pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
Jul 12, 2014 21:58:10 GMT
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Post by pridemom on Apr 18, 2016 17:55:09 GMT
I will not take my mother in. Her mental illness makes her horrible to live with. My MIL wouldn't even move in for short term chemo/radiation when we offered, so that's doubtful. If MIL passes first, FIL might. He's easy as long as he has things to occupy him like books and the History Channel.
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Post by BlueDiamond on Apr 18, 2016 18:43:11 GMT
My DH and I had always planned on taking in one of our parents, if necessary. As it turns out, my mom is living with us now, since my dad died last April (almost one year now ) She will be with us until she dies or gets too sick for us to take care of. DH's parents are good right now. But since we have no more room, they couldn't live with us! Hopefully we won't have to deal with any decisions like that in the near future.
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Post by Linda on Apr 18, 2016 18:46:35 GMT
My sister was a SAHM. Part of their financial planning was making sure that both spouses were taken care of well into retirement. I had assumed that was a normal part financial planning of being a married couple. quite frankly, I worry about my 'senior' years. I have no retirement savings of my own at all. I have just enough worked quarters to qualify for minimum SS (if it's still around when I'm retirement age). I'm 45, I've been a SAHM for 16 years and before that I worked at minimum wage jobs (the most I've ever made in a year was $12K and that was a good year with two jobs). The only thing I have in my own name is a bank account that DH deposits the grocery money into each week and a student loans that I still owe $10K on, sigh. Quite frankly I'll be screwed if DH divorces me. I have no job skills, no driver's license (and we're rural so no public transportation), and almost no work experience.
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Post by DawnMcD on Apr 18, 2016 18:53:12 GMT
My husbands parents - both in their mid 60's moved in with us 2 years ago. I could see my Mom also moving in with us or one of my siblings (she is 72) in the future. We never really knew if it would happen but have always been prepared to make whatever accommodations we could to make it possible if it was needed.
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Post by melanell on Apr 18, 2016 18:58:34 GMT
No, they are not. My each have plans for if they are the one who lives longer. It's sad, but it's a good thing to plan out.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 8:23:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2016 19:06:45 GMT
My sister was a SAHM. Part of their financial planning was making sure that both spouses were taken care of well into retirement. I had assumed that was a normal part financial planning of being a married couple. quite frankly, I worry about my 'senior' years. I have no retirement savings of my own at all. I have just enough worked quarters to qualify for minimum SS (if it's still around when I'm retirement age). I'm 45, I've been a SAHM for 16 years and before that I worked at minimum wage jobs (the most I've ever made in a year was $12K and that was a good year with two jobs). The only thing I have in my own name is a bank account that DH deposits the grocery money into each week and a student loans that I still owe $10K on, sigh. Quite frankly I'll be screwed if DH divorces me. I have no job skills, no driver's license (and we're rural so no public transportation), and almost no work experience. Get your license. There are driver schools that come to your home. And start taking ten dollars a week from your grocery money . Bank in a separate credit union. Once you get to $500 you can turn that into a CD. It doesn't have a great return but it is short term.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 8:23:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2016 19:12:23 GMT
My sister was a SAHM. Part of their financial planning was making sure that both spouses were taken care of well into retirement. I had assumed that was a normal part financial planning of being a married couple. Divorce changes EVERYTHING. Planning done by a married couple for a married couple hardly covers the different needs of a divorced couple or a widow.
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Post by Linda on Apr 18, 2016 19:18:22 GMT
Get your license. There are driver schools that come to your home. And start taking ten dollars a week from your grocery money . Bank in a separate credit union. Once you get to $500 you can turn that into a CD. It doesn't have a great return but it is short term. Thanks - working on the savings and am almost there. I do have a separate account (not joint) at a credit union Can't get my drivers lic. - I have vision issues which is why I never got one.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 18, 2016 19:19:25 GMT
My mom has long term care insurance and money in the bank if needed beyond that.
MIL thinks she is going to live with us, but we long ago decided that if she wanted to go live with someone, she could go live with BIL and his family, since she has largely supported them financially and with help in picking up kids/feeding them dinner/babysitting their entire lives. Time for them to pay her back for all the stuff she wouldn't do for us, but would go out of her way to do for them. She also has money to pay for nursing home care if needed.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 8:23:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2016 20:14:13 GMT
Get your license. There are driver schools that come to your home. And start taking ten dollars a week from your grocery money . Bank in a separate credit union. Once you get to $500 you can turn that into a CD. It doesn't have a great return but it is short term. Thanks - working on the savings and am almost there. I do have a separate account (not joint) at a credit union Can't get my drivers lic. - I have vision issues which is why I never got one. Hugs. I always get fidgety when a woman says they don't have a DL. My son's ex-girlfriend did not have hers and was content to have him drive her around. Yup my head almost fidgetied ( sounds like a good word to me!) off my body on that one.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 8:23:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2016 20:14:50 GMT
My mom has long term care insurance and money in the bank if needed beyond that. MIL thinks she is going to live with us, but we long ago decided that if she wanted to go live with someone, she could go live with BIL and his family, since she has largely supported them financially and with help in picking up kids/feeding them dinner/babysitting their entire lives. Time for them to pay her back for all the stuff she wouldn't do for us, but would go out of her way to do for them. She also has money to pay for nursing home care if needed. This. Is good! Lol
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Post by Linda on Apr 18, 2016 20:39:12 GMT
Hugs. I always get fidgety when a woman says they don't have a DL. My son's ex-girlfriend did not have hers and was content to have him drive her around. Yup my head almost fidgetied ( sounds like a good word to me!) off my body on that one. Understandable - life is MUCH easier with one. When I was single, I always made a point of living in cities where I could walk to most places I needed to go and take a bus to the rest. DH is not a city person - we did one year in the city and then moved to a small town (still walkable but no transport) and then 8 years ago we moved rural - there's a Dollar General about a 40min walk away but that's it...just fields and cows and goats and an occasional house. My middle child will be getting her license this summer (turns 16 in May) - it'll make her life easier once that happens especially since her older brother no longer lives at home (he's in Japan with the Navy)
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janeinbama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,200
Location: Alabama
Jan 29, 2015 16:24:49 GMT
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Post by janeinbama on Apr 18, 2016 20:41:06 GMT
It is good to make plans and grand statements about what you will and will not do. But, you do not know how it will all play out. No one wants to go to a nursing home, but there are medical circumstances where that is the only option. Round the clock skilled medical care is not affordable. Assisted living facilities, nursing homes and senior apartments have their place. My inlaws were very happy in senior apts for many years. The social aspect was great.
The tiny house thing is great, but zoning laws in cities are going to prevent this from happening.
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Post by peasapie on Apr 18, 2016 20:47:45 GMT
My parents are both deceased. My dad lived on his own in a retirement community for six years after mom passed. My siblings and I were there weekly to take care of his pills and his food for the week. I don't think he would have been happy living with one of us. He liked being independent.
I'm hoping to do the same thing when that day comes. I actually don't know anyone who has a parent living with them.
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Deleted
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Sept 30, 2024 8:23:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2016 21:04:02 GMT
No, none of them will be living with me. We moved my parents up here into an assisted living from their house in FL three years ago because of major health issues. My house has three sets of stairs, and my mom barely gets by with a walker, so she really can't stay here. My Dad's Alzheimers deteriorated very quickly and he passed away. My mom's health is still precarious, so I'm glad she has people keeping an eye on her 24/7. She can afford it without any trouble.
DH's parents live in a condo about 1/4 mile away from DH's sister. She's a nurse in geriatrics and takes great care of all their needs. If they need a nursing home, she'd move them into her house. Her husband is a Dr. specializing in geriatrics. They'll be well cared for whatever happens.
Our parents had great pensions and retirement packages, and can afford high quality care. I'm not sure about DH and I -- he's uninsurable for LTC and I have strong Alzheimer genes in my family. It'll work out somehow.
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lesserknownpea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,843
Member is Online
Jun 29, 2014 7:56:02 GMT
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Post by lesserknownpea on Apr 19, 2016 7:56:46 GMT
After my dad had a stroke 5 years ago, a social worker came to discuss some things with them. She tried to explain to them that long term care insurance does not cover everything people think it will. Like if a person needs 24 hrs care.
After listening to her explain it, and then reading this thread, I believe there are going to be some very disappointed people in the near future.
Life didn't turn out the way I expected. But I'm happy to say that all 4 of my children and their spouses have offered their homes to me. One of my DDs just today was saying if for any reason I couldn't live with this DS, she'd love to have me.
It's a good feeling.
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
Jul 12, 2014 21:58:10 GMT
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Post by pridemom on Apr 19, 2016 14:17:43 GMT
Get your license. There are driver schools that come to your home. And start taking ten dollars a week from your grocery money . Bank in a separate credit union. Once you get to $500 you can turn that into a CD. It doesn't have a great return but it is short term. Thanks - working on the savings and am almost there. I do have a separate account (not joint) at a credit union Can't get my drivers lic. - I have vision issues which is why I never got one. FYI If you are US, each state has an agency that assists people with low vision for work experience and training.
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Post by Linda on Apr 19, 2016 14:43:40 GMT
Thanks - working on the savings and am almost there. I do have a separate account (not joint) at a credit union Can't get my drivers lic. - I have vision issues which is why I never got one. FYI If you are US, each state has an agency that assists people with low vision for work experience and training. Thanks - I have enough vision to work (and I'm not legally blind) - but not to drive. I just haven't worked in 16 years (SAHM) and my only work experience is retail (cashier/stocking) and fast food so nothing that really 'counts' . I have a BA but it's in government (emphasis on Soviet minor in History, emphasis on Russian) and doesn't translate well into a job plus there's the transportation issue.
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
Jul 12, 2014 21:58:10 GMT
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Post by pridemom on Apr 19, 2016 17:14:02 GMT
FYI If you are US, each state has an agency that assists people with low vision for work experience and training. Thanks - I have enough vision to work (and I'm not legally blind) - but not to drive. I just haven't worked in 16 years (SAHM) and my only work experience is retail (cashier/stocking) and fast food so nothing that really 'counts' . I have a BA but it's in government (emphasis on Soviet minor in History, emphasis on Russian) and doesn't translate well into a job plus there's the transportation issue. They can still help you find a job. Either your state rehab services for the blind or Vocational Rehabilitation. They can also help you find transportation.
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Post by lbp on Apr 19, 2016 17:32:03 GMT
After my dad had a stroke 5 years ago, a social worker came to discuss some things with them. She tried to explain to them that long term care insurance does not cover everything people think it will. Like if a person needs 24 hrs care. After listening to her explain it, and then reading this thread, I believe there are going to be some very disappointed people in the near future. How true this is!!! I was speaking with one of the directors at the facility where my MIL lives and she was telling me that none of the Memory Care facilities in our town accept the long term care insurance and that the one that she knows that does (almost 2 hours away) still needs to be supplemented by the patient.
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Post by **Angie** on Apr 19, 2016 22:16:48 GMT
No way, no how. It is not an option.
I'd move out if dh allows either of his parents to move in. I love my mom, but even she has said that if she gets to where she cannot take care of herself, she's okay with being dropped in the middle of the woods in winter.
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Post by hop2 on Apr 19, 2016 22:36:28 GMT
My parents are both deceased. My father never had the opportunity to live with me. My Mother would not have been welcome. Her dementia brought out all the worst in her. She had enough obey we bought her an apartment and she had a daily companion ( paid ) and I was there frequently and my sister was as well. My kids went to visit her often and when she went over bounds I could take the kids and go home. I couldn't subject my kids to her full time when she became mean.
But I've already told my kids I'm living with them when I'm very old. I told them is by a mother daughter house and live in my part so they can drive me places because I can't see well. The wise acre said where's the mother daughter house you can't see well now. ( my glasses are thicker than cone bottles and it the slim lenses ) lol
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Post by Delta Dawn on Apr 19, 2016 22:44:39 GMT
Yes.
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Post by anniefb on Apr 19, 2016 22:44:45 GMT
My Mum and I lived together for 6 years before she passed - she was 82-88 and still pretty independent, driving and doing the things she loved despite a few health issues. We were very close and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Sadly she had a massive stroke and passed away 10 days later. If she'd survived she would have had to be in care and would have absolutely hated that!
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Post by cyndijane on Apr 20, 2016 3:18:49 GMT
Yes. Well, I won't say they expect it, but they are aware it's an option. My family would be the best fit for them (lifestyle choices, personal beliefs, personalities, etc). We get along well, and we've seen it modeled in my family for 3 generations.
We're not in a situation where we could take them in today, but in the back of our minds, DH and I know we need to prepare for that inevitability. They've sacrificed for others time and time again throughout their married lives, it will be my honor and blessing to care for them one day. I don't expect it to be easy, but worthwhile for sure. Again, I've watched it happen throughout my life, so I'm familiar with the positives and negatives of multigenerational households.
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