Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 14:28:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2015 13:19:38 GMT
Somehow I've always known this. It must have been so common when I was a kid that I picked up on it without someone telling me.
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Post by SunnySmile on Aug 11, 2015 13:19:38 GMT
I am in the minority, having never heard this before. Probably because I grew up in the West. You know we are all heathens out here!
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Aug 11, 2015 13:31:41 GMT
I wasn't eloquent. I'm over the institutional trappings of marriage and the "required" customs like this stupidity when it comes to congratulatory expression. I'm over being told that certain things have to happen for our marriage to be real. I'm over the archaic undertones of many of the traditions, which ruin their modern day use and meaning. I'm over the lie that a wedding is supposed to be the best time of your life and it's supposed to bring people together as a happy unit. No it doesn't. It makes people batshit crazy and think they are entitled to dictate what happens at a wedding that isn't theirs. So while I want to be married to my FH, I'm over the bullshit that the WIC perpetuates. You should have just eloped. It's too bad your wedding has turned into such a negative thing for you. I think if I were as angry about it all as you sound, I'd still go ahead and elope, and have a reception later. Which is actually what I did do. To be honest, I'm not bitter about the wedding itself. I'm bitter about the pressures that a wedding puts on a couple because "that's how it's supposed to be done" or "that's how our family has always done it". Yes, that's fine, if those things fit with what the couple wants. But when it doesn't, people and the WIC need to back off. That's what I am bitter about. That outside forces seem to think that they know better and expect certain things, when they have no reason to expect those demands to be met. And then go batshit crazy, when things do not go their way or we don't bow to their superiority. Eloping was one of the 5 scenarios we had in place at the very beginning of planning. It was immediately taken off the table, as we had his grandparents to consider and I promised my parents a long time ago that yes I would make sure they were present at the wedding (the only thing they asked, everything else they were all "do whatever"). Eloping wouldn't have been right. We want to celebrate with the people we love and care about. The people who have endeavoured to make things go their way have discovered we do not bow to their pressure just because they think we will because of who they are. That's where the negativity comes in, and what I am tired of. I'm also tired of the long process to get to the wedding, but once it's here, the party will be great, the people who care and love us and who we love and care for will be present to celebrate and then we're married. That's what matters. Every wedding has some negative forces. Sometimes they weigh down more than others. And yes, I am tired of the sexist connotations of the WIC and the etiquette that goes with it. The greetings mentioned in the OP is a prime example.
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Post by Linda on Aug 11, 2015 13:32:29 GMT
Yes - I've known this since I was small and it's something that I follow although many don't
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Post by deep on Aug 11, 2015 13:34:48 GMT
I just avoid the awkwardness of "congratulations" vs "best wishes" by just saying "Why? Are you pregnant?" when I hear an engagement announcement.
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Post by mnmloveli on Aug 11, 2015 14:15:11 GMT
More knowledge from the "Peas" !!!!!! Better than Google
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,798
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Aug 11, 2015 14:19:39 GMT
Yep, I knew.
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,352
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:10 GMT
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Post by artbabe on Aug 11, 2015 14:22:33 GMT
I just avoid the awkwardness of "congratulations" vs "best wishes" by just saying "Why? Are you pregnant?" when I hear an engagement announcement. Best answer ever!
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Post by Zee on Aug 11, 2015 14:30:36 GMT
grinningcat I get it about the grandparents, though mine were fine with just a reception. I had it a month after the wedding and invited all the family and friends. It was a very informal reception, about as low-key as one can get, and everyone had a lovely time eating party sandwiches and cake and drinking free beer.
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Post by cscarpenter67 on Aug 11, 2015 14:31:37 GMT
I also learned this from Emily Gilmore on The Gilmore Girls!
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Post by Zee on Aug 11, 2015 14:36:41 GMT
And no, I didn't know this, never heard of it. I put it in the "ridiculously outdated" category, along with no white after Labor Day.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Aug 11, 2015 14:37:11 GMT
grinningcat I get it about the grandparents, though mine were fine with just a reception. I had it a month after the wedding and invited all the family and friends. It was a very informal reception, about as low-key as one can get, and everyone had a lovely time eating party sandwiches and cake and drinking free beer. We're doing that kind of event in December when we go back home. Originally, we wanted a backyard wedding but discovered that the infrastructure and the work involved would have been crazy and a venue with all that in place was about the same price. The negativity is a small part of it. The day will be lovely, the second event will be low key. Everyone has different "needs" I guess. The ones who have caused difficulties are annoying but they are not in the majority. Not even close. Or even make up most of my thoughts. I'm not sure why you'd think that and think we should elope. Especially this far into the game.
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Post by Zee on Aug 11, 2015 14:39:59 GMT
grinningcat I get it about the grandparents, though mine were fine with just a reception. I had it a month after the wedding and invited all the family and friends. It was a very informal reception, about as low-key as one can get, and everyone had a lovely time eating party sandwiches and cake and drinking free beer. We're doing that kind of event in December when we go back home. Originally, we wanted a backyard wedding but discovered that the infrastructure and the work involved would have been crazy and a venue with all that in place was about the same price. The negativity is a small part of it. The day will be lovely, the second event will be low key. Everyone has different "needs" I guess. The ones who have caused difficulties are annoying but they are not in the majority. Not even close. Or even make up most of my thoughts. I'm not sure why you'd think that and think we should elope. Especially this far into the game. You're not sure why I think that? Have you read your own posts on the subject of your wedding over the past several months? I didn't just pull all that out of my ass. Sorry I said anything, good Lord. I meant no offense.
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Post by sweetpea4utoo on Aug 11, 2015 14:42:54 GMT
I knew the difference in the greetings, but I had to look up 'extolling' HAHA
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Aug 11, 2015 14:43:54 GMT
We're doing that kind of event in December when we go back home. Originally, we wanted a backyard wedding but discovered that the infrastructure and the work involved would have been crazy and a venue with all that in place was about the same price. The negativity is a small part of it. The day will be lovely, the second event will be low key. Everyone has different "needs" I guess. The ones who have caused difficulties are annoying but they are not in the majority. Not even close. Or even make up most of my thoughts. I'm not sure why you'd think that and think we should elope. Especially this far into the game. You're not sure why I think that? Have you read your own posts on the subject of your wedding over the past several months? I didn't just pull all that out of my ass. Sorry I said anything, good Lord. I meant no offense. I guess I've only mentioned it when I have had an issue that I've needed some perspective on. The other stuff, I'm good with and don't feel like anyone cares about what flowers I'm using or what my dress looks like or what food I'm serving or any of that stuff. I had no idea that coming to the board with specific issues would make the ENTIRE process be a negative one. So sorry for even mentioning anything. Please let me know what topics are acceptable to post about since my posting bothers you so. I'm not offended, just confused by your insistence that I am doing things wrong (which, ironically, is the thing I was complaining about).
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 14:28:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2015 14:44:52 GMT
Yes.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 11, 2015 14:48:24 GMT
I knew of it, but can never remember which to use, so I say "I am happy for you!"
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Post by Zee on Aug 11, 2015 14:55:45 GMT
You're not sure why I think that? Have you read your own posts on the subject of your wedding over the past several months? I didn't just pull all that out of my ass. Sorry I said anything, good Lord. I meant no offense. I guess I've only mentioned it when I have had an issue that I've needed some perspective on. The other stuff, I'm good with and don't feel like anyone cares about what flowers I'm using or what my dress looks like or what food I'm serving or any of that stuff. I had no idea that coming to the board with specific issues would make the ENTIRE process be a negative one. So sorry for even mentioning anything. Please let me know what topics are acceptable to post about since my posting bothers you so. I'm not offended, just confused by your insistence that I am doing things wrong (which, ironically, is the thing I was complaining about). I in NO WAY said you were doing things wrong and in NO WAY insisted that you should change your plans. I simply offered input on what I did. Nor did I tell you what you can and cannot post about, but I'm surely not the only one who has noticed how miserable you sound when you post about your upcoming nuptials. Actually you sound angry much of the time about all sorts of subjects, but I've never tried to tell you what to post about. I think you need to re-read my post with fresh eyes because you took it all wrong. I'll bow out now because I don't want to continue to argue about something that means nothing to me anyway. Enjoy your wedding.
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,073
Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
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Post by mimima on Aug 11, 2015 15:35:33 GMT
I had no idea, thanks
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Aug 11, 2015 15:39:54 GMT
Never had a clue about this.
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~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,259
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
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Post by ~Susan~ on Aug 11, 2015 16:48:43 GMT
No, I've never heard this before. Apparently I was raised in a barn. Me too, lol.
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,768
Jun 27, 2014 2:21:22 GMT
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Post by valincal on Aug 11, 2015 16:51:55 GMT
I saw a photo on President Bush's IG account congratulating a vet and wishing best wishes to his fiancée on their recent engagement. One of the comments was extolling the account holder for knowing the difference between the two greetings. I didn't know there was one so I looked it up. According to etiquette, you are to say "Best Wishes" to the bride because to say otherwise implies that it was not assumed that she would marry. You are to congratulate the groom for succeeding in getting her to say "yes." I've never heard this before. I'm a West Coast girl. Have you heard it? Yes, I knew this. I don't always remember to follow the etiquette though. Oops.
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Post by Minnesota*Mom on Aug 11, 2015 16:56:13 GMT
I did not know this, so I am happy to have learned something new today.
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Post by gorgeouskid on Aug 11, 2015 17:11:26 GMT
I absolutely knew this, but I also used to read Emily Post for entertainment when I was a child.
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Post by lollapealooza on Aug 11, 2015 17:33:10 GMT
I'm not from the South, but I learned all these things when I was a girl, also. I love nice manners.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 14:28:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2015 17:48:11 GMT
Never heard of it and I agree it's sexist out dated BS that has no place in modern society. I married later than I lot of people I know and once had to endure an afternoon of being called an old maid and a spinster, cos ya know that's what I was! I sometimes wish punching people in the face wasn't so frowned upon.
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Post by melanell on Aug 11, 2015 17:49:50 GMT
Yes, I have heard it, but I don't view it as something that is really expected any more. I would be surprised if someone was actually put out over the "wrong" phrase being used. (You know outside of some people online who live to find a reason to complain about things. ) In fact, these days, I would think that you could offend a woman by using it for that particular reason. As in "Way to go, dude, you scored a hottie.".
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Aug 11, 2015 17:50:28 GMT
I can kinda remember something about not saying 'congratulations' to the bride/bride to be but I couldn't remember why so I just ignored it- so I guess at some point I learned it. It just didn't stick! Now that I read the reason for it I'm going to continue to ignore that etiquette "rule".
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Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 11, 2015 17:52:35 GMT
This Southern Belle had no idea.
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Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
Jun 26, 2014 2:00:21 GMT
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Post by Nicole in TX on Aug 11, 2015 17:53:28 GMT
Isn't that sexism for the man, then, you would be implying that he had a hard time finding someone to marry him.
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