2nd update in op -I had to put my dog to sleep yesterday

Daisy wasn't eating and barely moving. I wondered if it was heat related since ds had spent so much time outside all week. He said she wasn't out there much and he kept giving the dogs water.

Turns out she had a huge mass and was in a lot of pain. they started talking surgery and chemo, which of course they have no idea if it would work. Financially and mentally my kids have to be my priority. Plus I'll admit I'm thinking "I'll be darned if I bring home a dog "cured" of cancer when I couldn't do it for my husband. 😔

I planned to bring her home and keep her comfortable but they said she was in too much pain, which would only get worse. The vet gently led me to the decision to put her to sleep.

I cried but it wasn't about the dog at all. It was for my kids and about my husband. And wondering how he would want to handle this. Our first dog was our baby. When she had to spend time at the vet he camped out there with her all day. Not this one. She was a poop eating bark machine who we called part dog, part chicken. She was cute but stupid.

Even Fil, who came with me to help with Daisy, said it was similar to how it was that last hospital trip with Fred. "We thought we were just taking him for fluids." Yeah. With Daisy I had prepared myself and the kids that she might not be coming home. But then I talked myself out of it.

Fil was great. Most importantly He backed up my decisions. He hugged and loved on me, and went home and got ds11 so he could come say goodbye. Ds asked a bunch of questions.

I stayed with daisy and held her face and pet her head while they gave her the injections. I don't know what I expected but this wasn't it. It was very peaceful for her.

I'm just so glad it didn't happen while ds was home alone last week. Sil who assisted him in his projects said she was fine all week.

Perspective -

1 - I have a friend whose husband is fighting for his life. I got a text while I was at the vet.

2 - I found out a woman from our church lost her husband suddenly to a heart attack yesterday.

So I get it. But for me, It's not about the dog. It brought on a bunch of emotions that I had to allow myself to face and feel.

Last night I picked up Dd from a friend's house. Ds11 says I didn't know when you would be home because daisy isn't here. I said what? Daisy doesn't set the clocks in this house! But he meant that she didn't bark to let him know we were home.

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Mon 8/1

You're not going to believe this. I'm at the vet with the other dog. Hugs hasn't left my room since bedtime last night. She refuses to get up. Even with the leash. I can't tempt her with treats or peanut butter bread. I don't know if she's depressed? She also has rapid heart rate and shallow breathing.

I called and they told me to bring her in so they can find out what's going on. So here we are. Ds had to carry her to the car because she wouldn't move. She got a ride on the gurney and put her head up like she was a regal queen riding in style.

And now we wait.

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Update #2

She's gone 😔 Something wrong with her liver. They wanted to admit and do more testing to narrow it down but any treatment would be extensive and more than I am able to deal with. Again I asked about bringing her home but they felt she would be in too much pain and we would be back within a few days.

Crazy. I am so tired. Thank you for your kind words. I feel like a horrible pet parent.