scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090 
|
Post by scrapaddie on Feb 27, 2016 1:15:55 GMT
At 14 I wouldn't do the "two bites" thing. Eat, don't eat. He could fix himself a sandwich. If I allowed this, he would only eat sandwiches. For real. I figured if he tasted the salmon he'd realize...oh yeah this is pretty good. I'd rather him just starve for the night than give him a sandwich choice. He is 14, not 4. Save the battles for important things.... |
|
|
|
Post by nnnsmom on Feb 27, 2016 1:49:11 GMT
You just described my older brother. He punched walls and threw things as a teen. He once punched a hole in the kitchen wall and thought he could cover it up by moving a framed piece of artwork, like our mom wouldn't notice that! There were times I was scared to be home alone with him.
Anyway, he is now a normal functioning adult with a family and runs a business. So there is hope!
My sons are all teens now (16, 13 & 13) and they have their moments. My oldest is pretty mild mannered and calm most of the time, but our twins definitely have their moments. One is very vocal all the time and the other holds everything in until he explodes. We recently had our house repainted and they started fighting and DS3 threw a baseball at DS2. He's a pitcher, so of course it made a giant hole in the wall. He got to pay for the repairs and got grounded (no games, phone, tv) for it.
I agree with those saying that they don't argue over food with kids that age. I've given that up. I cook and put the food out and they eat what they want or go hungry.
Hang in there! You're not alone!!
|
|
|
|
Post by threegirls on Feb 27, 2016 3:00:59 GMT
I understand about being upset over dinner. My parents' rule was you eat what's on the table or you don't eat. Somehow I'm not a bitter adult in therapy moaning about how controlling my parents were  ! Oh, the injustice I suffered under the dictatorship of someone who loved me enough to make a home cooked meal! It's not fair to you to cook a meal (one which he had before and had no problems with) and for him to just refuse it. I'm actually a little astonished so many people go to all the trouble to shop, cook and clean up and then they don't give a rat's ass if anyone eats the prepared meal. Really? What happens to all the food? After cooking for 5 the kitchen would be chaos if my kids just up and went to the kitchen to make something else. As a previous poster said, it's a matter of respect, not control. I'm not a complete controlling bitch when it comes to food. My kids make their own breakfast and my oldest makes her own lunch. When we go out to dinner, they can pick whatever they like. I also ask them about 2 or 3 times a week if there is anything they want for dinner. It helps me out because sometimes I'm out of ideas on what to make. esperanza I also understand about dyslexia. My 14 year-old is an A/B student with very little effort. My other daughter is dyslexic and works her tail off but her grades don't reflect that. It's frustrating for her which then rubs off on me. My youngest looks like she is going down the same path. Here we go again. Orton-Gillingham tutoring has done wonders for my middle girl. It has made a big, positive difference. Good luck, I feel for you. My husband punched a hole in the wall when he was about 16. His dad made him fix it. DH came out of the teen years just fine! Take care and by the way, you are not a shitty mom. |
|
|
|
Post by ilikepink on Feb 27, 2016 4:43:39 GMT
My ODS was my challenge child. There was at least one hole in a wall, and there were some food issues (he wouldn't eat meatloaf, but loved hamburgers---  ) But it was the Attitude that bothered me. As someone else said, it's a dance. He's frustrated with himself, his life--he's almost old enough to make decision for himself, but he can't (school, homework, home stuff, can't eat what he wants) and it is just like a 2 y/o having tantrums--although he's bigger, so there are holes and fractured hands. Be patient, pick your battles--lighten up a bit, and he'll settle down. It's the pushing of each other's buttons that causes the real friction, not the stuff you are fighting about. It will get better, just hang in there. This too shall pass. |
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on Feb 27, 2016 4:46:49 GMT
It's not really about the salmon. He's eaten it before and had no problems. Idk why he decided that night was the night to rebel. I was frustrated that night, and was really over the attitude. It started when I picked him up from school. In hindsight the 2 bites thing was a real dumb ass idea. I've never had this problem with him in the past with dinner. The issue is his overall attitude/ argumentativeness. I love you peas, but please let me vent. I don't have the energy to rationalize my decisions that night. I'm not perfect. Just needed some people I enjoy chatting with to tell me it'll be ok one day. (((Hugs))) Parenting is hard work. The two bites rule might have worked perfectly until 30 sec before you said it, when it suddenly seemed too juvenile. It happens. For what it's worth, boys usually prefer eating massive quantities of food to starving. It may help to get his input.... like... he can have a say in what the family eats if he helps with the meals in some way. Some families discourage separate meals at dinner. Your family may be one, or you may have other reasons for limiting choices at mealtimes. That's your perogative as an adult and the keeper of the food. If this applies to you, then it really might be a good time to discuss with him what kinds of things go along with having the responsibility of caring for a family. If it doesn't apply, he can get by just fine on soups, sandwiches, etc. that he fixes for himself. Kids tend to see adults as having all kinds of freedom and totally miss the underlying responsibilities they shoulder. It just may be time to let him take on a little responsibility to acknowledge his growing maturity while really giving him some truth about life he's got to learn on his own. IDK. Your call. Just know you aren't alone. |
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on Feb 27, 2016 4:56:13 GMT
I only have experience with girls, so I have no idea...do boys get hormonal like girls do? I know my SO seems to cycle. Perhaps your son is just a ball of hormones and doesn't know how to deal with it. When my dd was hormonal I was told to cut her some slack. They are young and don't know how to cope...they haven't yet developed the tools necessary. Anyway, I dealt with her attitude by not engaging. Maybe that's an approach that might work for you? I was also told not to take it personal. It helped us a lot. She's now almost 19 and we have a pretty good relationship. She's still moody, and when she is I just give her space. At 14? Yep. Boys are hormonal. The swings go away after puberty and seem to return as a complete and devastating surprise to many men in middle age when their testosterone levels may begin to flucuate again. I know that's something medical professionals disagree on, but if you've ever dealt with a man going through male menopause, you'll totally understand. IMHO, anyway. |
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on Feb 27, 2016 5:02:31 GMT
My son is 34 now and there's still a hole in my bedroom door from where he kicked it once as a teen. Maybe I'll replace it one of these days. (And he was my easy teenager.)  I also understand one of my nephews put his entire butt through a wall once. I'm cracking up thinking about it now, actually.  All you can do is hang on for the ride and hope for the best. Good luck. P.S. I should add that I agree (in hindsight) about not fighting over dinner. But he shouldn't be rude about whatever you make. Yeah, good luck with that.  I'm chuckling at the butt through the wall. |
|
|
|
Post by esperanza on Feb 27, 2016 6:56:44 GMT
Yeah, his fist totally lost the battle with wall. No damage to the wall/doorway. Just his 4th and 5th knuckle bones.
|
|
lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,308
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
|
Post by lesley on Feb 27, 2016 10:06:46 GMT
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm glad to hear my drama queen isn't the only kid whose ever punched a wall. And that most of the time they grow up to be normal adults. This parenting gig isn't easy! Fists of steel child isn't getting his Xbox back for a very long time...if ever. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep it for a few months or sell it. He's eaten the dinner in front of him without complaint since his tantrum. Surgery is on Tuesday. Was the Xbox given as a gift? If so, it's not yours to sell. I think selling it, or even keeping it for months, is a bit extreme. Your son lost his temper. He is suffering as a result. Have you never lost your temper? If his behaviour improves, then recognise and reward the improvement. Don't keep the punishment going forever, that's not fair. |
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Feb 27, 2016 11:51:20 GMT
Why would you sell it or keep it for a long time? You are overreacting in my opinion. Set a time, adhere to that consequence and deal with the anger etc. You treated him like a toddler with the "two bites" and he reacted like one...now you are too with the thoughts of never giving the Xbox back. |
|
carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,036
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
|
Post by carhoch on Feb 27, 2016 12:25:50 GMT
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm glad to hear my drama queen isn't the only kid whose ever punched a wall. And that most of the time they grow up to be normal adults. This parenting gig isn't easy! Fists of steel child isn't getting his Xbox back for a very long time...if ever. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep it for a few months or sell it. He's eaten the dinner in front of him without complaint since his tantrum. Surgery is on Tuesday. Was the Xbox given as a gift? If so, it's not yours to sell. I think selling it, or even keeping it for months, is a bit extreme. Your son lost his temper. He is suffering as a result. Have you never lost your temper? If his behaviour improves, then recognise and reward the improvement. Don't keep the punishment going forever, that's not fair.  |
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Feb 27, 2016 12:31:45 GMT
"It's the pushing of each other's buttons that causes the real friction, not the stuff you are fighting about." ilikepink this is a solid statement that I needed a reminder of. Thank you. |
|
|
|
Post by maryland on Feb 27, 2016 13:14:28 GMT
Sorry you are going through this! It's no fun! I have girls, and my friends with both girls and boys say their boys are much harder as teens, more moody, etc. Their teen girls are easy going, just slobs (mine too!). But I hear it's not uncommon for both teen boys and girls to punch a hole in the wall. My friends daughter did something to the tub (can't remember what it was) but they needed to replace it! It wasn't something done out of anger, just something she did not thinking.
I think the best parents are the ones that don't let their kids get away with disrespectful and bad behavior. Sounds like you are a great mom!
|
|
pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
|
Post by pridemom on Feb 27, 2016 13:24:14 GMT
Hugs. I hope the surgery goes well and he learns from it. I'd also make him responsible for repairing the hole as a logical consequence. It will be a good life skill.
Raising kids to be good adults is hard. You will both survive.
|
|
|
|
Post by Zee on Feb 27, 2016 14:43:36 GMT
You're just perpetuating the battle with the whole keeping the xbox, selling it, etc thing.
One of the hardest things to do with an angry, testing-the-limits teenager is learning when YOU need to back off a bit. Your roles are changing and soon enough will be an adult-to-adult relationship, not a dictatorship with you in total control.
Believe me, I've been there (except I haven't fought with my son about food since he was little). Still negotiating things as he's just turned 18 and expects more freedoms while I expect new responsibilities. It's not perfect here either! Just new ways of working together. When my son was about 16 I found him a counselor to help him sort out his feelings and anger and help him learn more effective ways to communicate. It really helped his anger issues and that helped me learn patience with him and we learned to communicate and compromise with each other.
You're going to need to learn the art of compromise if you want this to go more smoothly. Yes, he needs to be respectful, but his wishes need to be a part of the equation now too and that includes respecting some of his choices including letting him choose what to eat if he doesn't want what you made.
|
|
|
|
Post by myboysnme on Feb 27, 2016 15:31:22 GMT
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm glad to hear my drama queen isn't the only kid whose ever punched a wall. And that most of the time they grow up to be normal adults. This parenting gig isn't easy! Fists of steel child isn't getting his Xbox back for a very long time...if ever. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep it for a few months or sell it. He's eaten the dinner in front of him without complaint since his tantrum. OK now you are just being controlling because you can. Did you read the advice given? Seems like you just cherry picked the points of view that validated what you want to do. You are still focused on the food and threatening to sell his XBox. Hey, do what you want but don't be surprised if you end up making things hard for yourself. Home should be a safe place teens want to come home to. How does your point of view encourage that? Your call ultimately, right? Logical consequence is he fixes the wall, maybe with dad's supervision or yours, and maybe he has some money to buy the mesh, spackle, paint, etc. XBox is not even in the equation. |
|
happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
|
Post by happymomma on Feb 27, 2016 17:01:44 GMT
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm glad to hear my drama queen isn't the only kid whose ever punched a wall. And that most of the time they grow up to be normal adults. This parenting gig isn't easy! Fists of steel child isn't getting his Xbox back for a very long time...if ever. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep it for a few months or sell it. He's eaten the dinner in front of him without complaint since his tantrum. OK now you are just being controlling because you can. Did you read the advice given? Seems like you just cherry picked the points of view that validated what you want to do. You are still focused on the food and threatening to sell his XBox. Hey, do what you want but don't be surprised if you end up making things hard for yourself. Home should be a safe place teens want to come home to. How does your point of view encourage that? Your call ultimately, right? Logical consequence is he fixes the wall, maybe with dad's supervision or yours, and maybe he has some money to buy the mesh, spackle, paint, etc. XBox is not even in the equation. Hmm. I wonder how much money his little tantrum is going to cost the family in medical care for a surgery? I know they don't do X-rays, surgeries and follow up care for free in my neck of the woods. Even with insurance, there can be a great out of pocket cost. This wasn't an illness that just happens. His actions directly caused a good chunk of money to be spent to clean it up. There are consequences to our behaviors. I would feel that he needs to understand that concept concretely. Losing the Xbox is getting off cheap. |
|
|
|
Post by iteach3rdgrade on Feb 27, 2016 17:23:15 GMT
And what is the harm of him only eating sandwiches? Why would you rather him starve for the night than be allowed to exercise a reasonable choice that doesn't create more work for you? I am myself am not a huge fan of salmon and my sons are totally not fans of salmon, seafood or shellfish. When I was a kid my parents used to insist that my sisters and I eat liver when they served it. To this day I'll never understand this mentality. We all hated liver, the drama at the dinner table was just awful, and am sure we'd all never try it again. But if they just let our taste buds evolve which is what happens for a lot kids maybe I'd actually enjoy the taste of liver now (but I doubt it). I know for sure that I would not stop my kids from eating a nutritious meal even if it was not what I had in mind. When it is a Sunday dinner, holiday or special meal we all eat together and there are enough choices for everyone to fill their plate. For other meals we all help make dinner and have plenty of options or everyone. Liver was one thing my parents never made me eat after I attempted to try it one time. Nasty stuff! I am thankful for that. They made me take a few bites of everything else. I'm dreading the teen years. My son is in third and it's the grade that I teach. His attitude has really changed this year. This is a rough group and I can catch a break from 8 year olds. I'm ready for him to be in 4th. |
|
|
|
Post by anxiousmom on Feb 27, 2016 17:31:24 GMT
This may be a cranky old lady thing, but when the aggressiveness got to unbearable levels in my house, I started having the boy run. He already played sports so 'walking it off' or 'running laps' was a familiar refrain so we had a 'time out' period that involved a way for him to work off some of the angry feelings.
He would walk or run around the block a couple of times and then we would talk again. It actually helped-he was able to work off the mad and take time to think about what was really happening. It gave me time to step back and consider my responses.
I think with boys (and that is because it is what I know) that all that testosterone starts swimming around in their system and they don't always know an appropriate way to handle it and they do silly things like hit walls. If they are able to learn a different way-strapping on their running shoes and hitting the road-it helps them with learning self-control, how to moderate their responses, and most importantly how to control their anger and when to walk away before regrettable things happen.
I am not sure that taking away the x-box is what I would I do, but I would consider starting him on some kind of daily exercise routine and teaching him how to 'walk it off.'
(I hope this makes sense?)
|
|
|
|
Post by esperanza on Feb 27, 2016 19:40:18 GMT
I am taking the Xbox away because of his extremely disrespectful attitude. I don't condone being called a effing b($&@ and other strings of profanities. He completely lost it and punched a wall, fracturing his hand. I purchased the Xbox for him for Christmas. Our deductible us $2500. Like I said, he was in a pissy mood from the moment he got in the car that afternoon. He was going to stir up trouble no matter what I cooked that night. He needs to learn that I will not allow being called nasty names by my child. My husband and I do not speak to him this way, we do not speak to each other this way. We did not raise our children this way. If he acts like a child, he loses privileges. I'm not missing any points mentioned here. When I say he was being disrespectful...I truly mean the kid lost it and went off the rails.
|
|
|
|
Post by esperanza on Feb 27, 2016 19:45:16 GMT
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm glad to hear my drama queen isn't the only kid whose ever punched a wall. And that most of the time they grow up to be normal adults. This parenting gig isn't easy! Fists of steel child isn't getting his Xbox back for a very long time...if ever. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep it for a few months or sell it. He's eaten the dinner in front of him without complaint since his tantrum. OK now you are just being controlling because you can. Did you read the advice given? Seems like you just cherry picked the points of view that validated what you want to do. You are still focused on the food and threatening to sell his XBox. Hey, do what you want but don't be surprised if you end up making things hard for yourself. Home should be a safe place teens want to come home to. How does your point of view encourage that? Your call ultimately, right? Logical consequence is he fixes the wall, maybe with dad's supervision or yours, and maybe he has some money to buy the mesh, spackle, paint, etc. XBox is not even in the equation. There was not any wall/door way damage. Just his hand damage. Please read my post above. A safe place? Seriously lady? He has a very safe home that has consequences for his actions. |
|
|
|
Post by scrapsotime on Feb 27, 2016 20:07:57 GMT
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm glad to hear my drama queen isn't the only kid whose ever punched a wall. And that most of the time they grow up to be normal adults. This parenting gig isn't easy! Fists of steel child isn't getting his Xbox back for a very long time...if ever. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep it for a few months or sell it. He's eaten the dinner in front of him without complaint since his tantrum. OK now you are just being controlling because you can. Did you read the advice given? Seems like you just cherry picked the points of view that validated what you want to do. You are still focused on the food and threatening to sell his XBox. Hey, do what you want but don't be surprised if you end up making things hard for yourself. Home should be a safe place teens want to come home to. How does your point of view encourage that? Your call ultimately, right? Logical consequence is he fixes the wall, maybe with dad's supervision or yours, and maybe he has some money to buy the mesh, spackle, paint, etc. XBox is not even in the equation. Home should be a safe place for all family members. Behavior like this does not make a safe home. Logical consequences - sure, but for some children it's more about their personal currency. |
|
carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,036
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
|
Post by carhoch on Feb 27, 2016 20:21:39 GMT
Sorry double post
|
|
basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,654
|
Post by basketdiva on Feb 27, 2016 20:30:52 GMT
I am taking the Xbox away because of his extremely disrespectful attitude. I don't condone being called a effing b($&@ and other strings of profanities. He completely lost it and punched a wall, fracturing his hand. I purchased the Xbox for him for Christmas. Our deductible us $2500. Like I said, he was in a pissy mood from the moment he got in the car that afternoon. He was going to stir up trouble no matter what I cooked that night. He needs to learn that I will not allow being called nasty names by my child. My husband and I do not speak to him this way, we do not speak to each other this way. We did not raise our children this way. If he acts like a child, he loses privileges. I'm not missing any points mentioned here. When I say he was being disrespectful...I truly mean the kid lost it and went off the rails. It would have helped if you had mentioned the name calling in your post. That tidbit changes my thinking about consequences. I don't think, unless it's part of a pattern, that anger management classes are needed at this point. A family discussion concerning expectations on how family members treat each other is warranted. A written contract about family rules and the conqesquences for breaking them might be a good idea. He needs to know that we all get angery but it's not right to take it out on others. Discuss ways to let everyone know you need alone time when angry. Growing up we all used the tetherball in the backyard to blow off steam. I've also thrown a few things in my life-like the ankle brace I had to wear due to RA. I was in my 50's at the time. |
|
carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,036
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
|
Post by carhoch on Feb 27, 2016 20:36:53 GMT
Now I can see where your kid got his temper from... The peas gave you a lot of good advice and you choose to follow none of it .
You are partially responsible for what happened and if you don't change the way you treat him I seem way more problem going your way .
|
|
happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
|
Post by happymomma on Feb 27, 2016 21:03:44 GMT
I am taking the Xbox away because of his extremely disrespectful attitude. I don't condone being called a effing b($&@ and other strings of profanities. He completely lost it and punched a wall, fracturing his hand. I purchased the Xbox for him for Christmas. Our deductible us $2500. Like I said, he was in a pissy mood from the moment he got in the car that afternoon. He was going to stir up trouble no matter what I cooked that night. He needs to learn that I will not allow being called nasty names by my child. My husband and I do not speak to him this way, we do not speak to each other this way. We did not raise our children this way. If he acts like a child, he loses privileges. I'm not missing any points mentioned here. When I say he was being disrespectful...I truly mean the kid lost it and went off the rails. I'm on your side. I applaud you for not tolerating disrespect and being called those names. I'm always dumbfounded when I read about parents that are actually physically HIT by their kids. Cowering behind locked doors in actual fear of the children who are in control of the household and family. It boggles the mind how the children have been handed so much power over the adults. Good for you for not letting your kid start down that road by being disrespectful. You do have to command respect. It's clear in situations where parents are being hit by their kids that they didn't command that respect and things have progressed. You're also teaching him consequences for his actions. That's not a bad thing and we in fact OWE that to our kids. I know many don't agree with that but that is my firm belief. They need to be taught how to act appropriately in the real world because they're not going to be able to swear and scream at their bosses in life. |
|
|
|
Post by esperanza on Feb 27, 2016 21:20:08 GMT
I am taking the Xbox away because of his extremely disrespectful attitude. I don't condone being called a effing b($&@ and other strings of profanities. He completely lost it and punched a wall, fracturing his hand. I purchased the Xbox for him for Christmas. Our deductible us $2500. Like I said, he was in a pissy mood from the moment he got in the car that afternoon. He was going to stir up trouble no matter what I cooked that night. He needs to learn that I will not allow being called nasty names by my child. My husband and I do not speak to him this way, we do not speak to each other this way. We did not raise our children this way. If he acts like a child, he loses privileges. I'm not missing any points mentioned here. When I say he was being disrespectful...I truly mean the kid lost it and went off the rails. It would have helped if you had mentioned the name calling in your post. That tidbit changes my thinking about consequences. I don't think, unless it's part of a pattern, that anger management classes are needed at this point. A family discussion concerning expectations on how family members treat each other is warranted. A written contract about family rules and the conqesquences for breaking them might be a good idea. He needs to know that we all get angery but it's not right to take it out on others. Discuss ways to let everyone know you need alone time when angry. Growing up we all used the tetherball in the backyard to blow off steam. I've also thrown a few things in my life-like the ankle brace I had to wear due to RA. I was in my 50's at the time. I like the idea of family discussion about our expectations on treating each other with respect. I think a well laid out plan of action will help when issues arise later. I fully admit that the "test bite of salmon" was a craptastic idea. I own that part of the break down in communication. Once things cooled off I did talk to him about why he was in such a bad mood from school. He just said that he was tired and feeling annoyed with a kid in class that kept bothering him. This particular kid has been a thorn in his side all year. I've had many conversations about him with his teachers. He's not a bully, but he's a problem for everyone for sure. I think my DS had enough, became agitated throughout the day, kept his true feelings bottled up, to eventually blow up before dinner. I didn't help with the "taking 2 bites" deal. However, his foul language and complete disrespect of me (along with becoming so angry that punching a wall/door way was his reaction) was why I took the Xbox away. I do not want to have my son growing up thinking it's ok to speak to his mom this way. Truly, I did read and take into consideration the advice here. I see ways I can improve as a parent. I know I can ease up on issues and choose my battles more wisely. I think there's a misunderstanding of how the whole scenario went down and people are assuming I'm a mean, controlling harpy because I'm taking the Xbox away. I gave him plenty of warnings. He knew if he kept up with the behavior he was going to lose his xbox. Once the profanities began, I made the decision to take it away. I said in my OP that I had not decided what to do with the Xbox. I will include him in the discussion of what should happen in regards to the Xbox. Maybe we can work out a payment plan. Since we have a $2500 deductible, certain chores can pay us back for the cost. This is totally new territory for me. This kid used to tell me everything. I'm not used to him keeping things from me to the point of blowing up in anger. |
|
DEX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400
|
Post by DEX on Feb 27, 2016 21:30:24 GMT
Now I can see where your kid got his temper from... The peas gave you a lot of good advice and you choose to follow none of it . You are partially responsible for what happened and if you don't change the way you treat him I seem way more problem going your way . Get off your HIGH giddy up. No where did I read of any personal wall punching on the part of the OP. Raising teens is hard. "Little children; little problems". Somehow my son survived my parenting. I was not Mother Theresa when it came to parenting. In spite of it all, my son has not been featured on "America's Most Wanted". OP is frustrated, angry and overwhelmed. Thousands of women come here with child rearing issues looking for advice. The best thing we can do is empathize and support each other. Unless OP is suggesting corporal punishment in the basement with whips, give her a break. No need to add to Mommy guilt. ETA: Three words: Lysol couch boy. LOL. I hope you have enough history with 2Peas to know the reference. |
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on Feb 27, 2016 22:05:08 GMT
This is totally new territory for me. This kid used to tell me everything. I'm not used to him keeping things from me to the point of blowing up in anger. And this is new territory for him. He isn't used to blowing up in anger at you. Sounds like a great way to begin a very difficult conversation. I don't care if your 2 bites was too juevenile or not. We aren't always treated as adults worthy of respect and when you have an employer who treats you this way, you better find a constructive way to deal with it or lose your source of income pretty darn fast. That's just a part of life. You did nothing that deserved to be treated that way. If you made a mistake, it didn't warrant his response. Be specific with him about what he did wrong. Tell him he not only hurt his hand and your wallet, he also hurt your feelings. Ask him if he thinks his response was appropriate. Did you really deserve to be treated that way? Was his hand worth the price of his anger over you wanting him to eat the food you had prepared? He broke the rules he was given instead of negotiating new rules based on his age. The consequences to that level of defiance can be swift and dramatic as he quickly learned. In the workplace, it usually ends in an escort to the door with a boot firmly planted on his backside. I'd be very surprised if he isn't a bit shocked by his own behavior as well. |
|
|
|
Post by anxiousmom on Feb 27, 2016 22:46:03 GMT
I remember a particularly bad day where I completely lost my shit in the middle of the vegetable department at Publix-my older son had been a pill all day and why he even was there with me was beyond me, but there he was, acting the fool and being so incredibly ugly and disrespectful that I could hardly even look at him. He pushed that last button and I lost my cool completely and all but threatened to beat him with a bunch of carrots. He told me that everyone would be on his side and I told him that any of them that had teenagers would applaud me for calling him on his awful attitude. Totally not one of my finer moments.
The thing is, parenting is hard. It becomes exponentially harder as they get older. It is all pretty and nice to say to try to reason with the teens or have a calm conversation with them, but that is predicated on the idea that you can have that kind of conversation with them in the first place. Some teens just aren't going to have that talk with you under any circumstance. Some, like my youngest, are really easy going-go along and get along. Some are MUCH harder. And really, some of those hard to handle kids are just that way regardless of what kind of parenting we have done. We can read all the books, follow all the suggestions and those kids have a mind of their own and do what they want. If you haven't dealt with one of those kids it is really easy to look from the outside and come up with all kinds of reasons why it happens, but the reality is, some kids are just a challenge and we struggle every day to come up with the currency to make it work.
|
|
! Oh, the injustice I suffered under the dictatorship of someone who loved me enough to make a home cooked meal! It's not fair to you to cook a meal (one which he had before and had no problems with) and for him to just refuse it. I'm actually a little astonished so many people go to all the trouble to shop, cook and clean up and then they don't give a rat's ass if anyone eats the prepared meal. Really? What happens to all the food? After cooking for 5 the kitchen would be chaos if my kids just up and went to the kitchen to make something else. As a previous poster said, it's a matter of respect, not control.
) But it was the Attitude that bothered me.
I also understand one of my nephews put his entire butt through a wall once. I'm cracking up thinking about it now, actually. 
