|
|
Post by gmcwife1 on Jun 8, 2016 18:07:47 GMT
I'm a stepmom to two kids and a birth mom to three. I usually don't make a difference in how they came into my heart, but just for the record...if this was any of our kids my husband would have thrown it all away because 'keeping that stuff is what hoarders do'. And he would have been an equal opportunity throw-awayer. It's just how he was made. My dh is like this too. He doesn't understand how many things are kept for sentimental reasons. |
|
grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
|
Post by grinningcat on Jun 8, 2016 18:20:25 GMT
See I am not a sentimental person. If I was cleaning up I would just trash pretty much everything because that's my nature. Pictures even. Most photos these days are just printed off a memory card, iphone for display purposes. While it would be easy to ask if anyone wants anything the party was at the step mom's home and she might of been on cleaning autopilot. Focused on getting the clutter gone. Once my kids got past the age of say 10ish I stopped asking them if they wanted party decorations. Evil doings? Have you ever had truly evil things done to you? Having a balloon thrown away doesn't even remotely hit the evil scale. Then again she could be a bitch but it doesn't rate on my evil meter. Yup. Evil. And yes I have had evil things done to me. This rates on my evil meter because she's so full of herself and selfish that she couldn't be bothered to ask the honouree if she wanted to keep any of the party stuff. Nope. It was a vindictive act to get rid of anything without asking first. Seriously. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that just because the step mom is a souless person who doesn't like sentiment, that she should ASK if anything was to be kept before her little temper tantrums of getting rid of everything... everything that didn't belong to her. If the party was for her or about her, fine. Get rid of everything if that's what you want. But nope. This is a classic narcississitic "I'll put that bitch in her place" move to show the Step Daughter that Step Mom is the Head Bitch and that she's not going to deal with anything that makes the SD look good. I'm a little flabbergasted that you don't think that printed photos merit any kind of thought, just because they may have come from a memory card. Who cares where they came from, they are still photos and a lot of people actually like photos and print them. And it wasn't the SM's place to destroy them. So yes, I think she's an evil, narcississtic hag who should be cut off. |
|
|
|
Post by refugeepea on Jun 8, 2016 19:03:50 GMT
Without reading responses, my first thought was I got nothing except what a bi**h!
|
|
MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,562 
|
Post by MerryMom on Jun 8, 2016 19:14:17 GMT
Does anyone find it odd that the OP sure has a lot of information for someone who got the information from her friend, Ann? Not if she was also at the party, which wouldn't be unusual since her friend is the mom of the graduating kid. I went to both of my BFF's kid's grad parties. The OP knows more than just being "at the party" or what a friend "Ann" told her. Knowing about what happened after the party was over during clean up time... Methinks "Ann" is not a friend. |
|
|
|
Post by STBC on Jun 8, 2016 19:27:44 GMT
The OP knows more than just being "at the party" or what a friend "Ann" told her. Knowing about what happened after the party was over during clean up time... Methinks "Ann" is not a friend. Still not seeing it. Why wouldn't the friend know what happened during cleanup? The friend is the mom and co-host for the party and could have easily vented about this to OP. |
|
Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
|
Post by Country Ham on Jun 8, 2016 19:29:36 GMT
she should ASK if anything was to be kept before her little temper tantrums of getting rid of everything... everything that didn't belong to her. It's amazing how much we can come away with different perceptions based on the retelling of a story. I just reread the OP. I read nothing there that indicates a tantrum. Or that she had a temper while cleaning it up. I have tried to untie those balloons before and have resorted to taking scissors to the strings. Had I been outdoors I might of let them float away too. The bulletin board being folded in half? When cleaning up I almost always break down larger boxes, piece of cardboard by folding them up like that. Takes less space. Unless she was left to clean the whole yard by herself others must of been there while she did it, and if she was left alone maybe she just got it done. |
|
|
|
Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 8, 2016 19:34:55 GMT
Not if she was also at the party, which wouldn't be unusual since her friend is the mom of the graduating kid. I went to both of my BFF's kid's grad parties. The OP knows more than just being "at the party" or what a friend "Ann" told her. Knowing about what happened after the party was over during clean up time... Methinks "Ann" is not a friend. So what if she is or isn't? It doesn't alter anything. |
|
|
|
Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 8, 2016 19:36:45 GMT
See I am not a sentimental person. If I was cleaning up I would just trash pretty much everything because that's my nature. Pictures even. Most photos these days are just printed off a memory card, iphone for display purposes. While it would be easy to ask if anyone wants anything the party was at the step mom's home and she might of been on cleaning autopilot. Focused on getting the clutter gone. Once my kids got past the age of say 10ish I stopped asking them if they wanted party decorations. Evil doings? Have you ever had truly evil things done to you? Having a balloon thrown away doesn't even remotely hit the evil scale. Then again she could be a bitch but it doesn't rate on my evil meter. Yup. Evil. And yes I have had evil things done to me. This rates on my evil meter because she's so full of herself and selfish that she couldn't be bothered to ask the honouree if she wanted to keep any of the party stuff. Nope. It was a vindictive act to get rid of anything without asking first. Seriously. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that just because the step mom is a souless person who doesn't like sentiment, that she should ASK if anything was to be kept before her little temper tantrums of getting rid of everything... everything that didn't belong to her. If the party was for her or about her, fine. Get rid of everything if that's what you want. But nope. This is a classic narcississitic "I'll put that bitch in her place" move to show the Step Daughter that Step Mom is the Head Bitch and that she's not going to deal with anything that makes the SD look good. I'm a little flabbergasted that you don't think that printed photos merit any kind of thought, just because they may have come from a memory card. Who cares where they came from, they are still photos and a lot of people actually like photos and print them. And it wasn't the SM's place to destroy them. So yes, I think she's an evil, narcississtic hag who should be cut off. I'm going with this !! |
|
|
|
Post by STBC on Jun 8, 2016 20:06:01 GMT
It's amazing how much we can come away with different perceptions based on the retelling of a story. I just reread the OP. I read nothing there that indicates a tantrum. Or that she had a temper while cleaning it up. I have tried to untie those balloons before and have resorted to taking scissors to the strings. Had I been outdoors I might of let them float away too. The bulletin board being folded in half? When cleaning up I almost always break down larger boxes, piece of cardboard by folding them up like that. Takes less space. Unless she was left to clean the whole yard by herself others must of been there while she did it, and if she was left alone maybe she just got it done. Re-reading the OP, there are references to "everyone else" so this woman was not getting it done on her own. Why couldn't she be considerate and ask about the photo board before tossing it, especially considered that it was purposely set aside. OP mentioned the stepmom said something like "there I'm done with these* makes me think there was a little something more behind the quick and complete clean-up/toss-out. There was a cardboard photo collage and a bulletin board with photos and stepmom destroyed both. Who removes photos from a bulletin board and throws the pictures out? Throwing out photographs is not a common behavior. Again, releasing the balloons outside is not good for the environment. Please don't ever do it. balloonsblow.org/ |
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 8, 2016 20:06:32 GMT
she should ASK if anything was to be kept before her little temper tantrums of getting rid of everything... everything that didn't belong to her. It's amazing how much we can come away with different perceptions based on the retelling of a story. I just reread the OP. I read nothing there that indicates a tantrum. Or that she had a temper while cleaning it up. I have tried to untie those balloons before and have resorted to taking scissors to the strings. Had I been outdoors I might of let them float away too. The bulletin board being folded in half? When cleaning up I almost always break down larger boxes, piece of cardboard by folding them up like that. Takes less space. Unless she was left to clean the whole yard by herself others must of been there while she did it, and if she was left alone maybe she just got it done. Right. But it was a decorated photo board with more on it than just photos, AND it was on someone's pile of stuff to take home. Sorry, but unsentimental or not, that's just rude. I made several of those photo boards for my MIL's funeral service and I would have been very unhappy if someone would have taken it upon themselves to go ahead and destroy them without asking me, DH or SIL first. Some of the photos on the boards I made were originals and I wouldn't have been able to make copies. And pretty much everybody these days should know what a hazard those mylar balloons are to wildlife and the environment but I guess not everybody cares.  How hard is it to pop the balloons and throw them in the trash, or better yet, give them to some neighborhood kids to take home? |
|
smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,476
Location: MN
Member is Online
|
Post by smcast on Jun 8, 2016 20:08:56 GMT
I would tell her that next time, before she tosses anything, check with them first. Common curtesy. As the stepmother, she should step aside and not dominate the occasion, whether it was at her house or not.
|
|
|
|
Post by STBC on Jun 8, 2016 20:21:33 GMT
I would tell her that next time, before she tosses anything, check with them first. Common curtesy. As the stepmother, she should step aside and not dominate the occasion, whether it was at her house or not. Not even just "as the stepmother" but also as a considerate person. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 15:25:54 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2016 20:31:33 GMT
she should ASK if anything was to be kept before her little temper tantrums of getting rid of everything... everything that didn't belong to her. It's amazing how much we can come away with different perceptions based on the retelling of a story. I just reread the OP. I read nothing there that indicates a tantrum. Or that she had a temper while cleaning it up. I have tried to untie those balloons before and have resorted to taking scissors to the strings. Had I been outdoors I might of let them float away too. The bulletin board being folded in half? When cleaning up I almost always break down larger boxes, piece of cardboard by folding them up like that. Takes less space. Unless she was left to clean the whole yard by herself others must of been there while she did it, and if she was left alone maybe she just got it done.  U.S. Fish and Wildlife Servicereleasing balloons is harmful to wildlife and to the environmentHow Balloon Releases Harm WildlifeDon't Let Go |
|
|
|
Post by cade387 on Jun 8, 2016 20:45:39 GMT
See I am not a sentimental person. If I was cleaning up I would just trash pretty much everything because that's my nature. Pictures even. Most photos these days are just printed off a memory card, iphone for display purposes. While it would be easy to ask if anyone wants anything the party was at the step mom's home and she might of been on cleaning autopilot. Focused on getting the clutter gone. Once my kids got past the age of say 10ish I stopped asking them if they wanted party decorations. Evil doings? Have you ever had truly evil things done to you? Having a balloon thrown away doesn't even remotely hit the evil scale. Then again she could be a bitch but it doesn't rate on my evil meter. Photos for a graduation party often go back to baby photos. Even today's grads aren't so young that everything would be digital. So it is very possible some of those could have been original baby photos, we don't know.
|
|
|
|
Post by anxiousmom on Jun 8, 2016 23:05:38 GMT
I would tell her that next time, before she tosses anything, check with them first. Common curtesy. As the stepmother, she should step aside and not dominate the occasion, whether it was at her house or not. Oh gosh, my ex and his wife are having a graduation party for my son at their house and it would never occur to me that she should step aside in deference to me. It's their home, their party and I will be every bit a guest as anyone else. Common courtesy started when they invited me to the party and I will go as the guest who happens to have given birth to the graduate. *shrug* |
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on Jun 8, 2016 23:14:30 GMT
The OP knows more than just being "at the party" or what a friend "Ann" told her. Knowing about what happened after the party was over during clean up time... Methinks "Ann" is not a friend. Still not seeing it. Why wouldn't the friend know what happened during cleanup? The friend is the mom and co-host for the party and could have easily vented about this to OP. Well I know my friend would have gotten a detailed account of that. Especially if I was successful at keeping my Mouth shut to the stepmom. Hell, if I had succeeded in suppressing my bitchy comments I'm pretty sure my friend would have heard me vent ASAP. I'd need to blow off steam. And if 'Ann' isn't a friend? So what |
|
tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
|
Post by tduby1 on Jun 8, 2016 23:17:10 GMT
I would tell her that next time, before she tosses anything, check with them first. Common curtesy. As the stepmother, she should step aside and not dominate the occasion, whether it was at her house or not. Oh gosh, my ex and his wife are having a graduation party for my son at their house and it would never occur to me that she should step aside in deference to me. It's their home, their party and I will be every bit a guest as anyone else. Common courtesy started when they invited me to the party and I will go as the guest who happens to have given birth to the graduate. *shrug* But this situation is slightly different in that the mom and dad co-hosted the event and mom paid half of everything. She wasn't just "an invited" guest. |
|
tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
|
Post by tduby1 on Jun 8, 2016 23:19:19 GMT
Does anyone find it odd that the OP sure has a lot of information for someone who got the information from her friend, Ann? No. |
|
tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
|
Post by tduby1 on Jun 8, 2016 23:21:23 GMT
Not if she was also at the party, which wouldn't be unusual since her friend is the mom of the graduating kid. I went to both of my BFF's kid's grad parties. The OP knows more than just being "at the party" or what a friend "Ann" told her. Knowing about what happened after the party was over during clean up time... Methinks "Ann" is not a friend. I have a friend and that is *exactly the type of stuff we would talk about. |
|
|
|
Post by scrappersue on Jun 8, 2016 23:23:12 GMT
ETA: wait- scrappersue , what are the step mom and graduate's ages?? it reads to me like the step mom is only a year older than the graduate...? ? eta2: oh, I think I get it-- the graduate has an older sister who figured out the step mom's MO, but the graduate still wants a relationship with her even though this stuff goes on. is that right??
Yes older sister had step mom figured out years ago and graduate still wants step moms approval. She doesn't ever say anything to cross her even though her feelings get hurt frequently by step mom.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 15:25:54 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2016 23:24:11 GMT
I have to think that she was NOT happy to have had this party at her house and she just wanted it done.
If she felt that strong about it, she should've said it wasn't a good place to host, after all it's her house too.
I agree, Dad should step in.
|
|
|
|
Post by scrappersue on Jun 8, 2016 23:26:03 GMT
What was stepmom's reaction when... Ann, stepdaughter, whoever... said "Hey! Where's the photoboard? I wanted to keep that!" or whatever they said? How did stepmom respond in that moment? No "I'm sorry" just "I folded it up and threw it away". When Ann said that graduate wanted to hang it her room, step mom didn't say anything - like she didn't really care. Ann was so upset she had to leave. Graduate didn't find out until later - she was crushed. |
|
|
|
Post by scrappersue on Jun 8, 2016 23:32:29 GMT
Not if she was also at the party, which wouldn't be unusual since her friend is the mom of the graduating kid. I went to both of my BFF's kid's grad parties. The OP knows more than just being "at the party" or what a friend "Ann" told her. Knowing about what happened after the party was over during clean up time... Methinks "Ann" is not a friend. I'm not Ann, but Ann is a co-worker and friend. Her daughter and my daughter grew up together. I have heard all the stories of the divorce and new step mom over the years. I was at the party and Ann told us all about after the party the next day at work. I have been around step mom many, many times at different school and scouting events so I know exactly how she acts. This story just blew me away because I know how much those picture boards meant to her daughter. Half the pictures had my daughter in them too. From when they were little until recent. A lot of thought went into what pictures to use. Even if Step mom doesn't like clutter and is a clean freak she should have asked before throwing that away. It hurts my heart to think of it. I am sentimental so that may be part of my shock over it.
|
|
|
|
Post by scrappersue on Jun 8, 2016 23:34:55 GMT
I have to think that she was NOT happy to have had this party at her house and she just wanted it done. If she felt that strong about it, she should've said it wasn't a good place to host, after all it's her house too. I agree, Dad should step in.
She suggested having at her house (and had the older sister's party there last year also). I think it is because she could control it all. They have a beautiful backyard and I think she wants to show that off a bit too.
|
|
|
|
Post by anxiousmom on Jun 8, 2016 23:37:07 GMT
Oh gosh, my ex and his wife are having a graduation party for my son at their house and it would never occur to me that she should step aside in deference to me. It's their home, their party and I will be every bit a guest as anyone else. Common courtesy started when they invited me to the party and I will go as the guest who happens to have given birth to the graduate. *shrug* But this situation is slightly different in that the mom and dad co-hosted the event and mom paid half of everything. She wasn't just "an invited" guest. Maybe-but-and I fully recognize that our situation is different in other ways too (for example, we all go out to dinner together for major events and birthdays and whatnot) I still think that step-parents have the right to full participation in these kinds of thing and shouldn't have to 'step back.' Even if I was paying for half the party, in our case, I think that the boy's step mother is a fully functioning member of 'our' family and has every right to be as participative as she wants. I think step parents get a bad rap sometimes-the classic damned if they do, damned if they don't. Some our absolutely vile, but I think most do the best they can with what they have. |
|
tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
|
Post by tduby1 on Jun 8, 2016 23:51:39 GMT
But this situation is slightly different in that the mom and dad co-hosted the event and mom paid half of everything. She wasn't just "an invited" guest. Maybe-but-and I fully recognize that our situation is different in other ways too (for example, we all go out to dinner together for major events and birthdays and whatnot) I still think that step-parents have the right to full participation in these kinds of thing and shouldn't have to 'step back.' Even if I was paying for half the party, in our case, I think that the boy's step mother is a fully functioning member of 'our' family and has every right to be as participative as she wants. I think step parents get a bad rap sometimes-the classic damned if they do, damned if they don't. Some our absolutely vile, but I think most do the best they can with what they have. I do agree. I Don't neccesarily think the step moms should take a back seat I was just pointing out that in this particular case mom did have a bigger role than "invited guest". I also don't think the step mom was very inconsiderate of her step daughter and given the additional info of the step daughter striving for her affection but never quite measuring up to her step sister I think this particular step mom was just being mean. I also think too often the relationship between bio/step parent is a power struggle that only hurts the kids. i love hearing stories like yours. |
|
vanessa
Full Member
Posts: 142
Sept 15, 2015 4:25:10 GMT
|
Post by vanessa on Jun 9, 2016 0:33:33 GMT
I have a hard time with calling her evil. My own husband will throw your shoes away if you leave them where they don't belong. I love him so I have loved him through it through the years. Like 'baby we don't throw people's shoes away'. This is how he was raised. It has taken a lot to overcome it. He came from a home where he was woken up in the middle of the night to empty the dishwasher. I show him grace.
|
|
MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,562
|
Post by MerryMom on Jun 9, 2016 0:39:14 GMT
The OP knows more than just being "at the party" or what a friend "Ann" told her. Knowing about what happened after the party was over during clean up time... Methinks "Ann" is not a friend. I'm not Ann, but Ann is a co-worker and friend. Her daughter and my daughter grew up together. I have heard all the stories of the divorce and new step mom over the years. I was at the party and Ann told us all about after the party the next day at work. I have been around step mom many, many times at different school and scouting events so I know exactly how she acts. This story just blew me away because I know how much those picture boards meant to her daughter. Half the pictures had my daughter in them too. From when they were little until recent. A lot of thought went into what pictures to use. Even if Step mom doesn't like clutter and is a clean freak she should have asked before throwing that away. It hurts my heart to think of it. I am sentimental so that may be part of my shock over it.
If the stepmom had a history of this irrational behavior as related by Ann, then I would have put the poster board with the pictures in my car first thing. The mylar balloons, meh, they can be bought for a dollar at every box store, party supply store, and dollar store. Why not ask Ann, why the father didn't intercede? With all these people helping to clean up, no one saw evil stepmother take the board, rip the pictures off one by one, throw them away, then bend and fold the poster board? How did she manage to abscond with said poster board, slink away to do her evil, and no one saw this? |
|
|
|
Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jun 9, 2016 0:44:40 GMT
See I am not a sentimental person. If I was cleaning up I would just trash pretty much everything because that's my nature. Pictures even. Most photos these days are just printed off a memory card, iphone for display purposes. While it would be easy to ask if anyone wants anything the party was at the step mom's home and she might of been on cleaning autopilot. Focused on getting the clutter gone. Once my kids got past the age of say 10ish I stopped asking them if they wanted party decorations. Evil doings? Have you ever had truly evil things done to you? Having a balloon thrown away doesn't even remotely hit the evil scale. Then again she could be a bitch but it doesn't rate on my evil meter. Yup. Evil. And yes I have had evil things done to me. This rates on my evil meter because she's so full of herself and selfish that she couldn't be bothered to ask the honouree if she wanted to keep any of the party stuff. Nope. It was a vindictive act to get rid of anything without asking first. Seriously. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that just because the step mom is a souless person who doesn't like sentiment, that she should ASK if anything was to be kept before her little temper tantrums of getting rid of everything... everything that didn't belong to her. If the party was for her or about her, fine. Get rid of everything if that's what you want. But nope. This is a classic narcississitic "I'll put that bitch in her place" move to show the Step Daughter that Step Mom is the Head Bitch and that she's not going to deal with anything that makes the SD look good. I'm a little flabbergasted that you don't think that printed photos merit any kind of thought, just because they may have come from a memory card. Who cares where they came from, they are still photos and a lot of people actually like photos and print them. And it wasn't the SM's place to destroy them. So yes, I think she's an evil, narcississtic hag who should be cut off. That is a pretty strong reaction and to me way over what the step mom did. If they were pictures that could not be replaced.. but they aren't. I don't see how you can determine someone is a narcissist based on this one post. |
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 9, 2016 1:10:28 GMT
The OP knows more than just being "at the party" or what a friend "Ann" told her. Knowing about what happened after the party was over during clean up time... Methinks "Ann" is not a friend. I have a friend and that is *exactly the type of stuff we would talk about. Me too. Several of them! That's what girl's weekend road trips are for.  |
|
How hard is it to pop the balloons and throw them in the trash, or better yet, give them to some neighborhood kids to take home?
