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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 15:19:55 GMT
I'm in the same boat as you ... I have dd#1's old iPhone 4 while everyone else in the family has new phones Hell, I don't even have data Me neither! But I'm getting a new data plan (I just NEED to play pokemon go).
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Post by gar on Jul 30, 2016 15:21:01 GMT
Just read your later posts....you deserve a new one! Go get it!
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,969
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Jul 30, 2016 15:21:08 GMT
I would be upset about it too.
I read your post to DH and asked him what he thought. He said it was pretty crappy of your DH.
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Post by femalebusiness on Jul 30, 2016 15:22:06 GMT
Well, I handle all the money in my house so that would never happen to me. But seriously I bought my iPad refurbished and it looked brand new and is still working great years later. If I buy another one I will buy refurbished again. Saved hundreds of dollars and there is no difference.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 15:24:02 GMT
Hopefully he's just being clueless about it and doesn't realize how un-valued it makes you feel. If indeed he just doesn't care, then that's another story. Make sure you are communicating clearly to him about this. Don't assume he knows how you feel. And I do validate your disappointment. I would feel that way too. I agree. If you've had second hand phones before and not said anything about it, it might not even occur to him that you feel like this. I do understand but maybe it's a communications thing rather than a don't care attitude on his part. I hope he steps up for you once you tell him. He knew before he bought it that I was excited to get a new phone since it's been years since I last got one. I even asked him to cancel, but that's when he got upset with me.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on Jul 30, 2016 15:24:26 GMT
So just to clarify - He always buys himself a new phone and you get his used one? And his are always new and not refurbished? And the one time that you don't get his hand-me-down he buys you a refurbished one? And he is simultaneously planning his next brand-new purchase? Definitely not o.k. And worse yet, you feel bad about feeling ungrateful? ETA: I just read your post above this one - HE is upset with YOU?
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Post by rst on Jul 30, 2016 15:26:49 GMT
I wouldn't care about the refurbished aspect -- we almost always buy refurbished electronics -- we could afford brand spanking new, but we like a good value and my DH finds amazing deals. They're almost always in pristine condition, same boxing, really no differnt from new in my experience.
The part that would sting would be that he has to get the latest and greatest for himself, while you've been using a 9 year old phone. That feels like a bit of a smack in the face. Make sure you haven't been giving him mixed signals about the phone thing though. I know sometimes I would complain about a new item that's just too complicated, has all kinds of extras I will never use, is too bulky to fit in my pocket, needs to be charged too often, whatever. DH just hears that as -- she doesn't like upgrades (it's true that I find transtioning to a new system to be annoying) and to him that means, never get her a new computer or phone until the old one is beyond resuscitation. I finally spoke up and said, you know, I would really like a new laptop instead of a thrashed hand-me-down from the kids. Totally a revelation to my DH -- he had no idea I noticed or cared (sometimes I don't, sometimes I do). See how I was giving him mixed signals? I don't feel all that strongly about it, except when it does bother me - heh. Now I have a pretty pearlescent purple laptop (reconditioned of course) and we're both happy.
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Post by leftturnonly on Jul 30, 2016 15:27:26 GMT
I agree. If you've had second hand phones before and not said anything about it, it might not even occur to him that you feel like this. I do understand but maybe it's a communications thing rather than a don't care attitude on his part. I hope he steps up for you once you tell him. He knew before he bought it that I was excited to get a new phone since it's been years since I last got one. I even asked him to cancel, but that's when he got upset with me. Oh, I am sorry. I sure don't like to be told I'm ungrateful by someone who's telling me they love me in one breath and then treating themselves better than they treat me in the next.
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Post by southerngirl on Jul 30, 2016 15:27:42 GMT
You really need to tell him. He is probably clueless, cause that's how men's minds work, but tell him. In a nice, calm manner tell him you feel slighted etc. Oh, I tried that, but that's when he got upset and told me I'm ungrateful. I'll return it, and buy myself a new one instead Oh, now that is a different story. You are not being ungrateful at all. Especially if he typically buys himself a brand new phone regularly as a utilitarian item and not as a special gift. I can't tell from what you've said if he really doesn't get it or if he is not respecting your feelings. I hope it's just cluelessness on his part. Also, it's sounding like he alone controls the money... but I might be reading too much into what you've shared and if so, I apologize.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 15:28:42 GMT
I can understand this. With it being a 20th Anniversary gift, you want a gift that is just yours. Nothing wrong with Apple refurbished (we've bought that way before, on a budget), but secondhand doesn't feel as special for such a significant occasion, when it's in your means to purchase it new. I'm wondering, the iPhone 7 he is planning to buy for himself, will it be refurbished as well? If so, then maybe that's just not something he thinks is different than buying new? If not, and he is purchasing new for himself, but refurbished for you as an Anniversary gift, then definitely explain to him how you feel about it. Just realize it may not have occurred to him, especially if he is someone who likes to get a good deal on things in general. If it wouldn't matter to him, it probably never occurred to him it would matter to you (I get that with my husband. If it's something he wouldn't care about, he usually does not understand why it matters so much to me.) No, he will buy himself a brand new one. But I'm going to take Southern Girl's advice and wait for the iPhone 8
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 15:29:22 GMT
So just to clarify - He always buys himself a new phone and you get his used one? And his are always new and not refurbished? And the one time that you don't get his hand-me-down he buys you a refurbished one? And he is simultaneously planning his next brand-new purchase? Definitely not o.k. And worse yet, you feel bad about feeling ungrateful? ETA: I just read your post above this one - HE is upset with YOU? Because I'm so unreasonable and ungrateful
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on Jul 30, 2016 15:31:24 GMT
So just to clarify - He always buys himself a new phone and you get his used one? And his are always new and not refurbished? And the one time that you don't get his hand-me-down he buys you a refurbished one? And he is simultaneously planning his next brand-new purchase? Definitely not o.k. And worse yet, you feel bad about feeling ungrateful? ETA: I just read your post above this one - HE is upset with YOU? Because I'm so unreasonable and ungrateful I'm seriously pissed on your behalf.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 15:31:27 GMT
Oh, I tried that, but that's when he got upset and told me I'm ungrateful. I'll return it, and buy myself a new one instead Oh, now that is a different story. You are not being ungrateful at all. Especially if he typically buys himself a brand new phone regularly as a utilitarian item and not as a special gift. I can't tell from what you've said if he really doesn't get it or if he is not respecting your feelings. I hope it's just cluelessness on his part. Also, it's sounding like he alone controls the money... but I might be reading too much into what you've shared and if so, I apologize. One of the disadvantages of being a SAHM I'm afraid. We discuss most major purchases, so it's normally not a problem, but this just rubbed me the wrong way.
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Post by southerngirl on Jul 30, 2016 15:31:27 GMT
He knew before he bought it that I was excited to get a new phone since it's been years since I last got one. I even asked him to cancel, but that's when he got upset with me. Oh, I am sorry. I sure don't like to be told I'm ungrateful by someone who's telling me they love me in one breath and then treating themselves better than they treat me in the next. I feel like this comment is brilliant and might boil down into one succinct sentence what the problem is here. I think it's the disparity, rather than whether the phone is new or refurbished.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 15:31:46 GMT
Because I'm so unreasonable and ungrateful I'm seriously pissed on your behalf. Thank you!!
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 15:32:47 GMT
He knew before he bought it that I was excited to get a new phone since it's been years since I last got one. I even asked him to cancel, but that's when he got upset with me. Oh, I am sorry. I sure don't like to be told I'm ungrateful by someone who's telling me they love me in one breath and then treating themselves better than they treat me in the next. You nailed it! That's exactly it!
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 30, 2016 15:36:44 GMT
Make sure any gifts you buy him in the future are used as well
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 15:37:53 GMT
Make sure any gifts you buy him in the future are used as well Oh yes!
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Post by anonrefugee on Jul 30, 2016 15:39:51 GMT
Oh, now that is a different story. You are not being ungrateful at all. Especially if he typically buys himself a brand new phone regularly as a utilitarian item and not as a special gift. I can't tell from what you've said if he really doesn't get it or if he is not respecting your feelings. I hope it's just cluelessness on his part. Also, it's sounding like he alone controls the money... but I might be reading too much into what you've shared and if so, I apologize. One of the disadvantages of being a SAHM I'm afraid. We discuss most major purchases, so it's normally not a problem, but this just rubbed me the wrong way. I get it even more, because your practical mom side is overriding the fun side everyday.
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Post by Rainy_Day_Woman on Jul 30, 2016 15:54:10 GMT
I would be angry as well. Its not that the phone is refurbished, it is the thought behind it. Heck, I am angry for you!
I have a friend whose husband purchases himself anything he desires and makes her justify any purchase. She is a stay at home mom. Literally she wears her clothes until they fall apart and has to show him that they are full of holes before he "lets her" get new ones, while he wears cashmere running shirts that cost $200. It would make me more than a little angry.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 16:02:00 GMT
I would be angry as well. Its not that the phone is refurbished, it is the thought behind it. Heck, I am angry for you! I have a friend whose husband purchases himself anything he desires and makes her justify any purchase. She is a stay at home mom. Literally she wears her clothes until they fall apart and has to show him that they are full of holes before he "lets her" get new ones, while he wears cashmere running shirts that cost $200. It would make me more than a little angry. And now I'm angry for your friend! That is so much worse!!
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valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Jul 30, 2016 16:07:07 GMT
I'm very bothered by this too. My father was like this. He wanted any household or female needs quantified and then went out to buy $500 suits. (1960s - those suits would be very pricey 50 years later) for aisle stone anniversary, I would want a gift that would be more lasting than a phone, or a really great memory.
I will also toss in as a disclaimer/warning that I think men in their forties are the most bone-headed and career focused. I got angry a lot during our forties.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 30, 2016 16:09:56 GMT
I would be hurt too.
How about this time, he takes the older, pre-owned model, and you get the brand spanking new one?
Seriously, though, that sucks. (((hugs)))
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 30, 2016 16:12:15 GMT
Oh that sucks. Why does he get the new phone? Oh no. You go treat yourself well. Enjoy your new purchase and give him a raspberry for me.
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jul 30, 2016 16:13:53 GMT
I think it's the disparity, rather than whether the phone is new or refurbished. Yup, disparity. Lefty kind of alluded to this, but my problem would be getting the phone as a "gift." If you're a household where each of you always gets your phones as gifts, fine. But if your husband gets his new phones as just a routine purchase, and if your new phone is both a gift and used, that seems like an unacceptable disparity - and a double whammy, to boot. And sure, you can tell him I said so. [ETA: And can I add that the fact that I decided not to edit out out "double whammy, to boot" in a post to you shows how much respect I have for your English language skills!]
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Post by jenjie on Jul 30, 2016 16:15:06 GMT
Somebody said it up thread - you're not ungrateful. You're hurt. That's how I would explain it to him.
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Post by mnmloveli on Jul 30, 2016 16:25:49 GMT
I would be soooo upset and would have to say something. ((HUGS)) to you !
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Jul 30, 2016 16:41:41 GMT
I would feel ungrateful too. I had years of hand-me down phones from my husband and finally graduated to the 5. I have taken good care of it while everybody else in the house has passed me by. This Christmas is my turn to get the 7. Sometimes it is your turn to get the latest greatest shiny new gizmo.
Now if we were ALL making sacrifices or saving for something, my feelings would be different. It is that your husband is planning the 7 for himself and not you that stings.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 16:45:59 GMT
How would you feel about the phone if it wasn't supposed to be for your anniversary? You might have been fine with the phone if it was just a phone that was an upgrade for yourself and not supposed to be a present for a special occasion. I just think it would be a good idea to decide what part of this you aren't happy with. The phone, or the phone as a present. Once you figure that out, you'll understand why you aren't really happy and maybe you'll have a better idea of what to do about it. Both, actually. I feel like it's my turn for a new phone (and have told him before), and then to buy a pre owned as an anniversary gift is just wrong. But I have decided to return it, and buy an 8 next year.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 16:48:37 GMT
I think it's the disparity, rather than whether the phone is new or refurbished. Yup, disparity. Lefty kind of alluded to this, but my problem would be getting the phone as a "gift." If you're a household where each of you always gets your phones as gifts, fine. But if your husband gets his new phones as just a routine purchase, and if your new phone is both a gift and used, that seems like an unacceptable disparity - and a double whammy, to boot. And sure, you can tell him I said so. [ETA: And can I add that the fact that I decided not to edit out out "double whammy, to boot" in a post to you shows how much respect I have for your English language skills!] I will! And thank you
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