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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 13:51:37 GMT
....and I feel bad about it  Background: I always get DH's old phones when he buys himself a new one (last time I got a new phone was 9 years ago). Sooooo, for our 20th anniversary, he offered to buy me a iPhone 6+, and I'm ashamed to admit that I was excited. except... It isn't new, it's pre owned (and yes, I understand that pre owned is pretty much like a new one), and I was terribly disappointed, and both surprised and ashamed by it. He can afford a new one (and wants to get himself the iPhone 7), so that probably adds to my disappointment. Just a vent, and I'm definitely going to buy myself something nice  update: DH has seen the error of his ways I'm going to keep the 6+, but if the iPhone 8 gets released next year, I will get one of those. And I will get a very nice necklace as an anniversary gift instead. He is normally a great guy (I wouldn't be married to him if he weren't) but his gift giving skills just suck. At least the phone was better than the (albeit cute with a flower pattern) trash can I once got. |
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Post by pierkiss on Jul 30, 2016 13:53:28 GMT
I would feel upset about that too.
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gsquaredmom
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Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jul 30, 2016 13:57:43 GMT
Sounds like he gets new phones all the time while you stick with crap. I would be royally pissed off to be treated that way. Get yourself a 7 with all the money that has been saved on your phones over the years. Your husband, imho, is an ass.
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Post by Zee on Jul 30, 2016 13:59:11 GMT
I would feel a bit let down, most particularly when I heard he was going to buy himself a new 7.
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Post by shescrafty on Jul 30, 2016 14:03:47 GMT
I am always surprised at people who allow themselves to be treated this way.
Is it awful and divorce worthy! Of course not!
But speak up for yourself! Tell him point blank you want a brand new phone and get one. Why should you have to think twice about it if you can afford it?
At this point in my life I won't allow things that make me feel bad happen if I can help it. Not worth it to me because I would always have that feeling when I looked at the phone.
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by marimoose on Jul 30, 2016 14:13:09 GMT
Why aren't you worthy of a new phone? Let him get the refurbished phone and you get the new 7. I wonder how he would feel. Maybe he never thought of it that way and will change is own view too. My 20yo daughter said you aren't a child so you shouldn't have the castoffs, like we may offer to an irresponsible kid. I agree with her.
And you definitely shouldn't feel bad so that is the first thing you need to change. You are worth a new phone just like your husband. {{hugs}}
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Post by librarylady on Jul 30, 2016 14:20:02 GMT
You really need to tell him.
He is probably clueless, cause that's how men's minds work, but tell him. In a nice, calm manner tell him you feel slighted etc.
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Post by jenjie on Jul 30, 2016 14:22:00 GMT
I am always surprised at people who allow themselves to be treated this way. Is it awful and divorce worthy! Of course not! But speak up for yourself! Tell him point blank you want a brand new phone and get one. Why should you have to think twice about it if you can afford it? At this point in my life I won't allow things that make me feel bad happen if I can help it. Not worth it to me because I would always have that feeling when I looked at the phone. Well spoken. I would be ungrateful too. |
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Post by Restless Spirit on Jul 30, 2016 14:24:52 GMT
Well that's kind of sucky of him.  If it will make you feel any better, you may be getting his next phone even sooner than you think, or he'll be kicking himself about this time next year for not waiting for the 2017 model. I've been watching and reading the rumors about this year's (2016) new phone (some are guessing a Sept 2016 release date) and it's really not going to be a major upgrade. The rumor mill has it that 2017 will bring a totally new, redesigned iPhone using a glass casing and perhaps even an edgeless display. Sounds like the iPhone 8 could be way more cool than the iPhone 7 (or whatever they name it). So, your not-so-DH could be getting a not-so-cool phone and be all pouty about it. Serves him right! |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jul 30, 2016 14:34:16 GMT
Hopefully he's just being clueless about it and doesn't realize how un-valued it makes you feel. If indeed he just doesn't care, then that's another story.
Make sure you are communicating clearly to him about this. Don't assume he knows how you feel.
And I do validate your disappointment. I would feel that way too.
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Post by KelleeM on Jul 30, 2016 14:35:06 GMT
I'd be terribly disappointed as well.
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Post by anonrefugee on Jul 30, 2016 14:35:37 GMT
I get it. Don't be embarrassed.
You can know your DH loves you and still want him to show it in a frivolous way, when it's within your means.
Especially when it's a practical-ish item, I get it! I don't want jewels or special car. I've had a similar experience. I tease DH he got off so easy compared to others in around us.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 30, 2016 14:38:09 GMT
I would be ungrateful too. For our 20th, we bought ourselves a new big screen TV for our livingroom for both of us (well, it was big at the time, LOL, I recently bought myself an even bigger smart tv for my studio for roughly 1/5 the price we paid for the first one).
I think I would expect a little more than a used phone if we could afford it. For our 25th, we threw ourselves a big anniversary party and invited about 70 people. It was a lot of fun, well worth the expense and we both really enjoyed it.
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 13:11:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2016 14:42:41 GMT
Why is it his decision what type of phone you get? It's your phone? I'm confused.
ETA: I re-read and I think I get it. This was a gift he picked out? If that's the case - girl, speak up and tell him this is ridiculous!
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valleyview
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Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Jul 30, 2016 14:43:01 GMT
I don't think you are being ungrateful. You just want to be treated as a worthy equal. DH and I no longer buy anniversary gifts, and your case is an example - it's not a very celebratory gift, and it made you feel undervalued. Call the trip to Paris an anniversary celebration, and ask for a new phone.
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Post by leannec on Jul 30, 2016 14:43:59 GMT
I'm in the same boat as you ... I have dd#1's old iPhone 4 while everyone else in the family has new phones  Hell, I don't even have data  |
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Post by southerngirl on Jul 30, 2016 14:44:52 GMT
I can understand this. With it being a 20th Anniversary gift, you want a gift that is just yours. Nothing wrong with Apple refurbished (we've bought that way before, on a budget), but secondhand doesn't feel as special for such a significant occasion, when it's in your means to purchase it new.
I'm wondering, the iPhone 7 he is planning to buy for himself, will it be refurbished as well? If so, then maybe that's just not something he thinks is different than buying new? If not, and he is purchasing new for himself, but refurbished for you as an Anniversary gift, then definitely explain to him how you feel about it. Just realize it may not have occurred to him, especially if he is someone who likes to get a good deal on things in general. If it wouldn't matter to him, it probably never occurred to him it would matter to you (I get that with my husband. If it's something he wouldn't care about, he usually does not understand why it matters so much to me.)
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Post by mollycoddle on Jul 30, 2016 14:45:00 GMT
I wouldn't call that ungrateful. I think that you are seeing things clearly. Why not ask to switch phones so that YOU get the new one? See what he says. Might be interesting.  |
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 30, 2016 14:48:52 GMT
If it makes you feel any better, I am feeling incredibly ungrateful and resentful for a very generous and kind offer (that has a few strings attached) and I feel helplessly disappointed that I feel this way and very judgmental of my own behavior.
I think sometimes it just happens. We can't help it, it is a pretty human reaction.
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valleyview
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Post by valleyview on Jul 30, 2016 14:57:52 GMT
I came back to add that I really like my 6, but i would like more memory. You might explain that memory is what keeps these phones adaptable to all of the iOS upgrades.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2016 14:59:06 GMT
Is there a reason you don't get a new phone like you just don't care and your husbands hand me downs suit you just fine? Or is he a tight arse?
I have my own ingratitude at a gift from my husband story and it makes me cringe every time I think about it, was not my finest moment!!
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Post by blarneygirl on Jul 30, 2016 15:00:41 GMT
You aren't ungrateful, you are hurt. It would be one thing if you were not interested in "new". My husband never was. He just wanted a phone that worked, and took my old one while I always got the upgrade. I hope you can find your voice, and not simply accept when you are hurt. I also hope you are not feeling this in other aspects of your lives together.
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momto4kiddos
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 30, 2016 15:00:46 GMT
So apparently all you rate is second hand phones, yet he rates the latest and greatest?! Make sure you are good to yourself when you "buy yourself something nice" because he certainly takes care of himself.
I'd be pretty disappointed as well.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2016 15:03:17 GMT
I'd feel the same way. I don't get buying "used" or "refurbished" gifts for people we love. For yourself, sure...but not as a gift.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 15:14:05 GMT
You really need to tell him. He is probably clueless, cause that's how men's minds work, but tell him. In a nice, calm manner tell him you feel slighted etc. Oh, I tried that, but that's when he got upset and told me I'm ungrateful. I'll return it, and buy myself a new one instead  |
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Jul 30, 2016 15:14:21 GMT
I am always surprised at people who allow themselves to be treated this way. Is it awful and divorce worthy! Of course not! But speak up for yourself! Tell him point blank you want a brand new phone and get one. Why should you have to think twice about it if you can afford it? At this point in my life I won't allow things that make me feel bad happen if I can help it. Not worth it to me because I would always have that feeling when I looked at the phone. This sums up my thoughts exactly. I'd say to heck with you, I'm getting the NEW phone and you can get pre-owned. After 20+ years together DH would never suggest getting/giving me something he wouldn't buy or use for himself. |
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 15:16:07 GMT
Is there a reason you don't get a new phone like you just don't care and your husbands hand me downs suit you just fine? Or is he a tight arse? I have my own ingratitude at a gift from my husband story and it makes me cringe every time I think about it, was not my finest moment!! Normally it wouldn't bother me, but he knew I was excited to get a new phone (and why), and to buy something used as an anniversary gift just feels wrong. |
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 15:17:29 GMT
Is there a reason you don't get a new phone like you just don't care and your husbands hand me downs suit you just fine? Or is he a tight arse? I have my own ingratitude at a gift from my husband story and it makes me cringe every time I think about it, was not my finest moment!! He's definitely tight with money....unless it's something HE wants. |
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Post by gar on Jul 30, 2016 15:17:56 GMT
Hopefully he's just being clueless about it and doesn't realize how un-valued it makes you feel. If indeed he just doesn't care, then that's another story. Make sure you are communicating clearly to him about this. Don't assume he knows how you feel. And I do validate your disappointment. I would feel that way too. I agree. If you've had second hand phones before and not said anything about it, it might not even occur to him that you feel like this. I do understand but maybe it's a communications thing rather than a don't care attitude on his part. I hope he steps up for you once you tell him. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Jul 30, 2016 15:19:17 GMT
How would you feel about the phone if it wasn't supposed to be for your anniversary?
You might have been fine with the phone if it was just a phone that was an upgrade for yourself and not supposed to be a present for a special occasion.
I just think it would be a good idea to decide what part of this you aren't happy with. The phone, or the phone as a present.
Once you figure that out, you'll understand why you aren't really happy and maybe you'll have a better idea of what to do about it.
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