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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jun 14, 2016 11:46:22 GMT
I am so sorry your Mom sounds like she was a wonderful person and lived a full and happy life.
As for the sibling issues. Oh I know how hard that can be.
Maybe if the Grands plan the memorial.. maybe the parents will play nice?
When my Mom died I had not really got along with my youngest sister in years. We were able to just put that aside at the time. We went back to not talking about a year after the funeral and now are fine. My sister leads it all and I just go along with whatever she wants because I just don't care anymore.
I hope you can find the time for you, and your grief.
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Post by Meri-Lyn on Jun 14, 2016 11:48:07 GMT
I'm so sorry. This has got to be so hard. (((hugs))) to you.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 14, 2016 12:00:49 GMT
(((hugs)))) to you. I read all the way through.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, but I am glad you have the peace of knowing that your sister was right there, that it happened fast, and that she didn't suffer.
And as for your family's struggles with how to behave around one another - let that go. Let it out of your heart. It is not within your control and there is nothing you can do to change it. You go ahead and have the memorial for your mother with your children and those who want to be there. And give not a care as to those who threaten to not be there is so-and-so is there. It is out of your hands, so let those bad feelings go.
(((hugs))) again.
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gloryjoy
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332
Jun 26, 2014 12:35:32 GMT
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Post by gloryjoy on Jun 14, 2016 12:35:42 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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maurchclt
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,646
Jul 4, 2014 16:53:27 GMT
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Post by maurchclt on Jun 14, 2016 12:36:37 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss and very sorry for the family drama during this difficult time.
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,015
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on Jun 14, 2016 12:39:33 GMT
I'm so sorry, I loved hearing your stories about your mom and I know she lived a wonderful life and will be dearly missed.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Jun 14, 2016 12:44:31 GMT
Hugs to you! I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Your family dynamics sound a lot like my moms. Very sorry you have to continue to deal with that part as you grieve your mom.
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Post by woodysbetty on Jun 14, 2016 12:51:37 GMT
I am so very sorry for your loss.....hugs!
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Post by MsChiff on Jun 14, 2016 12:52:05 GMT
I'm so sorry. You and your younger sister were good daughters to your mother and nobody can take that away. May you find your peace with your family situation.
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Post by shescrafty on Jun 14, 2016 13:19:31 GMT
I am sorry about your mom passing and hope you can find some peace in the fact that she was not alone and did not suffer.
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msliz
Drama Llama
The Procrastinator
Posts: 6,419
Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
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Post by msliz on Jun 14, 2016 13:47:57 GMT
Sending more hugs. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Post by hosschick on Jun 14, 2016 13:48:14 GMT
I am so sorry for your loss. I've always felt your love for your mother through your posts, and I know your mother felt that love as well. As for the rest, do whatever you personally feel the need to do in order to keep your own head above water.
My dh landed in a somewhat similar situation; his 96yo dad passed away a few months ago, and his sister isn't making things easy. He's still recovering from a heart attack some months ago, and the stress of this loss has been taking a physical toll on him. I've encouraged him that it's okay to step back, his sister's going to do whatever she's going to do, and he just needs to focus on himself and know that his dad knew his love.
As a side note, I didn't realize a cremation was something that could be witnessed. I do not think I would be comfortable with that, and I certainly wouldn't let someone else guilt me into witnessing it. If you feel called to support your older sister at that time, I might suggest offering to accompany her to the home that day but waiting in another area, so you're there without witnessing it, but I wouldn't feel obligated to do that either.
I'm so sorry.
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Post by penguin on Jun 14, 2016 13:53:41 GMT
I am so sorry for your loss and the subsequent family squabbling. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you a hug.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jun 14, 2016 14:55:12 GMT
It is not within your control and there is nothing you can do to change it. First, let me offer my sympathies on the loss of your mother. It sounds like you take some comfort from the way she passed. I would, too. As far as the family drama? The only choice you have in that how you respond. You can't make them change and you cannot control their bad behavior. One of my number one rules is, "Never let other people's behavior determine my own." Just because they behave badly doesn't mean I need to. You do you. Do whatever helps yo to get through this. Support your son and the other offspring in planning the memorial if that is what will help everyone. But if either of your sisters behave badly? I'd let them. That's on them. You do you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 23:27:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2016 15:04:16 GMT
great big gentle hugs, it is never easy to lose your Mom.
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Post by Menjiness on Jun 14, 2016 15:06:57 GMT
I am so sorry for your loss. Families are insane. Breathe and take one thing at a time.
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 14, 2016 15:07:58 GMT
Oh, honey, I made it through it all and it's NOT crap. I'm so sorry your mother is gone. But, what a wonderful, peaceful way to go. You and your younger sister took such good care of your mom.
I'm sorry for all the other stuff going on. It's so unnecessary. Hugs to you, dear Pea friend. May you find peace in the loving memory of your precious mother.
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Post by BeckyTech on Jun 14, 2016 15:11:39 GMT
Oh Lexica, I am just devastated for you at the loss of your mom. She was such a special lady. You have always managed to convey that through your messages; the love came shining through.
I'm with you on the thinking that the body is just a shell at this time. Don't let your sister guilt you into doing anything you don't want to do. If that's what she wants, fine, but you are entitled to do what you feel comfortable with as well. Your love for her shone through in the way you took care of her and cared so much about her when she was alive. That, my dear, is what counts the most.
Please know that I am praying for your peace and comfort at this time.
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Post by micpea on Jun 14, 2016 16:21:13 GMT
I'm so sorry, your mom sounds like a wonderful lady! Peace & comfort to you & yours
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Jun 14, 2016 16:35:02 GMT
I am so sorry. I've heard you talk about your mom so much over the years I feel like I know her. She was completely wonderful for sure.
As for all the other stuff, just smile a lot, nod your head (or not) and turn and walk away when needed. If there's not a service, then I suggest you do something on your own with your son that's YOUR OWN service. Whatever works for you. Mom's favorite place to eat, a prayer in the park, a memorial donation handed in person, a dinner gathering with friends... whatever works for *you*.
*hugs*
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Post by tinydogmafia on Jun 14, 2016 16:45:01 GMT
I am so very sorry for your loss. (((Hugs))) to you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 23:27:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2016 16:48:23 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss.
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gottapeanow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,817
Jun 25, 2014 20:56:09 GMT
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Post by gottapeanow on Jun 14, 2016 17:32:02 GMT
My sincerest sympathies. Sending hugs and prayers.
Lisa
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Post by ilikepink on Jun 14, 2016 17:36:30 GMT
My heart breaks for you. Please find peace - in the wonderful woman your mom was, and that she lived and died where and how she wanted. Your sisters will have to figure out their own stuff. Be kind to yourself.
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,423
Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Jun 14, 2016 17:55:29 GMT
I'm sorry.
families totally suck at the worst times. Hugs.
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Post by twinks on Jun 14, 2016 18:21:44 GMT
Lexica - I am so sorry at the loss of your dear mother. Losing a mother is the hardest thing in the world to go through. My thoughts of well wishes are with you at this time.
As far as the family drama is concerned, again, I am so sorry. I think your older sister must have a ton of guilt. She did nothing to help your mother for 8 years. Let her go view the cremation. Don't accept any invitation to join her guilt trip. Let her do what she wants, let your younger sister do what she wants, and let your older sister do what she wants. You can decide what is best for you and yours. You need to focus on what you need to navigate this difficult time. I really like what freebird said, smile, walk away if necessary, don't engage.
You and your younger sister have the comfort and peace knowing that you did everything possible for your mother's well being - even in her death. Older sister does not. She wants to control what people do and how they think. Don't let her.
Hugs during this difficult time.
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Post by gar on Jun 14, 2016 18:26:34 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,831
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Jun 14, 2016 20:32:07 GMT
Thinking of you today. (((Hugs)))
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Post by quinmm14 on Jun 14, 2016 20:48:57 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss.
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Post by beachhappy22 on Jun 14, 2016 21:04:56 GMT
I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your mom
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