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Post by scrappersue on Jun 7, 2016 21:24:21 GMT
I have a friend, let’s call her Ann, whose daughter had a graduation party of Saturday. It was at her Dad’s house (and step mom). Ann and the dad split the cost of the party and had it catered and broke up all the duties. It was a nice party. Step mom is a little bit of a control freak, but Ann has dealt with this for years and lets her be. After the party it had to be totally cleaned up right away(per Step Mom) so everyone got busy and took down the tents put away the leftover food (Ann got all the left overs because step mom would never want them). So in cleaning up Step mom was asked what to do with the center pieces. They were small tissue paper pom pom flowers on sticks with paper Graduation signs on sticks in mason jars – very cute. Someone needed the mason jars and took them and step mom instructed to throw away everything else. Luckily Big Sister heard and said wait, Graduate wanted to save some. She ended up just grabbing all of them before they got thrown in the trash. Next they looked outside and all the balloons were floating away – step mom cut them all and said something like “there I’m done with these”. Graduate is crushed because she wanted to save one of the Mylar balloons that said 2016. Everyone else is pissed because that is basically littering. While Ann is cleaning up she grabs one of the photo boards they had made and puts it by her purse with her stuff to take home. Graduate wants to put it up in her room at home. Another board was made out of a bulletin board and Graduate wants to leave that at her room at dad’s house. Ann comes downstairs and the photo board is gone. She asks Step Mom who says – “I threw it away”. Not only did she throw it away, but she folded it all up and ruined it. She also took all the photos off the bulletin board and threw them away. Ann is beyond pissed and graduate is crushed. I just can’t get over someone destroying a photoboard that isn’t hers. Who throws photos away?? Ann went to the store and bought a Mylar 2016 balloon for her daughter and they are going to try and reprint pictures and recreate the photoboard. I am just in totally shock. I knew Step Mom was a clean/control freak, but this is so beyond anything I could imagine. I could see if Graduate left the photo board and didn't take it home after a while step mom might get rid of it, but we are talking within an hour of the party. And it was in Ann's pile of stuff to take home.
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Post by anniefb on Jun 7, 2016 21:27:33 GMT
Step Mom sounds like a jealous teen
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Post by KelleeM on Jun 7, 2016 21:28:11 GMT
Wow. I have nothing.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
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Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Jun 7, 2016 21:28:38 GMT
Hugs, I am sorry that the graduate had this experience at her graduation party.
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used2scrap
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Posts: 6,089
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Jun 7, 2016 21:29:13 GMT
I don't know about clean/control freak, but certainly seems like she was pissed/jealous of the step daughter and the divorced parents still working as a family to co parent. Very very sad for the graduate, the exact sort of behavior that will earn the "evil" step parent label, and drive a very painful wedge between father and daughter as well as damage the marriage...
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MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,836
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Jun 7, 2016 21:29:39 GMT
I have a friend, let’s call her Ann, whose daughter had a graduation party of Saturday. It was at her Dad’s house (and step mom). Ann and the dad split the cost of the party and had it catered and broke up all the duties. It was a nice party. Step mom is a little bit of a control freak, but Ann has dealt with this for years and lets her be. After the party it had to be totally cleaned up right away(per Step Mom) so everyone got busy and took down the tents put away the leftover food (Ann got all the left overs because step mom would never want them). So in cleaning up Step mom was asked what to do with the center pieces. They were small tissue paper pom pom flowers on sticks with paper Graduation signs on sticks in mason jars – very cute. Someone needed the mason jars and took them and step mom instructed to throw away everything else. Luckily Big Sister heard and said wait, Graduate wanted to save some. She ended up just grabbing all of them before they got thrown in the trash. Next they looked outside and all the balloons were floating away – step mom cut them all and said something like “there I’m done with these”. Graduate is crushed because she wanted to save one of the Mylar balloons that said 2016. Everyone else is pissed because that is basically littering. While Ann is cleaning up she grabs one of the photo boards they had made and puts it by her purse with her stuff to take home. Graduate wants to put it up in her room at home. Another board was made out of a bulletin board and Graduate wants to leave that at her room at dad’s house. Ann comes downstairs and the photo board is gone. She asks Step Mom who says – “I threw it away”. Not only did she throw it away, but she folded it all up and ruined it. She also took all the photos off the bulletin board and threw them away. Ann is beyond pissed and graduate is crushed. I just can’t get over someone destroying a photoboard that isn’t hers. Who throws photos away?? Ann went to the store and bought a Mylar 2016 balloon for her daughter and they are going to try and reprint pictures and recreate the photoboard. I am just in totally shock. I knew Step Mom was a clean/control freak, but this is so beyond anything I could imagine. I could see if Graduate left the photo board and didn't take it home after a while step mom might get rid of it, but we are talking within an hour of the party. And it was in Ann's pile of stuff to take home. That is just awful. Evil step-mom is right.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 15:20:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2016 21:42:12 GMT
Wow. She sounds dreadful.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 7, 2016 21:48:35 GMT
That is so rude! That kid has every right to be ticked off, I would be too.
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marianne
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 21:08:26 GMT
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Post by marianne on Jun 7, 2016 21:50:10 GMT
Besides what others have said, she sounds like a vindictive bitch to me. What goes around comes around... sad that she doesn't recognize what she could have.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jun 7, 2016 22:00:10 GMT
To throw away the photos seems over the top to me.
But the balloons, and the center pieces... I think that is silly to be "crushed" about.
Where the photo's originals or printed for just the occasion?
If they can be reprinted. I think Ann and graduate just need to let it go and move on.
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Post by Tamhugh on Jun 7, 2016 22:02:53 GMT
I don't automatically go to jealous bitch. I would have been devastated because I am a packrat. If it has even a tiny bit of sentimental value, I keep it. I would have been digging through the trash and crying. But my sister? She doesn't have an ounce of sentimentality in her system. She is a neat freak and would have done the same thing. In fact, she did at her kids' parties. I kept asking if she wanted to save things and she just kept tossing while I had a panic attack.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jun 7, 2016 22:07:42 GMT
Well I'm going to cause some ire as I know this is a scrapbooking group and I find in general you're a sentimental lot, but I wouldn't hesitate to toss party decorations. I hosted a baby shower and made a bunch of those tissue paper flowers - they were all in the trash within an hour of the end of the shower along with everything else - yes even the board with pics of the mom and dad to be and an ultrasound picture. They were all copies and saw no reason to keep. Now if the mother to be had asked for it - I'd have given it to her obviously. I don't think she's the sentimental type either. Now I wouldn't have released the baloons - but in all honesty they'd have met my scissors.
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Post by utpea on Jun 7, 2016 22:09:05 GMT
Where is Dad in all this? Seems like he should be dealing with the mean actions of his wife against his daughter.
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cycworker
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Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Jun 7, 2016 22:12:23 GMT
Where was dad in all this? Not impressed that he didn't step in sooner to stop her.
ETA: that dad needs to let step mom know it is going to come out of HER wallet to pay the cost to replace what needs replacing.
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Post by stampnscrap1128 on Jun 7, 2016 22:12:36 GMT
Sounds like the dad didn't do anything. Where was he? Looking for his balls?
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Post by hop2 on Jun 7, 2016 22:15:54 GMT
I don't automatically go to jealous bitch. I would have been devastated because I am a packrat. If it has even a tiny bit of sentimental value, I keep it. I would have been digging through the trash and crying. But my sister? She doesn't have an ounce of sentimentality in her system. She is a neat freak and would have done the same thing. In fact, she did at her kids' parties. I kept asking if she wanted to save things and she just kept tossing while I had a panic attack. I think a simple neat freak would take the whole board and just toss it. Boom, done, all cleaned up. The extra steps of removing all the pictures and folding up the board speaks to there being some other motive IMO if it were my SO who did that to my child's item without so much as a discussion I'd question that motive. The extra effort leads me to think there was something involved either vindictiveness, jealousy or just bitchyness. But a regular ole neat freak would just toss it. Job done. Well that's what I think
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Post by pierkiss on Jun 7, 2016 22:26:29 GMT
SHE THREW THE PHOTOS AWAY!?!?? What a horrible woman! Control freak or not, that sends a message loud and clear that this woman is done with that kid and that she no longer needs to be in step moms life. Whether or not that message is accurate is irrelevant, that's what I would get out of an action so despicable!
And seriously the balloon thing is almost as horrible. Hopefully no animals try and eat them.
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Post by epeanymous on Jun 7, 2016 22:41:52 GMT
That has to be so frustrating. Throwing out someone else's photos is really pretty weird.
My mother and my FIL are both like this, however. Anything any place it isn't supposed to be, and they can't relax or un-fixate until everything is back to normal. Both of them throw out everything, and have broken things because they were so anxious to get them out of the house, and ruined other things. They aren't trying to, and they should not let their issues make them behave like that, but they aren't doing so from a place of meanness, if that helps.
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Post by scrapperal on Jun 7, 2016 22:49:51 GMT
I don't think it was a case of the stepmom being evil. To me, it is ore like the stepmom thinks a clean house is more important than momentos and she knows very little about her stepdaughter and what she might want (which is very sad).
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jun 7, 2016 22:53:22 GMT
I don't automatically go to jealous bitch. I would have been devastated because I am a packrat. If it has even a tiny bit of sentimental value, I keep it. I would have been digging through the trash and crying. But my sister? She doesn't have an ounce of sentimentality in her system. She is a neat freak and would have done the same thing. In fact, she did at her kids' parties. I kept asking if she wanted to save things and she just kept tossing while I had a panic attack. I think a simple neat freak would take the whole board and just toss it. Boom, done, all cleaned up. The extra steps of removing all the pictures and folding up the board speaks to there being some other motive IMO if it were my SO who did that to my child's item without so much as a discussion I'd question that motive. The extra effort leads me to think there was something involved either vindictiveness, jealousy or just bitchyness. But a regular ole neat freak would just toss it. Job done. Well that's what I think Maybe it didn't fit in the trash without folding? The pictures could have fallen off in the process of getting the board into the trash. I'm not sure it could be described as the child's item. It's not like she went into the daughter's room and threw away a board she'd hung on the wall. The women may be a colossal bitch - but she could also be someone who is NOT sentimental about this stuff and unfortunately isn't sensitive enough to realize that other people are and it would behoove her to ask before tossing out what she sees as trash. I think there's a lot of projecting about motives that I'm not sure are warranted - at least based on this post.
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Post by nlwilkins on Jun 7, 2016 22:56:17 GMT
OK, I have a little different take on this. Obviously, it is well known that stepmother is a neat freak, and this is probably not the first time it has raised its ugly head. Did anyone think to mention to her before clean up time that some items were to be saved as mementos? Was she told NOT to throw any of this stuff away? If so then she deserves the wicked and jealous name calling.
But, there are people out there who just don't get it and don't want to keep all that stuff around and want it thrown away ASAP. My daughter is that way. So we have to tell her if we want stuff saved before clean up time. A little forethought on your part or on the part of the daughter might have caused a different outcome. maybe.
Of course you were there and know from the nuances and attitudes just what was in the step mother's mind about all this.
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Post by jackie on Jun 7, 2016 23:05:19 GMT
When she started throwing away the centerpieces and someone said "wait!" And then grabbed them, shouldn't that clue her in?
To throw away a photo board and photos that were not hers without at least checking in first is inexcusable. Sorry, non-sentimental neat freak or not, she does NOT get a pass for being so thoughtless and destructive.
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freebird
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Post by freebird on Jun 7, 2016 23:07:03 GMT
This is pretty much dad's fault for not putting his foot down. Sorry she has such a wimp for a father.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jun 7, 2016 23:09:26 GMT
When she started throwing away the centerpieces and someone said "wait!" And then grabbed them, shouldn't that clue her in? To throw away a photo board and photos that were not hers without at least checking in first is inexcusable. Sorry, non-sentimental neat freak or not, she does NOT get a pass for being so thoughtless and destructive. Of course she doesn't get a pass - but one should perhaps not jump to evil, jealous, vindictive bitch, or that she's done with the child and wants nothing to do with her (which frankly seemed like the most over the top response).
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The Birdhouse Lady
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Jun 7, 2016 23:11:26 GMT
I don't immediately think "evil step mom" what I don't get is why she had to go full throttle and throw everything away.
I think it was quite insensitive on her part to get rid of the photo boards.
Does this woman have children of her own? Maybe she does not get the sentimental value that step daughter might have.
Either was I do think it a bit rude for her not to ask is step daughter wanted anything.
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Post by scrappersue on Jun 7, 2016 23:13:47 GMT
Dad has no balls. Step Mom rules the roost and he just goes along with it. Ann has dealt with this for years and knows it isn't worth it to cross Step Mom. I have to give her a lot of credit for how well she worked with her for this party. Graduate did say when they were making the boards (step mom was present) that she was going to hang one in her house and one in her room there. Step Mom has a younger daughter (from previous marriage) who is the princess and her step daughters she puts up with - that was very evident. I am not sure she is jealous or just over the top clean freak. I just can't get over throwing away someone else's photos and the fact that the board was decorated - not just photos. The really sad thing is that older sister figured out step mom years ago (she is one year older) and has distanced herself from her, but graduate really wants her love and approval so this really did crush her. Everyone else involved was pissed, but not surprised.
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 7, 2016 23:14:38 GMT
I don't think it was a case of the stepmom being evil. To me, it is ore like the stepmom thinks a clean house is more important than momentos and she knows very little about her stepdaughter and what she might want (which is very sad). I toss a lot of my stuff, but I would never throw away someone else's pictures without asking first. It sounds like there could be more to the story and maybe step mom really didn't want to host in the first place.
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 7, 2016 23:17:31 GMT
This is pretty much dad's fault for not putting his foot down. Sorry she has such a wimp for a father. I like to think he is just clueless more than a wimp. My dad would have been very unaware of what my stepmom did. He was happy to let her deal with details and cleaning.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Jun 7, 2016 23:19:00 GMT
I don't immediately think "evil step mom" what I don't get is why she had to go full throttle and throw everything away.
I think it was quite insensitive on her part to get rid of the photo boards.
Does this woman have children of her own? Maybe she does not get the sentimental value that step daughter might have.
Either was I do think it a bit rude for her not to ask is step daughter wanted anything. ^^^ I would go to 'evil step mom' if that's the way she's treated the daughter and ex-wife all along... if not, well then, I'd downgrade it to insensitive, thoughtless dolt. at the VERY least, it would have been courteous of her to ASK BEFORE throwing things away. Even if SHE isn't sentimental doesn't mean the daughter or someone else might not have wanted the items. It was a party FOR THE GRADUATE-- to me, that means SHE got the first say in what got kept / tossed. And cutting the ribbons on the balloons to just let them float away?? She's an idiot, too. (hello: littering, causing issues with wildlife, etc. etc.) (and yeah, where were the Dad's balls that he couldn't find them during any of this??) ETA: wait- scrappersue , what are the step mom and graduate's ages?? it reads to me like the step mom is only a year older than the graduate...? ? eta2: oh, I think I get it-- the graduate has an older sister who figured out the step mom's MO, but the graduate still wants a relationship with her even though this stuff goes on. is that right??
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 8, 2016 3:36:42 GMT
I don't think it was a case of the stepmom being evil. To me, it is ore like the stepmom thinks a clean house is more important than momentos and she knows very little about her stepdaughter and what she might want (which is very sad). But really, how hard would it be to ASK the kid if she wanted any of the stuff before trashing all of it, especially the photos? And especially since the OP said the one photo board was in the mom's pile of stuff to take home. That's pretty low. The stuff was already slated to head out the door that day anyway, so to take it from there and intentionally throw it away seems hateful.
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