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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 9, 2016 1:26:03 GMT
I'm a little flabbergasted that you don't think that printed photos merit any kind of thought, just because they may have come from a memory card. Who cares where they came from, they are still photos and a lot of people actually like photos and print them. And it wasn't the SM's place to destroy them. So yes, I think she's an evil, narcississtic hag who should be cut off. That is a pretty strong reaction and to me way over what the step mom did. If they were pictures that could not be replaced.. but they aren't. I don't see how you can determine someone is a narcissist based on this one post. There is no way for us to know if the photos could be easily replaced or not. The OP said many of them were from the girl's childhood and included her longtime friend(s) so who knows where they came from? Only the person who made the boards (and PAID for the photos/prints) would know that.
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Jun 9, 2016 1:36:07 GMT
I don't understand mean people.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 15:22:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2016 2:12:19 GMT
I have to think that she was NOT happy to have had this party at her house and she just wanted it done. If she felt that strong about it, she should've said it wasn't a good place to host, after all it's her house too. I agree, Dad should step in.
She suggested having at her house (and had the older sister's party there last year also). I think it is because she could control it all. They have a beautiful backyard and I think she wants to show that off a bit too.
Then she's a complete cow. I'd speak to the dad about it and see what happens from there. If nothing, I'd be respectful and polite but let her know you didn't appreciate her behavior.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 9, 2016 2:41:49 GMT
I'm not Ann, but Ann is a co-worker and friend. Her daughter and my daughter grew up together. I have heard all the stories of the divorce and new step mom over the years. I was at the party and Ann told us all about after the party the next day at work. I have been around step mom many, many times at different school and scouting events so I know exactly how she acts. This story just blew me away because I know how much those picture boards meant to her daughter. Half the pictures had my daughter in them too. From when they were little until recent. A lot of thought went into what pictures to use. Even if Step mom doesn't like clutter and is a clean freak she should have asked before throwing that away. It hurts my heart to think of it. I am sentimental so that may be part of my shock over it.
If the stepmom had a history of this irrational behavior as related by Ann, then I would have put the poster board with the pictures in my car first thing. The mylar balloons, meh, they can be bought for a dollar at every box store, party supply store, and dollar store. Why not ask Ann, why the father didn't intercede? With all these people helping to clean up, no one saw evil stepmother take the board, rip the pictures off one by one, throw them away, then bend and fold the poster board? How did she manage to abscond with said poster board, slink away to do her evil, and no one saw this? Merrymom you are weird. You keep acting like the OP is a big fat liar!??! Geez. I believe what the OP is posting.
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Post by prapea on Jun 9, 2016 2:52:03 GMT
Is it the step mom's way of indirectly saying, "you won't have a room to put it in because you are off to college now"?
Also, if this has been how the step-mom is for years, why are the mom and daughter not saying anything? Why play the victim?
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Post by vjlau on Jun 9, 2016 4:09:20 GMT
Wow!! My first instinct is to say that step-mom is crazy!
However, to give her a teeny bit of credit, I am exactly like her when it comes to clean-up. I would never have thrown the photo boards away, but the balloons, pieces of centerpieces that have already been dismantled...yup! (Although I would have popped the balloons. Releasing them is not good.)
I am usually so done when a party is over, I just want to clean up. Getting ready, cleaning, food and set-up, then hosting. It's all tiring. I'm a lets get rid of it, and relax person!
For the mom, I would have gone to work those issues out with the dad.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Jun 9, 2016 11:10:15 GMT
Yup. Evil. And yes I have had evil things done to me. This rates on my evil meter because she's so full of herself and selfish that she couldn't be bothered to ask the honouree if she wanted to keep any of the party stuff. Nope. It was a vindictive act to get rid of anything without asking first. Seriously. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that just because the step mom is a souless person who doesn't like sentiment, that she should ASK if anything was to be kept before her little temper tantrums of getting rid of everything... everything that didn't belong to her. If the party was for her or about her, fine. Get rid of everything if that's what you want. But nope. This is a classic narcississitic "I'll put that bitch in her place" move to show the Step Daughter that Step Mom is the Head Bitch and that she's not going to deal with anything that makes the SD look good. I'm a little flabbergasted that you don't think that printed photos merit any kind of thought, just because they may have come from a memory card. Who cares where they came from, they are still photos and a lot of people actually like photos and print them. And it wasn't the SM's place to destroy them. So yes, I think she's an evil, narcississtic hag who should be cut off. That is a pretty strong reaction and to me way over what the step mom did. If they were pictures that could not be replaced.. but they aren't. I don't see how you can determine someone is a narcissist based on this one post. Easy. The Stepmom thought of no one but herself. It takes all of two seconds and common sense to ask before throwing this stuff out. But nope. She took it on herself to throw stuff out that didn't belong to her. All about her, no one else could possibly have a different outlook.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,562
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Jun 9, 2016 13:02:14 GMT
If the stepmom had a history of this irrational behavior as related by Ann, then I would have put the poster board with the pictures in my car first thing. The mylar balloons, meh, they can be bought for a dollar at every box store, party supply store, and dollar store. Why not ask Ann, why the father didn't intercede? With all these people helping to clean up, no one saw evil stepmother take the board, rip the pictures off one by one, throw them away, then bend and fold the poster board? How did she manage to abscond with said poster board, slink away to do her evil, and no one saw this? Merrymom you are weird. You keep acting like the OP is a big fat liar!??! Geez. I believe what the OP is posting. I was merely pointing out that with all these people around cleaning up ( assuming OPs friend Ann's ex-husband doesn't live in a mansion) , how was the stepmom able to perpetrate all this nonsense and no one sees her at all, until well after the fact. She takes the poster board and peels off each picture one by one , throwing each one away, then crumples up the poster board and no one sees anything until after the fact. ? I find that weird.
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Post by pierkiss on Jun 9, 2016 13:21:50 GMT
Merrymom you are weird. You keep acting like the OP is a big fat liar!??! Geez. I believe what the OP is posting. I was merely pointing out that with all these people around cleaning up ( assuming OPs friend Ann's ex-husband doesn't live in a mansion) , how was the stepmom able to perpetrate all this nonsense and no one sees her at all, until well after the fact. She takes the poster board and peels off each picture one by one , throwing each one away, then crumples up the poster board and no one sees anything until after the fact. ? I find that weird. Really? I don't find it weird at all. Especially if she was in one part of the yard or house and Ann and her daughter were in another part of the house or yard and focused on various tasks.
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tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
Jun 27, 2014 18:32:45 GMT
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Post by tduby1 on Jun 9, 2016 14:10:54 GMT
That is a pretty strong reaction and to me way over what the step mom did. If they were pictures that could not be replaced.. but they aren't. I don't see how you can determine someone is a narcissist based on this one post. Easy. The Stepmom thought of no one but herself. It takes all of two seconds and common sense to ask before throwing this stuff out. But nope. She took it on herself to throw stuff out that didn't belong to her. All about her, no one else could possibly have a different outlook. This. I hosted a shower this past weekend. The centerpieces included photos of the couple (that *I* had printed and paid for). I am a "let's get this cleaned up and over with" personality, too. My initial impulse was to just throw the centerpieces and pictures away but then I thought I should check with the bride, perhaps she would like the photos. I did. She did and it really wasn't hard to do.
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tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
Jun 27, 2014 18:32:45 GMT
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Post by tduby1 on Jun 9, 2016 14:13:53 GMT
Merrymom you are weird. You keep acting like the OP is a big fat liar!??! Geez. I believe what the OP is posting. I was merely pointing out that with all these people around cleaning up ( assuming OPs friend Ann's ex-husband doesn't live in a mansion) , how was the stepmom able to perpetrate all this nonsense and no one sees her at all, until well after the fact. She takes the poster board and peels off each picture one by one , throwing each one away, then crumples up the poster board and no one sees anything until after the fact. ? I find that weird. You seem bent on discrediting the OP. Back to the shower I threw this weekend. I would say about 7 people helped me clean up. I had NO CLUE what the other 7 people were doing unless they had a question about what to do with something. (Keep, toss, whose pile should this go in, etc) And oddly enough all seven people were courteous enough to do so, rather than willy nilly throwing things away.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,947
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Jun 9, 2016 14:21:22 GMT
To throw away the photos seems over the top to me. But the balloons, and the center pieces... I think that is silly to be "crushed" about. Where the photo's originals or printed for just the occasion? If they can be reprinted. I think Ann and graduate just need to let it go and move on. Wow! Now that is a cold response!
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,947
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Jun 9, 2016 14:21:52 GMT
Does anyone find it odd that the OP sure has a lot of information for someone who got the information from her friend, Ann? No, No I don't.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jun 9, 2016 14:34:41 GMT
To throw away the photos seems over the top to me. But the balloons, and the center pieces... I think that is silly to be "crushed" about. Where the photo's originals or printed for just the occasion? If they can be reprinted. I think Ann and graduate just need to let it go and move on. Wow! Now that is a cold response! Hmm I don't think so. I think calling the stepmom evil and narcissistic is pretty harsh. Maybe I wasn't clear, but my thinking is if the photos can't be reprinted then I would be upset.. but I don't get attached to things.. like balloons.. they can be replaced and they are just balloons. If that makes me cold to you.. oh well. I've been called worse!
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Post by STBC on Jun 9, 2016 14:38:06 GMT
Maybe-but-and I fully recognize that our situation is different in other ways too (for example, we all go out to dinner together for major events and birthdays and whatnot) I still think that step-parents have the right to full participation in these kinds of thing and shouldn't have to 'step back.' I have both a stepmother and stepfather. They never had to step back during events like this and I don't think that stepparents should. However, I don't think this particular situation has anything to do with the person being a stepparent, but instead was due to the fact that the woman didn't take a minute to be considerate to ask if the guest of honor wanted any of the photos saved, and even tossed out the board that had been purposely set aside with someone else's things. Being a stepparent or a "neat freak" doesn't really have much to do with the situation; it was a lack of consideration.
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Post by STBC on Jun 9, 2016 14:46:10 GMT
She takes the poster board and peels off each picture one by one , throwing each one away, then crumples up the poster board and no one sees anything until after the fact. ? There were two boards - poster board and bulletin board. Posterboard got folded up and tossed; bulletin board had the photos taken off and tossed. I can see getting the photos off the board quickly before anyone noticed, especially if they were tacked to the board without putting holes in the pictures themselves (thumbtacks around the photo rather than through it.) Obviously, I'm guessing on that, but if they happened to have been mounted to the board like that, it would have been an indication that someone intended to keep the pictures if they took the time to not poke holes into them. No idea, of course, but that is a possibility. It's tossing the pictures without asking that bothers me most, however, high school me did keep mylar balloons from my own graduation party (and I still have them in a scrapbook, almost 25 years later.) So while the "more mature adult me" doesn't care so much about that stuff the "high school graduate me" did find those types of things to be important. I do believe the story is true, but if it isn't so what? It is an interesting conversation.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Jun 9, 2016 15:28:50 GMT
I was merely pointing out that with all these people around cleaning up ( assuming OPs friend Ann's ex-husband doesn't live in a mansion) , how was the stepmom able to perpetrate all this nonsense and no one sees her at all, until well after the fact. She takes the poster board and peels off each picture one by one , throwing each one away, then crumples up the poster board and no one sees anything until after the fact. ? I find that weird. Really? I don't find it weird at all. Especially if she was in one part of the yard or house and Ann and her daughter were in another part of the house or yard and focused on various tasks. Well people were in a close enough vicinity to step mom to know all these details to tell Ann about very specific things that went on in the backyard.
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Jun 9, 2016 15:40:39 GMT
I think a simple neat freak would take the whole board and just toss it. Boom, done, all cleaned up. The extra steps of removing all the pictures and folding up the board speaks to there being some other motive IMO if it were my SO who did that to my child's item without so much as a discussion I'd question that motive. The extra effort leads me to think there was something involved either vindictiveness, jealousy or just bitchyness. But a regular ole neat freak would just toss it. Job done. Well that's what I think Maybe it didn't fit in the trash without folding? The pictures could have fallen off in the process of getting the board into the trash. I'm not sure it could be described as the child's item. It's not like she went into the daughter's room and threw away a board she'd hung on the wall. The women may be a colossal bitch - but she could also be someone who is NOT sentimental about this stuff and unfortunately isn't sensitive enough to realize that other people are and it would behoove her to ask before tossing out what she sees as trash. I think there's a lot of projecting about motives that I'm not sure are warranted - at least based on this post. She may not have gone into the daughter's room, but from the o/p it sounds like Mom/Ann had it set aside with her purse to take home, so my opinion is that she destroyed it intentionally.
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Post by twinks on Jun 9, 2016 16:10:02 GMT
Ann is in a hard place. She really can't point out to the graduate how inconsiderate the stepmom was. All she can do is try her hardest to "re-do" the destroyed photo board and move on. It is unfortunate that Ann's younger daughter isn't in the same place as the older daughter. However, I don't see younger daughter being where she is for long if stepmom keeps acting inconsiderate, mean and rude toward her.
Graduation from high school is a big deal for everyone - parents included. Perhaps stepmom just doesn't get it, but, even still, she should have definitely been more considerate. She does seem like the evil stepmom - ruining what is important to her step daughter.
That would be the last party or celebration that I would let my ex and his wife host at their place. I would be making other arrangements going forward. I wouldn't be giving her the opportunity to treat anyone that way again.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 9, 2016 16:21:32 GMT
Merrymom you are weird. You keep acting like the OP is a big fat liar!??! Geez. I believe what the OP is posting. I was merely pointing out that with all these people around cleaning up ( assuming OPs friend Ann's ex-husband doesn't live in a mansion) , how was the stepmom able to perpetrate all this nonsense and no one sees her at all, until well after the fact. She takes the poster board and peels off each picture one by one , throwing each one away, then crumples up the poster board and no one sees anything until after the fact. ? I find that weird. You weren't "merely pointing out" either --did you forget your first post? YOU WERE MOST CERTAINLY TRYING TO DISCREDIT THE OP. Does anyone find it odd that the OP sure has a lot of information for someone who got the information from her friend, Ann? AND Not if she was also at the party, which wouldn't be unusual since her friend is the mom of the graduating kid. I went to both of my BFF's kid's grad parties. The OP knows more than just being "at the party" or what a friend "Ann" told her. Knowing about what happened after the party was over during clean up time... Methinks "Ann" is not a friend. Grinningcat has nailed it on the head-it was all about stem mom, no one else. It wasn't about being a clean freak, the bitch wanted to send the message that it was not important to her. Just wait--I bet her princess' party is way different.
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tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
Jun 27, 2014 18:32:45 GMT
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Post by tduby1 on Jun 9, 2016 16:36:38 GMT
Really? I don't find it weird at all. Especially if she was in one part of the yard or house and Ann and her daughter were in another part of the house or yard and focused on various tasks. Well people were in a close enough vicinity to step mom to know all these details to tell Ann about very specific things that went on in the backyard. Because step mom told Ann when Ann asked where they went! Did you even read the OP?
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Jun 9, 2016 16:43:07 GMT
the bitch wanted to send the message that it was not important to her. Just wait--I bet her princess' party is way different. From the OP: I completely understand being disappointed if you like to keep mementos but the OP herself admitted it was a nice party.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Jun 9, 2016 16:45:36 GMT
of course she said it was a nice party-- the things that Ann is irritated about didn't happen until AFTER the party!
And just because it actually was a nice party for the stepdaughter doesn't mean the stepmom still won't treat 'her own' daughter's party differently when it does happen.
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Post by STBC on Jun 9, 2016 16:47:26 GMT
I completely understand being disappointed if you like to keep mementos but the OP herself admitted it was a nice party. Nobody is saying that it wasn't a nice party. There was no reason to throw out pictures without asking. That's just rude. Think of it from a young graduate's perspective. This stuff was important to the grad.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jun 9, 2016 17:31:02 GMT
Maybe it didn't fit in the trash without folding? The pictures could have fallen off in the process of getting the board into the trash. I'm not sure it could be described as the child's item. It's not like she went into the daughter's room and threw away a board she'd hung on the wall. The women may be a colossal bitch - but she could also be someone who is NOT sentimental about this stuff and unfortunately isn't sensitive enough to realize that other people are and it would behoove her to ask before tossing out what she sees as trash. I think there's a lot of projecting about motives that I'm not sure are warranted - at least based on this post. She may not have gone into the daughter's room, but from the o/p it sounds like Mom/Ann had it set aside with her purse to take home, so my opinion is that she destroyed it intentionally. That's fine - I think the fact that we're basing this entire discussion on hearsay from the friend who heard it froma mother who clearly doesn't like the ex's new wife, makes it all up for interpretation. One could just as easy believe that the step-mother didn't realize that the post had been set aside to keep. None of us were there.
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Post by STBC on Jun 9, 2016 17:37:24 GMT
That's fine - I think the fact that we're basing this entire discussion on hearsay from the friend who heard it froma mother who clearly doesn't like the ex's new wife, makes it all up for interpretation. One could just as easy believe that the step-mother didn't realize that the post had been set aside to keep. None of us were there. Well, yeah, we are all speculating, but OP said that she knows both mom and stepmom, so that does help that OP has some direct background on stepmom too. Also, a considerate person would at the very least apologize for tossing out something that someone else wanted. I don't think I've seen a mention of that happening.
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Post by BoilerUp! on Jun 9, 2016 19:51:33 GMT
Step mom is more than control/clean freak - She's a bitch!
Seriously, it isn't about her! It is about the graduate.
I couldn't have NOT said something if the graduate were my child. Sounds like dad has no voice, or no balls to stand up for his own child!
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Jun 9, 2016 20:18:08 GMT
Good heavens, why are we picking Ann and the o/p apart, when the hurtful behavior came from the step-mother?
Since the o/p is a close friend of Ann's, and their daughters are also friends, I'm gonna go with them having a better insight on SM and her behavior, since they know her personally.
O/P, please give my best wishes to Ann and her daughter. It's impossible to know just how narcissistic behavior is until you've dealt with it first-hand. It is not rational - not even close.
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Post by Meri-Lyn on Jun 9, 2016 20:19:28 GMT
Merrymom you are weird. You keep acting like the OP is a big fat liar!??! Geez. I believe what the OP is posting. I was merely pointing out that with all these people around cleaning up ( assuming OPs friend Ann's ex-husband doesn't live in a mansion) , how was the stepmom able to perpetrate all this nonsense and no one sees her at all, until well after the fact. She takes the poster board and peels off each picture one by one , throwing each one away, then crumples up the poster board and no one sees anything until after the fact. ? I find that weird. I don't, not at all. I have a neighbor that's sort of like this, but with food. If anything has sat out for more than say, 30 minutes, it's gone and in the garbage. And nope you usually don't know it because it's when everyone is doing something else. So say you're hanging out by the pool and you decide, "hey, I want some more of those cheesy things," when you go inside they are all gone. And ask what happened, the response is "Bill threw them away." Never mind the fact that there was a whole plate full, and they could have just gone in the refrigerator. But you see the point. So I see very easily how this could have been done before anyone noticed, particularly a crowd of party goers concentrating on other things.
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