|
|
Post by Merge on Mar 30, 2016 23:44:20 GMT
My fifteen year old has been getting snottier and snottier. Some may recall my thread a week and a half ago describing her entitled, bitchy trek through France with us. Here at home, asking her to do a few simple chores is like asking her to make an Everest climb - she throws a fit, refuses, insists she has to do homework/shower/spend an hour in the bathroom.
I am just over it. After tonight's litany of complaints and abuses after she was asked to walk the dog, I told her to give me her phone. She refused. So while she was walking the dog, I called Sprint and had all data and texting blocked to her phone. I also changed our wi-fi password.
She is LIVID. Like pea livid. So far I've been told that I'm crazy, that there is something seriously wrong with me, that I obviously have no interest in finding out what is really wrong with her (when I politely asked her to clarify, she declined to say), have been sarcastically told "good job" on making it impossible for her to do her homework (I offered to type in the new wi-fi password on her school computer, which allows her only to access school related sites but not social media, and was told no), and have listened to the door being slammed twice. I initially told her that the phone was gone until she'd shown three days of polite, respectful behavior, but now I'm thinking in terms of weeks.
I would blame myself, but honestly, my 13 year old doesn't act this way and can't figure out what is wrong with her crazy sister. "Honestly, mom, how hard is it to just walk the dog?" They've been parented the same way.
I would like to congratulate myself that, through all this, I have been calm and polite and have not lost my shit with her.
I know it's Wednesday night, but I'm thinking about opening a bottle of wine. Can anyone feel my pain?
|
|
|
|
Post by mom22grlz on Mar 30, 2016 23:48:33 GMT
I think your punishment is brilliant and spot on.
|
|
ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,734 
|
Post by ellen on Mar 30, 2016 23:49:49 GMT
I hear ya. Battling it out with a teen can be exhausting. Open the wine.
|
|
|
|
Post by dreamer on Mar 30, 2016 23:52:08 GMT
MOM,
You did the right thing. In a couple of days you will have your daughter coming and talking with you. It takes a couple of days maybe even a week
to get it out of their system.
Believe me. Been there done that. It worked.
Also last night my 10 yr. old was complaining about something stupid. I made him watch the documentary about the poor homeless children in Guatemala.
The whining stopped.
Hang in there! It will get worse before it gets better.
|
|
|
|
Post by lisacharlotte on Mar 30, 2016 23:52:39 GMT
Stay strong. She needs to know that no matter how bad her behavior you're not budging. We are not intended to be our children's friends. She doesn't have to like you, but she needs to know her actions have consequences. I would also be as neutral as possible. She's looking for a dramatic reaction. I know it's hard...STAY STRONG!
|
|
|
|
Post by Zee on Mar 30, 2016 23:53:58 GMT
Hmmm...Maybe it's time to stop being calm and polite and lose your shit with her. J/k, sort of...DS was a total asshole at 15. Counseling really helped him sort out his shit and was also very good for our relationship. He's a very tightly wound individual and he started dating a girl with a lot of issues, which didn't help. I explained that the counseling was just to give him a neutral person to formulate coping strategies with. Maybe you could get your daughter to try it? It seemed to help DS figure out that it didn't have to be him vs me and that I'm a person with feelings too, not just someone who yells and makes stupid rules. Barring that idea, though, is riding it out until hormones settle when she's a bit older.  She's testing her limits and shoving sticks out of the nest in preparation for flight, they all do it! |
|
|
|
Post by twoboyzmom on Mar 30, 2016 23:54:21 GMT
I hear too. Mine are boys but can be the same way. And shoot, so it's wine wednesday!! I've had 2 glasses since I got home from work;)
|
|
|
|
Post by Linda on Mar 30, 2016 23:54:53 GMT
open the wine, heck have some chocolate as well.
Stay strong mama!
|
|
|
|
Post by epeanymous on Mar 30, 2016 23:58:21 GMT
My thirteen-year-old is absolutely delightful 98% of the time. That other 2%, however, is a doozy. I unfortunately remember vividly what an awful person I was sometimes as a teen  . This too shall pass. |
|
|
|
Post by maryland on Mar 30, 2016 23:58:53 GMT
Great punishment! You are a smart mom! If our kids ever told us they wouldn't give us their phone (in the situation you described), they would no longer have the phone. Your daughter is lucky and she should thank you.
You will have to let us know how this works! So many parents say that their sweet sons/daughters turn into kids they don't even know when they are teenagers. I guess it makes it easier for us when they go off to college!
|
|
|
|
Post by papercrafteradvocate on Mar 31, 2016 0:00:27 GMT
My fifteen year old has been getting snottier and snottier. Some may recall my thread a week and a half ago describing her entitled, bitchy trek through France with us. Here at home, asking her to do a few simple chores is like asking her to make an Everest climb - she throws a fit, refuses, insists she has to do homework/shower/spend an hour in the bathroom. I am just over it. After tonight's litany of complaints and abuses after she was asked to walk the dog, I told her to give me her phone. She refused. So while she was walking the dog, I called Sprint and had all data and texting blocked to her phone. I also changed our wi-fi password. She is LIVID. Like pea livid. So far I've been told that I'm crazy, that there is something seriously wrong with me, that I obviously have no interest in finding out what is really wrong with her (when I politely asked her to clarify, she declined to say), have been sarcastically told "good job" on making it impossible for her to do her homework (I offered to type in the new wi-fi password on her school computer, which allows her only to access school related sites but not social media, and was told no), and have listened to the door being slammed twice. I initially told her that the phone was gone until she'd shown three days of polite, respectful behavior, but now I'm thinking in terms of weeks. I would blame myself, but honestly, my 13 year old doesn't act this way and can't figure out what is wrong with her crazy sister. "Honestly, mom, how hard is it to just walk the dog?" They've been parented the same way. I would like to congratulate myself that, through all this, I have been calm and polite and have not lost my shit with her. I know it's Wednesday night, but I'm thinking about opening a bottle of wine. Can anyone feel my pain? YOU ROCK, MAMA!!!! I totally validate you and agree--what you did was brilliant!!!! Please--keep it that way--the shit she's dishing out to you makes me want to send you a case of Dawn dish soap to squirt in her mouth!!! |
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Mar 31, 2016 0:03:10 GMT
Her bedroom door would be gone..
Stick to your guns and when she is calm, I'd have a heart to heart with her. She has no right to treat you that way and if this is something new, maybe there is some explanation...not an excuse..but an explanation. Not a parent but I teach teens every single day...emotionally disturbed teens...Open that bottle
|
|
|
|
Post by shevy on Mar 31, 2016 0:05:05 GMT
Maybe she does need to talk to a counselor? Just a couple of sessions to see if it's something more than teen-ism? And, if you don't want her on your trips, I'll gladly take her place. I can be sweet and I won't argue and I'll take all my meds just as prescribed.  |
|
psiluvu
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,217
Location: Canada's Capital
|
Post by psiluvu on Mar 31, 2016 0:06:08 GMT
I can totally see myself doing the same. My 16 yr old dd is not quite that bad but "asking her to do a few simple chores is like asking her to make an Everest climb - she throws a fit," She loves to throw I can't do that becaause I have to do my homework, you want me to fail school and on and on and on. I threaten to take her phone away and she shuts up and seethes quietly with a lot of big sighs.
First I would open that wine and then I would have a calm clear discussion about expectations when she is calm, set out very strict guidelines and consequences. Hang in there, keep being calm cool and collected and hopefully she will be human again soon.
|
|
|
|
Post by utpea on Mar 31, 2016 0:06:40 GMT
Sounds like you handled the whole situation very well. Stay strong & calm. Like my mother always says, "This too shall pass".
|
|
|
|
Post by cherrie on Mar 31, 2016 0:09:14 GMT
Good for you!! You did it all without screaming at her...that was perfect. Each time my grandchildren have detoxed from electronics they stop the nonsense and appreciate what they have!
|
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on Mar 31, 2016 0:09:50 GMT
Spot on. Calm, cool, collected AND in charge. Keep it up.
And don't put it back until the attitude changes I'd give you like 70 thumbs up.
Btw I had to call the neighbor and request that they lock thier wifi when we did this. DH even offered to come show them how.
|
|
|
|
Post by deekaye on Mar 31, 2016 0:13:39 GMT
You are better than me.... I think I would have lost it when she refused to give me the phone (those phones, paid for by us, belonged to us and were used by our teenagers for OUR convenience, not theirs). Brilliant idea to change password, change the settings.
Would it help at all to tell you that my snotty, entitled 15 year old is now a gracious, college-educated 25 year old professional who loves us? It does get better but man, sometimes it doesn't seem like it is ever going to change!
Wine up, woman. You've more than earned it.
|
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on Mar 31, 2016 0:16:26 GMT
It's bad to drink wine on Wednesday nights? Said as I sip on a glass of pint grigio...
I am positive teenagers act this way so it is easier to kick them out of the nest when the time comes. I'm sure I was awful to my parents, but luckily I became human again once I was moved out and realized how easy I had it at home. Even to this day, at 27 years old, if I spend too much time at my childhood home I can feel that snotty attitude coming back and I have to check myself. If I were you I would encourage her to get a job so she's out of the house. A boss isn't going to take snotty behavior.
|
|
|
|
Post by NanaKate on Mar 31, 2016 0:17:29 GMT
Good job, Mom! Hang in there...
|
|
Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,796
|
Post by Rhondito on Mar 31, 2016 0:18:30 GMT
Been there...
Everything with my daughter went to hell in a hand basket almost to the day she turned 15. It was horrible and got much worse before it got better. She turned into someone I didn't recognize. I don't know where it came from because no one in my family has ever acted the way she did. It lasted almost three years and strangely, when she got a serious boyfriend the tide began to turn.
She's still not the quite same as she was before, but almost.
Hang in there.
|
|
|
|
Post by Merge on Mar 31, 2016 0:20:15 GMT
Well, she came out for a while and boo-hooed and now she's back in her room boo-hooing some more. I feel like when she was a baby and I was trying to sleep train her.
Thanks for the validation. I'm going to go see what kind of wine we have ...
|
|
LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
|
Post by LeaP on Mar 31, 2016 0:21:33 GMT
I feel your pain! Mine are 15 & 12. Last year, my oldest went over on her data. We told her to be more careful. The following month, you guessed it, she went over on her data  again. When asked, she said she had no idea what she could possibly have done. So she did without data for a few months until she figured it out. Insofar as chores, mine have to do 3/4 of the ones on a list in order to get allowance. The chores are barely chores (pick up clothes from floor, make bed, do your own laundry, empty dishwasher), it has been 3 weeks without allowance. They both say they have no time to do them and yet they do have time to watch Netflix and YouTube. Hmmm, maybe we should change the Netflix password. One thing that I have found effective is getting them enough sleep each night. No sleep = monstrous disagreeable child. So we take away electronics at 8 or 9 p.m. The more sleep they get the more pleasant they are. Open the wine  <- stand-in for wine emoji. |
|
|
|
Post by refugeepea on Mar 31, 2016 0:42:12 GMT
Well, she came out for a while and boo-hooed and now she's back in her room boo-hooing some more. I feel like when she was a baby and I was trying to sleep train her.Thanks for the validation. I'm going to go see what kind of wine we have ... Lead her back to her room and don't say a word.  |
|
|
|
Post by stingfan on Mar 31, 2016 0:44:21 GMT
Where is dh/dad during all of this? I find that my 14yo dd drops the attitude pretty quickly when dad gets involved. She saves the worst of herself for me. I think it also helps when she realizes it's 2 against 1 . |
|
zztop11
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,537
|
Post by zztop11 on Mar 31, 2016 0:46:04 GMT
Great job, but don't cave in and give it back to her after 3 days. No way!
|
|
naby64
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,202
|
Post by naby64 on Mar 31, 2016 0:48:17 GMT
You've done fine. Keep the phone. Open the wine and TAKE OFF THE DOOR!! My DD started the slamming door thing around 13. The door came off. "but how would she get dressed with her two brothers around?" The bathroom. That door would stay. This went on for about a week. She never slammed a door again.
She is now a very hard working, 21 yr old, about to graduate college and head to grad school. AND she talks to her momma(me) all the time. AND seems to genuinely like me.
There is hope and you will get there!
|
|
peaclare
Junior Member
Posts: 74
|
Post by peaclare on Mar 31, 2016 1:00:32 GMT
I'm going through this right now with dd 15. Totally normal! The part that struck me was "you have no interest in finding out what's really going on with her". My dd started seeing a therapist about 4 months ago and it turns out she has anxiety with ocd! I was unaware of many of her feelings and thoughts. Since therapy and meds she's (mostly) a new kid! Consider taking her to her dr. and letting her have some private time with the dr. Her dr. will let you know if it's more than normal teen stuff. Good luck!
|
|
|
|
Post by SabrinaM on Mar 31, 2016 1:04:13 GMT
Slammed doors are not tolerated. We take the door for a week. Love how you handled the phone when she refused to hand it over. |
|
gina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,298
|
Post by gina on Mar 31, 2016 1:05:58 GMT
that I obviously have no interest in finding out what is really wrong with her (when I politely asked her to clarify, she declined to say), I think you did the right thing for sure! I do think she maybe needs to speak with someone though. It sounds like she wants to tell you more but can't/doesn't know how.... |
|
. This too shall pass.
again. When asked, she said she had no idea what she could possibly have done. So she did without data for a few months until she figured it out. 
<- stand-in for wine emoji.
