Am I being totally unreasonable!!!

And this makes sense... But so does requiring a bit more responsibility to go with his freedoms. If he can get himself up with an alarm clock for a couple weeks, that shows he can begin to take responsibility for himself. After he consistently regulates his waking routine, then I would discuss his evening habits. Although, I would also ask him to do research on sleep, and what promotes healthy sleep habits. (But then we homeschool, and I'm already finding my kids learn better with intrinsic motivation. If he wants to change a current house rule, he should be ready to support his request with something I can take seriously. "Everyone else is doing it" won't cut it.)

I'm like you- my kids' bedtimes are as much for my sanity as their health. Even if he were given the freedom to choose his own bedtime, in our home that would still mean being quiet in your own room without electronics going- we all follow that guideline.

Plus, I have things to do besides being a mom, and my boys (8.5 & 6) already know that. So when we've allowed them extra time before, it's always been in their room quietly reading or playing.

I mourned losing the evening hours to myself as the kids stayed up later. I think 9 was bedtime in MS, which meant they started getting ready for bed at that time and lights out was between 9:30 & 10. There is no question many of their friends did not have bedtimes and did stay up as late as they wanted, but my rule was always that you have to wake up when you need to in the morning. I wasn't going to deal with grumpy, tired kids.

The summer before HS there was no bedtime in our house but I informally tracked how many hours they were sleeping and we talked about how they had to take responsibility for getting enough sleep as the school year approached. I rarely have to wake them anymore and most school nights they are in bed by 10 and don't have any problem heading off early if they are tired. Occassionaly homework might keep one up to 11. DH is in bed by 9 most nights so I think that helps.

It's a little thing, but saying you don't have a bedtime and can stay up as late as you want sounds grown-up, even if you are going to bed at the same time as you were the year before when you had a parent assigned/imposed bedtime.

I bought my son an alarm clock in second grade and he has used it or his phone ever since. I do think kids need to start waking themselves long before they leave the house. What would you son be doing after 9:30? My guess is gaming or interacting with his peers. Maybe not. There isn't much time left in the school year. Give him a chance to show his independence. If he can get himself up with no help and be ready for school, then he's earned it. Maybe not a whenever bedtime, but compromise and make it 10:30.

My kids put themselves to bed after junior high and they almost always went to bed before I did.

My 15 year old goes to bed at 9pm, but she needs to get up at 5:45 since she takes the subway in to school. Based in the information in the OP, I would say maybe try 10 pm, see how he wakes up. But that is based just on the info in the OP, not knowing the kid.

My two cents based on having a nearly 16 year old that stays up until all hours...stick to the bedtime but maybe push it back until 10. My son is in the habit of napping after school (which will not work come fall and band season) and then staying very late. Last week it was 3 a.m. one time.
Part of me thinks, ok, it's his own body's schedule, whatever, but it's also a pain sometimes when I'm walking the halls with pj's or less (TMI) just to grab something and he appears out of nowhere. Also, then sometimes doors aren't secured properly or lights aren't turned off, etc. Also sometimes I wake up to a mess in the kitchen.

Sometimes you need to let them win a battle or two. Offer to let him stay up till 10:00 as long as he gets up when it's time. If there is a problem it goes back to 9:30. If there isn't, he thinks he has won at no cost to you. I think it's healthy for kids to win a battle with their parents now and then. In mine it made it easier for them to accept rules I absolutely would not move on. Plus it gives them debating skills. Have him explain why he thinks he should have a later bedtime other than "everyone else does."

I have not read all of the responses, but I agree with this one!

My daughter and son are almost 2 years apart, but 1 year apart in school. My daughter will have an hour earlier bedtime next year than her brother. She can sleep more than 12 hours if she is allowed.

Haven't read all the replies yet, but got to this one and just had to say:

Son: All my friends' moms let them stay up later than 9:30!

You: Well, all my friends' 13 year olds go to bed at 9pm. Let's try that!

At that age mine had a "go to your room" time of 8:30pm. They could stay awake as long as they wanted provided they remained in their own room, stayed quiet to respect the needs of others to sleep, and were able to wake themselves up the next morning with a cheerful attitude. Most nights they were asleep by 9.

Their "bedtime" was for ME so I was able to go off duty as mom and have some spouse time so we could chat about things without teen ears around before either I or dh got to sleepy to hold a conversation.

My 14 almost 15 year old has to go to bed at 9. His bus comes at 6:30 and he plays two sports so he needs his sleep. I bought that Circle by Disney to keep him off the wifi between those hours too. Teenagers need sleep and I'm not letting him sleep all day on Saturday to make up for it.

I have three kids - 14, 13, and 8. None have a specific bedtime. But like other posters, we have Quiet time. Usually about 9:00-9:30 depending on the evening schedule. I'm a single mom so it's really important for me to get some time to myself. I don't care if they fall asleep at that time. But they have to be ready for bed, doing something quiet in their room and no more trips to the kitchen. I'll check on them when I go to bed around 11. But they are pretty good about going to sleep long before that. Rarely have I had to nag them to turn off electronics.

bedtime here was always 10:00, wake up time has always been 6:40/6:45.. once they hit 12/13 I'd let them stay up later if they were doing homework, or watching the end of a move or something.. Often my older two would be up before I would even get up to get them up, had they went to bed earlier they would have been up even earlier, and that's how those two were even when they were 3/4yrs old, I tried the 8pm bedtime once yeah that didn't last long, wound up with kids up at like 4:30am..

now I go to bed at 10:00 most times and leave the 18yr old, have no clue what time he goes to bed--has been then way probably 2-3 years. He gets up at 6:45 without a problem.

I like that idea. My youngest is 16 and goes to bed later than I do. I hate waking up to lights left on, kitchen messy or family room not picked up. I like the idea that they can stay up, but in their rooms.

I'd have him do a research project on it! All research points to teens needing more sleep. Hence the push for schools to start later. So if I get up on my high horse... Yes, your kid should go to bed earlier so my kid who does go to bed because her totally non-reasonable mom makes her can get to school before nine and out before 4! Doesn't make sense to start school later just so kids can stay up later. I really don't get this trend of kids parenting themselves. What a circle. Sigh.