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Post by ptamom on Jul 1, 2015 2:00:21 GMT
Ack! We are joining the ranks of college parents this fall, so hoping the wedding bills will be far off.
That said, my dad only paid for about a year and a half of my college (money collected from Social Security after my mother died.)
So I worked and paid for the rest.
When I told my dad and SM I was going to be married, my dad (SM) said they would match the money we paid, to a point. Once we passed the level twice their contribution level, his wife sent us a check. Which was fine, even wonderful, since DH and I were college educated, career adults, with adequate money to fund our wedding ourselves. I was actually surprised that they would contribute at all, since I was way older than my step siblings that married in their teens and barely twenties. I was 30 when I married, DH was 37. By my wedding day, al of my step siblings had divorced.
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scullybean
Shy Member
Posts: 49
Jun 26, 2014 0:29:52 GMT
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Post by scullybean on Jul 1, 2015 2:36:19 GMT
I hope both my daughters elope to some fabulous places. Would much rather give money for a nice travel experience than the whole wedding shebang. Otherwise, exDH can pay for it. :-)
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,850
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Jul 1, 2015 2:40:02 GMT
I have 3 girls. The oldest just got engaged & it isn't until 2016. We are probably going to pay half. My ex & my daughter will pay the other half. So far I'm paying all the deposits rather than a lump sum. The only thing I disagreed with so far is the photographer. I feel like he's way overpriced compared to the other ones we interviewed. His work didn't seem any better. He comes alone & you get a flash drive only 1-3 months later. I didn't pay his deposit. I feel like I sound bitchy about that. Photos are one of the most important parts to me so that person needs to be right.
There are a few things they want like a photo booth & pizza food truck as the guests leave that we don't know the exact cost yet. They may have to be dropped.
His dad has offered to pay the rehearsal dinner costs. They don't live here so I will probably have to find some options for them. My middle dd starts college the month before. We are paying for that too but we saved that money. So the next 2 weddings will be all on us because they aren't my exes dds. We do have an offer of a lump sum to elope.
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Post by finsup on Jul 1, 2015 2:43:50 GMT
My parents gave me $10,000 back in 1990 and told me that there wouldn't be any more. DH's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner (a back yard BBQ) and gave me $100 for my bouquet. I fed 320 people on that money, bought my wedding dress, veil, photographer, open bar, cake, venue, band, church, etc all out of that money. I went over budget by less than $50, too. It was a crazy amount of money to spend on a wedding in rural Minnesota in 1990, but I have a huge Catholic family and my parents insisted that EVERYONE be included, with a plus one. My mom died a month before the wedding and Dad remarried 3 years later. They had a light brunch with cake and champagne for 100. I guess Dad got it all out of his system by then! But it stuck. Today is our 25th wedding anniversary. We got married at 22, a month out of college. I guess we did know what we were doing! Today is my 25th anniversary too! Happy Anniversary! We were 23.
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 1, 2015 2:53:12 GMT
Ds are going to know up front that we saved for their college, not wedding. We will contribute, but it won't be much.
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Post by bostonmama on Jul 1, 2015 3:12:45 GMT
I suppose I still harbor a bit of resentment over the drastically different amounts my parents contributed to my and my sister's wedding. They were 8 years apart, with her marrying at 30. My wedding was thrown on a tight budget with my mother making most of the decisions. I felt very guilty whenever something seemed expensive. I was not in a position to pay for a wedding myself & would have been happy with something extremely simple and no reception. However, being the oldest, felt I had expectations to uphold, especially because it's what my parents wanted and were paying for. The wedding was still under $10,000.
There seemed to be no budget for my sister's wedding, allowing her to throw a very creative and personal wedding. She and her husband had careers, but my parents are traditionalists. They were in a better place financially when she married (though not great, just further removed from college tuitions) but it didn't seem 'fair' that the budget was so vastly different. It matters very little nowadays, and, sadly, her marriage isn't doing well. I just wish my parents had offerred us the same budget. I have a son and a daughter & would like to offer them a set amount to go toward a wedding or down payment on a house when that day comes.
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Post by nantini on Jul 1, 2015 3:21:36 GMT
We're paying for our daughters wedding. DH jokes we had an unlimited budget, then we had to double that. So far I've been able to stay within our original budget, so I don't know why he's saying that. I think I've done a good job at negotiations on contracts, etc. but it all adds up. Thankfully, we've saved over the years for it.
Dh and I paid for our own wedding. My parents were divorced and insisted the other one pay. Yeah, that didn't work out. It was nice, but I couldn't afford to hire help the day of and ended up serving guests food and cake. Thus, dd gets benefit of a really nice wedding.
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Post by RiverIsis on Jul 1, 2015 3:31:58 GMT
We're paying for our daughters wedding. DH jokes we had an unlimited budget, then we had to double that. So far I've been able to stay within our original budget, so I don't know why he's saying that. I think I've done a good job at negotiations on contracts, etc. but it all adds up. Thankfully, we've saved over the years for it. Dh and I paid for our own wedding. My parents were divorced and insisted the other one pay. Yeah, that didn't work out. It was nice, but I couldn't afford to hire help the day of and ended up serving guests food and cake. Thus, dd gets benefit of a really nice wedding. Not cool. If I had seen you doing that I would have stepped in. Heck my cousin got married on a limited budget (we decorated their reception for them with the linens from my wedding (20 years on and white is still in - who knew!!!) and they were sat there the night before the wedding making ham rolls) and her mother started manning the bar and my husband and uncle stepped in and said no.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 15:34:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2015 3:32:16 GMT
We have 2 girls, 10 and 12. They will have the wedding of their dreams, regardless of what we have to do to finance them.
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Post by CarolT on Jul 1, 2015 3:43:32 GMT
I have a son and a daughter. Assuming they both get married, I intend to pay for the photographer for both of their weddings (the pictures are important to me), and I'll buy dd's dress. We'll give them each a certain (the same) amount of money beyond that as a gift that they can spend however they choose.
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Post by ~KellyAnn~ on Jul 1, 2015 3:45:38 GMT
When I got married, my parents, his parents and the two of us split the cost. We didn't follow a traditional list of who pays what. I was a graphic designer/sales at a print shop, so I designed the invitations and my boss gifted the cost of printing them. I paid for my dress and did all the calligraphy, my cousin let me borrow her veil (which cost more than my dress!), my mom made all the bouquets (long story-fail!), and his parents hosted the rehearsal dinner. My ds was married last May. It was a gorgeous wedding in north central Wisconsin. We split the cost between her parents-6k, exdh and I- 3k each. Her mom works in a bakery, so she made the wedding cake and a table full of beautifully decorated cupcakes. I addressed the invites, place cards, and other signage. The kids created the table numbers, some of the centerpieces and other "crafts" (as my son called them!) and also paid for the rehearsal dinner. I admit I can't wait for my dd's wedding someday. We both have pinterest boards full of ideas. There is one splurge I'd love and it's a videographer couple that does amazing cinematography. Here's their link: Vaughter weddingsAnd just because I've figured out how to post pics - here they are!
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Post by smokeynspike on Jul 1, 2015 5:20:24 GMT
We only have one child, a girl, and we will make sure she has a nice wedding, but we won't be spending even 10K on it. That is a lot of money for what amounts to a nice party for a few hours. I don't think she will have crazy expectations.
My wedding was less than 5K and we did a lot of the work ourselves. My parents said that they would pay for the wedding or we could use the money for a down payment on a house. I picked the wedding and I have always thought I made the wrong choice. We had a nice party, but when it is all said and done it was just one day that we spent a lot of money on. We don't even have great pictures from that day.
I will make sure dd has a great photographer if she goes with the wedding route.
Melissa
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Post by kraft4fun on Jul 1, 2015 9:05:25 GMT
Middle of 3 daughters married last year. Hubby and I paid $1800 towards the catered dinner and Mani/pedis for myself and three daughters. and my ex gave them $1500 towards other expenses and paid for bridal morning breakfast...total was approx $12k sil's parents paid for DJ and open bar since they wanted it and kids did not. They also made up welcome boxes for each family that was from out of town. And paid for day after wedding brunch. The rest they had saved and paid themselves.
Sent from my NX008HD8G using proboards
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uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,500
Location: London
Jun 25, 2014 22:33:20 GMT
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Post by uksue on Jul 1, 2015 10:20:49 GMT
My parents gave exactly the same amount of money to me and my sister for our weddings ,even though they were 10 years apart. It therefore was a much stronger budget for her, where she had a formal wedding with over a hundred guests , I had a small sit down meal and BBQ at home for around 40 people . Luckily my older kids have both said they wouldn't want fancy weddings, although I know my daughters boyfriends parents would try to push them to have a massive affair because they are big drinkers and socialisers. If that's the case then they are welcome to stump up extra!
Most couples here seem to pay for their own weddings ( mostly with loans *horror*!) with families often paying for specific things like the dress, photos etc.
Many of my daughters friends are opting for small intimate weddings though, with either a fabulous honeymoon after or because they are buying a home their money is going towards a house deposit . Times are changing.
Gracieplusthree, I think your daughters wedding sounds really lovely .
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Jul 1, 2015 11:53:01 GMT
It's discussions like these that deflate my happiness about my wedding. It seems like everyone has so much hate and resentment and just overall anger towards other people's weddings. It just comes across that the vast majority of people claim to love weddings, but the reality is that the vast majority claim to hate contributing to weddings. It's just mind blowing. I had my expectations of a communal time of planning right at the start, my family's been very generous but FH's family sounds like a lot of the posts here.
If people hate contributing to the weddings of their children, why do people get so excited over weddings? Just blows my mind to read the resentment and almost hatred towards this concept.
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Post by ahiller on Jul 1, 2015 12:12:31 GMT
Thanks to an inheritance from my grandparents (was supposed to be my dad's but he died before he received it), both of my kids will have 4 years of paid in state college tuition. Since they are only 5 and 3, that gives us a long time to save up for their weddings. I hope to be able to pay for them both in full but who knows how realistic that is with it being such a long ways away. At the least, I'd like to be able to give them each a large chunk of money for a wedding/down payment/whatever they use it on.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Jul 1, 2015 12:36:49 GMT
It's discussions like these that deflate my happiness about my wedding. It seems like everyone has so much hate and resentment and just overall anger towards other people's weddings. It just comes across that the vast majority of people claim to love weddings, but the reality is that the vast majority claim to hate contributing to weddings. It's just mind blowing. I had my expectations of a communal time of planning right at the start, my family's been very generous but FH's family sounds like a lot of the posts here. If people hate contributing to the weddings of their children, why do people get so excited over weddings? Just blows my mind to read the resentment and almost hatred towards this concept. Who says people get that excited? Ime, almost everyone involved in the planning part of a wedding is very relieved when it is over. And unless you're into free booze and dancing in formal wear, many people find attending weddings a chore. I enjoy going to support the bride and groom. But I don't attend weddings unless I am really close to the couple or feel a social obligation.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Jul 1, 2015 12:41:38 GMT
A coworker announced at a staff meeting that her daughter was engaged. Everyone was like "who gives a flip?" She then announced that she was going to retire the following year. She promised her daughter a year's salary for the wedding so she was putting off retirement.
Her daughter was 37, the groom in his mid 40s. Daughter has two Masters and the couple, who have lived together for almost a decade, make close to four times what the mother makes.
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Post by maryland on Jul 1, 2015 13:15:07 GMT
I haven't read through all the responses, but this was my experience. My husband and I got married in our late 20s. We did not expect anybody to pay for our wedding but ourselves. For multiple reasons, money being one of them, we had a small ceremony with our immediate family and a few friends and I think the total cost for a fancy sit down meal, my dress, etc was around $1000. Our parents both gave us monetary wedding gifts and that paid for our wedding and our honeymoon. That gift would've been the same whether we had a small or large wedding and we just couldn't stomach spending that much money on a wedding. Also, I'm eternally grateful my parents paid for my undergrad education - much more worthwhile than a wedding! We have one daughter and our priority is paying for her college education. I'm not keen on dropping tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding and while it's a long time away, I can't really imagine us paying that kind of money for a wedding. I'm sure we will give our daughter a generous wedding gift, but if she wants an expensive wedding, she will need to pay for it. Our daughter is only seven though - so who knows what will actually happen! That's exactly what my husband and I have thought since before we had kids. We agree that helping pay for college is a great investment. If we can afford it, we are also happy to help them with a down payment for a house and to contribute to their children's college education. But to us, paying for a wedding is up to the happy couple!
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Jul 1, 2015 13:22:27 GMT
It's discussions like these that deflate my happiness about my wedding. It seems like everyone has so much hate and resentment and just overall anger towards other people's weddings. It just comes across that the vast majority of people claim to love weddings, but the reality is that the vast majority claim to hate contributing to weddings. It's just mind blowing. I had my expectations of a communal time of planning right at the start, my family's been very generous but FH's family sounds like a lot of the posts here. If people hate contributing to the weddings of their children, why do people get so excited over weddings? Just blows my mind to read the resentment and almost hatred towards this concept. Who says people get that excited? Ime, almost everyone involved in the planning part of a wedding is very relieved when it is over. And unless you're into free booze and dancing in formal wear, many people find attending weddings a chore. I enjoy going to support the bride and groom. But I don't attend weddings unless I am really close to the couple or feel a social obligation. In my experience, everyone gets excited to go to a wedding. I don't know about being relieved about the planning being over since I'm still in the middle of it, but I am really surprised at how many people resent the whole process and want nothing to do with weddings other than attending. I expected this experience to be a chance for me to get closer to my inlaws... Hahahaha. No. Since we're not doing it their way, we're not doing it right. We never expected them to contribute monetarily, but I did expect them to contribute more than what feels like a swift kick in the ass. I like attending weddings, though I prefer working them and I make sure that the couple know that I am available to help them with whatever they need. It's actually pretty depressing to know that people think life milestones are nothing more than a pain in the ass that the couple is burdening their family and friends with.
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Post by maryland on Jul 1, 2015 13:23:16 GMT
I hope both my daughters elope to some fabulous places. Would much rather give money for a nice travel experience than the whole wedding shebang. Otherwise, exDH can pay for it. :-) Love this! We go to the beach in the summer (7 hrs. away) and there are often weddings on the beach. My kids love the beach, and they say they want a simple beach wedding! Of course that's a long way off, but I would be fine with that!
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Post by Merge on Jul 1, 2015 13:29:23 GMT
It's discussions like these that deflate my happiness about my wedding. It seems like everyone has so much hate and resentment and just overall anger towards other people's weddings. It just comes across that the vast majority of people claim to love weddings, but the reality is that the vast majority claim to hate contributing to weddings. It's just mind blowing. I had my expectations of a communal time of planning right at the start, my family's been very generous but FH's family sounds like a lot of the posts here. If people hate contributing to the weddings of their children, why do people get so excited over weddings? Just blows my mind to read the resentment and almost hatred towards this concept. I'm so sorry that anything has marred your happiness about your wedding day. I think what you might perceive as resentment has come about in the past couple of decades, as weddings have transformed from a celebration for family and friends to start a young couple off on their life together, to (often but not always) an over the top extravaganza of entitlement and self-centered behavior. (I want to reinforce that I'm sure this is not the case for your wedding, grinningcat - just responding generally about the trends I see.) It used to be that people had bridal showers and received wedding gifts to help them set up a household, because it was presumed the young couple starting out would not be able to afford everything they needed. Now, even though many people don't get married until they are older and more established in their careers, there is still an expectation of gifts, and god help the guest if the gift isn't expensive enough to cover the cost of the reception meal. Which brings up the cost of the reception. It used to be that middle class people had weddings in line with their income - now, even people who are of modest means are throwing all-out, no-expense-spared extravaganzas. They're expecting more from their guests in terms of travel cost, clothing, showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, child care (as more demand adults-only weddings) and gifts. And when they don't need household items because their houses are already established, they want guests to fork over cash to cover the cost of the high-end wedding or an extravagant honeymoon. Most people are happy to do what they can help out a young couple in need; it gets more difficult for people of moderate income to be happy about being shaken down to meet a family member turned bridezilla's (or groomzilla's) outrageous expectations. And unfortunately, I think people who have had that experience a few times just get less excited about weddings in general. For myself, I wish couples would put as much thought into their marriage and future as they do into the one day of their weddings. I feel like a couple that is spending much more than they or their parents can reasonably afford hasn't thought much past the wedding day at all, and a couple that spends more than they can afford and then expects the guests to finance that for them is disrespectful to boot.
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janeinbama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,174
Location: Alabama
Jan 29, 2015 16:24:49 GMT
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Post by janeinbama on Jul 1, 2015 13:29:40 GMT
We have 3 DDs and have payed for their weddings. They were all given a budget to work with or they could take the cash and opt for a small ceremony. None took the pay-out and quite frankly I am glad they did not. A wedding celebration is one of the few times in your life that your family and friends are together in one place to celebrate a happy occasion. Two DDs got married 2 years apart and their weddings were very similar in size and style.
Youngest DD married 10 years later into a very large close family - hers was similar style but with a much larger guest list. They paid for the band and a few other items.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 1, 2015 13:44:00 GMT
I keep telling my kids that I will pay them $10K if they skip the reception entirely. The price will probably go up by the time all my kids are married. Best idea so far, lol! My daughter was married five years ago. We were budget-minded because I was the only one of the four parents, all divorced, who could/would pay, but we had what I think was a lovely wedding for a total of about $15k (in New Jersey). This included invitations, her gown, the reception, a DJ, and her bridal shower as well. There were 100 people at the wedding. Spending a total of $40k on a wedding sounds extremely generous to me. I wonder if your daughter's friend might have misunderstood his parents or meant $20k total? It's been mentioned more than once, so yes his parents paid 20K for their HALF
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Jul 1, 2015 13:47:41 GMT
It's discussions like these that deflate my happiness about my wedding. It seems like everyone has so much hate and resentment and just overall anger towards other people's weddings. It just comes across that the vast majority of people claim to love weddings, but the reality is that the vast majority claim to hate contributing to weddings. It's just mind blowing. I had my expectations of a communal time of planning right at the start, my family's been very generous but FH's family sounds like a lot of the posts here. If people hate contributing to the weddings of their children, why do people get so excited over weddings? Just blows my mind to read the resentment and almost hatred towards this concept. I'm so sorry that anything has marred your happiness about your wedding day. I think what you might perceive as resentment has come about in the past couple of decades, as weddings have transformed from a celebration for family and friends to start a young couple off on their life together, to (often but not always) an over the top extravaganza of entitlement and self-centered behavior. (I want to reinforce that I'm sure this is not the case for your wedding, grinningcat - just responding generally about the trends I see.) It used to be that people had bridal showers and received wedding gifts to help them set up a household, because it was presumed the young couple starting out would not be able to afford everything they needed. Now, even though many people don't get married until they are older and more established in their careers, there is still an expectation of gifts, and god help the guest if the gift isn't expensive enough to cover the cost of the reception meal. Which brings up the cost of the reception. It used to be that middle class people had weddings in line with their income - now, even people who are of modest means are throwing all-out, no-expense-spared extravaganzas. They're expecting more from their guests in terms of travel cost, clothing, showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, child care (as more demand adults-only weddings) and gifts. And when they don't need household items because their houses are already established, they want guests to fork over cash to cover the cost of the high-end wedding or an extravagant honeymoon. Most people are happy to do what they can help out a young couple in need; it gets more difficult for people of moderate income to be happy about being shaken down to meet a family member turned bridezilla's (or groomzilla's) outrageous expectations. And unfortunately, I think people who have had that experience a few times just get less excited about weddings in general. For myself, I wish couples would put as much thought into their marriage and future as they do into the one day of their weddings. I feel like a couple that is spending much more than they or their parents can reasonably afford hasn't thought much past the wedding day at all, and a couple that spends more than they can afford and then expects the guests to finance that for them is disrespectful to boot. The thing is, no one I know is doing the crazy extravaganzas that are documented as the "only" way to do weddings according to the wedding industry. Everyone I know that has married is not following that expectation and that everyone I know is putting the thought you want into their marriages instead of the wedding. I know to us, the wedding is just the milestone, it will be fun, but it's all the days after that will matter most. The only thing I expect from my guests is to have a good time. Are some travelling? Absolutely. But I in no way expect them to travel. And if they do travel, I do not expect a gift. Actually, I don't expect gifts from anyone. Yes, we have a registry even though we've both lived on our own for years (because of that many things are wearing out) but we did it more to have fun running through the stores (like kids in a candy shop we were) and because we can purchase those things with a discount afterward. Every gift will be appreciate and properly acknowledged, but just coming to celebrate with us is gift enough. I really hope that our wedding isn't viewed as self-centered behaviour. I hope that the work I am doing to make into a fun and inclusive event (things like having a mocktail menu for those who don't drink instead of them only having boring pop and water, and offering alternate activities to dancing if that's not their thing) that everyone can come, enjoy and celebrate with us. That's what the week is really about, bringing together our family and friends to celebrate with us. I say week because we've planned other activities for our guests beyond the wedding, but really. Just getting to hang out and visit and be with those we love and care for is what's important to us. We've asked for nothing from our parents and we received two very different responses. One was to follow the "traditional" line of the groom's family does nothing and they are just along for the ride (but then insisted we do things their way, figure that one out). The other was to ask questions to make sure we were on a good track (i.e.: not being idiots about spending) and then offering to pay for the venue while leaving the rest to us. Guess which family has been more supportive and more involved? Guess which family has made me realize that unless you do it their way, they aren't interested in doing anything except deflating things? So yeah, I'm bitter that people can't get over themselves and be more supportive. I'm not saying that parents should pay for weddings in their entirety or even be forced to give anything. But what I read here is that some parents are basically of the mind that if their kids dare to get married they want nothing to do with it other than the title of mother or father of the bride or groom and that they think it's silly and frivolous to spend the money on "just one day". I cannot tell how stabby that statement makes me. Yes, it's just one day but what the hell is wrong with having just that one day? Why is spending money (within means) such a horrible thing? It just pisses me off so much that couples getting married who are reasonable and smart with their planning are lumped into the same group as the minority who go all crazy and ridiculous. I can easily see how a wedding could cost 40K. Easily. We're not spending that much, and to do so we've made some strict plans like limiting the guest list so that we could have a nice venue and a nice caterer. But I can totally see how we could have spent 40K on the wedding. Especially in the Toronto area. Venues are not cheap. But sometimes the backyard, the simple, the whatever can cost less in cash but cost a lot more in labour and time. At times, I'm not sure which is worse to spend 40K or endless hours of work to save a buck. I'm just tired of hearing the message that weddings are a burden instead of a celebration.
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gloryjoy
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332
Jun 26, 2014 12:35:32 GMT
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Post by gloryjoy on Jul 1, 2015 13:48:54 GMT
My son just got married a month ago and we did not spend $20,000.
They had a small wedding (well small compared to lots of others I hear about) of 75 people. They really weren't into all the flashy stuff and wanted to keep it simple. Their plan is to buy a house and they would much rather have a smaller wedding and put the $ towards that.
They also did all the food on their own, okay my sister and I did all the food.
I have no idea how much her parents paid for but we paid for the liquor, it was an open bar, liquor license, liability insurance, all the cupcakes (which we made), some food and I helped her with all the decor and contributed a fair amount of $ to that.
I am prepared to spend the same amount when my younger son gets married.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 15:34:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2015 13:50:02 GMT
We set a budget amount we could afford and told each child that was the amount they had toward their wedding....they could elope and use it for a downpayment on a house.....didn't matter to us...but they knew going in this was what they could count on from us.
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Post by bostonmama on Jul 1, 2015 14:00:17 GMT
Merge nailed it for me. Weddings have become less about a celebration of starting a life together, the merging of families, and more of an excuse to throw a huge party. I don't enjoy weddings. At all. And I especially don't like attending when it seems like there's little chance of things working out long term. Judgmental, yes, but I don't want to fund a party or honeymoon or whatever for a couple that has spent less time preparing for marriage then planning the wedding. The last 7 weddings we attended ended in divorce less than 3 years later. It's so very sad. And I feel for the parents who forked out a year's salary on the wedding.
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Post by genny on Jul 1, 2015 14:09:29 GMT
I'm sure we'll contribute something, but who knows what at the time. It will depend on finances at the time and each kid's needs.
DH and I got married for probably around $6-700. We had a small wedding with probably 45 guests. Mom made my dress, my sister wore bridesmaid dress she already had that I loved. Dad bought the cake from a grocery store and paid for a just starting out photographer who was pretty cheap and glad for the $150 he got. DH's mom made the grooms cake and she, my mom and my aunts made all of the food for the reception. DH's boss was his best man and his gift to us was paying for our hotel room for the weekend for our honeymoon (which was a weekend in Atlanta) and an extra paid day off. We got married fast and it was a small, simple church wedding. My step mother's step mother was a florist and gave us all the flower arrangements as her gift. Me, mom, my sister and MIL made all of the decorations. It was a fun, fun time and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Neither of our families was in any position to pay for anything big and fancy, I never thought I'd have a big to do anyway so I never felt disappointed or let down in any way.
My thoughts are that when they get married they'll have to pay for a good deal of it and we'll either contribute what cash we can afford at the time or pay for individual things like my parents did (i.e. photographer, cake, preacher). But I can also say I've already talked to my DD (15) who loves to watch Say Yes to the Dress and she knows she's not getting a dress that costs thousands or some massive wedding that we're paying for.
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,643
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Jul 1, 2015 14:13:16 GMT
It's discussions like these that deflate my happiness about my wedding. It seems like everyone has so much hate and resentment and just overall anger towards other people's weddings. It just comes across that the vast majority of people claim to love weddings, but the reality is that the vast majority claim to hate contributing to weddings. It's just mind blowing. I had my expectations of a communal time of planning right at the start, my family's been very generous but FH's family sounds like a lot of the posts here. If people hate contributing to the weddings of their children, why do people get so excited over weddings? Just blows my mind to read the resentment and almost hatred towards this concept. What other people believe and do for weddings shouldn't have an impact on you. Everybody should do what makes them happy. I don't hate weddings or have any hate or resentment towards people who have weddings. It just wasn't something we wanted. Financially it just didn't make sense for us and it wasn't how we wanted to spend our money. In retrospect I'm glad we didn't because we had some big expenses in the few years that followed (my car died, we bought a house, I took a year off from work to stay home with our daughter). I can't even imagine how much college will cost when our daughter goes (she's seven now) and that is our first priority. We're also serious about retirement. We'll have to see our financial situation when/if she gets married, but I just don't see us spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding.
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