I'm getting pregnant today!!! *Post-transfer update on page2

I'm sure you'll be thrilled to hear that my IVF was unsuccessful and I will never have a biological child.


I have been on 2Peas/refugees for 15 years now and your post was the single most hateful thing I have ever come across.  Thanks for that

On the one hand, I don't owe anyone any explanations.  On the other hand, though, maybe a drop of education will find it's way into the asshole making the appallingly judge-y statements.

I have a BRCA mutation.  I found it because I had cancer at 35.  I had breast cancer.  I consider any cancer that doesn't kill you to be a pretty 'good' cancer, but the cancer *I* got was actually pretty bad.  Very fast growing,  and without the hormone markers typically found in breast cancers, that helps guide which chemo you can use to kill it (if you need chemo at all).  I had to do 20 rounds of 3 different chemos.  One of which is nicknamed 'red death', because it makes your body fluids bright reddish orange, and it kills your heart over time (they keep a very close look and there is a specific lifetime limit to how many doses you can get--I made it up to 25%).  I had bilateral mastectomies, which showed one large tumor (the one I could feel, that made me go get a mammogram), one smaller one in my armpit, and a 4x5cm field of tiny tumor too numerous to count.  Basically, a little grenade waiting to explode.


Not the highlight of my life, but I got through it just fine.  Other than my ovaries getting killed in the process, I have zero ongoing issues.  I allowed cancer to consume my year (2013), but it does not define my life. I am happy.  I am healthy.  I am living a great life.  I have a wonderful husband, a great job.  I live in a beautiful city (Seattle); own my own home and am set to retire early at 59 1/2 and travel the world with my husband.

I am pretty happy that I exist.  With or without my BRCA mutation.  

I have 2 sisters.  One has my BRCA mutation.  One has a different BRCA mutation (we won the genetic lottery--extraordinarily uncommon, but both of my parents had BRCA mutations in their families).  My sisters have 4 kids between them.  They may or may not have passed on this BRCA mutation.  Won't know until the kids are tested at age 25.

I have one brother.  He has not been tested for BRCA mutations.  He has three little girls.  They may or may not have BRCA mutations.

My siblings and I are all happy to be here.  My mom has my BRCA mutation.  She is 61.  She never would have known about this mutation except that I ended up with cancer.  She is pretty happy to exist--BRCA mutation or not. Her 6 brothers may or may not have BRCA mutations.  Her mother or father have BRCA mutations. My grandmother is 89.  No idea if she has a mutation or not (50/50 chance).  She is pretty happy to exist.


Angelina Jolie has a BRCA1 mutation, just like me.  She has biological children.  They may have BRCA mutations.  There are literally tens of thousands (if not more) of people out there with BRCA mutations.  Many will get breast cancer or ovarian cancer.  This is why it is important to be tested if you have a strong breast cancer history in your family.  If you *know* you have a mutation, you can be monitored more closely.  

I had cancer. I had bad cancer. I had to have the biggest surgery and the most intense chemo to get through my cancer.  But it was OK.  It was a bunch of things I had to do to stay healthy, and here I am on the other side.  Cancer is scary when you don't know what you are up against.  But when you catch it early, breast cancer is extraordinarily treatable most of the time. I am modelling that for my nieces.  For my sisters.  They saw me handle the entirety of cancer with grace and strength. I worked about half-time during my chemo (I am an RN).  I celebrated the women in my family with a henna party to decorate my head after I lost my hair (they had hands/feet done).  I showed them that cancer is not as scary as it sounds, and that you *can* get through it.  I never vomited.  I never called in sick to work (other than the scheduled time off I had for chemo).  I didn't let fear rule my life.  I went on an Alaskan cruise 3 days after my last chemo.

My sister with the BRCA1 mutation chose to have prophylactic mastectomies and ovary removal (she was 39).  She was very open with her daughters that this was *her* choice in how to handle her known BRCA mutation.  

My mother and other sister with a BRCA2 mutation have chosen to do monitoring.  They get yearly mammograms, and actually do the monthly self exams we are all supposed to be doing.  The mammograms are alternated with a breast MRI, because my family has really dense breasts that aren't seen as well on mammograms as most women.  If one of them develops breast cancer, it will be caught early.

We are all modelling how to handle BRCA and/or cancer.  My nieces are 10, 12 and 12.  If and when they find out they have BRCA mutations, and if/when they have breast cancer, they will have a variety of strong women who have given them examples of how to deal with things.  They will be strong and they will be OK.  They will be prepared.


So.  For the uninformed, idiotic troll who wished death on my embryo and accused me of all sorts of things:  1.  Fuck you.  2.  There is no god.  Science took away my ovarian function, and science gives me a chance to have a baby anyway.  My sister who still has her ovaries is in the process of donating eggs so I can do another round of IVF.  

(and thank you to all who had supportive things to say or at the very least didn't call me Octomom )