psiluvu
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Posts: 3,217
Location: Canada's Capital
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:26 GMT
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Post by psiluvu on Apr 18, 2016 0:55:32 GMT
My dad died at 63 so this was never an issue with him. My mom has always been a realist and always said she would never live with her kids when she was older. After my dad died my brother lost his house so he moved in with my mom. At the time I was pissed he was sponging off of her.
About 10 years ago she ws diagnosed with Inclusion Body Myostitis (IBM) it is a form of muscular dystrophy. As time went on and my brother remained living with my mom she began needing more and more help. I live 3 hours away so was grateful that I knew my brother was there. This past November my mom moved into an assisted living apt, her decision and her terms. It was the best thing she ever did. Her limited mobility was leaving her more and more isolated and because she was still "with it" mentally more and more frustrated. Now she is busy, safe, engaged and most of all happy, and my brother has his life back. She had become almost 100% reliant on him for meals and other care, so had to be available pretty much 24/7/. I visited as often as I could buit it was no replacement for the day to day.
My mom could have lived with me we get along great, but I would not have taken her 3 hours away from her friends, other grandkids and the rest of her family.
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FurryP
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To pea or not to pea...
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Jun 26, 2014 19:58:26 GMT
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Post by FurryP on Apr 18, 2016 0:58:14 GMT
I don't know what my dad plans to do,but he is welcome in my home. I adore him, and if he needs somewhere to go, there is no question, my home is his home. Yes, I speak with no caretaker experience, but he is my family. His problems are my problems.
Besides, I don't trust nusing homes. Even expensive nursing homes. My dad's wife worked at one and she said some of the workers treat the residents HORRIBLY! They were just there for a paycheck. She had to quit because it affected her emotionally.
ETA: I will admit to feeling not the same about MIL. She is just too different from our lifestyle and she makes this weird humming sound all the time. She just spent a week with us, and I was so over it 3 days! Because it is just my DH and I, and we both work, she left pretty quickly to go visit her other kids with grandkids. Thank goodness! (sorry MILs, but is it is, what it is)
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StephDRebel
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Posts: 6,691
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on Apr 18, 2016 1:52:04 GMT
They aren't planning on it, but it may be happening sooner rather than later due to their health
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 18, 2016 1:55:38 GMT
My mom stayed in her home until the last year of her life when we absolutely had to move her to a full time care facility. My brother lived with her at her house for about nine of those years in an ever increasing caregiver role. I helped out as much as I could with meds, getting her to appointments, taking her to her volunteering gigs while she was able to still do them, handling all of her finances and keeping her records straight for taxes so I did my fair share. Our other siblings helped out marginally as they were able.
Since my mom had Alzheimer's, it got to the point where my brother did his best but just couldn't do everything she needed help with, even being there full time, and with a newborn at home myself I couldn't do any more either. None of my other siblings had the ability, desire or the resources to care for her full time. Not to mention it is mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting to care for someone who needs that level of care day and night, especially when they try to wander, get up and get fully dressed five times a night and are verbally combative day after day.
Sometimes no matter how good your intentions are, the level of care a person needs goes above and beyond what one person or even a family can do. Moving my mom to the care center was probably the best thing we could have done for her and for us, and we probably should have done it sooner because of the toll it took on my brother mentally and physically. Once we did that, we were able to go from being her worn out, stressed out caregivers to being her loving kids again for that last year of her life, and that was a priceless gift.
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kate
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Posts: 5,582
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Apr 18, 2016 2:01:01 GMT
My mom told me she would not live with us. We have a great relationship, but her mother lived with us while I was growing up (and until she passed, which was after my sibs and I were grown and gone), and she knows how hard it can be. She had a great relationship with her mom, too, but there is stress from being a daughter, wife, and mother all at once.
The fact that our apartment only has one bathroom would make it awkward - heck, it's awkward already with a bunch of growing kids at home! Also, we live a couple of states away from them. My mom said I had permission to put her in a home if I need to, even if she objects at the time. My dad's health is quite complicated; I'm not sure it would be a good idea to move him away from his medical team.
My MIL is in an assisted living facility not too far from us. It was totally her choice, and she's doing great. DH and one of his sibs can help her out when necessary, and she spends holidays at one house or the other. She's a wonderful lady.
I would take either my mom or my dad in if it came down to it, no question. But I don't think either one of them would want that.
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charlatan
Full Member
Posts: 319
Feb 7, 2015 3:53:07 GMT
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Post by charlatan on Apr 18, 2016 2:12:57 GMT
Until recently I had assumed that my parents would end up with me if they needed. They don't have a lot of money and no long term care plan. I have one brother who would help out financially as much as he could (which likely wouldn't be much) but wouldn't be able to physically care for them in his home.
Last year they moved from our home state to my state and moved into my home while they looked for their own. We even considered looking for a big house with an inlaw suite so we could all eventually move in together. They ended up staying in my home about nine months and it almost wrecked my relationship with my mother. I love her but haven't lived with her in many years and we just couldn't deal with each other in a healthy manner. I can deal just fine with my dad and could handle caring for him but not my mother.
I worry about what they'll do, since none of us have a lot of money and low-cost nursing homes are not where anyone wants to end up, but for now even my mom agreed that she and I shouldn't live together if we want to retain a good relationship.
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scrappinspidey2
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Location: In the Parlor with the Fly
Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Apr 18, 2016 2:17:48 GMT
since both my FIL and my Father have passed already, Im left with my MIL and my Mother. I think for the most part my SIL will probably take my MIL, but if it were headed towards a nursing home situation, I would take her in. While my MIL and I disagree on a few things, we both love each other and I watched her put her life aside to give dad what he wanted in the end. I think its only fitting someone do that for her as well. We are pretty compatible on a lot of things and I think we would do well together. My mom? Ugh. I do not want her living with me. She is very religious and very strict in her adherence to said religion. I am not. I can handle the restrictions on the short term when she visits, but to live in my house and be comfortable?? Not happening. She won't pay for long term care insurance because she won't go to one. There are few (if any) that will follow her particular religious practices etc. She can live next door or in a tiny house in the back yard Not with me though.
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Post by FLA SummerBaby on Apr 18, 2016 2:17:55 GMT
Such a difficult and personal decision for so many. I am struggling with this right now. My mom is my only living parent now. When I was in college we had my grandmother (mom's mom) living with us for 8 years with Alzheimer's. It was very difficult but my mom was an only child and couldn't face the decision to put her in any sort of care facility and was able to accommodate having her mom with us all. Eventually though my dad's health became poor and my mom couldn't juggle caring for dad and her mom both. So my brothers and I had to discuss with her and finally get her to move her mom to a care facility that dealt with dementia patients. Nana only lasted there about 7 months -- she was in overall not bad health given her age (91) but I think that the lack of consistent care from family ultimately took its' toll on her. I still don't think my mom has gotten over not being able to have her with us until she passed. Mom was able to have dad at home until he passed away. She was still relatively young (in retirement terms) when he passed. Mom was only 69 at the time. Now she is 81 and in overall pretty decent health though she is starting to have several different issues. She lives about 1.5 miles away from me in the same house she and my dad bought for their retirement years. She insists she wants to live in that small house until she dies. I have discussed with her -- practically since my dad died 12 years ago -- the idea of either living with us in my house or selling her house and mine to buy another one for us all to share. Maybe with a mother-in-law suite or something like that. She says no. I talked to her about a retirement facility (NOT a nursing home) -- there is a very nice one about 2 miles away from us both. I think she would thrive there with all the others to socialize with and the daily activities. Mom is a very social person and tends to be very lonely in her house since my dad died. But she also refuses to consider any other living arrangement. For now, she still gets out and about on her own -- though I would prefer she just let me drive her places she needs to go. She hasn't given us a reason that she would be considered unsafe to drive. I just wish she would let go of the house and consider some alternate arrangement instead of me being forced to figure it out when the time comes that she can no longer live there alone. Her house is too small to accommodate me and my family moving in there. But she is pretty determined (i.e. stubborn) and wants what she wants. I have 2 brothers who live in other areas -- 1 is a few hours away, the other is hundreds of miles away. Neither would even think about her living with them. So I know it will ultimately fall on me. It's so hard to know what the right thing to do is. Difficult to let parents live the way they want to but it isn't always the best or right choice on the family.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 18, 2016 2:20:24 GMT
I don't know what my dad plans to do,but he is welcome in my home. I adore him, and if he needs somewhere to go, there is no question, my home is his home. Yes, I speak with no caretaker experience, but he is my family. His problems are my problems. Besides, I don't trust nusing homes. Even expensive nursing homes. My dad's wife worked at one and she said some of the workers treat the residents HORRIBLY! They were just there for a paycheck. She had to quit because it affected her emotionally. ETA: I will admit to feeling not the same about MIL. She is just too different from our lifestyle and she makes this weird humming sound all the time. She just spent a week with us, and I was so over it 3 days! Because it is just my DH and I, and we both work, she left pretty quickly to go visit her other kids with grandkids. Thank goodness! (sorry MILs, but is it is, what it is) I'm so sorry your dad's wife had a bad experience working in a nursing home, but they aren't all horrible nor are all the people who work in them. The people who cared for my mom were wonderful to her. The place she lived had very low turnover for a care facility and the staff got to know her very well. They worked hard to help her get involved in activities that they knew she would enjoy and to help her get more out of her last year of life. Where my mom went to live, the staff people on her floor would write notes to us every week telling us about the little parties and events she went to when we weren't there and told us about the activities she took part in. They even sent a few photos of my mom smiling and happy! I have five local siblings and most of us visited several times a week, popping in at different times of the day or night and our mom was always busy doing something and engaged. We were glad to see that because in her last year at home it was so hard for my brother to even keep up with the housekeeping, cooking, shopping, looking for the many things that were constantly being misplaced, all while watching mom to make sure she wasn't sneaking out of the house at 2:00 am or doing some of the other odd or unsafe things she would do. He didn't have any energy left to keep her entertained with puzzles and crafts and singalongs. It was exhausting. We had no other option but to find a place we were happy with where we thought she would be very well cared for by a team of people who could help her get the most out of life. Sometimes you really just don't have a choice, and sometimes it's the best thing you can do not only for your loved one's health and wellbeing but also for your own sanity.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Apr 18, 2016 2:24:13 GMT
I couldn't do it, I think my sister wants to take that role
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Post by shelby on Apr 18, 2016 2:29:25 GMT
After reading every ones replies I don't know how I feel. I'm 81, my dh and I still have pretty good health and do just fine taking care of ourselves. However, I know this won't be the case forever. I have always told my daughters that I do not want to burden them with caring for me. I would sell my house and use the income from that to live in an adult living place for as long as I could. I know though that either one would willing take me in. We have the best of relationships but I so don't want to ever have them resent having to take care of me. Megmc said that the parents should have made plans and it wasn't the daughters problem. Her remark really bothered me. My dh and I have tried to save enough to take care of our needs when the time comes. However life doesn't always play fair. Our son has cancer and hasn't been able to work for over a year. We have been helping them each month so that they can keep their home. Our 25 year old grandson was in a very bad car accident and seriously hurt. Insurance would not cover all of the $200,000 plus hospital bill and we have tried to help there where we could. Yes, the money that we have used to help them was intended to take care of us when the time came but we are family, we help each other when the need arises. True, It isn't my children's problem that we don't have all the money we should have but I hope that they don't have the cold attitude that megmc has. Someday, she will be old and I hope that if she has children they will be more caring.
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Post by M~ on Apr 18, 2016 2:40:41 GMT
Well,
My 2 sisters and I take care of my 101-year-old grandmother. We have a full-time caregiver/housekeeper M-F and then we rotate nights and weekends. It's exhausting-emotionally and physically. We would never allow her to go to a nursing home. Having said that, I don't judge people who cannot take care of their parents. Your life really does revolve around this.
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Post by Lexica on Apr 18, 2016 2:51:06 GMT
My parents don't intend to live with me but I would be ok with it. I do intend to live with my dd after I retire. I am saving as much as I can but I don't know that it will be enough for assisted living in my late years. I'd like to have enough saved to do one of those tiny house types of one bedroom/bathroom that I could put in a back yard That would be really nice, having the closeness and companionship of family, but the privacy and independence you want in your own place. I saw an ad for these little medical units that are being built to house parents in their advanced years. Have you seen the "Granny Pods" being made now? I think their official name is Medi Cottage or something like that. They have all these things built into the little home to make it safer for seniors. Kind of like a home/hospital room blended together. Expensive, but if I remember correctly, they were really neat. My parents would have loved to have something like that with all Dad's issues. About 20 years ago, my older sister talked my parents into selling their home and splitting their time between the older and younger sister's homes. One sister has a big gorgeous house right on the sand at the beach and the other sister has a 25-acre ranch in the hills. I was left out of the plan because I have a boring house in the city and I was working 2 jobs, so I wouldn't be home to care for them anyway. Neither of my sisters worked from the day they married. I was so jealous of them! Getting all that time with my parents and having their children really get to know their grandparents. I would have loved to be able to have them too. Then I found out years later that they both hated me for not doing my share! Yet, now that it is just my mom, and I can no longer work, I offered to take Mom full time at my home because now, both sisters have full-time jobs and were apparently pretty sick of having Mom at their homes. I scrambled and set up a bedroom for her and it was bliss for the couple of years that she lived with me. Now she is spending the bulk of her time at my younger sister's ranch house due to that sister's financial disaster mess. I can't even think about it without getting angry. But I always told Mom I would never do like both my sisters did and that was to make decisions for her and treat her as if she was incapable of choosing anything for herself. So damn, I had to let her go, even though I think she is being taken advantage of. For myself, I highly doubt my son would be amenable to me living with him, and I don't think I would like that anyway. I am quite happy living alone. I hope to find a small place that I can handle in Oregon where the prices are not as insane as Southern California. Hopefully my son will visit!
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,247
Location: Western Illinois
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Apr 18, 2016 2:55:41 GMT
My mother is the only one of our parents still living. She is 87, lives in a house on the family farm and still cooks, bakes, cleans, and hopes to be out in her gardens as much as she can. She is definitely slowing down, and has a real fear of falling. She gave up driving four years ago, after my dad died.
My brother lives on the farm too, on the other side of the driveway. He checks on her at least once or twice every day, and gets her groceries and meds and things like that. My sister and her husband take her to deal with money things, like taxes, and my sister has the power of attorney for financial things. I take her to medical appointments when needed and have the POA for health care.
My mother is mentally fine and actually pretty healthy in general. She did tear a groin muscle last November (while trimming bushes and trees!) and spent time in the hospital because it was bleeding and causing problems. It's much better, but still a bit of a problem, especially when she first stands up.
My mother has always said she did not want to move in with any of us, nor to be any kind of a burden. As long as she is healthy and able to live in the house, she will do that. But, she could and would move into either an apartment in town or an assisted living facility. She does have the money to do so, if needed. The other thing that might cause her to move would be if something happens with my brother. He has an autoimmune kidney disease and is on dialysis three times a week. If he were to die first or not be able to drive anymore, she would not stay in the house without him being on the property. We don't have any first floor bedrooms, and neither does my sister, so it would be difficult for her to live with either of us, even if we/she wanted. My sister-in-law would have no interest in caring for her at all, and would be off the farm in a flash if my brother were to die first.
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 18, 2016 3:10:25 GMT
My dad's ideal solution would not be to live with me or one of my siblings, but to have one of us go back home for a month at a time and rotate. He lives by a very rigid schedule and would want to be in control of the house, so moving in with one of us never appealed to him. I could have handled looking after my mom (with Alzheimer's), with the use of a home care service but could not handle living under my dad's rules and he wasn't willing to have strangers in the house to help. He had to make the difficult decision to put mom in a care home.
My in-laws are Greek and there is definitely an expectation that family looks after family. Only DH and one of his sisters are in a situation where they could take in their mom if the time comes and I know she will be more comfortable with SIL.
My bigger worry is that BIL will need a place to live one day.
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Post by stampinbetsy on Apr 18, 2016 3:19:47 GMT
My in-laws plan to live in their own house for forever, so they'll never live with us. I'm not sure what my parents plan to do, but my youngest niece has been saying for several years that they can live with her (she's 13).
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Post by beaglemom on Apr 18, 2016 3:21:17 GMT
My mom's parents moved into a retirement facility that had fully independent living to hospice and everything in between. My grandfather died a year and a half ago at 85, he had Alzheimers and at the end was no longer the man we all knew and loved. My grandmother is now in the assisted living wing of where they lived. My dad's parents are in their mid 80's and are living on a 100 acre farm in the middle of nowhere Vermont. My dad's sister lives with them, she has never been able to hold down a job and they are happy having her there so it works for them.
Because of watching their parents my parents have said they will move to a long-term care facility when the time comes.
My inlaws on the other hand....They are in their mid-70's. They are currently active, but they are slowing down. When you ask my mil her plans she says that when fil dies she will move in with her favorite daughter. Sil lives `1200 miles away.
Fil is crazy. Their house is a mess. It should really be bulldozed, but he keeps claiming they are going to remodel. They have been trying to since 2009 but the town won't approve any of their plans. And the last "remodel" they did they spend +$300,000 and you can't tell that anything was done. His current plan is that they are going to remodel and build another master suite. And then his plan is that his oldest granddaughter - who is currently 11 and lives 1200 miles away - is going to come go to graduate school nearby and live with them and take care of them. Putting them in their late 80's/early 90's. In reality it will probably fall on me. I am dreading it.
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 18, 2016 3:35:15 GMT
I don't know what my dad plans to do,but he is welcome in my home. I adore him, and if he needs somewhere to go, there is no question, my home is his home. Yes, I speak with no caretaker experience, but he is my family. His problems are my problems. Besides, I don't trust nusing homes. Even expensive nursing homes. My dad's wife worked at one and she said some of the workers treat the residents HORRIBLY! They were just there for a paycheck. She had to quit because it affected her emotionally. ETA: I will admit to feeling not the same about MIL. She is just too different from our lifestyle and she makes this weird humming sound all the time. She just spent a week with us, and I was so over it 3 days! Because it is just my DH and I, and we both work, she left pretty quickly to go visit her other kids with grandkids. Thank goodness! (sorry MILs, but is it is, what it is) I'm so sorry your dad's wife had a bad experience working in a nursing home, but they aren't all horrible nor are all the people who work in them. The people who cared for my mom were wonderful to her. The place she lived had very low turnover for a care facility and the staff got to know her very well. They worked hard to help her get involved in activities that they knew she would enjoy and to help her get more out of her last year of life. Where my mom went to live, the staff people on her floor would write notes to us every week telling us about the little parties and events she went to when we weren't there and told us about the activities she took part in. They even sent a few photos of my mom smiling and happy! I have five local siblings and most of us visited several times a week, popping in at different times of the day or night and our mom was always busy doing something and engaged. We were glad to see that because in her last year at home it was so hard for my brother to even keep up with the housekeeping, cooking, shopping, looking for the many things that were constantly being misplaced, all while watching mom to make sure she wasn't sneaking out of the house at 2:00 am or doing some of the other odd or unsafe things she would do. He didn't have any energy left to keep her entertained with puzzles and crafts and singalongs. It was exhausting. We had no other option but to find a place we were happy with where we thought she would be very well cared for by a team of people who could help her get the most out of life. Sometimes you really just don't have a choice, and sometimes it's the best thing you can do not only for your loved one's health and wellbeing but also for your own sanity. This sounds very much like where my mom lives. The staff are truly wonderful. In fact, my mom thinks she is staff and they love it when my dad takes her out for a walk during shift changes otherwise she can get distressed she isn't going home too. Mom is also very compliant and will often get to go on outings with the nondementia patients.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Apr 18, 2016 3:37:29 GMT
I am so sorry that many of you feel that you are not given a real voice in a decision(s) that will greatly impact your life. I feel that I am responsible for my retirement and not my child & their family. This includes saving money, keeping my stuff in order and make responsible decisions as to my living situation and my health. This is how my mom feels too. She has made provisions for both my stepdad and herself. My sister lives with my dad, not because he needs her to, but because she needs to.
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IAmUnoriginal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,894
Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
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Post by IAmUnoriginal on Apr 18, 2016 3:44:30 GMT
My parents - no. I've been estranged from them most of my adult life. My mother passed 8 years ago at age 53. My brothers have our father on very limited contact. He knows he wouldn't be welcome in any of our homes due to his abuse when we were growing up. His father, my grandpa, turns 89 this year and still lives on his own, fishes almost every day and is active and healthy. My dad could go on for years -- he's 64 --and none of us are willing to have his fists in the same home as our children.
My MIL has made some comments about living with her children when she ages. DH has already told her that we won't be willing to move her or his stepdad in and be full time caretakers. MIL only approves of one of her four children. She can live with him. MIL's mother is 90 this year and still living on her own. MIL is in her late 50s and relatively healthy. YBIL better marry someone without boundaries and big on enmeshment. They'll get along ok, then.
FIL will never leave NJ. He's like an extra off The Sopranos. Coming to the Midwest wouldn't make him happy at all. He has a really good Long Term Care policy, though. We will be able to arrange care for him easily when that time comes.
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finaledition
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,896
Jun 26, 2014 0:30:34 GMT
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Post by finaledition on Apr 18, 2016 3:49:34 GMT
My mom and step dad live in a large retirement community and are still fairly young. The benefit of living there , however, is they are well aware of the issues related to aging. They have become very proactive in ensuring their future care will not be a burden on the kids. My mom is very close to my grandma (89 y/o) whom they have just placed in an assisted living facility. It's had been such a good experience for my grandma I know my mom feels it will be a great place for her when the time comes.
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Post by 2peafaithful on Apr 18, 2016 4:09:26 GMT
That isn't her plan and she would like to live on her own as long as possible. She would also desire to not live in a nursing home or senior center. She does have long term care insurance. She is 70 and very active in very good health. I will honor her wishes and do all I can to help her achieve those things.
My dads health isn't as good. He married someone younger the 2nd time and she is very active and healthy. He wouldn't live with myself or my sister but he does have another daughter with her and so that would be an option. I wish we did live closer as I would gladly love to help and see him more.
My dh's parents won't be living with us. Neither of them are local and both are in great health. His dad is close with his sister and she will gladly take that on if the day comes. His parents are both married and don't live locally.
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Post by Karmady on Apr 18, 2016 4:16:41 GMT
We didn't have any of our parents live with us. My father died suddenly. My mother died of cancer. My brother and I plus a support worker took care of her for months. Once she had brain radiation, she was like an Alzheimer's patient and palliative so we put her into a palliative centre. She told us to do it if necessary. I already have a disabled son in a wheelchair. It was crazy trying to go between the two homes supporting both my mother and my son. My brother lived in her home but worked during the day. There was no way on earth she was coming here. She was a super negative person and I suspect narcissitic. Even when she had "lost her mind", she was still putting me down. Oy.
My FIL died at home and my MIL was taking care of him. My dh found my MIL deceased at her home one morning. He went every day to check on her and take care of her. Most of his brothers and sisters stopped by every day or two. She was a lovely lady but wasn't ready to move elsewhere.
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Post by cmpeter on Apr 18, 2016 4:40:29 GMT
No, neither my mom (my dad passed away) or dh's mom (his dad also passed away) plan to live with any of their children.
Should circumstances change and they find they needed to live with us, we would take them in, as challenging as that might be.
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Post by ExpatBackHome on Apr 18, 2016 4:49:44 GMT
No plans to move in. But if my or my DH parents have to, we would do what needs to be done. I hope it doesn't come that just as I hope (and plan) for my DH and I to never have to rely on our sons.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 8:34:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2016 4:56:17 GMT
After reading every ones replies I don't know how I feel. I'm 81, my dh and I still have pretty good health and do just fine taking care of ourselves. However, I know this won't be the case forever. I have always told my daughters that I do not want to burden them with caring for me. I would sell my house and use the income from that to live in an adult living place for as long as I could. I know though that either one would willing take me in. We have the best of relationships but I so don't want to ever have them resent having to take care of me. Megmc said that the parents should have made plans and it wasn't the daughters problem. Her remark really bothered me. My dh and I have tried to save enough to take care of our needs when the time comes. However life doesn't always play fair. Our son has cancer and hasn't been able to work for over a year. We have been helping them each month so that they can keep their home. Our 25 year old grandson was in a very bad car accident and seriously hurt. Insurance would not cover all of the $200,000 plus hospital bill and we have tried to help there where we could. Yes, the money that we have used to help them was intended to take care of us when the time came but we are family, we help each other when the need arises. True, It isn't my children's problem that we don't have all the money we should have but I hope that they don't have the cold attitude that megmc has. Someday, she will be old and I hope that if she has children they will be more caring. I am sorry you feel this way, but you should read my next post. I was expected to give up my life to take care of family. I don't expect that from my children. Nobody should expect their children to take care of them
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Post by epeanymous on Apr 18, 2016 5:07:55 GMT
No. I absolutely would do what I need to do to help my parents get whatever caregiving support they need and will be nearby to provide a lot of company and support. I am not personally in a position to be a full-time caregiver. My youngest won't be an adult until my parents are very elderly (my mother will be 90 and my father will be 101), and I will still be working full time at that point as well.
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Post by jemali on Apr 18, 2016 5:13:04 GMT
My mom and dad are 78 & 80, they have had long term care insurance for while. They have been looking at some senior housing options but aren't quite ready yet. But I think it will be soon.
FIL passed away 11 years ago, he was in a nursing home for the last couple of years. MIL knows how much work it was taking care of him before he went into nursing home and doesn't want to put that burden on her kids. She says when we think it's time for her to stop driving, let her know and she will. When we think she should move out of her townhouse, just tell her.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 8:34:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2016 7:36:42 GMT
I'm currently living with my mother as her only caregiver. She expected me to drop my whole life to take care of her and I haven't lived in my own home with my husband for over two years. I'm angry and bitter about this and everyday I think my dislike of her grows a little bit more. She's demanding, selfish, negative and dissatisfied with everything I do for her, it is never enough. If I mention going home and her having other carers, even for a short time I am accused of only caring about having a life of my own! I'm tired and becoming increasingly depressed. Please don't do this to your children.
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Post by kluski on Apr 18, 2016 9:15:56 GMT
We only have a 1500 sq ft house. It's barely big enough for the three of us but I want both my parents to move in so badly. Their health is decent for being in their 70s but I worry. Also, caring for their own house has just become too much. Dh and I were just talking again yesterday how we could cost effectively add on to our house. It's unfortunate that both my brothers have 3000+ sq ft homes and could easily accommodate them but won't. If my home was big enough they would already be here.
My in laws have already passed.
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