4cboysmommy
Full Member
Posts: 213
Sept 13, 2014 1:19:39 GMT
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Post by 4cboysmommy on May 2, 2016 13:18:59 GMT
My 12 year old (7th grade) is in bed around 8:30 every night. He gets to stay up later on the weekends, but school nights are normally 8:30. When he was doing the play in the fall there were later nights because of practice and he was a bear to get up in the morning. He gets up at 6am and really needs the sleep. He doesn't complain too much. There have been a few nights that he has asked to stay up for different reasons and we take it on a case by case basis. He usually wakes himself up within a few minutes of 6 so I stick with the 8:30 bedtime.
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Post by librarylady on May 2, 2016 13:23:06 GMT
I have not read everyone's answers....but, when our son was around that age and wanted to stay up as long as he wanted--I told him OK, but he had to hop out of bed the minute I called, not nagging etc. It was pre hand held electronic days, so that was not an issue. He ended up reading or going to bed at a normal time. It was 10 PM at our house.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,739
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on May 2, 2016 13:26:06 GMT
My 12 year old (7th grade) is in bed around 8:30 every night. He gets to stay up later on the weekends, but school nights are normally 8:30. When he was doing the play in the fall there were later nights because of practice and he was a bear to get up in the morning. He gets up at 6am and really needs the sleep. He doesn't complain too much. There have been a few nights that he has asked to stay up for different reasons and we take it on a case by case basis. He usually wakes himself up within a few minutes of 6 so I stick with the 8:30 bedtime. This is what happens with my 12yo. He needs his sleep or he's MISERABLE and takes everyone along with him.
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Post by shamrock on May 2, 2016 13:27:01 GMT
My boys are younger than yours (almost 10 & almost 12), but this is how we work it: They are in their rooms & ready for bed about 8-8:30. They can read, draw, listen to music or baseball games. Lights out when I come up to bed, usually around 9:30. Younger DS is almost always asleep by then. He falls asleep when his head hits the pillow! Older DS would stay up reading all night if I let him (he takes after me!) Older DS needs to be up about 6am. He started using an alarm this year. It is great! Our rule is if you sleep through the alarm then bedtime/lights out gets moved 15 min earlier because you obviously need more sleep.
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Post by countrychick on May 2, 2016 13:30:23 GMT
So much excellent advice! Maybe I will explore the 10 o'clock option for bed. He and DS2 stay up very late on Friday and Saturday nights ( between 12 and 1am). So he definitely gets his fix of night-owlery! Thanks for all your input.
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Post by Florida Cindy on May 2, 2016 13:32:12 GMT
Thanks for your thoughts so far peas! To answer the pea who asked if he is waking up on his own in the morning(sorry... Not sure how to do the fancy name quote ) no he doesn't. I go into his bedroom and wake him. He does get up straight away though unlike his younger brother who needs a couple of wake-up calls. May I ask why he isn't using an alarm clock? I agree if he gets up on his own before his wake up time for 14 consecutive days, then bed time can be revisited. If his bed time changes and he doesn't get up, let him wake up on his own. Then, he'll be late for school and natural consequences will happen. Of course, this can only occur if it doesn't disrupt the entire household.
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 2, 2016 13:35:50 GMT
My DS is 14. I try to shoo him off to bed at 9:00. That's when I make him shut down the computer. He usually drags on for a little while, but my goal is to have him sleeping by 10:00. He gets up at 6:15. My DD is 16. I haven't enforced a bedtime for her in several years. She is very good about regulating herself and getting herself out of bed. It is not uncommon for her to stay up until 11:00 sometimes and then come home and take a quick nap after school. She's usually pretty good at knowing her limits.
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Post by countrychick on May 2, 2016 13:37:24 GMT
Oh krazykatlady..... this is so me!!! Those few hours between the kids going to bed and me going to bed are precious to me. That is when the tv is mine and I can watch MY shows....or I can scrap uninterrupted....or read....or even Pea!!! It is my "me time".
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Post by countrychick on May 2, 2016 13:42:27 GMT
Florida Cindy- I guess he could use an alarm clock but I need to be up at the same time anyway. I am just in the habit of waking the boys when I get up.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on May 2, 2016 13:50:27 GMT
I'm a big proponent of getting enough sleep. If I could set a bedtime for my 19 yo, trust me this week i'd do it (he's arriving home between 12-1 am most days and leaving for work at 6 am ) How he is keeping up is beyond me. Anyway I think since he gets right up when you wake him, i'd probably consider telling him that as long as that continues (or make him responsible for setting an alarm) that i'd extend it until 10. I also think Mom's need downtime so if you don't want him up watching tv i'd address that now. Mine usually were in their rooms by a certain time, if they wanted to read or something that was fine, but I liked a little quiet time at the end of the day, lol.
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Post by countrychick on May 2, 2016 13:54:04 GMT
Momto4kiddos- my thoughts exactly on the "mom time"!!!
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Post by Jockscrap on May 2, 2016 13:55:47 GMT
I don't think you make a teen sleep when you want them to by sending them to bed early, but as a PP has said, I think enforcing a time when they have to go to their room is wholly reasonable. As an adult, I have always enjoyed the few hours when I was in control of the remote, and could talk to my DH about things that weren't for their ears. After this time in our house (and I think 9.30 is perfectly reasonable), there were no screens in the bedroom, and they decided themselves when to go to sleep. I would have loathed having lights out enforced when I was wide awake, and it wouldn't have made me sleep any quicker.
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psiluvu
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,217
Location: Canada's Capital
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:26 GMT
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Post by psiluvu on May 2, 2016 13:57:43 GMT
My ds just turned 13 and his bedtime is also 9:30 and he gets up at 6:45. He is easy to wake up in the morning. He plays a lot of sports both at school and out of school so I think he needs it. He hasn't complained yet. We do make exceptions like last night he got to stay up to watch the end of the Raptors game. IMO proper sleep is as essential for good health as proper nutrition is and I have passed this idea onto my kids.
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on May 2, 2016 14:00:44 GMT
I am in agreement on letting him learn to wake on his own... my mom always woke us when we were younger n it was really hard or really lazy of us to become independent... i decided early on as soon as mine turned 10 then would get up on their own... if they sleep past the alarm they lose screen time that night...
It really is a good thing to teach... even though waking him is easier..
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on May 2, 2016 14:02:08 GMT
My two 15 & 12 want to stay up late and I try to get them to sleep before 10. They, too, argue that nobody else has such an early bedtime. I told them that when they can wake up on their own on time they can pick their bedtime. It has been two months and it hasn't happened yet. It might be sinking in a little, my 15 year old went to sleep before 10 and woke up on her own. Imagine that
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Post by countrychick on May 2, 2016 14:03:21 GMT
@jockstrap so glad that you and another couple of peas have mentioned the need for some adult time after the kids are in bed. I always wondered if I was alone in this. Among other things it is the only time I get to be in charge of the remote!
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Post by iamkristinl16 on May 2, 2016 14:03:28 GMT
My oldest just turned 13. He usually goes to bed at about 10 but says it is hard for him to get to sleep any earlier than that.
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Post by Linda on May 2, 2016 14:10:28 GMT
my middle one will be 16 next weekend (wow - when did THAT happen?). She doesn't have a bedtime (and hasn't in a few years - our policy for teens is that we'll only enforce a bedtime if it becomes an issue - ie not getting up/being grumpy due to staying up too late) but she's in bed by 9-930 most nights, 10 if we had an evening activity AND homework (but then she's grumpy - both that evening AND the next day). I wake her at 7-ish
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zztop11
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,537
Oct 10, 2014 0:54:51 GMT
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Post by zztop11 on May 2, 2016 14:16:43 GMT
Teens need lots of sleep but also their internal clocks have them wanting to be up later and sleep later. You and him need to work together to find that "sweet spot". I'd have him turn of all electronics one hour before going to sleep. That's a great habit for anyone to learn. Also, he is definitely old enough to be getting up to an alarm clock. It doesn't matter that you are up anyway. He needs to begin learning adult habits. Good luck.
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Post by countrychick on May 2, 2016 14:18:45 GMT
anaterra Good advice. Maybe I should make him responsible for getting up on his own. I will admit to being a bit of a " do everything for them" parent.
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Post by countrychick on May 2, 2016 14:21:55 GMT
zztop11 2 alarm clocks coming up.....one for DS1 and one for DS2!
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 2, 2016 14:29:23 GMT
Thanks for your thoughts so far peas! To answer the pea who asked if he is waking up on his own in the morning(sorry... Not sure how to do the fancy name quote ) no he doesn't. I go into his bedroom and wake him. He does get up straight away though unlike his younger brother who needs a couple of wake-up calls. May I ask why he isn't using an alarm clock? I agree if he gets up on his own before his wake up time for 14 consecutive days, then bed time can be revisited. If his bed time changes and he doesn't get up, let him wake up on his own. Then, he'll be late for school and natural consequences will happen. Of course, this can only occur if it doesn't disrupt the entire household. Exactly this. By the time I was in middle school, I had my own alarm clock in my room and was responsible for making sure it was set at night so I could get up the next day on my own and get ready for the day. If he can regularly get himself up and going in the morning without your help, then I would consider shifting bedtime back a little with the caveat that if you try it and he starts having trouble getting up on his own, you know the later bedtime is too late. I have a little night owl here too, and she already is wanting to push the limits and stay up with me any chance she gets. Plus she is SO crabby in the morning if she doesn't get enough sleep. I totally agree with those who noted that parents need some grownup downtime after their kids are off to bed, and I tell my DD that her dad and I need time to "talk about boring grownup stuff" and watch the late news/weather. I know it's probably going to be an ongoing challenge with her because I've always been a night owl and it's been a lifelong challenge for me.
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Post by chrispeas on May 2, 2016 14:30:27 GMT
We have lights between 9 and 9:30 on school nights. We get the arguments from DD (16), but she's the one that hits snooze every 5 min. DS is 13.
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Post by maryland on May 2, 2016 14:40:32 GMT
Is he getting good grades, and not too moody? Maybe try a 10:00 bedtime for a couple weeks and see how that works. If he does well with that bedtime, then reward him by letting him keep it. Or maybe have him read in bed and not play on his phone. But I am not good at enforcing it in my house! My kids catch the bus at 6:30am and get up at 5:30 or 6:00. My 16 yr. old spends too much time on her phone and goes to bed after midnight. Her grades are good (could be better, but she is in 3 AP classes, she is a junior). She isn't moody either. I would like an earlier bedtime, but I don't have the support of my husband, so she doesn't have a set bedtime. I am just trying to get her to shower! What is it with these girls having a contest who can go the longest without showering/washing their hair? At least her large group of friends!
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Post by scrapmaven on May 2, 2016 14:41:38 GMT
Our pediatrician suggests 9-10 hours per night for teenagers. My 18 year old, who obviously doesn't have a bedtime goes to bed at 9pm, asleep by 9:30 and up at 7:10. Like me, he needs his sleep. Everyone is different. Some kids don't need as much sleep. I think you're being very reasonable and 9:30 at 13 is a good idea. Also, alarm clocks truly are important. You won't be there to wake them for work when they're adults w/a career.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 0:21:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2016 14:42:09 GMT
I think he's probably of an age that he can figure that out for himself. Kids do need good rest, but just because he goes to bed at 9:30 doesn't mean he's going to sleep. Before high school hits and it's earlier, harder and there are more things to do, let him start regulating his bedtime (within reason). Recommend that he go to bed at 9:30, but let him know that's his choice. Also let him know that the consequences of staying up too late (sleeping through alarms, not rested enough to perform on a test, being grumpy, etc) are all on him. Let him experiment a little and figure out what sleep he needs.
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Post by *KAS* on May 2, 2016 14:42:22 GMT
I was in high school at that age. I didn't have a bed time. My parents' rule was no being on the phone after 10pm (which now would extend to no texting, iPads, etc I'm sure!) I had to be up by 6am - school started at 7:35, I was responsible for getting myself up, and my parents had to drive me until I was 16, so I'm sure if I wasn't able to wake up or was a grouch, there would have been changes.
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Post by countrychick on May 2, 2016 14:53:55 GMT
maryland His grades are ok and as a rule he is not moody. Definitely thinking I may compromise and move bedtime to 10. And ...yes...what is it with the aversion to showers? DS1 isn't too bad but DS2!!! Good grief! In the school holidays I practically have to drag him into the shower after about the 3rd day!!!
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Post by malibou on May 2, 2016 14:57:17 GMT
I have a 15 year-old ds. The kid has always been an amazing sleeper and over and over we have emphasized the importance of sleep. He has been getting himself up since 6th grade with an alarm. When we hit high school we told him he could make this decision on his own. He heads off to bed around 8:30, lol. I don't know what he is going to do if he gets a girl friend.
J
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Post by oliquig on May 2, 2016 14:59:44 GMT
My 15 yo niece has a 8 pm electronics go away, 9 PM bedtime. She is up by 6. She requires a lot of sleep, so it will stay this way.
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