Deleted
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May 18, 2024 0:40:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 2:27:55 GMT
My DD is a bridesmaid in a wedding this June. In January, we received a "save the date" postcard addressed to my husband, me, our adult son and grandparents (they do not even live with us). Today we receive the actual invitation addressed to "My Name and Daughter"....... no mention of my DH, our son nor grandparents. Why would it go from everyone to just me and my daughter. Do people even send invitations to their bridal party? When I first read "My Name and Daughter" on the envelope, I assumed it was another shower or luncheon for bridesmaids and mothers.. I can not imagine inviting a woman and not her spouse. I have no idea if I am allowed to bring my husband or if my daughter is allowed to bring a date. To tell the truth, my husband was not planning to go but my son was (he and the groom were high school friends) going to be my date so I would not be alone (assuming my daughter is at a wedding party table and could not sit with me). SO?  ? I told my daughter it would be wrong/rude to ask the bride what the deal is, but I can't help but wonder if this was just some mix up with address labels. Did someone mess up and print the address labels from the bridal shower that was back in December?? Did they have to cut back on the guest list? Should I say something to the mom (couple only 19 &23 maybe they are clueless) or should my daughter say something to her friend or should I just go alone? |
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Post by txdancermom on Mar 27, 2016 2:33:48 GMT
if you know the mom, I would probably say something, if not have your dd ask the bride. it could be they had to cut back, but seems they should have thought of that when they sent save the dates.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Mar 27, 2016 2:43:57 GMT
I agree with txdancermom but why would your daughter want to bring a date to this particular wedding? What's he gonna do while she's, you know, IN the wedding? Is he gonna have to sit in the back of the room at the singles' table while she's up front with the wedding party? What's he going to do while she's off getting her hair done? The pictures taken? |
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Post by lancermom on Mar 27, 2016 3:09:24 GMT
Save the date was after I got married so not sure on etiquette. Wouldn't it be rude to send a save the date, then not invite to wedding? I think I would be miffed. If that is not the case, why wouldn't they use same labels on invites as the save the dates?
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Post by librarylady on Mar 27, 2016 3:11:38 GMT
I would ask the MOB, if you know her. If not, I'd ask the bride (or get your DD to ask if you don't know the couple).
I can not imagine inviting you and not your husband.
OTOH, when my step son got married, the invitation came addressed to his grandfather and no mention of the grandmother.
It caused an uproar at the time. (I still don't know what that was about.)
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melissa
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Post by melissa on Mar 27, 2016 3:40:36 GMT
Odd.
I'd ask either the mother or have dd ask the bride.
We've had weird invites like that over the years. Dh was in a wedding and I was not invited. We were engaged at the time and he was told that even the bride's sisters were not bringing dates. Something must have changed by the wedding date. He flew out here for the wedding (he was living on the other coast and we were engaged) and ended up being the only one without a date.
Then, I had to get up the nerve to ask my rather intimidating soon-to-be-stepmother if my dd was actually invited to their wedding. Dd's name was not on the invite. That turned out the be an oversight, but you just never know!
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Post by freecharlie on Mar 27, 2016 4:50:19 GMT
The wedding I keep posting about had invitations that were addresses to the adult couple. The MOB had to tell people that their kids were invited because we all assumed that only the people on the invite were invited.
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 0:40:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 11:32:24 GMT
I agree with txdancermom but why would your daughter want to bring a date to this particular wedding? What's he gonna do while she's, you know, IN the wedding? Is he gonna have to sit in the back of the room at the singles' table while she's up front with the wedding party? What's he going to do while she's off getting her hair done? The pictures taken? Good points!!! I have very little wedding experience, but the ones I went to allowed wedding party a "plus one".. |
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Post by woodysbetty on Mar 27, 2016 11:42:56 GMT
Have your daughter ask the bride......wow - invitations are so much more complicated these days  !! |
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tincin
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Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Mar 27, 2016 16:46:30 GMT
Weird. My DN asked me for my DSs addresses so she could send them wedding invitations. I sent her the addresses and she sent me, just me, no plus one, a wedding invitation but neither of them ever received them. Odd girl, that one.
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Post by littlemama on Mar 27, 2016 17:06:24 GMT
Reason #856 why save the dates are a bad idea.
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Post by mommaho on Mar 27, 2016 17:24:20 GMT
Since your DD is a bridesmaid she must be close enough to the bride that she could ask her.
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mallie
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Post by mallie on Mar 27, 2016 17:38:32 GMT
According to etiquette (and IMO general common sense and common courtesy), it is wrong and rude to send a save the date to someone you are not inviting to the wedding. It's like dangling a treat in front of someone and then pulling it away. Very rude. Same as inviting someone to a bridal shower (actually worse, since you are inviting them to a gift expected event, but then not inviting them to the event where you gift them with hospitality. Says you only care about getting gifts, not reciprocal hospitality.)
Etiquette rules generally say that the only people invited to the wedding are those on the invitation. Those are the general rules, so if your family/area does things differently, you as the hostess need to be conscious of the fact that if someone not part of your family/area receives in an invitation with, say, only the name of the woman, then she would be right to assume her husband is not invited.
But hey, what do I know. I just went to see the new Batman movie and walked out because half the audience had brought children under the age of 4 and were letting them run all over the theater, babies were crying throughout, etc. Brand new fancy theater with bistro restaurant service, so constant flow of servers and ushers, and they wouldn't do anything "because it would be rude".
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Post by librarylady on Mar 27, 2016 18:23:49 GMT
The wedding I keep posting about had invitations that were addresses to the adult couple. The MOB had to tell people that their kids were invited because we all assumed that only the people on the invite were invited. Back in the dark ages, that was/is the rule of good manners. The invitation envelope names those invited....no name on envelope, that means you are not invited. In cases where the bride did not know the names of the children, then the invitation said M/M and children. |
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Post by epeanymous on Mar 27, 2016 19:13:37 GMT
Reason #856 why save the dates are a bad idea. Yup. We got a save the date for a wedding and the card didn't include our kids. We were told through the grapevine that kids weren't going to be invited, too. We grapevined back that we weren't coming (no problem on our end, no kids is reasonable, but the wedding was 3000 miles away, so it wasn't practical). We booked other travel plans that weekend. Well, evidently they changed their minds. Too late now :/. |
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Post by epeanymous on Mar 27, 2016 19:16:39 GMT
I agree with txdancermom but why would your daughter want to bring a date to this particular wedding? What's he gonna do while she's, you know, IN the wedding? Is he gonna have to sit in the back of the room at the singles' table while she's up front with the wedding party? What's he going to do while she's off getting her hair done? The pictures taken? Good points!!! I have very little wedding experience, but the ones I went to allowed wedding party a "plus one".. Most weddings I have been to, the attendants sit with their dates, if they have dates. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 19:16:43 GMT
Since your DD is a bridesmaid she must be close enough to the bride that she could ask her. This is true, but I do not want them to feel cornered to allow all of us addressed on the save the date. Surely if we ask, they are going to say "yes" but will they want to?? |
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 0:40:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 19:25:21 GMT
According to etiquette (and IMO general common sense and common courtesy), it is wrong and rude to send a save the date to someone you are not inviting to the wedding. It's like dangling a treat in front of someone and then pulling it away. Very rude. Same as inviting someone to a bridal shower (actually worse, since you are inviting them to a gift expected event, but then not inviting them to the event where you gift them with hospitality. Says you only care about getting gifts, not reciprocal hospitality.) Etiquette rules generally say that the only people invited to the wedding are those on the invitation. Those are the general rules, so if your family/area does things differently, you as the hostess need to be conscious of the fact that if someone not part of your family/area receives in an invitation with, say, only the name of the woman, then she would be right to assume her husband is not invited. But hey, what do I know. I just went to see the new Batman movie and walked out because half the audience had brought children under the age of 4 and were letting them run all over the theater, babies were crying throughout, etc. Brand new fancy theater with bistro restaurant service, so constant flow of servers and ushers, and they wouldn't do anything "because it would be rude". I agree with you 100%. I would never even wonder if we were all invited if it had not been for the save the date sent previously addressed to the whole family except the daughter in the wedding. It even included "and grandparents". The invitation is quite pretty but included a registry card inside... many do not like that. The bottom line of the invitation states .."There will be no alcohol at the reception"... Is that common? About the movie, I heard it was pretty bad so you probably did not miss much other than your money!! |
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julieb
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Post by julieb on Mar 27, 2016 19:49:12 GMT
I was put off with the "labels". I just don't get it. So incredibly tacky.
That being said, I would have dd ask the bride. Simply ask that Save the Dates had additional names and you want to clear up any confusion.
My dd is getting married in the fall and we will double and triple check addresses, etc. And yes, the Save the Dates, shower invites and wedding invitations will all be hand addressed.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Mar 27, 2016 20:56:08 GMT
I agree with txdancermom but why would your daughter want to bring a date to this particular wedding? What's he gonna do while she's, you know, IN the wedding? Is he gonna have to sit in the back of the room at the singles' table while she's up front with the wedding party? What's he going to do while she's off getting her hair done? The pictures taken? Why wouldn't she? So she has someone to hang out with... dance with etc. I almost always brought a date when I was in a wedding. |
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M in Carolina
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Post by M in Carolina on Mar 28, 2016 0:38:04 GMT
My guess is that the bride and groom have realized the cost per person of the reception, so they greatly reduced their guest list.
My MIL was extremely unhappy that dh and I decided to have our wedding in my hometown so she didn't get to invite everyone she's ever met. We also cut off how much family--more than 50 people--2nd cousins you've only talked to in the past 10 years that dh and I have never met are not "close family". Dh and I didn't want a huge wedding.
I think a lot of couples don't realize how expensive receptions can get and sometimes send "save the dates" before creating a guest list.
That's one thing dh and I are glad we prepared for--we set a date even before we officially got engaged because we knew that our moms would fight it out and getting a date for a reception venue in my beach town would be difficult. We didn't have a finalized guest list that far out, but we did have a ballpark figure of how small we wanted our wedding.
I think it's rude to only invite one person of a couple or only part of a family. If you want a reception without children, I don't think there's anything wrong with that--except for family if they're having to travel.
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tduby1
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Post by tduby1 on Mar 28, 2016 0:49:28 GMT
I agree with txdancermom but why would your daughter want to bring a date to this particular wedding? What's he gonna do while she's, you know, IN the wedding? Is he gonna have to sit in the back of the room at the singles' table while she's up front with the wedding party? What's he going to do while she's off getting her hair done? The pictures taken? Getting her hair done? That's before the event. As for the rest, every wedding Ive been in I've taken someone. Your date would have to sit without you during the wedding and dinner but after the dinner and perhaps a bridal dance you are free to hang out with/ dance with whoever you please. |
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Post by misadventurous on Mar 28, 2016 1:07:54 GMT
The bottom line of the invitation states .."There will be no alcohol at the reception"... Is that common? Not common at the weddings I've attended, but perhaps it's because the bride (and likely many of their friends) are underage? |
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Post by CarolT on Mar 28, 2016 1:52:09 GMT
I would assume that if your dd is in the wedding, she is close enough to the bride to ask about it. It could be a budget/space issue, or it could be an error.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 28, 2016 2:26:54 GMT
The bottom line of the invitation states .."There will be no alcohol at the reception"... Is that common? Not common at the weddings I've attended, but perhaps it's because the bride (and likely many of their friends) are underage? Not common, but if a close family member is an alcoholic (or recovering alcoholic) I could understand why someone might not want alcohol at their reception. That was our situation, although we didn't state it on the invites. Also, some church halls and other venues don't allow alcohol. |
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Post by epeanymous on Mar 28, 2016 3:03:23 GMT
Not common at the weddings I've attended, but perhaps it's because the bride (and likely many of their friends) are underage? Not common, but if a close family member is an alcoholic (or recovering alcoholic) I could understand why someone might not want alcohol at their reception. That was our situation, although we didn't state it on the invites. Also, some church halls and other venues don't allow alcohol. The one dry wedding I attended was at a religious venue that didn't permit alcohol. I do think it saves trouble for the hosts if you let people know in advance. |
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Mar 28, 2016 7:38:28 GMT
Personally, if you aren't close enough with the family to be able to ask a question like this without someone taking offense, the first thing I would do is question whether or not it made sense that I attend. So, if you are close enough to be invited, consider yourself close enough to them to ask for clarification. It's a legit concern that should be easily answered. If you are being invited, then it's likely they are aware you are married and it's only polite to invite your spouse as well (even if you are subbing your son in for the occasion), so a plus one should be a given. In most instances, a plus one is very common unless there is a money issue and the headcount is limited in which case, the bride and/or groom to be should be able to explain that face to face. I didn't realize weddings were still such formal affairs. Our invitations were mostly a formality and because that's what you do when you have a wedding.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Mar 28, 2016 7:41:26 GMT
According to etiquette (and IMO general common sense and common courtesy), it is wrong and rude to send a save the date to someone you are not inviting to the wedding. It's like dangling a treat in front of someone and then pulling it away. Very rude. Same as inviting someone to a bridal shower (actually worse, since you are inviting them to a gift expected event, but then not inviting them to the event where you gift them with hospitality. Says you only care about getting gifts, not reciprocal hospitality.) Etiquette rules generally say that the only people invited to the wedding are those on the invitation. Those are the general rules, so if your family/area does things differently, you as the hostess need to be conscious of the fact that if someone not part of your family/area receives in an invitation with, say, only the name of the woman, then she would be right to assume her husband is not invited. But hey, what do I know. I just went to see the new Batman movie and walked out because half the audience had brought children under the age of 4 and were letting them run all over the theater, babies were crying throughout, etc. Brand new fancy theater with bistro restaurant service, so constant flow of servers and ushers, and they wouldn't do anything "because it would be rude". I agree with you 100%. I would never even wonder if we were all invited if it had not been for the save the date sent previously addressed to the whole family except the daughter in the wedding. It even included "and grandparents". The invitation is quite pretty but included a registry card inside... many do not like that. The bottom line of the invitation states .."There will be no alcohol at the reception"... Is that common? About the movie, I heard it was pretty bad so you probably did not miss much other than your money!! We did our wedding on the cheap (under $4k including attire) and were gifted the use of my husband's work for the reception. He works for a union, so open space is essential for all of the goings on inside, so the center of the entire building is open space. We had a dry reception because we didn't want to pay for a liquor license for the event (we were also under the impression that if we opted to pay for the liquor license then we could afford the fee for renting the hall for the evening and would be charged both). It didn't stop my sister from "sneaking" stuff in, though.  My friend was married a couple of years later and she got married and had her reception in her church. They are VERY anti-alcohol (and very strict on a lot of other things, she won't even discuss movies on social media because of her religion's views on entertainment), so a religious component could play a part...then again, you'd probably be aware if that were the case and you wouldn't be asking, lol. |
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Post by cath4k on Mar 28, 2016 13:37:48 GMT
I agree with those who suggest you just ask. I understand that you don't want them to feel pressured to allow additional guests, but if you word it in a gracious way just asking for clarification because of the difference between the STD and the invitation, they shouldn't feel pressured. I have had to clarify a couple invitations because of differences between what the invitation said and what had been verbally communicated. I would definitely be confused in your situation and would need clarification.
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Post by SockMonkey on Mar 28, 2016 13:45:42 GMT
Just ask. Maybe they screwed up and pulled the names from a shower list? Just call and ask.
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