Post by worriedmomma on Apr 4, 2016 16:52:14 GMT
I have a 15yo daughter struggling like yours. February and March have sucked. She's been to the ER twice - second time with severe cuts all over her arms and legs. Almost two months later her marks are still purple and raised. Her arms are covered in faded cutting scars. After her second ER trip in March we learned she had a suicide plan. I felt we had no choice but to admit her to an inpatient adolescent program. I was afraid to bring her home and keep her safe. Leaving her at that psychiatric hospital was the hardest thing I've ever done - harder than holding my first child while he died the day he was born.
The last month has seemed good. She's going to counseling and sees a psychiatrist for medication management. She's taking Prozac and Hydroxyzine. Her diagnosis is major depressive disorder and anxiety. She is so close to me. On the trigger list in her workbook from the hospital, #5 on the list was "when I'm not with my mom." Since coming home from the program she's barely left my side other than school. She doesn't want to be alone. She didn't even want to sleep alone for three weeks. She is finally back to sleeping in her bed. She was able to test for her driver's license in January, but she hasn't wanted to drive at all. She has a brand new Kia Soul sitting in the garage and she hasn't wanted to drive. Strange, but I'm not pushing her.
While she was in the hospital we thoroughly cleaned her room. We found blades hidden in several places. If you suspect cutting, kids can be creative. My daughter took apart razors and even pencil sharpeners. She got blades from my husband's toolbox. At home we have lock boxes now for everything - one for sharps, cold medicines, prescriptions. The toolbox is now locked.
Do whatever you have to in order to keep her safe. I discovered my daughter was cutting a year ago, did counseling, and thought everything was fine. She seemed happy this past February. All the marks on her body prove otherwise - she's been cutting for a very long time. I felt so guilty admitting my daughter while she's screaming "don't leave me here - I promise I'll never do it again." But I often think about the mom of a 15yo boy we've known since kindergarten. We went to his funeral last Halloween after he took his life. I think of that mom and ask myself, if she could go back one day before he took his life, would she have admitted him? Yes, she would have to save her son.
Its so hard. We can't watch them every minute. Medications take up to two months for full effect. Every time my daughter seems down or upset now I panic. I wish you and your daughter the best and I hope she finds the right combination of support and/or medication to help her. We're on our third counselor now since February - gotta find one they click with.
I'm also glad to hear that being with you is comforting for your daughter. That is something so many people just don't get. I have several people (who only know about the panic attacks, not the recent developments,) who tell me I need to cut the cord and let her figure things out. I just want to scream "if you only knew what was really going on here!!"
Over the the weekend we moved her bedroom upstairs close to where our bedroom is. We are on the top floor, and she was in the basement, with a floor in between us. We decided she would be a little safer if her room was in a more well travelled area of the house, so we swapped rooms with her little sister. (Who was thrilled because the basement room is much bigger!) The new room has a huge window, so lots more natural light. She really has liked that, and she also likes that it's closer to me and her dad. (Before anyone accuses me of anything, I presented this idea to her, and she jumped on the chance to switch rooms. She feels safer up here.)
Dh is home from his business trip now, so I don't feel quite so alone in this. She ended up sleeping with me while he was gone, but is back in her own room now. It was so hard to tell DH what had been going on. It made me realize that much more how hard it must have been for her to tell me. I'm so proud of her. It's really scary, but I'm confident that we will get through this and be stronger for it.
Thanks again to to everyone for the words of advice and for the love. I've read each post several times and you've all helped me more than you know. I'll keep everyone updated as I can. ❤️