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Post by countrychick on May 2, 2016 12:31:49 GMT
I would love the peas opinion on this please. My oldest son is 13 (nearly 14) and he is arguing the fact that I enforce a 9.30 bedtime on school nights. He needs to be up no later than 7.00 in the mornings to get to school. He uses the argument that "all his friends' moms let them stay up as late as they want". I of course counter with the age old "well I am not their mom". I believe kids his age need a decent night's sleep. So am I being unreasonable or is this a perfectly acceptable bedtime? Thanks in advance for any opinions.
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on May 2, 2016 12:34:23 GMT
It seems a little on the early side to me.
However, I would not fall for the old 'everyone else's mother' routine.
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gsquaredmom
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Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on May 2, 2016 12:35:02 GMT
Is he waking up naturally before 7? If not, he needs more sleep than he is getting even now.
It does not matter what his friends' sleep requirements are. Only his needs matter.
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Post by chirpingcricket on May 2, 2016 12:36:51 GMT
Teenagers need *more* sleep than the rest of us. While adults are good on 8 hours of sleep per night, teenagers need 8.5 to 10 hours of sleep per night, and in the U.S., that is difficult to achieve. I think you can compromise on a 10:00 bed time, but you should stick to your guns about having a set time.
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Post by debmast on May 2, 2016 12:37:09 GMT
It seems a little on the early side to me. However, I would not fall for the old 'everyone else's mother' routine. I agree with this.
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Post by sphmaz on May 2, 2016 12:37:11 GMT
My 13 y.o. DD is in bed at 9 on school nights. Some of her friends are later and others are earlier so I guess it all depends on the child. DD needs the time, she's usually out within 5 min of her head hitting the pillow.
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 0:11:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2016 12:37:42 GMT
9 1/2 hours of sleep seems a little on the high side. Not terribly so, but I'd push it back to 10 and see how that goes. I remember when bedtime moved into the double digits, it seemed like a big deal when I was a kid.
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Post by whopea on May 2, 2016 12:38:36 GMT
I think he's probably of an age that he can figure that out for himself. Kids do need good rest, but just because he goes to bed at 9:30 doesn't mean he's going to sleep. Before high school hits and it's earlier, harder and there are more things to do, let him start regulating his bedtime (within reason). Recommend that he go to bed at 9:30, but let him know that's his choice. Also let him know that the consequences of staying up too late (sleeping through alarms, not rested enough to perform on a test, being grumpy, etc) are all on him. Let him experiment a little and figure out what sleep he needs.
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Post by gailoh on May 2, 2016 12:41:45 GMT
10 would seem good..that way he sees you are giving him a bit more on this...
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Post by mlynn on May 2, 2016 12:43:32 GMT
My bedtime in middle school was 8:00. Probably into high school as well.
I would tell him that when he starts getting up before his alarm goes off, we can revisit the bed time issue. I would also tell him that attitude and wakefulness/sleepiness will also affect the decision.
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Dalai Mama
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Post by Dalai Mama on May 2, 2016 12:44:19 GMT
I would love the peas opinion on this please. My oldest son is 13 (nearly 14) and he is arguing the fact that I enforce a 9.30 bedtime on school nights. He needs to be up no later than 7.00 in the mornings to get to school. He uses the argument that "all his friends' moms let them stay up as late as they want". I of course counter with the age old "well I am not their mom". I believe kids his age need a decent night's sleep. So am I being unreasonable or is this a perfectly acceptable bedtime? Thanks in advance for any opinions. My 16 and 14-year-olds are in bed by 9, so. . .
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Post by stargazer on May 2, 2016 12:44:20 GMT
My 14 yo dd goes to bed somewhere between 9&10, usually around 930 but we don't strictly enforce, she has the freedom to make a decision for herself, unless she's up way past 10 (rare!) when we reserve the right to send her to bed & she can expect to be nagged for a few nights afterwards. I don't think there's anything wrong with a 930 bedtime but maybe try giving him a little leeway so he feels you're listening & you are happy he's still getting a good night's sleep. Good practice for him to need to self-regulate too.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on May 2, 2016 12:45:50 GMT
I think you're both right.
He does need a decent nights sleep. And 9:30 seems reasonable.
At the same time, I know kids younger than him who go to bed at 10 so I can see why 9:30 seems rigid to your son.
We enforce a bedtime for my 10 year old and she goes to bed far earlier than her friends, but she doesn't complain yet. And we still have to wake her in the morning.
What does he want to be up doing? Do you have to wake him in the morning? My DH is bothered by the fact that we have to wake our girls in the morning - his pedi instincts tell him that if we have to wake the girls in the morning we don't know if they're getting enough sleep. Meanwhile little dd gets 11.5 hrs to 12 hrs in a school night and older dd gets 11 hrs.
Does he want to be texting? Does he want downtime to read or watch tv before bed.
I've kind of followed the rule that if my girls really can't sleep at bedtime they can stay up later if they're reading in bed. I've also let my girls stay up later (like an extra 15 min for my 7 yr old) if they drink their water at school - or else they're easily coming home dehydrated. But at 7 years old little tricks like that still work.
Maybe your ds can do extra chores for extra time up 1 school night per week if it is that important to him. Don't know what is best for you - just want to say I can see both sides.
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Post by countrychick on May 2, 2016 12:47:25 GMT
Thanks for your thoughts so far peas! To answer the pea who asked if he is waking up on his own in the morning(sorry... Not sure how to do the fancy name quote ) no he doesn't. I go into his bedroom and wake him. He does get up straight away though unlike his younger brother who needs a couple of wake-up calls.
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Post by melanell on May 2, 2016 12:53:47 GMT
My son is 13 and he's in bed before that! Tell that to your son! Seriously, my son wakes up at 6 am each day. If you check online you will find that most sites say that teenagers require between 8 and 10 hours of sleep each night (and our pediatrician says the same). In order for him to wake at 6 and get 10 hours of sleep, he needs to be asleep by 8. (Which just isn't happening.) He needs to be asleep by 9 to get 9 hours of sleep. So we strive for him to be getting into bed sometime around 8:30 on school nights. And we strive for him to get into bed no later than 10 on Friday & Saturday nights. (Because even though he could sleep in the next day on the weekend, he very rarely sleeps later than 7 am.) When my son is overtired, he is a misery. So basically, if he's being miserable and whining about being tired, we shift the bedtime earlier for a few nights. But we try to make sure he gets at least the 8 hours, because he's just a kid that doesn't do well without enough sleep. Last week he had a field trip midweek and went to bed around 11pm. He was so unhappy the rest of that week. I'm hoping that this will change as he gets older, though, because I doubt we'll be able to keep up such an early bedtime as his work load increases in the upcoming years.
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Post by countrychick on May 2, 2016 12:56:01 GMT
He doesn't want to text his friends or be on any electronics. He would probably just be sitting with me watching tv. I do explain to him that too little sleep will affect him the next day and he won't be able to concentrate as well in class. Not sure how effective an argument that is though.
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Post by countrychick on May 2, 2016 12:59:22 GMT
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Dalai Mama
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Post by Dalai Mama on May 2, 2016 13:00:52 GMT
Whenever my kids pushed their bed times, we would send them to bed by the regular time and give them an option of reading for a half hour. It was a good wind-down for the day and, a lot of times, they were asleep before it was time for lights out.
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Post by pierkiss on May 2, 2016 13:02:17 GMT
I don't think so. My bedtime at that age was 9.
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Post by mlynn on May 2, 2016 13:03:31 GMT
My bedtime in middle school was 8:00. Probably into high school as well. I would tell him that when he starts getting up before his alarm goes off, we can revisit the bed time issue. I would also tell him that attitude and wakefulness/sleepiness will also affect the decision. I should point out that after going to bed I often read until I fell asleep.
While I stand by my second paragraph, I would allow him to stay up as late as he wants on Friday nights (and possibly Saturday) as long as he is in bed asleep by midnight. That way he is getting enough sleep on school nights, but he gets to flex his big boy muscles on Fridays.
And I doubt his friends actually get to stay up as late as they want. I suspect that they get to stay up as late as they want WITHIN REASON. I suspect that if they "want" to stay up until 3am their parents would have something to say about that. You could always call his bluff and say you will call the parents of his friends and talk it over with them to learn their thinking and see if you agree with their point of view.
ETA: I would keep a 9:30 "curfew" on cell phones and computers. No texting, phone calls or web surfing after 9:30
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anniebeth24
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Post by anniebeth24 on May 2, 2016 13:04:45 GMT
I don't think 9:30 is unreasonable at all and I would stick with that through the rest of this school year.
Perhaps next school year, offer him a week-long trial period with a later bedtime and see how it goes.
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Post by Really Red on May 2, 2016 13:05:26 GMT
I have a 15yo son and after 12yo I didn't give my kids a bedtime. I did step in if they were kooky and staying up too late, but they managed their own lives.
Maybe you can give him a month trial basis. Explain why you think like you do (which is reasonable and studies agree with you) and then tell him if he is still able to be nice and function well after one month, then you'll be fine.
IN the end, this is the small stuff. Letting him make these decisions helps him make better decisions down the road.
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Post by littlemama on May 2, 2016 13:05:40 GMT
My high school senior goes to bed between 930 and 10. When he was in MS, I am pretty sure 930 was his bedtime. I do not think you are being unreasonable - I think teachers deal with enough sleep deprived kids among all the other crap they have to deal with. And my DS challenged me once with the same argument. I had him as a group of his friends and the majority of them went to bed at 930 as well, so don't believe that bs argument!
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Post by anxiousmom on May 2, 2016 13:08:00 GMT
At 13, it was lights out at 9:30 around here. All tech was being charged in the kitchen. But neither of mine ever had a problem with the time. If there was a reason for a later time-later ending sports night, homework, in the middle of a chapter of a really good book-then there was leeway that accommodated that. Even in high school, bed times were fairly well defined as both of my kids REALLY loved to sleep. My younger is just like me, early to bed, early to rise-even on the weekends he is generally up by 9 (which is kind of early for a 17 year old. ) Personally, I always thought that bedtimes help set up good routines. There are always exceptions, and being flexible is the single biggest piece of advice I give on parenting teens. There should always be some wiggle room to negotiate the rules. Sleep, curfew, whatever.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2016 13:08:28 GMT
Both of my kids go to bed at 9. They're 14 and 15. One gets up at 530, the other 6am. On the weekends, I don't enforce a bedtime but do ask they be quiet after 10 because some nights we're exhausted and want to be asleep at 10.
Obviously, it doesn't always get enforced during marching season and other nights but generally, bedtime is 9. I know at least one of them probably doesn't always fall asleep until 10 most nights but at least they're in bed, in the dark, resting.
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Post by leannec on May 2, 2016 13:10:04 GMT
My almost 13 year old goes to bed at 10 and gets up at 6:15 ... The deal was that as long as she's not cranky in the morning I'm OK with that time ... so far it has worked
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sweetpeasmom
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Post by sweetpeasmom on May 2, 2016 13:11:22 GMT
My ds is the same age as yours and dd is almost 12. They go to bed between 10-10:30 most nights. It's been that way for sometime now. They've had later than normal for their age bedtimes since around 2nd or so for both of them. When ds was in rec ball, the practices started at 6pm. When dd started comp cheer, practices were at 6pm. So we've just always had late nights. They have seemed to do well in school. Do they pop right out of bed? No. But they aren't 20 mins later getting up either.
So I say give your son a chance to prove he can deal with a 10pm bedtime.
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smartypants71
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Post by smartypants71 on May 2, 2016 13:13:38 GMT
I don't have a bedtime for my 14yo. I just told him that he is old enough to make that decision for himself. If he wants to stay up late, he's welcome to do so, but he will have to pay the consequences the next day when he's struggling to stay awake. I think it took one miserable day at school, and he now goes to bed on his own around 900.
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Post by elaine on May 2, 2016 13:14:21 GMT
You seem perfectly reasonable to me.
I like the idea of letting him set his bedtime on the weekends. You can also either compromise to 10 now, or tell him that his bedtime will shift to that when school starts in the fall.
It is also a good time to have him take more responsibility for getting himself up in the morning. Alarm clocks at this age can be a good thing, with mom only as a safety back-up.
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Post by krazykatlady on May 2, 2016 13:17:19 GMT
He doesn't want to text his friends or be on any electronics. He would probably just be sitting with me watching tv. I do explain to him that too little sleep will affect him the next day and he won't be able to concentrate as well in class. Not sure how effective an argument that is though. I may be in the minority but I believe a kid's bedtime is also "for the parent". You mentioned he would be sitting next to you watching tv. I firmly believe a parent needs their own down time to watch whatever they want and sometimes it might not be appropriate for their child. Or they may need time to read or craft or whatever. I'd allow my child of that age to stay up til 10 but they would be doing so in their own room, reading a book (or anything else that didn't involve electronics). And, if I find the extra thirty minutes creates a grumpy kid he'd go back to the earlier bedtime.
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