people afford 20, 30, 40k dollar weddings?
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 1, 2015 0:16:27 GMT
I'll pay for a kick-ass honeymoon. That's it. I really don't believe in big weddings. I'm sure my opinion will change when the time comes. My wedding cost around $30,000 in 1996. NYC, Manhattan wedding, big evidently un-editable guest list. My inlaws paid for the whole thing (my parents are lower middle class with zero savings), and my parents were my only relatives at the wedding. I had twenty friends there. Every single other person was either a relative of dh's (he has an enormous extended family), a friend of his, or a friend of his parents. I was looking through my wedding album when I was just moving a few weeks ago, and I counted at least 75 people (not a joke) who I have not seen since the wedding. Eighteen years ago. It was perhaps worth it to do the big wedding to keep the peace with my inlaws. Still, let us reflect for a moment on what $30,000 in 1996 dollars would be worth today. Certainly in the absence of family pressures, I think we would have been very happy with the thirty-person art-gallery wedding we envisioned originally.
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MaryMary
Pearl Clutcher
Lazy
Posts: 2,975
Jun 25, 2014 21:56:13 GMT
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Post by MaryMary on Jul 1, 2015 0:30:22 GMT
I keep telling my kids that I will pay them $10K if they skip the reception entirely. The price will probably go up by the time all my kids are married.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,616
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jul 1, 2015 0:32:11 GMT
Four daughters here. We intend to pay for their weddings. We saved for college; we're saving for weddings. Not directed at you specifically peabay, but those of you with multiple daughters... Will you contribute the same amount? Or whatever amount you can do so comfortably at that time? Those whose parents paid for their weddings, did they pay the same amount toward your sister(s)'s wedding(s)? We will likely contribute the same amount to each girl and if they want more, they kick in for more.
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Post by hennybutton on Jul 1, 2015 0:33:23 GMT
My DD got married in 2008. We gave her $20,000 for her wedding to budget as she saw fit. We'll probably do the same for DS. Weddings are ridiculously expensive and we have about 100 people on our side, so there's no way we'll expect the bride's family or our son to pay for all the people we have to invite. DD found a beautiful dress for about $500, but it took $100 to alter and her veil was almost $200. She economized where she could, but we pitched in extra for china when she was going to have paper plates. DH's family has certain expectations for weddings that we had to live up to.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Jul 1, 2015 0:45:19 GMT
We have a son. We expect to pay our fair share with the high costs today.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Jul 1, 2015 0:56:23 GMT
I've already paid for one wedding - mine. I don't intend on paying for any others. I figure if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to pay for the party. That's my official stance. I might deviate from if if *I* want to. Not because of any pressure from my kid or her prospective in-laws. I also don't intend on making it "fair" between the two girls. Chances are my oldest will marry while her younger sister is in college. I can afford college tuition but not much more so there won't be any leftover money for a wedding. I might only be able to give the oldest a few thousand. But when the youngest marries I shouldn't have any other expenses and might be able to afford to give more. Maybe I'll volunteer to fund the honeymoon and send both couples off at the same time
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Post by txdancermom on Jul 1, 2015 1:00:02 GMT
our ds got married last year - he and his wife paid for most of the wedding. they had saved, and budgeted the costs and paid for it using a credit card (that they paid off each month) that gave them travel points and used the points to pay for their hotels on their honeymoon to Australia. DS will not tell us how much it cost. They paid for it over the 10 months that they planned the wedding.
DH and I paid for a rehearsal dinner at a very nice restaurant, for almost 23 people, with an open bar, cost was about $3500. Her parents did a very nice breakfast for everyone from out of town at the hotel where we all were staying the morning after the wedding. They may have helped pay for some of the wedding, but I don't know.
when dd gets married, I am guessing we will be on the hook for the cost - but my hope is that we can pay it out like ds did, a little at a time, because all in one chunk would be a lot.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Jul 1, 2015 1:14:09 GMT
We would probably have a set amount that we would be willing to contribute (and it would not be anywhere near $20K!). I believe we received set amounts from each of our moms (much less from mil who could afford it more at the time). This is what I did, as well as several of my friends did, when our children married. I wrote a check and told them to have at it. Use it for whatever they wanted to use it for. No questions asked, no further money coming. I assured the second child I would do the same for him.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jul 1, 2015 1:20:14 GMT
I have four boys so chances are I might get off a little easier than those with girls. Other than my obligations for rehearsal dinners, etc, I'd like to take the "here's X amount of money" approach with each and let them decide what to use it on -- wedding expenses, honeymoon, or house down-payment.
My first wedding was paid for entirely by my parents (only child) and we did the whole traditional gala. My second wedding four years ago was much different. We opted for a more intimate gathering of just closest friends and family in our own backyard. My husband and I paid for everything ourselves.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Jul 1, 2015 1:36:02 GMT
We paid about 15k for my dad's wedding.... But she had a full ride for college and was our only dd. I paid 5k and I think ex paid about 10,000
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perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
Jun 26, 2014 18:51:17 GMT
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Post by perumbula on Jul 1, 2015 1:41:06 GMT
We paid a little over $2500 for dd's wedding last summer. I worked my butt off to keep costs down. We chose to have the wedding at our church (free) even though it was small. I made her dress (we went with inexpensive polyester from JoAnn instead of silk) and retrimmed my old wedding hat for her for about $150. I made all five bridesmaid blouses (fabric from my stash. It used to be an old window scarf that I made in the 90s. remember those?) and four of the skirts (about $50 for the fabric because again we went with inexpensive fabric we could get with a coupon.) We paid a lot for the photographer because that was the most important thing to me. The table decor was almost free because we used my MILs glass collection to build eclectic centerpieces. We catered the luncheon ourselves with five salads, sliced meat and cheese, and piles and piles of scones (six flavors which was probably over the top.) Lemonade is way cheaper than alcohol. The advantage of being Mormon: our drinks cost way less. I will put the same amount of work into everyone's weddings, but I do hope we have a bit more to help them with. It would be very nice to have it catered next time.
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Post by stampnscrap1128 on Jul 1, 2015 1:41:49 GMT
Very timely post as my daughter (who is also a Pea) got engaged last Saturday! Not sure how much we'll be spending but I would at least like to help pay for her bridal gown and veil.
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Post by Woobster on Jul 1, 2015 1:43:28 GMT
My parents gave us $5,000 (which included my dress) towards our wedding. My DH's parents generously paid for our photographer and catered the rehearsal dinner. The rest was up to us. We worked really hard to save up for the wedding we wanted, and I am very grateful for everything that our families contributed.
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,643
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Jul 1, 2015 1:45:23 GMT
I haven't read through all the responses, but this was my experience. My husband and I got married in our late 20s. We did not expect anybody to pay for our wedding but ourselves. For multiple reasons, money being one of them, we had a small ceremony with our immediate family and a few friends and I think the total cost for a fancy sit down meal, my dress, etc was around $1000. Our parents both gave us monetary wedding gifts and that paid for our wedding and our honeymoon. That gift would've been the same whether we had a small or large wedding and we just couldn't stomach spending that much money on a wedding. Also, I'm eternally grateful my parents paid for my undergrad education - much more worthwhile than a wedding!
We have one daughter and our priority is paying for her college education. I'm not keen on dropping tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding and while it's a long time away, I can't really imagine us paying that kind of money for a wedding. I'm sure we will give our daughter a generous wedding gift, but if she wants an expensive wedding, she will need to pay for it. Our daughter is only seven though - so who knows what will actually happen!
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