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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 9, 2014 3:53:33 GMT
Annabella-I get people not liking MLM. I don't sell it. I am speaking about the one reps vs. another. I get they are in sales but the dislike for someone else doing virtually the same thing is what i don't get. If someone doesn't use oils I could care less. If they love em great. Different folks and not one thing works for all.Maybe they would work for someone but they think it is all quack or don't agree. Ok, that is your choice. I won't treat you any different if you use them, don't use them, use D or YL. Whatever.
Wholarmore-I wish that people would focus on people not all the details. That is the bottom line. If it goes against what you believe or can support I can get that. I gave examples and I do see how someone who has no belief in God might think well if I respond am I supporting something I don't agree with or believe in? I think there a million things people don't agree on or have the same values or beliefs. That is the beauty of mankind. But that doesn't dictate to me being kind or relational with them.
I DO get that if someone has a conviction that something is just pure wrong they feel it is best to say nothing at all.
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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 9, 2014 4:03:20 GMT
Jen- I don't know what post you are talking about but I am not taking about one specifically. I have a lot of responses and friends IRL and on FB. I think what you said about your mom liking your Jesus post is what I am talking about. You said she isn't a believer but for whatever reason she supports you. Maybe because you are her daughter (relationship first), maybe because she values that you have something in your life that you find valuable and life change (honoring your perspective and choice and so on. That is awesome. I don't post about oils hardly ever. As I stated in my OP I am not talking about just online but also outside of that. I find it sad and going in the wrong direction that women can't support women. I don't see a lot of battle going on between sahm and working moms but sometimes I will read an article about it or hear something on TV. I am sure it is still out there. Who am I to say stay at home? I have many friends that work outside the home and love it. Some do it because they have to and others because they want to. Great I can celebrate you have something that works for your family. My heart is to be for people and not for someone because they are like me. It is all about diversity. I am in an area that sometimes lacks that and it isn't easy.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Aug 9, 2014 4:24:34 GMT
I've read every post on this thread, including all the follow-up posts by the OP, and I think we may be missing the exact point she's trying to make, but that the OP is also not quite getting some of the points others have made.
2peafaithful, you've written several times on this thread about women supporting or not supporting other women, but I don't think that ”liking" a post on Facebook, or the absence of liking, is really the way to indicate support or a lack of support. Others have said multiple times that they don't see every post their FB friends make (I know I don't because I'm not on there all that much). The fact that someone does not hit the "Like" button may simply mean they didn't even see it, or it was one of many many posts that they scrolled through quickly. Despite what you've said since your original post, it seems that you do see the absence of a "Like" as more meaningful than it often is. I guess I notice when someone "likes" a post I make, but I do NOT notice if someone does not hit "Like" - and I'm not ascribing any greater meaning to it if people don't respond.
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Post by wholarmor on Aug 9, 2014 4:36:31 GMT
Wholarmore-I wish that people would focus on people not all the details. That is the bottom line. If it goes against what you believe or can support I can get that. I gave examples and I do see how someone who has no belief in God might think well if I respond am I supporting something I don't agree with or believe in? I think there a million things people don't agree on or have the same values or beliefs. That is the beauty of mankind. But that doesn't dictate to me being kind or relational with them. I DO get that if someone has a conviction that something is just pure wrong they feel it is best to say nothing at all. How are they not supporting you as a person if they don't hit "like" on certain posts?
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Post by lumo on Aug 9, 2014 4:52:04 GMT
Well.
I don't believe I understand the OP's complaint at all.
What I do think, though, is that way too much credence is being given to what other people think (or are perceived to think).
Live your life. If you want to support other people, great. But don't go through life expecting accolades or agreement or whatever for thing that you do/say/think.
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Post by PinkPrincess77 on Aug 9, 2014 11:18:39 GMT
I'm so confused. The OP is upset because people aren't liking the fact that her son is having a great time at Jesus Camp, but yet, faced with the same scenario, but with beliefs that are different from hers, she said she wouldn't 'like' that post because she doesn't believe in it? Am I understanding this correctly? If so, hypocritical much? If I'm misunderstanding, then ignore me because I've ready every response as well and am still thoroughly confused.
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AmeliaBloomer
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Aug 9, 2014 11:40:07 GMT
[snip] I do sometimes feel absolutely paralyzed to interact (or not interact) on facebook after reading some facebook thoughts posted here. I have permanent paralysis! My inclination to not get a FB page has been solidified by FB threads here. I also agree with whomever said that many Catholics and mainstream Protestants aren't accustomed to sprinkling religious messages among everyday newsy chat (either written or verbal), so might choose silence in response. OP: to understand your vent, I would need examples of how this non-support plays out in real life. Regardless, I hope the trend reverses itself for you.
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Sarah*H
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Post by Sarah*H on Aug 9, 2014 11:48:00 GMT
You wrote these words but keep telling us we're reading too much into your OP. You want people to like and support your posts about your kid going to church camp because it's important to your family but you would not do the same if a friend posted about her daughter at Wiccan camp because it goes against your beliefs. Are you truly not able to see how these statements contradict each other?
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 9, 2014 12:12:59 GMT
I do sometimes feel absolutely paralyzed to interact (or not interact) on facebook after reading some facebook thoughts posted here. This is why I don't even have a facebook account. There are too many unwritten rules of what is considered appropriate, either by individuals and/or groups. I hear of so many hurt feelings, frustrations and broken relationships (friends, families) that I wonder what kind of damage I would inadvertently cause by my lack of understanding how to navigate all the hidden social land mines and unspoken expectations.
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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 9, 2014 12:46:38 GMT
No matter how many times I say I am not upset people keep posting it. Trust me my world isn't falling apart over someone hitting a like button or not commenting. My focus was on
I get that if people think there is no God they may have the opinion that it is bad I send my kids to something that would teach about Christ. Or at least I get that now after hearing you all. I am not hurt because you don't like it or say anything.
Sarah wiccan is modern pagan, witchcraft religion or at least according to what I looked up that is what it stated. I clearly state that I understood why someone couldn't support something that goes against their beliefs. As a Christian (Christ follower) I am clearly instructed on it. In my OP I did use the word beliefs so yes I didn't think through that totally. I thought through it on certain topics but not all. So yes I do have beliefs and convictions that would keep my from being supportive of someone elses belief. That doesn't keep me from being kind to them or showing them love. In my mind when I said beliefs I wasn't thinking of the vastness of that statement.
I know on the boards religion is often one hot topic. Heck not just on the boards but in life.
My post wasn't meant to focus on a hot topic but I used it as a example. I am not stuck there, not offended and not surprised. I don't start boards on this topic because well I have been around long enough to see how they go.
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J u l e e
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Aug 9, 2014 13:46:59 GMT
In my mind, these are two different topics. The facebook examples and the supportive idea are so completely different they don't really belong in the same conversation. We question why women can't support women here all the time. That is not a new idea. There are a lot of us here who can, and have, agree with that one. The facebook topic has been done here too. We all see that differently. What to post, how often to post, when do we get to read, what do we get to see in our feed, what a like really even means, etc. I think it becomes dangerous when facebook activity determines whether or not someone is supportive and loving to others.
I also think it's dangerous to play the "why can't it just be about..." game. Especially when it comes to encouraging, loving, embracing others. Because we all have our different language and our ways of doing that are just never going to be the same. My husband is a complete 'people before everything else' person. Yet he is so completely different than me that the ways he goes about showing that and celebrating people is not even close to how I do it. We could not have more opposite personalities (I'm an ISTJ and he's an ENFP) so the "why can't it just be about..." can never even be uttered between the two of us. It's absolutely territory we can't enter with each other. Questioning the way we show love and support and the general way we do things speaks to how we were created as separate people. And since the post was really about women, I'll just say that my best friend is much like my husband (she's also an ENFP) and she shows her support of me in ways I wouldn't even think. And if I judged that by her facebook activity, she'd be doomed.
And that's the most sense I could make out of this conversation.
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 11:41:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2014 14:00:09 GMT
No matter how many times I say I am not upset people keep posting it. Trust me my world isn't falling apart over someone hitting a like button or not commenting. My focus was on I get that if people think there is no God they may have the opinion that it is bad I send my kids to something that would teach about Christ. Or at least I get that now after hearing you all. I am not hurt because you don't like it or say anything. Sarah wiccan is modern pagan, witchcraft religion or at least according to what I looked up that is what it stated. I clearly state that I understood why someone couldn't support something that goes against their beliefs. As a Christian (Christ follower) I am clearly instructed on it. In my OP I did use the word beliefs so yes I didn't think through that totally. I thought through it on certain topics but not all. So yes I do have beliefs and convictions that would keep my from being supportive of someone elses belief. That doesn't keep me from being kind to them or showing them love. In my mind when I said beliefs I wasn't thinking of the vastness of that statement. I know on the boards religion is often one hot topic. Heck not just on the boards but in life. My post wasn't meant to focus on a hot topic but I used it as a example. I am not stuck there, not offended and not surprised. I don't start boards on this topic because well I have been around long enough to see how they go. People think you're "upset" because you said that if they're not hitting Like, then it shows the smallness of their heart. What else are people supposed to think after you say that? If this isn't about keeping score and being overly sensitive to how many people hit Like, what exactly are people doing wrong? Are the ones you're calling mean and small-minded typing out rude remarks about the cypress diffusing? On the whole religious thing, you said that if you don't have the same beliefs "That doesn't keep me from being kind to them or showing them love." Could you provide examples of what you mean by being kind and showing love? Since your OP talked about Facebook Likes, I'm wondering what you want from people. Are you saying that they don't EVER like anything you post or EVER type out a kind word to you? and you keep mentioning real life, too, but once again, what is your beef with what people are doing? That these "mean" and "small-hearted" people are doing what, exactly? Saying rude things when you talk about diffusing cypress? Giving you a cold, disapproving stare? Saying that you're full of it when you you tell them about all the wondrous things god is doing for your family via Jesus camp? Is something more than a polite smile and a "that's nice" or "I'm glad for you" warranted? How are you expecting to be "loved on" ? And what is it that the mean, small-hearted people are doing wrong in the real-life scenario?
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Post by auntkelly on Aug 9, 2014 14:30:51 GMT
OP, would this be an example of what you are talking about:
You have two friends, Mary and Kate, who are both very religious. Mary goes to the Methodist Church and Kate goes to a nondenominational church. Mary and Kate both love the church they attend and can't imagine going anywhere else. Every time Kate says something like "we had a wonderful Bible study this week" Mary says "That's great what passages did you study?" and then Mary listens while Kate tells her all about the Bible study.
Every time Mary mentions her church Kate ignores her and quickly changes the conversation.
Mary notices that Kate "likes" all of her Facebook posts except the ones Mary posts about her church.
It doesn't have to be about church. It could be the same scenario, but Kate has chosen to send her kids to a private school and Mary has chosen to send her kid to the public school. Kate talks to Mary about how wonderful the private school is all the time and Mary listens politely, but Kate clams up when Mary talks about her kid's school.
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Post by annabella on Aug 9, 2014 14:55:58 GMT
Annabella-I get people not liking MLM. I don't sell it. I am speaking about the one reps vs. another. I get they are in sales but the dislike for someone else doing virtually the same thing is what i don't get. If someone doesn't use oils I could care less. If they love em great. Different folks and not one thing works for all.Maybe they would work for someone but they think it is all quack or don't agree. Ok, that is your choice. I won't treat you any different if you use them, don't use them, use D or YL. Whatever. It appears that these reps that you speak of all know each other, which means they have the same potential customer base. So it is understandable for one rep to be envious of another rep's success because one rep is taking customers away from the other rep. Essential oils are all the same, it's just how you market it. For those of us that have to work for a living, if your income depended only on your sales, then yes it is a blow to not make a sale and it's natural to dislike the person who is taking away sales from you because you needed that income. I'm not saying they need to be nasty to each other, but they're not going to be having lunch together to catch up on the other's success.
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The Great Carpezio
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Jun 25, 2014 21:50:33 GMT
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Aug 9, 2014 15:11:18 GMT
I think Aunt Kelly is on to something here, and I think Julee made some good points. Some people are petty and can't be happy for others but sometimes people just communicate/support differently.
I think the OP's examples were where the confusion came in (and the mention of FB likes added to the seemingly ridiculousness of the complaint).
So, I think after all of this it comes down to:
We should be happy for and be interested in the things that happen in our loved ones lives and embrace minor differences because it's what decent people do; however, we are not required to embrace things that go against our deeply held beliefs. We shouldn't condemn but we don't have to condone. Be polite.
How's that?
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The Great Carpezio
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Aug 9, 2014 15:19:17 GMT
I think Annabella is correct too. I think if you work for competing markets, it's only natural that those topics are kind of off topic. Again, be polite.
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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 9, 2014 15:22:45 GMT
Awesome ladies! Obviously my communication skills suck.
Thank you for being helpful, trying to understand what I was trying to communicate and listening.
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 11:41:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2014 15:28:24 GMT
I think Aunt Kelly is on to something here, and I think Julee made some good points. Some people are petty and can't be happy for others but sometimes people just communicate/support differently. I think the OP's examples were where the confusion came in (and the mention of FB likes added to the seemingly ridiculousness of the complaint). So, I think after all of this it comes down to: We should be happy for and be interested in the things that happen in our loved ones lives and embrace minor differences because it's what decent people do; however, we are not required to embrace things that go against our deeply held beliefs. We shouldn't condemn but we don't have to condone. Be polite. How's that? I think that's probably spot on with what 2peafaithful meant and she would have gotten a lot more agreement if she'd been less wordy and judgmental in her OP. Also it didn't sound like people were actually being mean or leaving nasty comments, just that the lack of saying anything made her think people had 'small hearts'. That's where she lost me. I'm not by nature a gushy person, I know from experience that people find me stand offish, but that's mostly due to shyness and lack of self confidence. I find it hard to celebrate, love on, be a cheerleader etc etc on Facebook and in real life cos I think people are thinking 'who the hell cares what she thinks'? That doesn't mean that in my own quiet way I'm not supportive of people or their situations, I suppose I just don't get how being judgey and commenting on the size of someones heart helps at all.
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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 9, 2014 15:55:45 GMT
Lainey-I am a wordy person. I total with that. I don't think I am a overly gushy person either but I think that is so relative. Heck I live in the south so to some my norm would probably be so. When I moved here from MI I thought why the heck are these people so happy?!!? My heart is not to judge. It truly isn't. I am a work in progress though so I ask for forgiveness and grace in my shortcomings or if I offended anyone. That was not my heart at all.
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 11:41:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2014 16:05:20 GMT
Lainey-I am a wordy person. I total with that. I don't think I am a overly gushy person either but I think that is so relative. Heck I live in the south so to some my norm would probably be so. When I moved here from MI I thought why the heck are these people so happy?!!? My heart is not to judge. It truly isn't. I am a work in progress though so I ask for forgiveness and grace in my shortcomings or if I offended anyone. That was not my heart at all. You didn't offend me but I think in asking others to respect diversity and be 'for people' you also have to do that yourself. Speculating on the size of someones heart based on what you posted just doesn't seem very kind. We're all works in progress, we all have personal issues, crappy days, demons and shortcomings to deal with, it's what makes us human.
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Post by myshelly on Aug 9, 2014 16:05:34 GMT
I don't understand. I've read the OP and your subsequent posts and I don't understand at all. Venting bc people don't like something on FB seems very junior high. I can't believe an adult would vent about that?
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Post by Kelpea on Aug 9, 2014 16:20:48 GMT
I think the majority of posters on FB don't really have time to consider the "behind the like/not liking" social nuances of it all...I will "like" something of my friends' posts when I'm being lazy watching tv or waiting for kids in my car or something like that. And, now for the big question: are we getting judged on THIS thread for "liking" comments?
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jj
Shy Member
Posts: 48
Jun 26, 2014 19:11:33 GMT
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Post by jj on Aug 9, 2014 16:55:53 GMT
I think the majority of posters on FB don't really have time to consider the "behind the like/not liking" social nuances of it all...I will "like" something of my friends' posts when I'm being lazy watching tv or waiting for kids in my car or something like that. And, now for the big question: are we getting judged on THIS thread for "liking" comments? No, we are getting judged for NOT liking comments on this thread.
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Post by Kelpea on Aug 9, 2014 17:00:31 GMT
lol
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Post by kryssy on Aug 9, 2014 19:17:59 GMT
On a related tangent -- I feel the same about people who get all riled up for a cause, then insinuate that anyone who isn't as riled up as they are is callous and unfeeling, or ignorant and uninformed. The only Pea example I can recall was a couple years ago when the TSA was back in the news, when you had to choose either the backscatter scanner or the pat-down method of getting through security. Many were concerned, some mildly and some greatly, but there were a couple people who were completely outraged, were linking petitions to sign, and posting about how flabbergasted they were that more people weren't voicing their concerns. I remember someone posted that anyone who remained silent on this issue must not care about civil rights and was basically a horrible person... I did this ----> And may or may not have responded, I can't remember. But whether I did or not had nothing to do with how I felt about the issue. It's similar to those FB cut-n-paste statuses that try to guilt you into cut-n-pasting it onto your wall, even for a nanosecond, to show your support for animal rights/civil rights/marriage equality/dolphin-safe tuna/etc... not going to happen. Doesn't mean I DON'T support those causes, just means I don't feel the need to post it as my FB status. /tangent
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Post by chlerbie on Aug 9, 2014 19:27:04 GMT
I have a ton of Facebook friends and I don't click "like" on everything that they post. I don't often read the whole newsfeed, so if it wasn't posted recently, I may have missed it. It doesn't mean that I don't love and support my friends, but sometimes I'm just not seeing what they've written. And with the ones I DO read, I may or may not click like--I think it's sort of obnoxious to like EVERYTHING that someone posts and kind of disingenuous to do so if it's not something that connects with me. I don't think it shows a lack of support and I'm sure that if I miss liking something that they post one day, there's a good chance I'll eventually connect with them in some way or another. I guess I don't take Facebook as seriously as others do.
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Post by annabella on Aug 9, 2014 19:43:13 GMT
No they don't think it's bad that you sent your kid to bible camp, they simply are not overjoyed enough to like the post because it doesn't do anything for them.
Let me give you a comparison:
Personally I feel there's been too many dog threads on the board in the past week. I like dogs, they're cute, but not enough to fawn over a stranger's dog in poor quality pictures and that's not even the dog breed I find attractive. I do love the dress up dog threads!
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