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Post by worriedmomma on Apr 1, 2016 5:21:09 GMT
Like most anon posters, I never imagined I would have the need to post anon. But here I am, posting anon to protect my daughter's privacy.
My 15 yo dd told me last night that she has been thinking of ways to kill herself. I am lost. I held it together in front of her, and I'm so proud of her for coming to me. She was so brave. But now what? How do you not worry every second of every day? How do I let her out of my sight?
A little background- she has struggled with anxiety for several years. She had therapy and takes medication and it was very well controlled. A few months ago she started to struggle with more and more anxiety. She's been having panic attacks again. A few weeks ago we took her back to a counselor to help her manage the panic attacks. At this point she is having several a week. Last night she told me that she feels like her brain is broken and that it will never get better, and she's been thinking about suicide. My heart is breaking for her. I wish I could just make everything better for her.
Luckily we we already had an appointment scheduled for this morning, so she saw her therapist. Today went quite a bit better, but I feel like we have this bomb in the middle of the room all the time now, just waiting to go off.
What now? How do I help her? How do manage her pain and my worry without making things worse? Help.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,790
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Apr 1, 2016 5:27:23 GMT
I've got no answers for you. My heart aches reading this. I can not imagine.
I would look for professional advice. For you to know what to do/look out for. Obviously you're a loving momma and will do all in you power but talking to someone who knows about this has got to help. Things that you might not even think of, someone with experience might.
Hugs, hugs and more hugs.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 20:52:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2016 5:32:35 GMT
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It must be terrifying and heartbreaking.
Does the therapist know she is feeling suicidal? Did you speak directly to the therapist? Admitting to suicidal thoughts is a crisis and action needs to be taken. The therapist can best advise the course to take.
ETA: If the therapist did not take this seriously, I would seek a second (and third and fourth) opinion. This is an urgent situation.
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Post by worriedmomma on Apr 1, 2016 5:37:01 GMT
Yes, the therapist knows. He calls me back for the first few minutes alone to discuss how things are going, so I was able to tell him. He doesn't feel like there is imminent danger, but talked about "keeping her safe." I just feel so helpless.
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Post by malibou on Apr 1, 2016 5:41:38 GMT
I am so sorry. I have no advice, but I certainly wish her peace and you strength.
J
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Post by jameynz on Apr 1, 2016 5:41:58 GMT
I'm sending you hugs, so many hugs - be strong and be proud that your daughter can talk to you about this....many young teenagers cannot talk to their mums about issues like this.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Apr 1, 2016 5:53:07 GMT
having been in your place, there are some practical things you can do.... it is so very tough, I know.
you can lock all of your drugs in a lock box .... tylenol, aspirin, prescriptions, etc.
be present, physically and emotionally. be there to talk, but also be there to watch. this is not the time to leave her alone while you go out to movies, etc.
you already are seeing a therapist, work closely with them, although I found that I gave more info than i got.
talk to school counselor, if you can, and enlist the aid of teachers to keep watch.... you don't have to be specific as to why, that is up to you.
I am glad she is talking to you.... that is the number 1 best thing you can do.
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Sue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,240
Location: SE of Portland, Oregon
Jun 26, 2014 18:42:33 GMT
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Post by Sue on Apr 1, 2016 5:54:40 GMT
I don't have any experience with this but my first thought was that her medication needs to adjusted or changed. This sound to me like it's more than just therapy can remedy. Prayers and positive thoughts going out to your daughter and you.
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 1, 2016 6:11:09 GMT
I am so sorry, I can't imagine.
In addition to the above, don't be afraid to call 911 if you think she is in danger.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 20:52:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2016 6:12:50 GMT
I am not a mental health professional, but I would not be satisfied with a therapist saying that a 15 year old verbalizing suicidal thoughts was 'not an imminent danger.' I would err on the side of caution and seek some additional professional advice. The alternative, if this therapist is wrong, is just too grave.
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Post by gar on Apr 1, 2016 6:35:06 GMT
I would have a hard time trusting that she isn't in 'imminent danger' quite honestly. Maybe she isn't but I would be too worried to take his word for it. I think I would be looking for a doctor's appt to see if her meds need changing as well as doing the obvious things that Gina suggested.
My heart aches for you but the fact that she's told you is a good one.
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Post by KelleeM on Apr 1, 2016 8:04:54 GMT
I'm so sorry you're all dealing with this.
I have to agree with the others who say not to dismiss this because the therapist doesn't believe she's in imminent danger. I'd be seeking more help.
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Post by anniefb on Apr 1, 2016 8:08:47 GMT
I'm so sorry you're all dealing with this. I have to agree with the others who say not to dismiss this because the therapist doesn't believe she's in imminent danger. I'd be seeking more help. Yes, I agree it's better to err on the side of caution.
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Post by lucyg on Apr 1, 2016 9:33:40 GMT
I'm so sorry for her pain and suffering. Wishing you strength to help her deal with this.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Apr 1, 2016 9:50:16 GMT
If the therapist did not take this seriously, I would seek a second (and third and fourth) opinion. This is an urgent situation. ITA. my first thought was that her medication needs to adjusted or changed. I thought that might be a possibility as well. Sometimes what works for awhile stops working, or starts giving undesirable side effects. I would not be satisfied with a therapist saying that a 15 year old verbalizing suicidal thoughts was 'not an imminent danger.' I would err on the side of caution and seek some additional professional advice. Yes. There is no downside to taking her to another doctor. My advice would also be to find her a therapist who specialized in treating teens. Also, if you are in the USA, give her the number to the National Suicide prevention Lifeline. 1 800 273 8255It is available 24/7. It is free and confidential. Their website: suicide prevention website
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Apr 1, 2016 9:55:19 GMT
I am so sorry she feels so bad.
And (((hugs))) to you. There isn't anything much more frightening than this.
And please tell her that there is always a reason to live. Always some little good there to find. And that no problem is bad enough to end it all.
I once read that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Very true.
Also, I just thought of something. Did she just suffer any traumas? Any chance someone hurt her that you don't know about? Does she have a new boyfriend or girlfriend that you don't know well that could be abusing her? Has she recently broken up? Are her grades dropping? Does she have a lot of pressure to do well in school?
I know that's a lot of questions, and I'm not asking for them to be answered, only to give you something to think about.
(((hugs))) again.
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Post by Merge on Apr 1, 2016 10:52:00 GMT
I'm so sorry. I think you've gotten good advice above. Parenting teens is so hard and heartbreaking. My very best wishes that your daughter can get to a better place.
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Apr 1, 2016 11:12:51 GMT
I am so sorry you are dealing with this and your daughter feels like this.
I know you said her medicine is well controlled but I experienced intense anxiety after being on Zoloft for a long time. These medicines are so tricky. I have changed medications multiple times because they either stopped working, made me too exhausted to the point of depression, or made my anxiety skyrocket.
I know how hard it is as an adult to deal to with this, I can only imagine how it feels to a 15 year old. I think a different therapist also.
I don't really have any other advice, I'm sorry.
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Apr 1, 2016 11:14:48 GMT
If she is making plans, she is serious. Thank goodness she told you. My personal opinion? She needs inpatient treatment to adjust her meds, provide counseling, and watch her. She can be admitted through an ER. Unless you can watch her 24 hours a day, this is the safest route. Good luck to all of you
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ddly
Pearl Clutcher
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Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Apr 1, 2016 11:29:58 GMT
I'm so sorry to read this. My dd also struggles with anxiety and when she was in fifth grade we went through a time where she felt like she was going to kill her self. She was already on medication and was seeing a therapist who was a psychiatrist.
She was scared because she didn't want to kill herself but she couldn't control the thoughts in her head and she would go online and look up ways to hurt herself. I don't know if that makes sense, but that is where we were and that was how she described it. We never kept our knives on the kitchen counter because they scare her and to this day I still don't keep my knives on the counter. She was about 11 and she's 19 now and she still has times when things creep up. I think the thing has always been hardest for her is the fact that One day things are going really great and then the next, Boom!, anxiety.
It's so hard to see your kid like this no matter how old they are. I wish I had some sage words of advice for you but we just had to take it day by day. The therapy helped a lot. She was able to develop strategies to deal with the anxiety but it doesn't ever go away. She even went back to the psychiatrist last year when she was have nag a lot of anxiety. She has a really good sense of herself and knows when things are going south. I think that has been one of the most helpful things for her and for us.
Big hugs! Lisa D.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Apr 1, 2016 11:32:04 GMT
You can also call that hotline for help in knowing what to do or say. I have used it for that before. I'm so sorry.
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Post by leannec on Apr 1, 2016 11:38:13 GMT
Hugs to you Mum! At least she came to you and you've got the ball rolling I agree that a change in meds might be in order ... I've had to change mine numerous times over the years ... My dd was cutting and it was so hard to see my baby in such a bad state but through proper therapy and support she is doing well so don't give up hope! Threats of suicide need to be taken very seriously ... I would maybe be seeking another therapist for your dd Whatever you decide, know that the Refupeas are there for you
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Post by threecs on Apr 1, 2016 11:40:54 GMT
I just went through this with one of my kids. I took her to the emergency room. She ultimately ended up spending some time in hospital where they changed one of her medicines. She is feeling much better.
Definitely be proud of her for speaking up!! That takes a lot of courage.
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scrappinghappy
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“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
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Jun 26, 2014 19:30:06 GMT
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Post by scrappinghappy on Apr 1, 2016 11:47:02 GMT
We lost a dear friend to suicide. She was 15 and had seen her therapist that day! Please call the suicide hot line. They can give you advice and support.
Hugs.this is a tough road to travel
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 28, 2014 14:32:59 GMT
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Post by suzastampin on Apr 1, 2016 12:09:54 GMT
I'm so sorry your daughter is struggling. I've heard and read that some of the anxiety meds can make teens suicidal. I would look into the side effects of her meds and see if that is one of the med your daughter is on. If it is, a med change could help.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,052
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Apr 1, 2016 12:18:28 GMT
Some antidepressants cause suicidal ideation in teens. Talk to the doctor who prescribed hers.
If she is thinking of ways then she is serious. You can't leave her alone. This includes sleeping. Also lock up anything that can harm her- knives, razors, tools, scissors, ropes, belts, scarves, medications- even over the counter ones.
I would take her to the nearest children's hospital. They can assess her immediate danger. They may or may not keep her. But they will not or should not let you leave without a safety plan. Her therapist should have done this. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,956
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Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Apr 1, 2016 12:23:36 GMT
I don't have any advice, just wanted to give you my support and prayers.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,828
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Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Apr 1, 2016 12:34:02 GMT
I have no advice either. Sounds like the peas have it covered. I will send a hug and some prayers though.
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Post by debmast on Apr 1, 2016 12:36:00 GMT
I'm also in the "I have no advice" camp, but as the mom of a 15 year old DD too I couldn't read this and not post to send hugs and prayers for your daughter and your family.
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Post by whopea on Apr 1, 2016 12:46:42 GMT
I'm so sorry for the heartache and worry this causes you and the difficulties your dd is facing. You must have an awesome relationship with your dd that she came to you and shared this with you. Build on that trust and love. My prayers are with you and her.
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