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Post by Belia on Jun 8, 2016 4:05:50 GMT
What was stepmom's reaction when... Ann, stepdaughter, whoever... said "Hey! Where's the photoboard? I wanted to keep that!" or whatever they said? How did stepmom respond in that moment?
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vanessa
Full Member
Posts: 142
Sept 15, 2015 4:25:10 GMT
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Post by vanessa on Jun 8, 2016 5:44:23 GMT
I'm a stepmom to two kids and a birth mom to three. I usually don't make a difference in how they came into my heart, but just for the record...if this was any of our kids my husband would have thrown it all away because 'keeping that stuff is what hoarders do'. And he would have been an equal opportunity throw-awayer. It's just how he was made.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jun 8, 2016 5:48:37 GMT
The wicked stepmother sounds a real piece of goods.
At least you all know never to ask her to host an event again.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 8, 2016 10:57:52 GMT
Step mom doesn't sound like a clean freak, she sounds vindictive.
Evil stepmom is right.
Poor graduate and Ann.
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Post by woodysbetty on Jun 8, 2016 11:17:33 GMT
There aren't words...just give your DD a big hug and never let Step Mom host a party for her again....
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Jun 8, 2016 11:20:27 GMT
I don't automatically go to jealous bitch. I would have been devastated because I am a packrat. If it has even a tiny bit of sentimental value, I keep it. I would have been digging through the trash and crying. But my sister? She doesn't have an ounce of sentimentality in her system. She is a neat freak and would have done the same thing. In fact, she did at her kids' parties. I kept asking if she wanted to save things and she just kept tossing while I had a panic attack. That was my Mother-in-law as well. Total over the top neat freak and every party or event ended with her throwing everything away even while attendees were still there! I mean, even at Christmas -- the kids opened gifts after midnight mass on Christmas eve and the second the last gift was opened, the tree came down. The very reason they attended that service and opened gifts at that time was so she could take everything down (by everything I mean the tree as no other holiday decor was allowed because even stockings were too "messy") BEFORE Christmas because her Christmas present to herself was restoring HER house to her order. So my first thought was not jealousy but that particular sort of neat freak nuttiness. My MIL was an evil bitch, but she did that even to the only person she ever seemed to love -- one of her daughters. So it wasn't targeted meanness, just general insanity. If this stepmother does this to everyone, then it's general insanity. If she only does this to her stepdaughter, then she's a wicked stepmother.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Jun 8, 2016 11:30:14 GMT
She sounds like a vindictive, evil, narcissist and I'm floored that people are giving her a pass for her evil doings. Yes, she may want the stuff out of her house, but that doesn't give her the right to just trash stuff. She knew exactly what she was doing and it was to make a point that the graduate is not important to her and all of it was a huge FUCK YOU to the graduate and mom. It has nothing with wanting her place clean after the party, but everything to do with making her point about the graduate being less than.
Fuck her. She's an evil hag. I hope she gets what she deserves... and I hope the graduate cuts the evil step mom out of her life completely and includes her sackless piece of shit dad in that cut off.
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tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
Jun 27, 2014 18:32:45 GMT
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Post by tduby1 on Jun 8, 2016 12:10:37 GMT
Where is Dad in all this? Seems like he should be dealing with the mean actions of his wife against his daughter. I was wondering the same thing. He sounds like a very loving and involved father (hosting the party at his house, paying his portion, the daughter is provided a room at dad's house, etc), it is hard to imagine, the father as painted, would tolerate these actions.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,089
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Jun 8, 2016 13:12:09 GMT
I don't automatically go to jealous bitch. I would have been devastated because I am a packrat. If it has even a tiny bit of sentimental value, I keep it. I would have been digging through the trash and crying. But my sister? She doesn't have an ounce of sentimentality in her system. She is a neat freak and would have done the same thing. In fact, she did at her kids' parties. I kept asking if she wanted to save things and she just kept tossing while I had a panic attack. That was my Mother-in-law as well. Total over the top neat freak and every party or event ended with her throwing everything away even while attendees were still there! I mean, even at Christmas -- the kids opened gifts after midnight mass on Christmas eve and the second the last gift was opened, the tree came down. The very reason they attended that service and opened gifts at that time was so she could take everything down (by everything I mean the tree as no other holiday decor was allowed because even stockings were too "messy") BEFORE Christmas because her Christmas present to herself was restoring HER house to her order. So my first thought was not jealousy but that particular sort of neat freak nuttiness. My MIL was an evil bitch, but she did that even to the only person she ever seemed to love -- one of her daughters. So it wasn't targeted meanness, just general insanity. If this stepmother does this to everyone, then it's general insanity. If she only does this to her stepdaughter, then she's a wicked stepmother. This just doesn't sound like neat freak nuttiness, but narcissistic bitch to me.
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Post by auntkelly on Jun 8, 2016 13:25:38 GMT
Before judging the stepmother too harshly I would want to know how she acted before and during the party. If she was a gracious co-hostess and spent a lot of time helping to plan the party and trying to make it special, I'd give her a pass on throwing away the momentos and chalk it up to her being a neat freak.
If I was the girl's mother and I thought the stepmother threw away the pics just to upset my daughter, I'd hope I would say "hey, we know she is not a warm and fuzzy person, but you had a great party and I don't want you to let stepmom ruin the memory. Focus on how much fun the party was and how much your dad and I love you and forget about what stepmom did. Otherwise, you are giving her power to control your feelings."
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Post by cade387 on Jun 8, 2016 13:31:34 GMT
I think the graduate (who is now an adult or presumably close to being a legal adult) should talk with her dad. She should let him know how she felt having her step-mom throw out things that were important to her. I think the father/daughter relationship is more at jeopardy here than the others which sound to have been tentative at best. I think she deserves to know why her father won't stick up/take care of her.
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Post by scrapqueen01 on Jun 8, 2016 13:47:10 GMT
If I'm reading this right the mom put the board next to her purse with other things to take home correct? Wouldn't this be an indication not to throw out the board? Personally I would assume so but one should never assume. Either the step-mom is clueless or vindictive. As far as dad not noticing I can give him a pass as my dh would also be completely oblivious unless told. He's just like that.
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Post by Chips on Jun 8, 2016 14:05:11 GMT
Sounds like the dad didn't do anything. Where was he? Looking for his balls? HAHAHAHA!!! That is so hilarious!
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Jun 8, 2016 14:09:32 GMT
wow - lots of judgement without a lot of backstory
step moms, around here, can not catch a break
and dad - you assume he has no balls because why? the OP didn't mention where dad was
it's a balloon - and some photos - she didn't run over a puppy
i have neat freaks as friends - they just aren't sentimental about things -
replace the photos - they're probably on a hard drive somewhere -
molehill/mountain
gina
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Jun 8, 2016 14:11:13 GMT
I don't automatically go to jealous bitch. I would have been devastated because I am a packrat. If it has even a tiny bit of sentimental value, I keep it. I would have been digging through the trash and crying. But my sister? She doesn't have an ounce of sentimentality in her system. She is a neat freak and would have done the same thing. In fact, she did at her kids' parties. I kept asking if she wanted to save things and she just kept tossing while I had a panic attack. I'm often surprised at what people want to hang onto. I would have taken the pics off the board but tossed the board. But I would not have done it to someone else. It wasn't her photoboard. I might not "get" why people are sentimentAl about things but as an adult it's my responsibility to be polite and respect other people's feelings. She sounds rotten. And very uncaring.
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Post by STBC on Jun 8, 2016 14:11:26 GMT
Besides what others have said, she sounds like a vindictive bitch to me. What goes around comes around... sad that she doesn't recognize what she could have. I agree with this. Passive-aggressive? Self-centered? I would guess yes. In addition, just letting the balloons go is bad for the environment.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jun 8, 2016 14:24:43 GMT
My kids have a step-mom. I know, without question or doubt that she loves the boys. However, she can be odd and I have zero clue as to which personality she is wearing on any given day. Over the years what I finally did was teach them how to advocate for themselves. Eventually, they have to walk their own path with her and the relationship they have isn't really something that I can always intervene into. They know that if they need me to I will, but I always figured it was best to give them the tools they needed to forge their own way with her. (For the record, I have stepped in a couple of times with some things I felt strongly about.)
Anyway, I say this because maybe this would be a good time to start making sure that your daughter has the tools to deal with this kind of thing in the future. Whether the step-mom's behavior was motivated by crankiness, OCD, vindictiveness, or plain old cluelessness it is likely to come up again and a discussion about how to navigate through it would probably be helpful.
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
Jun 26, 2014 12:25:29 GMT
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Post by oldcrow on Jun 8, 2016 14:29:33 GMT
This is pretty much dad's fault for not putting his foot down. Sorry she has such a wimp for a father.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Jun 8, 2016 15:12:48 GMT
What a tool.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,562
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Jun 8, 2016 15:25:10 GMT
Does anyone find it odd that the OP sure has a lot of information for someone who got the information from her friend, Ann?
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Post by STBC on Jun 8, 2016 15:35:06 GMT
Does anyone find it odd that the OP sure has a lot of information for someone who got the information from her friend, Ann? Not really. I could picture a friend venting to another friend about this.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 8, 2016 15:45:54 GMT
Does anyone find it odd that the OP sure has a lot of information for someone who got the information from her friend, Ann? Not if she was also at the party, which wouldn't be unusual since her friend is the mom of the graduating kid. I went to both of my BFF's kid's grad parties.
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Post by ilikepink on Jun 8, 2016 15:55:26 GMT
I'm sentimental and also like to have everything where it belongs, but this is way too much. To throw out things that others obviously want? Over the top. Lack of respect. This may be a pattern of behavior for the step mom, and I also would be helping y daughter to stand up for herself with that woman as much as possible.
SMH
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Post by peanuttle on Jun 8, 2016 15:57:19 GMT
That is beyond control freak, she is just a mean b*#ch! I hope someone said something to her.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Jun 8, 2016 15:58:20 GMT
Does anyone find it odd that the OP sure has a lot of information for someone who got the information from her friend, Ann? no-- don't you talk to your friends about stuff that happens??
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jun 8, 2016 16:10:43 GMT
I am a neat person (not a freak about it at all) and not generally sentimental about objects and even (gasp!) photos, but the thing is - I realize other people are. I hate how it seems people with a certain personality cannot possibly grasp the idea of others with different personalities.
I also like my home a certain way and really dislike chaos. Parties in my home are challenging for me. But I still have them. And I've even learned to have fun at them! I also wait until guests leave before I start chasing them out with a broom. My husband is the opposite of me and loves lots of people around and happy messes. He should get to enjoy his home according to his personality too. Not just me.
Anyway, it's a learned thing. If I want to live on this planet with the vast variety of people I share it with, then I can't behave like I'm the only one with the personality that matters.
Stepmom sounds selfish at a minimum.
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gina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,305
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:16 GMT
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Post by gina on Jun 8, 2016 16:11:23 GMT
I think being "crushed" over a balloon is a bit over-the-top but paired with the other stuff, it does sound like step-mom is a petty, vindictive woman.
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Doxiemom
Junior Member
Posts: 76
Jul 1, 2014 20:12:11 GMT
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Post by Doxiemom on Jun 8, 2016 16:47:25 GMT
I get the impression step-mom didn't really want to host in the first place. So as soon as it was over she was going to clean up and get rid of everything. I think it was passive aggressive behavior to throw out things step-daughter wanted and claim she was "just cleaning up."
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Jun 8, 2016 17:22:28 GMT
See I am not a sentimental person. If I was cleaning up I would just trash pretty much everything because that's my nature. Pictures even. Most photos these days are just printed off a memory card, iphone for display purposes. While it would be easy to ask if anyone wants anything the party was at the step mom's home and she might of been on cleaning autopilot. Focused on getting the clutter gone. Once my kids got past the age of say 10ish I stopped asking them if they wanted party decorations.
Evil doings? Have you ever had truly evil things done to you? Having a balloon thrown away doesn't even remotely hit the evil scale.
Then again she could be a bitch but it doesn't rate on my evil meter.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Jun 8, 2016 17:37:28 GMT
i have neat freaks as friends - they just aren't sentimental about things - I agree with this. The step-mom sounds like a friend of mine. She used to throw out her DDs favorite clothes bec she cleaned out her closet so often and decided that they needed to go. It wasn't done out of spite or meanness. She just *has* to clean up things. (The DD finally got older and got her mom to stop doing that with her stuff). It sounds like that's how the step-mom is more than being mean to the DD. We people who don't clean like that probably don't understand it but I doubt it comes from a place of bad intentions. Maybe a little selfish but not bad or evil at all.
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