oblibby
Full Member
Posts: 211
Location: Bonnie Scotland
Jul 10, 2014 10:30:12 GMT
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Post by oblibby on Jul 28, 2014 5:45:07 GMT
If I made his meals when he lived at home during the week, I don't really see any difference in prepping door for him when he's away. First week might be tricky but after that just cook what you would normally cook and freeze his portion. I'm sure he'll soon learn to make the non-freezable parts of meals.
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Post by ptamom on Jul 28, 2014 7:11:09 GMT
I typed out a huge reply to this, because I would make a personal meal with no leftovers if there was no reason to cook for others, and the fact that my DH is a great cook on his own, and would never ask me to send him with food.
it is actually an annoyance that DH buys lunch out each workday, rather than take leftovers or a sandwich and fruit.
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Post by mcscrapper on Jul 28, 2014 8:51:59 GMT
I'm torn. I enjoy cooking so it wouldn't be difficult for me to do a few meals. Even when my dd isn't with me I still usually cook something for dinner that I can take with me to work too. I have about 10 go-to meals that I always make extra portions and freeze for myself.
I might be willing to do 2-3 meals each week for my dh in a similar situation. I'd buy some of those disposable aluminum pans and some extra t'ware type stuff and fix a few but I'd also provide a few easy recipes for him too.
There might also be a carry-out type of place that does some pre-made meals that he could buy at one time each week and make them himself. We have a Dinners by Design here that you can just pick up a casserole or other easy freezer meal and make it at home.
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Post by Erica on Jul 28, 2014 10:55:36 GMT
I work fulltime and go to school fulltime. It isn't easy, but I manage. My daughter stays with her grandparents until I get home. She eats home cooked meals. By the time I get home I'm exhausted. I either make toast or a pb&j most of the time. Rarely do I eat fast food. When I do it's McDonalds.
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Post by yoko on Jul 28, 2014 11:34:01 GMT
My DH did a remote assignment and he cooked for himself the whole year. I would spend the Sundays he's home showing him how to make things that you then eat together before he leaves again. If there are leftovers, he can take them. Is he also planning to bring his laundry home each weekend for you to wash? I do agree that it is a time honored military tradition to "argue" right before a separation.
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*~*amanda*~*
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jul 11, 2014 10:50:16 GMT
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Post by *~*amanda*~* on Jul 28, 2014 11:43:20 GMT
My hubby spends a lot of time out of state for work. He cooks some but it's the same few things. When I visit I spend a day cooking different things and stick in the freezer so he can have home cooking when we are apart. Could you go to him once a month and do some cooking?
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Jul 28, 2014 12:10:13 GMT
You guys are awesome. This was my first PVM (sorta) thread. DH is an awesome guy; just completely clueless in the kitchen which is partly my fault. I enjoy cooking for him, and he enjoys eating my food. School isn't quite a "choice" for him, though. He was selected to go to Army War College which is huge for his career. I'm sad I'm not going with him, but I have a very good job in NoVa that would be silly to leave since we will PCS in a year. I love all the suggestions about freezing hamburger meat and chicken. I have told him I would do all that, but he thinks there is something magical that happens in the kitchen that he won't be able to do. Dude is a leader of men, but can't boil water??? Sigh. He is leaving tomorrow with a cooler of BBQ teriyaki chicken, veggies, and pasta. He is just going to have to break down and go to the commissary at some point Commissary? Seriously? He can get his ass in gear and get himself there. Big baby. Speaking of which, I hope you re-orient his mindset before you two have kids. Because it's not that he can't boil water, it's that he refuses to boil water. What's going to happen when you have kids? Is he going to be one of THOSE fathers who "cant'" change a diaper, who "can't" clean up vomit, who "can't" remember to feed the kids, who "can't" dress them, who "can't" get them to school on time? Start as you mean to go on.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,022
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Jul 28, 2014 13:14:30 GMT
I just feel if a woman can on here and said that she expected her husband to provide meals to eat while she's away, the peas would take her to task and tell her to step up,learn to cook pretty quick and not be so dependent.
There is no reason he can't learn to cook, sounds like my tween and her friends could cook him out of the kitchen. Tell him each weekend he's home will be producing one of the meals - start with breakfast and work up!! You will be doing him a favour.
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Post by lillieleigh on Jul 28, 2014 13:43:39 GMT
I would make two or three healthy meals for myself and double the amount so he'd have some prepared meals. It will help you better plan your meals if you do it this way.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 28, 2014 14:26:23 GMT
Military wife here, but we all went with DH to AWC. The kids were younger and I wasn't working. But I get where you are coming from. And no, you aren't being unreasonable. I'm kind of laughing at all of this, but sympathetically. My DS would completely be on board with me sending him back with meals. But then, we have kids, I love to cook, and I'm a SAHM. So I would send meals back with him--not 5 days of meals, but a few meals, as I usually double what I'm making and freeze it anyways. The OP's husband isn't a dirt bag. He's worried that he will miss home and the convenience of the OP caring for him. The thing is that our DH's have some pretty high pressure jobs. And after making decisions all day, DH hates to make decisions at home. I'll ask him what he wants for dinner, but usually he just doesn't care because he doesn't want to make one more decision that day. So a lot of military wives become a buffer for our DHs when they get home. Right or wrong, good or bad, a lot of us fall into that "wifey-poo" role because we want home to be a sanctuary. It doesn't mean that military wives HAVE to or SHOULD make home life easy, but we often do just that. I would imagine that you are planning on this next year to be about you as an individual, with a lover on the weekends. That will be the fun part of the year. It's nice to step back and rediscover ourselves, since many military men have very dynamic personalities that can overtake the small things is us. But now you find that your DH wants you to cook for him while he is away, have a great dinner on the table when he gets home, be a tiger in the bedroom, and yes, wash his stinky clothes before he again heads off for his grueling week of studies. None of that is very inspiring. But then, you will want him to do some things around the house while he is home, too.
i would agree with your compromise. Make a good meal for yourself 1-2 times a week and freeze some of it. Spend those weeknights doing what you love, whether it's going to an art showing or reading on the couch with a bowl of popcorn for dinner. Know that some weekends he's going to have to study and some weekends he's going to want to goof off. And hope really hard for a great follow on assignment. We went to Boston and it was a GREAT two years!
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Post by Kymberlee on Jul 28, 2014 15:56:01 GMT
Michelle It is going to be a year of adjustments. I think you hit the nail on the head. He wants the comforts of home while being away, and I do get that and that is why I will certainly pack a cooler of leftovers for him and help him out within reason. I just won't meal plan for him for the week, do the grocery shopping, and prepare the meals. I will be working full time and holding down the fort here so to speak. I'm sad I am staying here, and he is going to be at AWC. I went to Leavenworth with him, and I have some wonderful friends and memories from CGSC. We'll see how it all shakes out when we get into a routine. He is doing his in processing right now so he will be home in a few days. Seminars start on Aug 4 so that is when things will get interesting. I appreciate everyones thoughts and ideas. Part of my irritation is that he assumed I would be preparing his meals, and I was mentally preparing myself to eat popcorn and cereal on the couch most nights while he was gone. A small bit of differing expectations, huh? We'll get to a place that works for both of us, and I am crossing my fingers this year passes quickly. ETA: He just texted me that he found the Wegmans in town. I'm thinking things are looking good.
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Post by bianca42 on Jul 28, 2014 16:27:14 GMT
DH took a job 2 hours away and I stayed with the house until it sold. We lived apart during the week for 6 months. He lived with my Grandma during the week (we were moving back to where my family is) but felt funny about using her kitchen or eating her food. So, he ate takeout for 6 months during the week. It sucked, but we saved a bunch on rent with him staying at Grandma's...so it worked out okay. Plus, he normally eats just dinner or maybe lunch and dinner.
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,899
Jun 26, 2014 22:49:09 GMT
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Post by tracylynn on Jul 28, 2014 16:31:43 GMT
I would NOT spend a day making meals for him. He can buy lunch meat and chips for lunch and breakfast items. It's not that hard to make easy things - and like others have said, when you do cook meals, make extra and send them as leftovers.
It's time for him to be a big boy now! He can do it!
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 28, 2014 16:40:46 GMT
ETA: He just texted me that he found the Wegmans in town. I'm thinking things are looking good. All your problems are solved in that one little discovery. My DH LOVES Wegman's. Even my kids love that place. We live near the Wegman's at Stonebridge and will often stop in after a date night and pick up dessert. They have everything--huge buffet bars, ready made meals in the deli, ready made meals to reheat, individual meals to prepare at home... Wegman's will save your marriage!
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Post by Prenticekid on Jul 28, 2014 16:45:11 GMT
It probably didn't occur to him that you could pack up portions of meals you cooked during the week for him. I wouldn't say his expectations were high - just that he wasn't thinking outside the box. I can totally see your reaction as well. I think as the year wears on, you'll both settle into something that works.
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Jul 28, 2014 16:56:44 GMT
Here is our situation. My dh likes a big meal every night and he is also gluten free AND he eats dinner at about 9:00 because he works later and has a commute. I prefer salads, lean cuisine etc (easy meals). He was coming home from work and cooking himself a large meal and then leaving me all the dishes in the am. It just wasn't working out smoothly and quite frankly I was getting sick of it. I personally don't eat gluten free store bought stuff because it is expensive.
So now he (sometimes I help but he likes to cook) cooks a bunch of food on Sunday and we purchased sectioned off freezer to microwave type containers. He then uses the deep freezer to store them all. If he doesn't feel like making that, he supplements with easy make your own gluten free pizzas or cooking up a quick hamsteak or kielbasa.
Maybe you could do something like that. Ex. pot roast, pork roast, bbq chicken, rice in the rice cooker etc. All of this could be easily done in the crockpot or in casseroles.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 28, 2014 17:54:30 GMT
As women, we are all so different. Some of us love to cook and take care of our man, and some of us don't love to cook and want our spouse to be independent. Whenever I see a post that says I would do it, I always read it twice. It really isn't me, but I know my hubby would love it to be. I do cook 2-4 times a week, but we have two large boys in the house that would starting eating the house if I didn't. Their dad also grills and makes a few special things for them that they love. I would hate to spend my weekends cooking meals when that is my time to relax and do other necessary things. Planning a week of cooking does take a lot of time and energy so I would probably hate it.
I tried to teach my boys to cook. I really did. When they were smaller, they learned some things, but cooking never stuck. They are great at cleaning, yard work, and laundry though.
Thankfully the OP's situation looks like it is looking up. I don't fully know what a Wegman's is, but it sounds like a good thing. Good luck to you. I live in a military town with five bases in and around us and hear this kind of thing a lot! Hats of you military wives for being so patient and understanding.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 14:24:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2014 3:38:24 GMT
I think it should be a joint effort. He can get things that he can prepare, etc and you can supply him with leftovers etc.
In all honesty, I'd probably bend over backwards to accommodate him since he's away from home most nights and I wouldn't want the budget to take a hit by him ordering out. But I'm a newlywed so it's still early in the game for me..I'm not seasoned like the rest of the Peas who are all "do that crap yourself!" Although sometimes I wish I was more like that!
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 29, 2014 4:06:08 GMT
Dh does our cooking. That is just his thing (I do all the laundry and yard work, he cooks and does dishes, etc.)
We actually had to live apart for two years about four years into our marriage for work reasons. Guess what? I cooked for myself. Of course, "cooking" often looked more like "heating canned soup" or "making a BLT", but I survived. I can't imagine having asked my spouse to cook meals for me, any more than I would have thought he would bring his laundry every weekend for me to do for him.
I think it is fine whatever you decide, but when I am on my own, I think it would be pretty onerous to cook the kinds of meals that you would freeze and send every.single.day. In fact, there aren't that many meals I cook for myself that you would freeze, ever. Does salad freeze?
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jul 29, 2014 5:27:20 GMT
Make what you normally cook during the week. Put his serving in the freezer. When he comes home on the week end he will have a week's worth of dinners from your previous week of cooking. Pack them in a cooler to go back with him. I don't see it as a big deal so I don't think he is losing his mind or you are bitchy. I do think you are a bit prickly. That!
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Jul 29, 2014 14:52:04 GMT
As women, we are all so different. Some of us love to cook and take care of our man, and some of us don't love to cook and want our spouse to be independent. Whenever I see a post that says I would do it, I always read it twice. I am one who said I would do it. "taking care of our man" to me doesn't mean that he isn't independent. I guess for me it's the fact that he asked it of me. As a favor whatever the reason. My husband is my best friend, the person I chose to partner with for the rest of my life. The second half of me. The 2 shall become one. In this situation the husband didn't ask his wife to do anything illegal or immoral. Isn't being abused. If my husband asked this of me I consider it a chance to be a blessing to him. He would miss me during the week and sitting down at dinner time to a meal I sacrificed my time to cook for him would be such a boost for him. I don't see why doing that for a spouse would be that big of a deal. I do say this with the idea that she has not been asked to provide 3 meals a day for him. Even I couldn't imagine the logistics of that. I am picturing the supper meal.
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Post by twinks on Jul 29, 2014 16:48:34 GMT
Several years ago I had to make meals for my mother who at the time was very ill. I spent a good part of every Sunday cooking and freezing a lot. It really wasn't that hard to do. I would just spend time chopping and prepping everything. I would make my own salad mix because I found it cheaper and it lasted longer. I became Queen of Ziplock. What I learned is that it helped out at our house too. It was easy for me to come home and have veggies chopped, salad made, main course in the freezer, etc. Took dinner time from 1 to 1.5 hours down to 30 - 45 minutes. I liked it so much that I kept it up.
I spend every other Saturday, when I get home from the grocery, chopping, prepping veggies and salads etc. About every three months I do a massive cooking. When I make things like meatloaf, I will also make meatballs out the same mix. We will have the meatloaf (mini), spaghetti and meatballs, sweet and sour meatballs over rice, meatball soup etc. The meatloaves and meatballs are frozen in meal size portions. I will roast chicken breasts and take the meat off the bone and freeze in packages. I will have chicken salad, chicken casserole, lemon chicken pasta, chicken noodle soup, chicken enchiladas, etc. I will fry up some hamburger for taco salad, stacked tacos, sloppy joes, american chop suey and make a lasagna. I will make a tomato sauce for spagetti and baked ziti and the lasagna, etc. You get the idea. I noticed a decrease in my grocery bills too.
When it was just me at home for 3 years, I got really tired of eating out, popcorn or cereal for meals and I found that I started to gain some weight. I found that if I continued this way of cooking, I would eat better.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Jul 29, 2014 17:38:35 GMT
Does the school have a food plan that can be purchased? I'm assuming that he'll be at a college.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,741
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Jul 29, 2014 17:46:45 GMT
First, I don't like his attitude of "I don't want to". Guess what buttercup, I do things all day long I don't want to do.
I am someone who does spend Sundays in the kitchen and I HATE it (will hate it less when football is on and the NFL will keep me company on Sundays ;-). But I need to do that to make my week flow more smoothly. DH is out of work battling cancer and granted, he only eats 1 meals a day, I still have to make it. So I cook all my food for the week then on weeknights, I can cook for DS and DH (I eat paleo, they do not).
If I were in your situation, I'd probably have a sit down with DH. I'd teach him how to boil water, then you can send him off with frozen sauce. DH loves my sauce and when I make it I make a TON of it and freeze it. I'd also send some bread and deli meat weekly so he can make a sandwich. Maybe send some cans of soup? Please tell me he can heat a can of soup?! I'd probably make something once a week I could cut up and freeze, like a lasagna. I may not send him with the whole lasagna that first week but maybe a couple of pieces and tuck a couple of pieces in the freezer at home to send another time. But I don't know about you but I'd get tired of freezer stuff, even homemade freezer stuff. But it doesn't bother my DH. He's happy with anything he doesn't have to make. There are tons of freezer meal ideas out there if you google them.
But I do agree with people that have said he's an adult, feed yourself, especially if you are a leader of men. I don't know what his work load will be but I'd probably try to help him out. But you'd better believe when he is home on weekends, he'd be working his way thru a honey-do list ;-)
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 14:24:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2014 18:17:44 GMT
I can see both sides to this story, on one hand he should be able to easily fend for himself, but on the other hand I would love to send food along so he's still getting a little piece of home.
In our marriage, we both have our roles. I definitely can't (or want to) do some of the things he does and I know he just simply doesn't want to do the things I do. And that's why it works for us. I am the Susie Homemaker and he's my knight in shining armour, lol.
I probably wouldn't prepare 5 meals but I would make one normal size recipe of some of our easier meals, put it into 4 containers and freeze it. That way he has that meal once a week. Lazy lasagna is easy to make and freeze, fry up some meat for burritos so he just has to assemble them. Heck in a crunch even send some frozen chicken strips and fries along. Not the healthiest but it'll do. If he has one of those table top bbq's he could warm up some smokies or cook hamburgers.
I'm sure when he comes home for the weekend you'll have a honey do list for him so I don't see why he can't have one too. This is at least how it would be in our home, not necessarily in others.
Good luck with whatever system you guys figure out, I'm sure you'll both be relieved when the year is over!
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Post by Aheartfeltcard on Jul 29, 2014 18:31:02 GMT
Make what you normally cook during the week. Put his serving in the freezer. When he comes home on the week end he will have a week's worth of dinners from your previous week of cooking. Pack them in a cooler to go back with him. I don't see it as a big deal so I don't think he is losing his mind or you are bitchy. I do think you are a bit prickly. That made me laugh. Truth be told it would make me prickly as not every meal is freezable. However, I'd try to keep some extras and freeze them the best I can. Or freeze everything and let him learn that lesson?? Lol!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 14:24:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2014 18:42:08 GMT
this is judgemental but I really think an O5+ in higher army leadership should be able to read a box of macaroni and figure it out for himself
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Post by mdoc on Jul 29, 2014 18:51:00 GMT
I wouldn't say you're being bitchy or an uncooperative A-hole, but I think if it was my husband I'd send him off with frozen meals if he asked for them. (My husband wouldn't ask because, to quote him, "your cooking is better than a TV dinner, but not enough better that it's worth your time.") He'll be busy with school, he's not especially competent in the kitchen and you're going to be cooking anyway.
You don't even have to make him special meals - just make enough when you're making your regular dinners for there to be leftovers and throw them into the freezer for him to take the following week. Especially when I'm only cooking for myself, I have lots of leftovers (most recipes I use serve 4). I end up eating the leftovers myself, and I'd prefer to send them off with someone else and make something new.
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Post by Laura in OK on Jul 29, 2014 18:51:05 GMT
After reading all the posts, I think a compromise is in order. If you fix a meal for yourself, make extra to freeze for him. Double the amount of what you cook on weekends, & then soup, sandwiches, or frozen meals for the rest of the nights. It'll all work out!
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 29, 2014 18:54:10 GMT
I've been thinking about this issue a little more and here is what I came up with:
*I have been single for too long and assume that a man should know how to take care of himself *I have been single for too long and forgot that sometimes men show their insecurity in the most bizarre ways.
I started thinking that maybe this is your husband's way of expressing his nervousness/anxiety about being away, going to a school that is well regarded and he probably has a people who helped get him there and he is worried about letting down...all kinds of stuff.
He can't/won't/doesn't want to come out and say "I am nervous" and this is his way of having a part of home-and you-with him
*shrug*
After raising a couple of boys I have learned that, for what ever it's worth, men and women DO communicate differently and sometimes that communication is damn near impossible to translate-but I know that there are times that the most unreasonable or bizarre requests they make have some kind of meaning to them that I would have never guessed.
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