Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:53:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2016 20:44:42 GMT
What is there about a Disney wedding that makes it special? The obsession with Disney is all about the princess. She wants so badly to be adored like a princess is. She grew up with little, her parents live very modestly and she wants more. I don't know if it's lack of confidence or entitlement or just immature. Whatever it is, she is beyond obsessed with being treated like a princess.
It worries me for my son but I really haven't said much because in the past it just pushed away. When we do talk I will say things like "what do you want?" or "what is your input?". But that's for a whole nother thread....
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 9, 2016 21:22:10 GMT
Come up with a number you are willing to spend and only offer that amount. Include the rehearsal dinner in that number as well.  We gave our son a number when he got married...and told him...put it toward the wedding....elope and put it toward a house...whatever...so they knew how much they were getting This is what we did, too. We also paid for a grooms dinner. Our wedding gift to them was the photographer, a friend of mine. There is NO WAY she needs to spend $5k on a dress. The girl needs a reality check. DIL paid $900 and it was the most beautiful dress I had ever seen.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Jan 9, 2016 21:30:33 GMT
Maybe suggest a Disney Cruise wedding. We got married on a Cruise. It was great. We answered a few questions about colors, music, cake and flowers and then The wedding lady did the rest. We showed up with our guests prior to the boarding time (we got to board early since the wedding happened before we sailed). The Cruise and the wedding was less than $5000.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jan 9, 2016 21:34:59 GMT
I think you have been given great advice here. If you want to contribute, then tell them you will give them X that is theirs to use as they wish and be done with it. This is the most drama-free way to help them, IMO. The fact that she wants a Disneyland Princess experience isn't your problem - they will have to either save a lot of money or change their expectations to make up the difference between what they want and what they can afford.
Marriage is all about compromise and working toward mutual goals together. What better time than now for them to learn that lesson.
If you don't want to contribute (I don't blame you), then don't. You are honestly under no obligation to pay for a wedding, and you're a wonderful mom whether you help out with this or not.
I know that this relationship isn't what you would choose for your son, and I know you have struggled mightily with him over the last few years. I hope this all works out for the best for all of you.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jan 9, 2016 21:36:01 GMT
I wanted an Aladdin themed wedding at one time! I was set straight very quickly.
A Disney wedding sounds fun and all, but I have only been there in the summer and it was too hot for a wedding.
Church and backyard sound great!!! Hopefully she will come to her senses. Disney honeymoon for a couple of days. Done.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 9, 2016 21:42:07 GMT
Maybe suggest a Disney Cruise wedding. We got married on a Cruise. It was great. We answered a few questions about colors, music, cake and flowers and then The wedding lady did the rest. We showed up with our guests prior to the boarding time (we got to board early since the wedding happened before we sailed). The Cruise and the wedding was less than $5000. A Disney Cruise wedding probably wouldn't be much cheaper. I was doing a little research on a Disney Cruise vacation to Alaska for my family of three (me, DH, DD) because it's something that's on our bucket list. Just the cruise itself with all of us in one stateroom would run about $7500 without tips, transportation from the airport or airfare. Disney Cruises are worth it (to us) but they do cost somewhat more than a standard cruise line.
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,049
Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Jan 9, 2016 22:35:47 GMT
forgive me, just read your update and not all the replies so this may have been said.
$10k for the wedding, if it includes venue and catering, is really not that much. our wedding in a county park, $700 dress, small hotel conference room reception cost us about $7000 12 years ago. is it really the price, or the "she's a princess" thing that you aren't a fan of that is making you upset about it?
maybe the best thing you could do would be to offer X amount and your backyard, the end. that puts the onus on her and your son to really plan what they can afford and get her head out of the clouds thinking someone else is just going to make all her dreams come true for her.
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Post by mlynn on Jan 9, 2016 23:05:23 GMT
I was 21 when I got married - ex was 23. It never even occurred to us to ask anyone else to foot the bill for anything. Dh and I were 35 and 34 when we got married. Same thing.
I think $7000 is expensive for a wedding. I probably paid less than $1000 for both weddings put together. And I had very nice weddings. Church hall receptions are fine. Plan a mid-afternoon or post-dinner time so you do not need to provide a full meal. Alcohol is not required.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:53:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2016 23:26:51 GMT
If you want control over where your money gets spent then offer it on a specific bill with the wedding, eg. the photographer If you offer money to do what they want, you run the risk of them getting it, spending it, breaking up, boy meets another girl, wants to marry, and you're up for another wedding The girl sounds like she's in fantasy stage at the moment where everything is an option. Let her dream, have fun and then eventually realize it is not a reality. A lot of us do that even when we're grown up.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,970
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Jan 9, 2016 23:38:25 GMT
I'd have the future in-laws over very soon. Other than wedding costs, you can talk about how they are going to LIVE. Her parents could actually be your allies in all this. Just be careful if you go this route. I would have been very offended as a young married woman if our parents planned such an intervention. I think a casual conversation with your own child is one thing. Confronting the couple, especially with the other parents, is another.
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Post by flanz on Jan 9, 2016 23:47:14 GMT
I would not give the money over up front. If so, it will probably go to the dress and if they break up, she gets the sole benefit of it. I like the idea of it going to the caterer or venue or something so it isn't paid until closer to the event. Or maybe set up an xccount and pay out as they match funds. With our kids we plan to give them "x" amount to spend however they choose, and let them figure out what that is. With this young, immature sounding couple, I think this suggestion is spot on. Good luck figuring it all out. Personally, it sounds like your son would be best off delaying this wedding as long as possible, hopefully until he is mature enough to realize that life with this "princess" of his will be a ton of effort.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,926
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Jan 9, 2016 23:49:12 GMT
Give 'em a PowerBall ticket. If they win, they can have their princess wedding. If they don't win, back to reality. 
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Elisabeth
Full Member
 
Posts: 106
Jun 25, 2014 19:27:52 GMT
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Post by Elisabeth on Jan 9, 2016 23:52:18 GMT
iw ould be very upfront with them. it sounds like she has a dream wedding with a huge budget but the reality is that they can't afford that. does she think that you are going to pay for everything? have you met her parents? sounds like it may be time for both families to sit down and have a big discussion about money etc.
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Post by sunraynnc on Jan 10, 2016 2:08:52 GMT
I'd have the future in-laws over very soon. Other than wedding costs, you can talk about how they are going to LIVE. Her parents could actually be your allies in all this. Just be careful if you go this route. I would have been very offended as a young married woman if our parents planned such an intervention. I think a casual conversation with your own child is one thing. Confronting the couple, especially with the other parents, is another. You might have been offended, but it is a REALITY check. People that live in public housing can't even IMAGINE princess weddings! I would hardly call it an intervention....it's life. You are doing these two a favor. As my dh says," A man in hell wants ice water. You don't always get what you want."
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ellen
Drama Llama

Posts: 5,128
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Jan 10, 2016 2:29:48 GMT
I think this is now working out ok for you. Her dad is willing to be the "bad guy" in this whole thing. Let them deal with their daughter. I would not do a thing until they come to you next.
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twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,248
Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Jan 10, 2016 3:03:57 GMT
Pinterest could be her best friend. There is a reason that people get married at Easter and Christmas. The church is already decorated. We got married Dec. 28 because we wanted it to be easy for family to travel for the ceremony, and most of them had holiday time they could take then. But the decorated church was definitely a bonus (it was beautiful!), and I didn't have to stress about getting decorations in place or paying someone else to do it. I also saved a fortune in flowers since all I needed were pew bows, three bouquets, three corsages, and four boutoniers (sp?).
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