scrappinghappy
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“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
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Jun 26, 2014 19:30:06 GMT
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Post by scrappinghappy on Aug 20, 2015 22:56:50 GMT
BFF's dd just announced her engagement. They want a small wedding in a JP office - no guests and no party afterwards. very small and simple.
Is it OK for me to offer to throw a shower so she and her SO can get a few necessities and gifts. She didn't ask me to do this, but I would love to do it for her. Please keep in mind that none of the shower guests, me included, will be invited to the wedding.
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Deleted
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Apr 28, 2024 16:24:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2015 23:01:16 GMT
I can only tell you that if I were invited to a shower like that, I'd be happy to come and bring a gift, and I consider myself kind of a pearlclutcher about etiquette.
ETD - I was wrong about shower invites - registry info is fine to include on those, it's wedding invitations I was thinking of. Derp.
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freebird
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'cause I'm free as a bird now
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Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Aug 20, 2015 23:01:27 GMT
Some will say it's tacky because you're asking for gifts from people that won't be at a wedding, however, you could invite me and I wouldn't bat an eye.
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Aug 20, 2015 23:05:19 GMT
You might wait until shortly after the wedding - that way, people won't be offended that they don't get invites if they know it was a small ceremony. I think it's a lovely thing to do for this couple that is just starting out!
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Post by peasapie on Aug 20, 2015 23:05:34 GMT
If she wants a shower, and if the guests know there won't be a reception, I think it's a sweet idea. I would definitely go.
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Post by mrssmith on Aug 20, 2015 23:06:28 GMT
I think that's fine and very sweet of you.
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Deleted
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Apr 28, 2024 16:24:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2015 23:09:39 GMT
Once I understood the weddings plans, I would give the bride a huge hug and wouldn't bat an eye at being invited to th eshower only. Unless I was a super close friend or family, I might also only find out about the wedding plans at the shower. Being included in the shower would make me happy I could "shower" the happy couple with a bit of love and help bless their day.
I say go for it and ask if she would be ok!!
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Post by disneypal on Aug 20, 2015 23:09:43 GMT
I think as long as the guest know it will be a small wedding with no reception/party, then it is perfectly fine to give them a shower. I'm sure most of their friends/family would love to be a part of their union, even if they are having a big wedding.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Aug 20, 2015 23:13:49 GMT
I think ask the bride if she wants one. Give her the opportunity to say no, and don't be surprised if she does.
Some may clutch there pearls... but I imagine most people won't mind.
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Deleted
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Apr 28, 2024 16:24:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2015 23:15:08 GMT
That's the point of a shower. You are the perfect person to make this offer and so sweet. Go for it.
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styxgirl
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Aug 20, 2015 23:19:16 GMT
My husband and I got married in Vegas. It was just us. When we got back home we had a reception with a big cake and punch where we watched the wedding on video.
It was really fun, nothing fancy. I was pleasantly surprised when people brought gifts! I wasn't expecting them at all. It was cool.
Invited were very simple and we weren't registered anywhere.
Best wishes to your friend.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 20, 2015 23:23:00 GMT
I would be fine attending something like that.
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Post by littlemama on Aug 20, 2015 23:53:23 GMT
I don't think it is appropriate, but I am clearly in the minority.
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Deleted
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Apr 28, 2024 16:24:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2015 0:03:20 GMT
Throw them a reception instead. Your BFF will be so happy that somebody cares that much to do that.
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Post by lancermom on Aug 21, 2015 0:05:58 GMT
I wanted a small wedding. My in laws decided to throw a shower. They invited people that were not invited to wedding. As the bride I felt bad. I felt like I should have invited them to wedding. (20 years ago) I would throw shower afterward. Then it is understood that it was small. And maybe then she may have pictures to share.
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scrappinghappy
Pearl Clutcher
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,306
Jun 26, 2014 19:30:06 GMT
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Post by scrappinghappy on Aug 21, 2015 1:38:53 GMT
I love the idea of throwing the shower afterwards. Thanks. Her dd wasn't sure about it based on her wedding plans but this will avoid the issues she was concerned about. She also won't register anywhere as she says they will love whatever they get. How sweet is that?!?
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Post by lucyg on Aug 21, 2015 1:44:54 GMT
I'm kind of a pearl clutcher too, but I think this is a really nice idea. People want the opportunity to help celebrate the happy event.
I would never include registry cards with any invite, though. (I know you said no registry, but someone upthread mentioned this and I disagree. People can ask if they want to know.)
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Post by sues on Aug 21, 2015 1:46:49 GMT
Throw them a reception instead. Your BFF will be so happy that somebody cares that much to do that. I like this idea too.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 21, 2015 1:50:17 GMT
Throw them a reception instead. Your BFF will be so happy that somebody cares that much to do that. I like this idea too. Me three. I wouldn't have a problem with a shower invite before either. I like to be supportive of people's happy life events!
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georgiapea
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Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 21, 2015 2:47:25 GMT
I'd be happy to attend a shower, knowing I wouldn't be invited to the wedding.
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 21, 2015 2:57:00 GMT
I would come and think it's sweet. I hate the tit for tat thoughts about showers/gifts/weddings.
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Deleted
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Apr 28, 2024 16:24:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2015 2:58:29 GMT
Throw them a reception instead. Your BFF will be so happy that somebody cares that much to do that. Hmmm, sweet idea but to me a reception implies a larger event and overall budget than does a shower. But, that may just be me.
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Deleted
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Apr 28, 2024 16:24:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2015 4:34:00 GMT
Actually you can give them an " at home". A reception without the trimmings, usually cake, cookies and punch.
Edited to add. An at home is usually held after the honeymoon.
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Why
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Jun 26, 2014 4:03:09 GMT
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Post by Why on Aug 21, 2015 5:01:23 GMT
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anniebygaslight
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 21, 2015 5:39:43 GMT
BFF's dd just announced her engagement. They want a small wedding in a JP office - no guests and no party afterwards. very small and simple.Is it OK for me to offer to throw a shower so she and her SO can get a few necessities and gifts. She didn't ask me to do this, but I would love to do it for her. Please keep in mind that none of the shower guests, me included, will be invited to the wedding. Throw them a reception instead. Your BFF will be so happy that somebody cares that much to do that. Eeek! Don't throw a reception as it flies in the face of what the couple have indicated they want. A shower is a different matter.
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Deleted
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Apr 28, 2024 16:24:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2015 5:50:17 GMT
i'd personally just buy her a gift from me and leave it at that their wedding plans sound low key and that might indicate they don't want parties etc i guess its all individual and how close you are to her
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Post by smokey2471 on Aug 21, 2015 12:26:30 GMT
I'd much rather pop into a shower and drop off a gift than having to attend a wedding. Lol
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Aug 21, 2015 12:49:54 GMT
Me three. I wouldn't have a problem with a shower invite before either. I like to be supportive of people's happy life events! I would think that they don't want one. If they wanted a reception wouldn't they or their parents already be planning that? I guess I would think that they are the kind of people who didn't want a lot of fuss, so a shower seems like an easy thing to do.. a wedding reception seems like more work and a lot of attention on the couple. My sister and her husband got married while on a year round the world trip. I threw them a wedding shower when they got back. They talked about having some sort of wedding party but never did. They just don't like to be the center of attention. (though they are both the kind of people to throw a party to celebrate someone else)
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Post by bigbundt on Aug 21, 2015 14:14:02 GMT
Similar but not the same (to me at least). To me there is a difference between a couple choosing an intimate ceremony at the JOP excluding everyone except a handful of close family and a couple having a smallish ceremony/reception and just not inviting people who live far away. One feels like you are a part of the only outside celebration (JOP wedding) vs it just being a gift grab (small wedding far away). Kind of hard to put into words but there it is. I think a shower would be nice, either before or after the wedding. I wouldn't bat an eye if I got an invitation for a shower beforehand, knowing that the actual wedding was going to be VERY small.
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Post by utmr on Aug 21, 2015 16:34:46 GMT
I think after might be better. I'm not a fan of inviting people to a shower that won't be invited to the wedding. But a shower after what is, essentially, an elopement would by ok.
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