raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095 
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Post by raindancer on Aug 8, 2014 15:15:25 GMT
I totally agree with you on the inability to just be happy for someone else. When I posted a photo of new furniture that I had waited several years to get and worked diligently to find at a good price...someone Said something like "must be nice to have money to blow on furniture". Get over yourself and be happy that good things happen to your friends, family etc. Dont make it about you. Just choose to be nice. ooh! That one pisses me off so much. I have had that happen before more than once. I actually told a friend who said it all the time "I worked for it and saved, I didn't blow money and I do think it is nice. Thanks" She never said it again. It was just getting so old! |
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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 8, 2014 15:18:10 GMT
Ashely- I think you might be misunderstanding what I am saying. I don't in any way expect people to like, support or celebrate everything in my life or one another's. Not what I meant. This wasn't limited to FB. I put that in my OP. I see it often in real life, online, etc. I don't need constant pats or high fives. I don't consider it my job to do the same for everyone either. It isn't a huge issue for me at all. It is a point of communicating that I think it is sad and pretty crappy. I am allowed that perspective. It doesn't mean I am stuck there. I don't give people that power nor do I want that power in anyones life. As I stated this isn't limited to FB.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Aug 8, 2014 15:19:47 GMT
Okay then would you mind re-explaining your OP. Because to me, it sounds like you want constant kudos for everything you post or say IRL. I'm not sure what you consider crappy.
ETA: I just re-read your OP. For the first example, sometimes rival businesses can get in trouble for associating themselves with a business considered the competition. It doesn't mean that they are petty or crappy
In your second example, I associate camp with outdoor fun, climbing trees, fishing, swimming, hiking... not being "healed" or fulfilled or whatever by god or religion. So as I previously said, I wouldn't know how to respond to your post. I assume it's a good thing, but I don't know for sure. So rather than say something stupid, I don't say anything. I don't really understand why you'd expect anyone outside of the circle that gets what you're saying to respond at all.
I think I need clarification on what you deem crappy.
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,986
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Aug 8, 2014 15:29:37 GMT
Not limited to Facebook. That was part of my OP. Don't worry I am not judging peoples hearts or writing them off because of this. I have plenty of grace and understanding for it but I think it is crappy. Diffusing cypress is putting some cypress essential oil in some water and putting it in a diffuser. It puts off a scent of the cypress in your room. I guess I'm asking you to clarify. Do you like everyone's posts each day? Would you like or respond a post that goes against your deeply held beliefs? Let's say a friend posted: I am celebrating my one year anniversary of my divorce from God. I feel so free and happy that I no longer am subjugated and constrained by the trappings of religion and the religious. God is dead! You would like it because she is happy? Ignore it? Respond to it positively? Respond to it passively aggressively? (Example: I am glad you are happy, but I'm sorry you...blah blah blah or I know God...blah blah blah) |
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 11:39:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2014 15:30:18 GMT
Ashely- I think you might be misunderstanding what I am saying. I don't in any way expect people to like, support or celebrate everything in my life or one another's. Not what I meant. This wasn't limited to FB. I put that in my OP. I see it often in real life, online, etc. I don't need constant pats or high fives. I don't consider it my job to do the same for everyone either. It isn't a huge issue for me at all. It is a point of communicating that I think it is sad and pretty crappy. I am allowed that perspective. It doesn't mean I am stuck there. I don't give people that power nor do I want that power in anyones life. As I stated this isn't limited to FB. You're right, I don't understand what you are saying.  |
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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 8, 2014 15:35:56 GMT
Coming from the other side here, because I've struggled and thought about this quite a bit, and have even had some pretty long discussions with DH about it. Here's the way I see it.. I'm atheist. Every day I encounter -- with no exaggeration -- at least 100 references to the goodness of God and how God has functioned in /changed someone's life for the better. I accept these beliefs, and I have no problem with them, but I do not share them. So when I see a beautiful photo on Instagram, and the only caption is "because God is the ultimate artist", I really hesitate to double-tap to like it. Because I feel like I'm betraying MY beliefs and misleading you, if I agree with that. And there's absolutely no way in a social media setting I'm going to even bring up that I don't share your beliefs -- because it's irrelevant. Similarly on Facebook, if I see a post about how amazing God has been in the life of someone at Christian camp, I'm torn over what to say. Does my "like" mean to you that I'm agreeing that God exists and is good? I'm more likely to say something on FB like "so glad your son is enjoying camp!" but again, I do worry that it somehow comes across as passive-aggressive since I'm not acknowledging what I consider to be half the point of you sharing a status like that -- to recognize the work of God in your life. So, I sympathize that it hurts to feel like people are selectively liking your updates and statuses based on their own personal beliefs, but maybe they aren't trying to be insulting but rather find some balance between not betraying their own beliefs and not offending you? Ashley- I wanted to go back and specifically address this because I found great value in it. I think that is the very thing I am talking about. I value you. You have a beautiful family and are a beautiful human being. Our beliefs aren't the same in some areas and that doesn't that take away my ability to value you. I will use the camp example because you used that one. I personally would love anyone finding joy in my son and wouldn't see it as passive aggressive at all if you left the God part out. That is the key to my point. The beauty is in the people not that someone agrees or not. If someone can't celebrate, participate cheer on or be there for someone because they just don't agree, could care less or have an issue with than so be it. I bet there is other people in that persons life that can. I am not offended if someone isn't a part. My OP was acknowledging the ways I see it happening and I personally dislike products over people, beliefs over people, denominations over people, theories over people, preference over people and just think that it is sad that sameness often is what motivates people. I do have friends that I have deep connection that we have a lot of sameness but I also have friends or people that I deeply admire and love that we our differences are vast. |
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Post by BeckyTech on Aug 8, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
I totally had people like my post when I said my dog died. not kidding. People are weird. Okay, I feel really weird because I'm not an FB person and when we first moved to this board there was a vent thread with some pretty serious things going on in people's lives. Now vent threads are meant for people to just tell us things, not really for people to respond to those vents because otherwise they'd be a mile long. Soooo... I thought Liking a vent where people were having a really rough time was the equivalent of acknowledging their vent and letting the person know I felt bad for them -- kind of like a little hug. I thought that was an appropriate use of the Like button, especially because other people had Liked the posts before me. Now I feel really bad that people might have thought I was liking they had serious issues in their life. To sum it up: I thought the Like button could be used to mean different things based on the content of the post. |
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Post by krazykatlady on Aug 8, 2014 15:55:16 GMT
I totally had people like my post when I said my dog died. not kidding. People are weird. Okay, I feel really weird because I'm not an FB person and when we first moved to this board there was a vent thread with some pretty serious things going on in people's lives. Now vent threads are meant for people to just tell us things, not really for people to respond to those vents because otherwise they'd be a mile long. Soooo... I thought Liking a vent where people were having a really rough time was the equivalent of acknowledging their vent and letting the person know I felt bad for them -- kind of like a little hug. I thought that was an appropriate use of the Like button, especially because other people had Liked the posts before me. Now I feel really bad that people might have thought I was liking they had serious issues in their life. To sum it up: I thought the Like button could be used to mean different things based on the content of the post. For me pressing like does mean I am acknowledging what you're saying. I understand it might appear that someone "likes" that my dog died but it really doesn't. |
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Post by Meri-Lyn on Aug 8, 2014 16:27:15 GMT
I totally had people like my post when I said my dog died. not kidding. People are weird. Okay, I feel really weird because I'm not an FB person and when we first moved to this board there was a vent thread with some pretty serious things going on in people's lives. Now vent threads are meant for people to just tell us things, not really for people to respond to those vents because otherwise they'd be a mile long. Soooo... I thought Liking a vent where people were having a really rough time was the equivalent of acknowledging their vent and letting the person know I felt bad for them -- kind of like a little hug. I thought that was an appropriate use of the Like button, especially because other people had Liked the posts before me. Now I feel really bad that people might have thought I was liking they had serious issues in their life. To sum it up: I thought the Like button could be used to mean different things based on the content of the post. That's pretty much my take on it. People aren't literally "liking" that your dog died. It's a way to show support, or understanding. Or on FB, particularly with newstories, people do it so they can follow or find the post in their feed. |
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Post by doesitmatter on Aug 8, 2014 16:33:15 GMT
Friends and family should be happy for us when we are happy and support us despite our differences.
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 11:39:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2014 16:38:29 GMT
I have absolutely no idea what you are trying to get at OP.
Am I a crappy person with a tiny heart because I don't react to things the way you think people should?
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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 8, 2014 17:06:23 GMT
Lainey-I have tried explain myself several times and some people get it and if some doesn't than I think explaining it again or trying to reword it via a keyboard isn't accomplishing what I am feeling and witnessing. No, I don't think anyone is a crappy person with a tiny heart because they don't react to thing the way I think they should.
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 11:39:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2014 18:04:33 GMT
Lainey-I have tried explain myself several times and some people get it and if some doesn't than I think explaining it again or trying to reword it via a keyboard isn't accomplishing what I am feeling and witnessing. No, I don't think anyone is a crappy person with a tiny heart because they don't react to thing the way I think they should. but you say stuff like this "Your lack of being able to celebrate, embrace, encourage or love on, cheer on someone shows the smallness of your heart." Whether or not you accept it you ARE being judgemental. To me it looks like the reason you can't explain it via a keyboard is because what you are saying is at odd with the way you want to percieve yourself and have us percieve you.. but your words keep betraying your illusion. |
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
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Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Aug 8, 2014 18:35:59 GMT
This might be one of those feelings that just doesn't translate well in a paragraph on a message board or without relational context. I've read the OP and Julie's subsequent replies and I'm really trying to understand what she wants to convey, but I don't think I completely understand it either. And that's okay. I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and she is allowed her feelings. If I was sitting with her at lunch, I'd probably ask a lot of clarifying questions and we'd probably have a great conversation about this. That's just so hard to do here, especially with something so out of the realm of what I would ever think.
I do sometimes feel absolutely paralyzed to interact (or not interact) on facebook after reading some facebook thoughts posted here.
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Post by melanell on Aug 8, 2014 18:44:25 GMT
Okay, I feel really weird because I'm not an FB person and when we first moved to this board there was a vent thread with some pretty serious things going on in people's lives. Now vent threads are meant for people to just tell us things, not really for people to respond to those vents because otherwise they'd be a mile long. Soooo... I thought Liking a vent where people were having a really rough time was the equivalent of acknowledging their vent and letting the person know I felt bad for them -- kind of like a little hug. I thought that was an appropriate use of the Like button, especially because other people had Liked the posts before me. Now I feel really bad that people might have thought I was liking they had serious issues in their life. To sum it up: I thought the Like button could be used to mean different things based on the content of the post. For me pressing like does mean I am acknowledging what you're saying. I understand it might appear that someone "likes" that my dog died but it really doesn't. I absolutely see "liking" a post as a from of support. To me, it basically whatever positive response would be appropriate if you were told the same thing in real life. So it can be a hug, a high-five, or a smile. It can mean "I'm sorry.", "That's great!", "Rock on!", or simply "I agree." |
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Post by SockMonkey on Aug 8, 2014 18:50:21 GMT
Can't we all just diffuse some cypress? I see here that it's good for menstrual problems. Now that I know that, perhaps I would not announce that I was diffusing cypress on the Intertubes. I feel like everyone would know it was my lady time! The horror! Ooohhhhh, maybe that's why they didn't respond? They didn't want to "like" that you had your period. I mean, who LIKES that, really? Maybe someone will send you some of those knitted tampons, though.  |
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Post by BeckyTech on Aug 8, 2014 19:50:09 GMT
I admit, I don't "get" essential oils at all. How can smelling something cure things or ... wait, what? It reduces cellulite? I need to order this stuff by the barrel!
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Post by annabella on Aug 8, 2014 20:37:06 GMT
If the sentence ended at camp more people would have liked it. The second part of the sentence is the type of language used by a certain type of Christian. Not Catholics or Presbyterians, but non-denominational and pentcostals. Someone who is not religious simply can't even relate to that comment. It's really only directed to people who belong to that same church and speak in that manner.
Liking a post of someone selling a MLM is risky because she might email you and ask if you were interesting in learning more about the product. Or maybe I just plain don't care that you lighting a candle at home. To me it's the same as saying "enjoying my cup of tea" who cares.
ETA I see now these are your posts, I didn't know that before I wrote this. People ignore my posts, sure it might hurt my feelings but I don't read into it, just post something else and hope that topic interests more people.
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Post by annabella on Aug 8, 2014 20:43:24 GMT
J u l e e I didn't understand it either the first time I opened this thread, what I think she's saying is she's hurt only certain people like some of her posts, and why can't everyone like her posts. Let me give you a counter example. If I had a Muslim friend saying he had a wonderful holiday dinner and posted a picture of the dinner table filled with delicious food and family I could like that. I'm happy him and his family are having a wonderful time. If he said Allah has blessed him with xyz, well I can't relate. I respect his religion, but as it's not my religion I feel that liking it saying yes I agree Allah is the best. As I said in my previous post you have to understand that your language "God uses our church in his life" is very specific to your church and is not relatable to all.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Aug 8, 2014 21:15:00 GMT
You know one thing that I just am so weary of seeing and pretty surprised. It might be hard to put into words so I will give a few examples first. Although this isn't limited to Facebook so I am not pegging it all on that but I see it there but also in life in general. Example: Grateful my son is having a great week at youth camp and love how God uses our church in his life. Responses come from church family or other believers but others can't be excited my son is loving life, experiencing healing or feeling loved on or because he isn't part of your denomination you aren't excited because our church might have different beliefs than yours, traditions or style? I think for me it comes down to do you love your beliefs more, you company, your opinion, product or people? Your lack of being able to celebrate, embrace, encourage or love on, cheer on someone shows the smallness of your heart. God help me to never put my traditions, beliefs, products, what I perceive to be right or my right ahead of people. Let me never be stingy in kindness or the ability to accept people for who they are. Diversity it is the beauty in this world. I am at times stretched by some things......but stretch for crying out loud. It isn't going to kill you. You just don't seem like you have much life in your without it. We are all made different. We aren't suppose to be the same. There isn't ONE right way. OP, would you like my post if I said: Grateful my daugther is having a great week at Wiccan youth camp learning how to worship the Horned God and practice her magic. |
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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 8, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
Sockmonkey-That is hilarious. Yeah, I haven't read that page on Cypress but this one: Diffuse throughout the home or office area to disinfect while simultaneously helping to relieve stress and tension. So yeah I wouldn't be announcing all those other things to the world either! No yarn items needed here! The peas help me with a much better product years ago!  I never said I was hurt or offended and that keeps being said. I have a much thicker skin and allow very few in my life to hurt me. That is power we give someone so my list has gotten shorter over the years. This isn't a case of I am bothered. It is bringing up something I see. To a point that it shocks me how somewhere along the line I think women have lost what it looks like to support one another. Obviously some women still don't get it. Support doesn't mean that I agree with everything you do, nor do I have to take the time to comment in life to everyone or on every post. I can't support something that goes against my beliefs but I can still be kind, support them and be for them personally. |
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 11:39:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2014 21:54:36 GMT
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Post by annabella on Aug 9, 2014 1:28:00 GMT
To a point that it shocks me how somewhere along the line I think women have lost what it looks like to support one another. Obviously some women still don't get it. Support doesn't mean that I agree with everything you do, nor do I have to take the time to comment in life to everyone or on every post. I can't support something that goes against my beliefs but I can still be kind, support them and be for them personally. You didn't respond to the post above yours: If a facebook friend posts photos of the dead deer they just shot, which is completely against my beliefs, I do not have to support it and I am offended that you are making a judgement on me for not supporting it. I can be kind when I see them in person and not mention it, but I'm not required to like that post on facebook. I'm really disappointed that you would think people have to like every single silly facebook post they see or else it reflects poorly on them. |
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Post by tuva42 on Aug 9, 2014 1:43:34 GMT
I've read through the thread and I still don't understand. Is the OP upset that folks are not liking the posts or upset that people are posting negatively?
Did anyone figure that out?
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Post by jenjie on Aug 9, 2014 2:23:04 GMT
I agree with much of what annabella said. OP I'll bet not all of your FB posts are even seen by everyone. You and I are Facebook friends. I'm not getting all of your posts in my feed. I went looking and saw the camping one. Typically it would be something I would "like" but IIRC I don't think I did because I didn't want you to think I only liked it because of this thread.  I personally will never ever like an aromatherapy post. I had a TMI bad experience at an aromatherapy party years ago. And those things I think would be kind of exclusive to the people who attended the intended party with you or whatever. My mom "likes" a lot of my Jesus posts. But she's not a believer so I wonder why she likes them. If she just wants to support me, I post other things that are not faith based that she could like instead. It.doesn't need to be as personal as you seem to be taking it. |
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,986
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Aug 9, 2014 2:34:18 GMT
I keep trying to type another response, but in pretty sure I've been dismissed to the, "Obviously some women still don't understand" group of evil doers.  |
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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 9, 2014 2:41:31 GMT
Tuva-I am not upset just more disappointed. I don't really notice liking post on here. Sometimes I will hit like to a post but honestly that is such a new feature I don't often think of it nor notice if anyone does it to mine. So to make that clear I am not talking about the like feature on this board. That never crossed my mind.
In my area we have a zillion people selling oils. Seriously. My sister doesn't live in our area and sells a brand that is more popular in another part of the country. My local friends know this and when I see them seriously won't talk about oils because it is the opposing company. That is just crazy to me. I use oils and I have both brands. So that is one example that I spoke about. Why isn't the focus on the benefits of essential oils? Why isn't it on a woman providing for her family and being successful? Why isn't the focus on the my family has cut back on RX meds 80% since we started using oils? That is crazy to me that there is such favoritism and lack of support for the people and the focus is on the product. I know people that sell are passionate about what they sell but you can still be passionate without putting someone else down or what they use. Some of them even know I use both.
The other I think is harder for people to understand. I do see that if you are a agnostic or have no belief in God than you don't care about my kid going to VBS or loving youth camp. I didn't view if from the perspective that someone could see that as a bad thing and something I would be doing that would be bad for my kids. I believed that someone would see if from the perspective of that is their beliefs, these are ours. If I have a friend that doesn't take her kids I don't think oh man your poor kids. I know some incredibly beautiful atheist people and families. Dori no I won't be hitting like on that. Because that goes totally against something I believe. I like Annabella's post about comparing it killing a deer. If I am a card carrying PETA member than yeah I won't be liking your post come deer season. I suppose if someone was posting their haul from hunting on a regular basis than yeah I might hide them but if I see them I can treat them like a human being.
Thank you, Julee for your words and post. I am not the best communicator and have room to grow for sure. It is seriously such a simple concept that I think people are reading into it in a way that it wasn't intended.
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Post by wholarmor on Aug 9, 2014 2:59:20 GMT
Okay, I should just stop responding because I don't think I'll ever get it. You say you're not offended, but you post "Your lack of being able to celebrate, embrace, encourage or love on, cheer on someone shows the smallness of your heart." and "I think it's crappy." So what is it? People who don't like the posts you mentioned have small hearts and it's crappy? Or you're not offended?
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Post by annabella on Aug 9, 2014 3:06:51 GMT
MLMs have a bad rep, even though Avon and Mary Kay have been around forever. There was a thread about this the other day on here. Seems to be the way it's done on facebook rubs a lot of people the wrong way. Any alternative fix is always going to raise eyebrows of disbelief. I know nothing about oils. What did she cure herself of? My mother used some frankincense oil she bought in Malaysia 10 years ago to treat her arthritis. It didn't cure it, just took the pain away. I'm all open to hearing about oil, seems very interesting, but it's hard to separate the selling gimmick vs what's reality. A have 600 friends on facebook, I changed my setup so only a dozen show up in my newsfeed, everything else is posts from companies or blogs. Every now and then I go look at people pages, but I just don't want everything in my feed. Also it depends what time of day someone happens to look at facebook, they could have missed your post. When someone comments on your post, it pushes it to the top of everyone's feed. For instance my friend posted a photo album of 300 pics, I just happened to be online when it first posted and went and looked at every single pic and commented on a few. I noticed later in my newsfeed that then several others of her friends did the same because a post to the picture highlighted that one photo in everyone's feed. |
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 11:39:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2014 3:49:43 GMT
I totally agree with you on the inability to just be happy for someone else. When I posted a photo of new furniture that I had waited several years to get and worked diligently to find at a good price...someone Said something like "must be nice to have money to blow on furniture". Get over yourself and be happy that good things happen to your friends, family etc. Dont make it about you. Just choose to be nice. That someone is a super big jerk!  Hope you're enjoying your new furniture SDeven! The only time my feelings get a little bit hurt is when someone that I've been really close to and spent a lot of time with totally ignores my pictures of my son. And I'm thinking of one or two people in particular. It's just something I've noticed over years of being on there...and it's a bummer. But oh well! PS...Sock Monkey...You cracked me up as usual. I love the word "bajiggedy". |
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Hope you're enjoying your new furniture SDeven!