|
Post by kelly316 on Aug 17, 2014 2:04:20 GMT
would it matter to you if your child went to a Christian church vs. no church at all? My friend is recently married to a man with a child from a previous marriage. She wants the child to attend her Christian church, since they have the child every weekend. The mother of the child is furious, yet never takes the child when she does have him. I'm not catholic, so I would think some exposure is better than none. So would it matter to you if your child attended a Christian church?
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Aug 17, 2014 2:06:54 GMT
I'm going to guess that this is less about the church and more about the recent marriage.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Aug 17, 2014 2:06:58 GMT
How would the mom take her child to church if he is with his dad every weekend??? Not sure what you mean by a "Christian Church"...We Catholics are Christians contrary to what some people I know think.....
|
|
|
Post by Merge on Aug 17, 2014 2:10:51 GMT
My mother felt that a Catholic Church was the only acceptable one for us to attend, but she also insisted that we attend, period, as long as we were living under her roof. I think your situation is different and agree that it's probably more about the new marriage than about church preference.
ETA: for some people, their Catholicism is cultural like being Jewish is cultural for some people. Even if you're not practicing your religion, you wouldn't consider being anything else. The mom in your story may fall into that category.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Aug 17, 2014 2:12:32 GMT
How would the mom take her child to church if he is with his dad every weekend??? Not sure what you mean by a "Christian Church"...We Catholics are Christians contrary to what some people I know think..... New stepmom wants to take the boy to her church which is not Catholic. Mom is Catholic, but apparently does not attend regularly.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 6:29:44 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2014 2:13:35 GMT
FTR I am not Catholic. However, knowing what I know about teachings of both Catholic and protestant church doctrines, no, I would not want my child going to a non Catholic church on a regular basis. There are various sects within Christianity that have major doctrinal differences that total change the world view. And many protestant churches still actively make statements that are outright digs at the Catholic church specifically. I wouldn't want my child exposed to being taught the church she was baptised in is hell bound. Yes, there ARE protestant churches still preaching that.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 6:29:44 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2014 2:16:04 GMT
I'm going to guess that this is less about the church and more about the recent marriage.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 6:29:44 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2014 2:17:20 GMT
and a FWIW, if the mom was agnostic or atheist I don't believe a stepmom has a right to impose any religious training on the child. Why did she not consider the importance of her church attendance before she married this child's father?
I am sure part of the issue is the newness of the marriage not only for the bio mom to object but the step mom may be using the child to coerce a reluctant new dh to go to church with her instead of staying home with his son.
|
|
|
Post by Linda on Aug 17, 2014 2:18:18 GMT
This sounds like a new marriage issue not a church issue given that mum doesn't attend regularly herself/take the child regularly.
However as a Catholic, I wouldn't want my pre-Confirmation age child regularly attending a non-Catholic Church - especially if I wasn't along to explain differences/answer questions. An older teen who has made Confirmation? That wouldn't bother me as much.
One thing I've found, especially here in the South, is that many Christian Churches, especially those that are non-denom or Baptist rather than mainline denominations, can be quite anti-Catholic - sometimes very blatantly. My non-Catholic husband has attended some services with friends and refused to return because of this - he won't let our girls attend even activities at other churches unless he's checked it out first for this reason.
|
|
|
Post by momofkandn on Aug 17, 2014 2:20:38 GMT
In this case, it's probably more about the new marriage. However, to Catholics, you can't just go to any church on Sundays. It has to be a Catholic church. There are several reasons but the biggest is the sacrament of Holy Eucharist. To Catholics, communion is the actual body and blood of Christ. Other christian religions don't believe in transubstantiation. So their communion isn't the real thing to Catholics. For Catholics, going to church isn't just about hearing sermons and readings from the bible. Communion is an essential part. And yes, to some Catholics, you might as well not go to church if you aren't going to a Catholic one.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Aug 17, 2014 2:21:38 GMT
I don't attend church, nor do I care to, but when I did, I never heard anything about Catholics, good or bad and I went to a Baptist church.
Could it be that the new family wants to attend church together and leaving a child at home without the rest of the family sounds mean or irresponsible?
|
|
SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,408
Location: Dallas Texas
Jun 26, 2014 12:16:22 GMT
|
Post by SabrinaP on Aug 17, 2014 2:21:48 GMT
Does the dad go to the church or is step mom taking child by herself?
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Aug 17, 2014 2:23:14 GMT
I think that if going to Catholic mass was that important to the mom that she would have been taking the child right along, and that she would have made mention of this important part of the child's upbringing during discussions about how they would co-parent the child when they split up.
So I am left to lean towards the idea that her anger comes from places other than just concern over the difference between a Catholic mass & another Christian service.
For me, I don't know how I would feel. I know that I would be fine with him visiting services for other denominations or religions a few times to learn more about them. To go every week? I really don't know. Some denominations are more similar to one another than others, kwim? So that might matter. It's one of those things that I think I would have to experience before I would know how I would feel about it.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 6:29:44 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2014 2:31:01 GMT
Why does the frequency of mom's attendance matter? Not all religions teach you have to be there every week. If the bio mom only attends on Christmas and Easter it doesn't make her any less Catholic.
|
|
|
Post by Linda on Aug 17, 2014 2:46:13 GMT
Why does the frequency of mom's attendance matter? Not all religions teach you have to be there every week. If the bio mom only attends on Christmas and Easter it doesn't make her any less Catholic. However Catholic isn't one of those religions - we are obligated to attend Sunday Mass (or the Saturday vigil) every week once we reach the age of reason (traditionally 7/First Communion) that said - if you are baptised Catholic, then in the eyes of the Catholic Church, you are Catholic unless you formally renounce it. So yes, even if mum NEVER attends Mass, if she was baptised Catholic, she's Catholic.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 6:29:44 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2014 3:03:34 GMT
Does the dad go to the church or is step mom taking child by herself? That's my question. If the dad is going, then yes, I can see them wanting to attend as a family. If it's just the stepmom attending church, then I can understand why the mom is upset.
|
|
SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,408
Location: Dallas Texas
Jun 26, 2014 12:16:22 GMT
|
Post by SabrinaP on Aug 17, 2014 3:06:29 GMT
Does the dad go to the church or is step mom taking child by herself? That's my question. If the dad is going, then yes, I can see them wanting to attend as a family. If it's just the stepmom attending church, then I can understand why the mom is upset. That's my thinking as well. If DH and I divorced, I would be ok with him going to new wife's church and taking kids, but not on her taking kids alone.
|
|
jj
Shy Member
Posts: 48
Jun 26, 2014 19:11:33 GMT
|
Post by jj on Aug 17, 2014 3:21:59 GMT
This should have been decided during the divorce. A second chance for the discussion was before your friend married the father. Why wasn't this important to anyone then?
I understand why a catholic would not want her child to attend a non-catholic church. And, I understand why a non-catholic would not want her child to attend a catholic church.
The doctrine is so different.
|
|
|
Post by Basket1lady on Aug 17, 2014 3:29:00 GMT
For me, it would really depend on the Christian church in question. And I wouldn't want my child to attend every week.
Some non denominational churches have doctrine that is pretty watered down compared to the Catholic faith. And other churches have doctrine that contradicts Catholicism. And yes, some churches really teach that people other than their members are going straight to hell. And that we pray to statues. And ... The list goes on and on.
If the child is old enough to receive holy communion, we don't believe that it's ok to receive communion from most other faiths. Just as we don't believe that other faiths should receive holy communion in a Catholic Church. It's the differences in doctrine, as MomofkandN explained. If the child was baptized Catholic and/or had their first Holy Communion, they are Catholic for life.
|
|
|
Post by peasapie on Aug 17, 2014 3:39:19 GMT
I think they should respect the child's religion and not bring him/ her to a different faith's service. In fact, I think they should go to a Catholic Church when they have the child, especially since they think it makes no difference to attend a church of a different faith.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 6:29:44 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2014 4:05:02 GMT
I think they should respect the child's religion and not bring him/ her to a different faith's service. In fact, I think they should go to a Catholic Church when they have the child, especially since they think it makes no difference to attend a church of a different faith. I'd have to agree with that. If it is the same or so close to the same it doesn't matter than go with the child's faith. But I admit, I still don't get why this wasn't an issue until after they got married. How were they handling the issued during their dating phase? If dad was staying home with his child why does that need to change now?
|
|
|
Post by *KatyCupcake* on Aug 17, 2014 4:45:24 GMT
FTR I am not Catholic. However, knowing what I know about teachings of both Catholic and protestant church doctrines, no, I would not want my child going to a non Catholic church on a regular basis. There are various sects within Christianity that have major doctrinal differences that total change the world view. And many protestant churches still actively make statements that are outright digs at the Catholic church specifically. I wouldn't want my child exposed to being taught the church she was baptised in is hell bound. Yes, there ARE protestant churches still preaching that. And there are Catholic churches that teach Christians of other denominations aren't a part of the "true church" and need to be brought back to God so it definitely goes both ways. I think it's important for the child to go with whichever parent he is with that weekend regardless of the denomination. It's also important that the parents not play games with this child's faith and instead be respectful of one another's church. Let the child learn from both churches and grow to choose whichever they prefer as an adult. Fighting about it and tearing down each others' churches will only do harm and could result in the child leaving the faith altogether. Definitely use the opportunity to focus on what all Christians do agree upon- Christ's redeeming love and saving grace.
|
|
|
Post by Skypea on Aug 17, 2014 5:18:22 GMT
For me, it would really depend on the Christian church in question. And I wouldn't want my child to attend every week. Some non denominational churches have doctrine that is pretty watered down compared to the Catholic faith. And other churches have doctrine that contradicts Catholicism. And yes, some churches really teach that people other than their members are going straight to hell. And that we pray to statues. And ... The list goes on and on.
If the child is old enough to receive holy communion, we don't believe that it's ok to receive communion from most other faiths. Just as we don't believe that other faiths should receive holy communion in a Catholic Church. It's the differences in doctrine, as MomofkandN explained. If the child was baptized Catholic and/or had their first Holy Communion, they are Catholic for life.
Catholics say that about those who aren't Catholic too. That's what I was taught growing up. I was reading on a Catholic forum a few hrs ago and they aren't shy at all about telling a non Catholic they are going to hell, don't know the truth, and many other things. If they don't go to hell, it's still because of Catholics...like they're Catholic by desire (and don't know it). people are only Catholic for life if they want to be - that's Catholic doctrine, not biblical.
In the 37 or so yrs I've gone to Christian churches I've never heard them speak against another denom or religion during a regular service.
A friend of mine sent her 2 kids to a Catholic HS. She had home schooled them (this was many decades ago) and thought they'd have a better chance getting into a good college if they were graduates of that school rather than home schooled. Every day when they got home they went over whatever was taught in catechism class and then compared it to scripture - and she answered any other questions they had. it worked out for them. Many non Catholics send their kids to Catholic schools.
If that mom doesn't think enough of being Catholic to get herself to church on Sunday then I doubt that her problem is really about what the kid might learn in church - but about him going to church w/stepmom/dad (the remarriage). did the kid go to Mass before the divorce? did the mom?
|
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 17, 2014 5:41:15 GMT
I'm going to guess that this is less about the church and more about the recent marriage.
|
|
tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,899
Jun 26, 2014 22:49:09 GMT
|
Post by tracylynn on Aug 17, 2014 5:47:04 GMT
I agree that this has less to do with church than it does with the new marriage. That said, if the kid is Catholic, or going to be going through the process, I can see why the Mom wouldn't want the child going to a non-Catholic church. And the step-mom should really back off of the situation and let the Dad deal with the Mom on this. If this wasn't decided in the divorce, it needs to be hashed out now (w/o step mom involvement - it's NONE of her business).
|
|
|
Post by scrapqueen01 on Aug 17, 2014 6:06:14 GMT
There is a lady in my church's choir who has a similar situation. When visiting dad her son attends the Roman Catholic church. When she has him he attends Lutheran. He takes Holy Communion in the Catholic church but hasn't been confirmed yet in the Lutheran church so can't take it yet. She wasn't thrilled when her ex-husband insisted on the son going through his first communion at the Catholic church but it's one of those hills she decided wasn't worth dying on. I think in your situation it would depend on the father.
|
|
|
Post by gar on Aug 17, 2014 7:13:01 GMT
I agree that this has less to do with church than it does with the new marriage. That said, if the kid is Catholic, or going to be going through the process, I can see why the Mom wouldn't want the child going to a non-Catholic church. And the step-mom should really back off of the situation and let the Dad deal with the Mom on this. If this wasn't decided in the divorce, it needs to be hashed out now (w/o step mom involvement - it's NONE of her business). This.
|
|
|
Post by Basket1lady on Aug 17, 2014 7:40:12 GMT
It's really hard to speak in general terms, since I don't know the mother, father, or step parent of this child in question. We only have a colleague asking about it. We don't have either the mother's or the father's side of why this decision has been made or why things are changing now. Only supposition. The bulk of my knowledge comes from being a catechist for two years (teacher of those in confirmation class.) I am in no way an expert on the Catholic faith. Catholics say that about those who aren't Catholic too. That's what I was taught growing up. I was reading on a Catholic forum a few hrs ago and they aren't shy at all about telling a non Catholic they are going to hell, don't know the truth, and many other things. If they don't go to hell, it's still because of Catholics...like they're Catholic by desire (and don't know it). But this is the perfect example of why you don't want to attend a church that isn't of your faith. Because you don't know what is being taught. A Catholic forum answered by lay people (like this one!) is not the best place to get your doctrinal information. But the Roman Catholic church says the way to salvation is in your true faith and service of God through Jesus. You don't have to be Catholic to believe that. Exactly. Being baptized Catholic and being Catholic for life is Catholic doctrine. This thread is about why a Catholic parent wouldn't want a Catholic child to regularly attend a non-Catholic church. And that is one very valid reason. You just said in the above quote that "Catholics say that about those who aren't Catholic too. That's what I was taught growing up." Then you say that you have never heard a christian church speak against another denomination. But you were taught that that is what Catholics say about other faiths. It's not Catholic church doctrine, it's what the christian churches you attended say about what Catholic churches say. ETA: And Catholics are christians. The great thing about a syllabus and homework is that the parents have actual facts about what their kids are learning and can go through their beliefs step by step. And the parents chose the school. That's a big part of that. It probably does have something to do with the step mom trying to make the decisions for the child. It's not her call to make. But sometimes being confronted with the loss of faith (or religion) is enough to spur a parent into attending church more regularly. Especially for Catholics around the time of First Communion. It's a bit of a wake up call as the child comes into the Age of Reason and becomes a participating member of the faith. The faithful who have not attended church regularly often come back to attending mass as they choose to pass on their faith to their children. And Scrapqueen said: Really, the child, (yes, I know this is different child than the OP's friend's child) as a Catholic, should not take communion in the Lutheran church. Depending on the synod, this may be addressed at that time and the child may be asked to choose between the two faiths before confirmation in the Lutheran church takes place. Because the faiths view communion much differently, it is generally not considered acceptable by either faith to take communion at the other church. Well, I shouldn't speak for the ELCA synod, as I'm not very familiar with it, and I know that it is more liberal than the other synods. I would encourage the parents to seek out the advice of their pastors with this unique situation.
|
|
gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,092
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
|
Post by gsquaredmom on Aug 17, 2014 8:44:14 GMT
Among all the other issues raised, when I was growing up Catholic, we had to get a special dispensation to attend another church. My grandma had a friend who was excommunicated because ahe attended the non-Catholic church across the street from her regularly. This was many years ago. Catholic doctrine about Communion, especially, is very different, and she repeatedly took Communion in that church.
|
|
|
Post by I-95 on Aug 17, 2014 10:24:17 GMT
I'm guessing this about the new marriage too. However....if the child was baptized Catholic then the parents promised to bring her up in the faith, so no, I would not want my child attending a Church of a different faith. I don't have a problem with the kids going to a different Church once in a while, I think that gives them a well rounded view of other faiths, but their if their religious base is Catholic, then that's where they should be going.
|
|