gottapeanow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 25, 2014 20:56:09 GMT
|
Post by gottapeanow on Mar 31, 2016 19:11:10 GMT
I haven't read through all of the responses but am chiming in to support the OP. My younger ds - also 15 - had a meltdown yesterday when *he was late and then blamed everyone else for it. Oh, Heck. To. The. No. He lost his phone, too, and his DS, for a day. He continued to rage and the loss extended to two days. And I know that I went easy on him. When he came home from school he admitted something to the effect of that he acted like a raging T-Rex. And then I made older ds come home and do his chores that he had been given plenty of opportunity to do instead of letting him stay and hang out with friends. Mean mothers of the world, unite! Lisa
|
|
tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
|
Post by tincin on Apr 1, 2016 0:48:03 GMT
I agree with the rest. Removing the door will put an immediate stop to slamming. She wants to stomp up and down the stairs? Make her rinse and repeat until she can walk up or down without that particular affliction. Hang in there. The harder she pushes you to give her phone and computer back, the longer I would keep it. I predict she will come home from school, all contrite because she has had time to connect with her friends, let them know why she isn't texting or online (because you KNOW that's her immediate distress at the moment - what will her FRIENDS think?), and she'll figure that by then, you'll give in. (ETA: I was a foot stomper. I clearly remember my mom standing me in the middle of the room and telling me to stomp my feet. She made me stomp my feet until I thought my feet were going to fall off) I remember my oldest son slamming his bedroom door. I made him stand there and repeatedly open and close it correctly because obviously he didn't know how to do it right. That seemed to take care of the door slamming issue.
|
|
AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,969
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
|
Post by AnotherPea on Apr 2, 2016 12:57:30 GMT
Yep. I can't even make kids pick up the trash they purposely throw onto the floor. seriously? Reading teacher posts here makes me happy I work where I do. I can't imagine some of the issues you all have to put up with. I don't have it as bad as some. But the prevailing mantra with a certain set of students is "choose your battles." And the kids know it. Each year for the past three years it has become worse and worse.
|
|
|
Post by papercrafteradvocate on Apr 2, 2016 13:39:04 GMT
So how are you fairing there Mom (OP)?!
|
|
|
Post by shamrockpea on Apr 7, 2016 3:44:35 GMT
I am probably going to be judged as too soft and enabling but I do think she needs to see a counselor and be careful about cutting her off from the internet. It is a dangerous age and I would be careful not too push her too far. I'm curious how do you think cutting her off from the internet would be a bad thing for her? Personally I think most of us can benefit from time off the internet. OP I think you did a great job. Counseling is never a bad thing. I use it whenever I feel the need to check in with myself. Teens make so much of what happens in their lives all about them, when usually it has nothing to do with them, having an objective person to talk that through is a great thing. Good for you for setting boundaries. Remember the line Dr. Phil often says about how we teach people how to treat us? You're teaching her that you're not going to tolerate being treated rudely and disrespectfully. Good for you! I agree with this. And to take it a step further, you're setting an example for your daughter that she should not tolerate being treated disrespectfully. Could come in handy with future relationships.
|
|
|
Post by shamrockpea on Apr 7, 2016 3:47:40 GMT
I'm curious how do you think cutting her off from the internet would be a bad thing for her? Personally I think most of us can benefit from time off the internet. OP I think you did a great job. Counseling is never a bad thing. I use it whenever I feel the need to check in with myself. Teens make so much of what happens in their lives all about them, when usually it has nothing to do with them, having an objective person to talk that through is a great thing. I agree with this. And to take it a step further, you're setting an example for your daughter that she should not tolerate being treated disrespectfully. Could come in handy with future relationships. We had a close friend who's son committed suicide and they had taken away the internet which did not help. My dd and some students told me that kids in crisis often need it to access support.
|
|
LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
|
Post by LeaP on Apr 7, 2016 6:48:04 GMT
My DD (15) had her checkup yesterday and the doc said nothing could be done about the eye rolling
|
|
|
Post by papercrafteradvocate on Apr 7, 2016 12:44:52 GMT
Any update??
|
|
StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,691
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
|
Post by StephDRebel on Apr 7, 2016 15:44:32 GMT
Open the wine and be strong. The second you give in you're toast
|
|
|
Post by Jockscrap on Apr 8, 2016 8:44:55 GMT
OP, my biggest sympathies. Been there done that with one of mine. Like shamrockpea though, I would also exercise caution with cutting your DD off from all social media by blocking her internet access and taking her phone so she can't text. I went down this route with my DS and I regret it with hindsight. My trouble with parenting him throughout his whole childhood and adolescence was that he had absolutely no currency growing up and was also exceptionally stubborn. It didn't matter what I took off him or what he was banned from doing, he would hold out forever. I had to learn that this would pass and choose my battles very carefully as there were very few I could win. When he became interested in the social side of the Internet at about 15, and had a few pals he would text with, there became something he actually cared about losing. I did greatly limit internet access with passwords to get on the PC, and put time restrictions on the wifi so he couldn't be on too late etc, all of which were okay, but when the behaviour was still bad I took away his phone and stopped him getting online completely and things deteriorated even more. Basically, what I had done was take away absolutely every means he had to talk things through and rant about his feelings with a peer group who were prepared to listen. I isolated him from any way of blowing off steam and it made things very much worse. At the time, I felt my need to punish and control was great, and I had to show him that I would have the last say and I would make things as hard for him as I possibly could to make him behave, but I can see now that I handled this badly. After a while of seeing that blocking the Internet and taking the phone wasn't working and making him worse, he got them back. A thing I did do was I refused to provide meals for him when he was obnoxious so he was left to eat whatever he could scrabble together for himself (he was no cook, and liked his food so this bothered him). This was really all I had. When there were little glimmers of niceness, I went with it. We continued to try and hug him and told him we loved him when things were calm, but we backed right off. Ultimately, I stepped back and he grew up. He is a wonderful young man now, and we are through it, over it and survived. I'm not criticising your parenting choices at all. I know what it is like to be in this situation. I felt we were totally changing the game plan to try and keep one step ahead, and fighting a type of war on behaviour. It is so, so hard. I just wanted to give another viewpoint.
|
|
|
Post by Merge on Apr 8, 2016 10:55:19 GMT
Sorry, I never saw the request for update.
I think the consequence was a success. I stuck to the original timeline of three days, and that was hard enough. DD had a couple of good talks during that time, and she has been very good all week - polite, respectful, doing chores as asked. We watched some TV together last night and she was her sweet and funny self. I'm sure there will be other challenging times, but for right now things are good.
Thanks all for the input and commiserations. This raising teens thing is so hard!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 1, 2024 9:23:39 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2016 12:46:14 GMT
Sorry, I never saw the request for update. I think the consequence was a success. I stuck to the original timeline of three days, and that was hard enough. DD had a couple of good talks during that time, and she has been very good all week - polite, respectful, doing chores as asked. We watched some TV together last night and she was her sweet and funny self. I'm sure there will be other challenging times, but for right now things are good. Thanks all for the input and commiserations. This raising teens thing is so hard! Yay! I hope the changes she has had in her attitude change.
|
|
|
Post by anonrefugee on Apr 8, 2016 14:33:52 GMT
Validating you again- My teens with attitudes cause me to know once isn't enough!
|
|