Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,709
Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Aug 8, 2014 20:24:26 GMT
I think discussing how people chose to memorialize a woman who passed away suddenly whose wasn't famous and was simply a person like you or me is indeed tacky.
But you don't have a problem with that and that's that.
But please don't say that someone told you that you couldn't express your opinion. I can't stand it when people throw that out there, especially when it didn't happen.
I don't agree with your opinion and I do think it's tacky. But I (or anyone else) never once told you that you had no right to express it.
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
Jul 22, 2014 2:10:14 GMT
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Post by marimoose on Aug 8, 2014 20:24:47 GMT
I appreciated the tone and the information about the deceased. As an amateur genealogist, I would love to see a chatty, informational obit. It really opens up who the person is, instead of just the bare facts of their life. Exactly. A person is so much more than the day they were born and died and that they were a son/daughter, sibling, parent, or spouse, which is pretty much the only thing that the cookie cutter obits that are demanded tell of the person. Why wouldn't a family want to shout from the rooftops who their loved one was? It makes me sad that I didn't break out of the mould for my grandmother earlier this year. She deserved so much more than the trite, boring "she was a daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother" template I was told to use. ETA: And now that I think of it, I would have played up the success of every single child and grandchild. Why? Because she was fiercely proud of everything we did and she herself talked us up at every turn when she was still able to. So why wouldn't that be celebrated in her final printed testament? So no, I don't think it's pretentious to talk of how successful her children are. I think that is another testament to the person she was. I really don't see how this is pretentious at all. I was thinking the same thing that to celebrate the children's accomplishments is yet another feather in her cap because she raised them and I think she is due credit for at least some part of who they became. I loved all the information. And for those stating that this would be better in a eulogy, I understand that but not all will have a funeral, service, eulogy. I am set that when I pass, there will be no ceremony/service so if my family saw fit to write an obituary such as this, I would understand and not mind in the least. It would be their final act of saying goodbye. I love information, whether I knew the person or not. Everyone is born, everyone eventually dies, but it the stuff in between that makes the life and this obituary was definitely about a wonderful, if not challenging at times, life.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 8, 2024 11:45:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2014 20:25:39 GMT
You're right, you didn't say I couldn't express my opinion. You said doing so was wrong. I am sorry for putting words in your mouth.
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Post by annabella on Aug 8, 2014 20:28:15 GMT
I tend to read the obituaries in the newspaper a lot and am disappointed that few cite the cause of death. Why? I only read the ones with pictures. It's just weird to say someone died and not say how. I heard that before it was required to put cause of death in the newspaper but now that is no longer the case. Especially when someone dies before the age of 80 I'm curious.
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Post by cakediva on Aug 8, 2014 20:28:25 GMT
That obituary is my mother's worst nightmare. She's made me promise not to let any of my siblings put anything like that out for the public and laughs at the obituaries she reads that are like this one. I have to say I totally agree with her. IMHO those things should be said in the eulogy not published in the paper. They come off as bragging to me. And see, this is what my Mother wanted. She hated to read obituaries that had simply date of birth, date of death, kids, grandkids and send donations to wherever. She loved to read the ones with a story behind who that person was, that they were more than a birth & death date. That said - the parts about the kids & their lives I would have left out. But we certainly told a story with my Dad's obit, as well as my Grandfather.
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,709
Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Aug 8, 2014 20:28:46 GMT
Exactly. A person is so much more than the day they were born and died and that they were a son/daughter, sibling, parent, or spouse, which is pretty much the only thing that the cookie cutter obits that are demanded tell of the person. Why wouldn't a family want to shout from the rooftops who their loved one was? It makes me sad that I didn't break out of the mould for my grandmother earlier this year. She deserved so much more than the trite, boring "she was a daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother" template I was told to use. ETA: And now that I think of it, I would have played up the success of every single child and grandchild. Why? Because she was fiercely proud of everything we did and she herself talked us up at every turn when she was still able to. So why wouldn't that be celebrated in her final printed testament? So no, I don't think it's pretentious to talk of how successful her children are. I think that is another testament to the person she was. I really don't see how this is pretentious at all. I was thinking the same thing that to celebrate the children's accomplishments is yet another feather in her cap because she raised them and I think she is due credit for at least some part of who they became. I feel this way as well. They obviously loved their mother and she obviously loved them. My mother has had a huge role in my success and has been my biggest cheerleader and supporter in life. She also doesn't want a service, and would love for her to obituary to focus more on the people she has touched in life than her own life. She's told us that more than one. No service. No obituary about her!
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loco coco
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,662
Jun 26, 2014 16:15:45 GMT
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Post by loco coco on Aug 8, 2014 20:40:12 GMT
if my kids took the time to remember and be proud of what I was passionate about and praise my work in my hobbies, I would say I had a pretty good life.
I think its beautiful.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 8, 2024 11:45:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2014 20:55:57 GMT
I thought it was a lovely tribute to their mother.
I read it in such a way that they were paying tribute to their mother for her love and guidance for steering them on the right path to success especially that they were so young when life dealt them a bad hand at the age of 4 and 2 when they lost their Dad. She also moved states after that. There could very well be people that were not at the funeral who would like to know how those little ones ( at that time) developed and what they were doing now. I think what they are saying is........ this is what we achieved and it was all up to her. What better tribute than that could a mother wish for?
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Post by ceepea on Aug 8, 2014 20:57:04 GMT
I am a huge Martha fan and I remember seeing Christopher and Sophie on a few of her shows. I was surprised to learn that she was only 59. My heart goes out the the family. On a more shallow note, I did notice the misspelling of the word dessert.
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Post by lurker on Aug 8, 2014 20:57:35 GMT
I'm with the previous poster who said they googled polyglot. Learned something new today. Annabella, I don't find it strange to read obits and I, too, wish they would include the cause of death. I like to know more about the deceased other than she was Martha Stewart's sister.
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Post by mztfied on Aug 8, 2014 21:09:39 GMT
I thought this was lovely. The family, obviously, wrote what was important to them. We may not understand some of it but to them this was a tribute to a warm and loving family member.
As someone who loves genealogy, I so wish that every one of my long gone relatives had obits like this one. What great details about her life to glean in the future! In generations to come this will give them a wonderful insight into the life of this gracious lady. She was loved dearly.
Bless them all.
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Post by redayh on Aug 8, 2014 21:16:44 GMT
I thought it was nice and not at all pretentious. Her son is a polyglot. The other son is an avid birdwatcher. The daughter a therapist. She made lamb kebabs. These are facts. None of this is super fancy or boastful in my opinion. This was about her life and all these things were a part of her life. It's sad she passed away so young.
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Post by moveablefeast on Aug 8, 2014 21:17:28 GMT
I love an obituary that tells a story.
I love when people brag on their kids and are proud of their accomplishments. I love hearing about the things people enjoy together.
I love when people share private details of their family lives, the details that show us who they are. The ones that let us see something sweet about them as a family and show us why they love each other.
I would probably find giving a speech in three languages a little pretentious. But I can appreciate it when a family displays love for each other. Enjoys each other and each person's abilities and personality.
When people die, especially unexpectedly, we idealize things. It's just human nature. Maybe they don't have such a picture perfect family life. I don't know.
I just know when I go, I want my family to say happy things about our life together.
I want my daughter to see herself as my prize and my accomplishment. I want her to feel that I was so wildly proud of her that I would tell any audience who would listen how good it makes me feel about me, just to look at her, because she is who she is.
I want them to tell the good stories.
So I like reading the good stories too.
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912
Jun 25, 2014 20:45:00 GMT
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Post by melissa on Aug 8, 2014 21:49:13 GMT
I thought it was beautiful.
I wish I had the wherewithal when my mom passed to write something similar or even speak at her funeral. I just couldn't do it. My father wrote a very long obituary that had to be cut down to fit in the papers. It was really just the facts. My mom would have absolutely loved to have had something like this written... and so would I some day.
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Post by disneypal on Aug 8, 2014 21:59:08 GMT
I've seen many obits written like that - some with even much, much more detail. It is a nice tribute to their mother.
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Post by I-95 on Aug 8, 2014 22:05:52 GMT
Normally I think that would be true, but I get the feeling in this particular case, the kids were trying to make sure their mother didn't just get remembered as Martha Stewart's sister, but rather as woman who had her own accomplishments...one of which was raising some very accomplished kids. It may well be that the kids feel their mother had a huge impact on who they became and they wanted the world to know that. How else are you going to tell people that you think your mom is awesome, other than saying 'look at me. I am who I am because my mom made me go college, then encouraged me to do xxx, and taught us to be proud of who we are' Well, maybe the only one who will say it out loud But seriously, people who speak more than one language usually know what it means. And that's another thing, why is everyone focusing on that? Is it because they used the word polyglot? Is it because he speaks 3 languages? I think that, in itself, is an accomplishment to be proud of. How many people here are polyglots? It's difficult to be multi-lingual in the US because your average American doesn't speak anything but English, and if you don't practice a language you never get good at it. If I'd written that piece I might have worded that one sentence differently, but the fact is, to be fluent in 3 languages is, frankly, amazing for an American. Besides, pretentious means "attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed". I think he possess the linguistic talent that was reported, so it's not pretentious.
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jayfab
Drama Llama
procastinating
Posts: 5,592
Jun 26, 2014 21:55:15 GMT
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Post by jayfab on Aug 8, 2014 23:17:11 GMT
I would wager that many parents feel their greatest achievements are their children, and by extension, their achievements. Perhaps they included those things because they know she was very proud if them and would have wanted them included. I think it's lovely and don't feel it's my place to judge how they choose to remember and honor her. Yup, exactly what I was thinking.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 8, 2014 23:30:23 GMT
Not horribly, but it definitely is a little pretentious or maybe some unnecessary information, like this - Who cares? Just my opinion, but those who knew her and her children care.....and wanted to write an obituary that reflected her last evening with the family. I found it to be a nice obit--if a person reads the obit, then that person feels like he/she knows a bit about the deceased....and that is the point of an obit.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 8, 2024 11:45:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2014 23:31:27 GMT
I get what some of you are saying about it being different since the children wrote about their own accomplishments, but I see an obituary as a story that the deceased person would want you to know about their life. And most moms would want to tell you how wonderful and successful their children are and how proud they are of them. Her children make her a mother, so their accomplishment ARE a part of her.
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Theresa/TSC
Junior Member
Married to MrNiceGuy
Posts: 77
Jul 14, 2014 1:43:44 GMT
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Post by Theresa/TSC on Aug 8, 2014 23:37:03 GMT
I think it was a wonderful tribute to their mother.
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Post by gotranch on Aug 8, 2014 23:39:17 GMT
That said, I take it not as "Look at how great we are!" but rather "Look at what successful and well-rounded children our mom raised, even under such difficult circumstances." I think (or at least I hope!) they meant it as a kudos to her job raising them, not a kudos to themselves. It showed her life, how she lived it and what was important to her. If she lived well and raised accomplished children, good for her. And good for her children for heralding her for it. Yes! I agree.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Aug 8, 2014 23:42:00 GMT
Why? I only read the ones with pictures. It's just weird to say someone died and not say how. I heard that before it was required to put cause of death in the newspaper but now that is no longer the case. Especially when someone dies before the age of 80 I'm curious. I purposely left my DH's cause of death out of his obituary. The people that knew him and cared about him knew how he died and I felt I didn't owe anyone else an explanation. My late DH was very private about his personal life and we live in a small town. There were enough people gossiping about things they really had no clue about, I knew he would've hated giving them anything other than what we put in there. I'm still (9 years later) waiting for the million dollar life insurance policy that he took out just weeks before he died. LOL! That was one story going around that wasn't true. There were several others equally stupid that I heard about. Ugh. He was so not a man who wanted to be talked about.
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 8, 2014 23:42:25 GMT
Not horribly, but it definitely is a little pretentious or maybe some unnecessary information, like this - Who cares? I have to admit, that part had me going like this: The rest of it was ok.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Aug 8, 2014 23:43:32 GMT
Exactly. I really don't see what is so wrong with sharing the accomplishments of the children who she obviously raised well. Knowing three languages is impressive. We should not take away from that. I really don't understand the judgement and hate in this thread. I think this thread hits too close to home and it makes me sad that people think a memorial is pretentious because it dares to showcase the accomplishments of the deceased. It's as if people are saying that who the person was doesn't matter... only when they were born and when they died.
Not to mention, why on earth is it such a bad thing to be proud of accomplishments? And talk about them? Why is that considered pretentious and bad?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 8, 2024 11:45:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2014 23:48:37 GMT
I like it. I read something similar in our newspaper a couple of weeks ago. Wish mine would sound like that!
Ann
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uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,531
Location: London
Jun 25, 2014 22:33:20 GMT
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Post by uksue on Aug 8, 2014 23:49:58 GMT
I don't think it matters to me how 'pretentious' it might sound- as long as it gives her grieving family joy and comfort to pay tribute to her in this way.
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Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 8, 2014 23:53:38 GMT
Most of the obituaries in our local paper are much more concise. I like that they gave you a glimpse into who their mother was. Only 59...so young.
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Post by Chips on Aug 8, 2014 23:57:00 GMT
I also loved it and enjoyed that it read like a story.
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Aug 8, 2014 23:58:52 GMT
I really like obituaries like this, where you find out about the person's talents, interests and people who are important in their lives. I wish more people would do them in this manner.
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Post by Belia on Aug 9, 2014 0:02:17 GMT
I thought it was beautiful.
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