Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 6:26:18 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2014 16:55:40 GMT
If it matters, i'm Christian with an attraction to and full respect for Catholicism...
As a mom, i get to decide what spiritual activities my child is exposed to. It's SO deeply personal. Sorry, step-mom should have no say-so. If Dad feels strongly about it, he can work it out one-on-one with Mom.
|
|
|
Post by Tamhugh on Aug 17, 2014 17:43:07 GMT
Oh most definitely! Didn't mean to imply otherwise. I didn't think you meant anything by it. It just seemed like a lot of people were seeing it as a protestant vs Catholic thing, and I feel like it is just an issue across denominations.
|
|
|
Post by Tamhugh on Aug 17, 2014 17:48:28 GMT
This is interesting. DH wasn't up last night when I wrote the above, but he is Missouri synod, Lutheran. Their Order of Service states, "We believe, teach and confess that those who commune receive the true Body and Blood of our Lord-in, with and under the bread and wine... Those who are in agreement with this statement are invited to join us at the Altar." It sounds good, but Catholics believe that it IS the true Body and Blood. It's not under the bread and wine. So a Catholic wouldn't take communion here, even though they are welcome. But DH's church says it's up to each individual to decide for themselves. Now at my in laws Missouri synod church, you are expected to speak with the pastor prior to the service if you are a visitor. And they would not allow a Catholic person to take communion with their church. That would be the difference between doctrine and tradition, though. The Missouri Synod church next to my neighborhood also follows a doctrine of closed communion. We had looked there when we first moved to the area and really liked the church, but it was a huge deciding factor for us.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Aug 17, 2014 18:25:08 GMT
If it matters, i'm Christian with an attraction to and full respect for Catholicism... As a mom, i get to decide what spiritual activities my child is exposed to. It's SO deeply personal. Sorry, step-mom should have no say-so. If Dad feels strongly about it, he can work it out one-on-one with Mom. The step-mom may not have a say with the bio-mom, but since they are married, the dad and step-mom make decisions together. She is part of it and has a say as to what goes on in her house. This notion that the step parent should stay out of anything to do with the child is crap. Should the step-mom not fix the child dinner if the dad isn't home? Not take the child to the movies with her kids? Not help with homework if the child needs it? Should the child be treated as not a part of the family during that every other week weekend? Do I think the step mom should go off the rails? Nope, but as married couples tend to make decisions as a team, she is most definitely a part of this scenario and decision. Ideally the dad and mom would work together and the dad would present the newly married couple's position, but if parents could work that well together, often they wouldn't be divorced (I'm not saying that some divorces are amicable, but many are not)
|
|
|
Post by 5peanutsnana on Aug 17, 2014 18:34:17 GMT
I think if the mom and dad were both Catholic and they made a decision to baptize their child and raise the child as Catholic he should honor that decision even though they have divorced and he has decided to convert to the religion of his second wife. The stepmother has no say in the matter. I am Catholic and it is not uncommon that mass is said Saturday evening, all day Sunday and even Sunday evening in some parishes. He can take his child anytime on the weekend and get a sitter and attend service with his second wife if they want to worship together. It may be inconvenient but he can make everyone happy and honor his commitment to raise his child Catholic. If they were married in the Catholic Church they promise to raise their children in the Catholic Faith. (At least where I live they do.) That shouldn't change, but as we know when there is a divorce almost everything changes. My XDIL not only decided she didn't want to be married but also decided she was agnostic and of course refused any prayer with their kids let alone taking them to church. She is now back to believing because her current BF is Catholic but neither of them practice the Faith. My DS takes them to Mass and they attend Parochial School. If only adults could agree to do what is best for the good of their children.
|
|
|
Post by Jennifer C on Aug 17, 2014 18:42:29 GMT
Before my dh and I were married, we had to take couples counseling. At the end we signed that we would raise our kids in the Catholic faith. My dh is a nonpracticing Baptist. He has thought of converting, but hasn't because of the needed classes and his work schedule.
If we were to divorce would I be able to enforce that he maintains the kids Catholic religion because of the paper we signed?
Jennifer
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 6:26:18 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2014 18:44:07 GMT
If it matters, i'm Christian with an attraction to and full respect for Catholicism... As a mom, i get to decide what spiritual activities my child is exposed to. It's SO deeply personal. Sorry, step-mom should have no say-so. If Dad feels strongly about it, he can work it out one-on-one with Mom. The step-mom may not have a say with the bio-mom, but since they are married, the dad and step-mom make decisions together. She is part of it and has a say as to what goes on in her house. This notion that the step parent should stay out of anything to do with the child is crap. Should the step-mom not fix the child dinner if the dad isn't home? Not take the child to the movies with her kids? Not help with homework if the child needs it? Should the child be treated as not a part of the family during that every other week weekend? Do I think the step mom should go off the rails? Nope, but as married couples tend to make decisions as a team, she is most definitely a part of this scenario and decision. Ideally the dad and mom would work together and the dad would present the newly married couple's position, but if parents could work that well together, often they wouldn't be divorced (I'm not saying that some divorces are amicable, but many are not) But the bottom line is if the mom is opposed, then child doesnt go. Dad/stepmom dont "win" just because she is outnumbered, right?
|
|
rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
Posts: 3,670
Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
|
Post by rodeomom on Aug 17, 2014 18:46:07 GMT
I think if the mom and dad were both Catholic and they made a decision to baptize their child and raise the child as Catholic he should honor that decision even though they have divorced and he has decided to convert to the religion of his second wife. The stepmother has no say in the matter. I am Catholic and it is not uncommon that mass is said Saturday evening, all day Sunday and even Sunday evening in some parishes. He can take his child anytime on the weekend and get a sitter and attend service with his second wife if they want to worship together. It may be inconvenient but he can make everyone happy and honor his commitment to raise his child Catholic. If they were married in the Catholic Church they promise to raise their children in the Catholic Faith. (At least where I live they do.) That shouldn't change, but as we know when there is a divorce almost everything changes. My XDIL not only decided she didn't want to be married but also decided she was agnostic and of course refused any prayer with their kids let alone taking them to church. She is now back to believing because her current BF is Catholic but neither of them practice the Faith. My DS takes them to Mass and they attend Parochial School. If only adults could agree to do what is best for the good of their children. I'm not Catholic, but this was my understanding as well. If you are married in the Catholic Church you have to promise to raise your children in the Catholic Church. So OP was the parents of the child married in the Catholic Church?
|
|
|
Post by momofkandn on Aug 17, 2014 18:58:23 GMT
When you divorce you accept that the "rules" will be different between mom's house and dad's. You might not like it. But if want to live drama free and get along as well as you can for the kids, you pick your battles. However, religion is almost always a hill parents are willing to die on. Religion isn't in the same league as what they are fed for dinner or even what clothes they wear or whether they do chores. Religion is deeply personal and your beliefs or non-beliefs impact every aspect of your life. This isn't about winning or losing or majority rules or even what's signed in a divorce decree. So I'll say it again, the bio mom and dad need to figure this out between the two of them and when the child is old enough, the child can determine their faith. But the step mom has no say in what religion the step child will be raised in. Of course she has the right to continue going to her own church and following her religious traditions at home. But she doesn't have the right to say the step child will be her denomination on the weekends the child is with them. That's up to Dad to work out with the bio mom.
|
|
peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,895
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
|
Post by peabay on Aug 17, 2014 19:00:38 GMT
If it matters, i'm Christian with an attraction to and full respect for Catholicism... As a mom, i get to decide what spiritual activities my child is exposed to. It's SO deeply personal. Sorry, step-mom should have no say-so. If Dad feels strongly about it, he can work it out one-on-one with Mom. The step-mom may not have a say with the bio-mom, but since they are married, the dad and step-mom make decisions together. She is part of it and has a say as to what goes on in her house. This notion that the step parent should stay out of anything to do with the child is crap. Should the step-mom not fix the child dinner if the dad isn't home? Not take the child to the movies with her kids? Not help with homework if the child needs it? Should the child be treated as not a part of the family during that every other week weekend? Do I think the step mom should go off the rails? Nope, but as married couples tend to make decisions as a team, she is most definitely a part of this scenario and decision. Ideally the dad and mom would work together and the dad would present the newly married couple's position, but if parents could work that well together, often they wouldn't be divorced (I'm not saying that some divorces are amicable, but many are not) Religion is a much touchier subject than dinner or movies or homework. They are not even remotely the same.
|
|
|
Post by annabella on Aug 17, 2014 19:22:56 GMT
kelly316 You never told us what church the father goes to? The mother might find that particular denomination strange.
|
|
|
Post by birukitty on Aug 17, 2014 19:30:43 GMT
The OP hasn't told us what Dad's religion is. But, if dad and mom, at the time they were married, had agreed to raise the child as Catholic then I don't think a change in dad's religious beliefs has a right to trump the prior agreement to raise the child as Catholic. If their catholic faith was that important to them they would still be married and raising the child together. Obviously it's not. Divorce happens. Children are caught in the middle. And yes with Catholic vs Protestant churches it opens a whole kettle of fish about being saved or not. Every second Sunday that poor child has to attend church that teaches error and the parents themselves did this to the child. One thing I am very proud of. My extended families have divorces with remarriages in them. None of them treat the step parents as second class. The acknowledge that step parents are intregal parts of their child's new family.
|
|
|
Post by birukitty on Aug 17, 2014 19:37:24 GMT
The OP hasn't told us what Dad's religion is. But, if dad and mom, at the time they were married, had agreed to raise the child as Catholic then I don't think a change in dad's religious beliefs has a right to trump the prior agreement to raise the child as Catholic. If their catholic faith was that important to them they would still be married and raising the child together. Obviously it's not. Divorce happens. Children are caught in the middle. And yes with Catholic vs Protestant churches it opens a whole kettle of fish about being saved or not. Every second Sunday that poor child has to attend church that teaches error and the parents themselves did this to the child. One thing I am very proud of. My extended families have divorces with remarriages in them. None of them treat the step parents as second class. The acknowledge that step parents are intregal parts of their child's new family. WTH? "If their Catholic faith was that important to them they would still be married and raising the child together"? My Catholic faith is very important to me and I'm divorced. If I wouldn't have gotten divorced and away from DS's father I'd be dead. The Catholic Church understands this and makes allowances for abusive marriages. I got an annulment from the Catholic Church so I could remarry a kind, loving man. Are you saying this woman should have to choose between her faith and her marriage? Debbie in MD.
|
|
rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
Posts: 3,670
Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
|
Post by rodeomom on Aug 17, 2014 19:43:04 GMT
If their catholic faith was that important to them they would still be married and raising the child together. Obviously it's not. Divorce happens. Children are caught in the middle. And yes with Catholic vs Protestant churches it opens a whole kettle of fish about being saved or not. Every second Sunday that poor child has to attend church that teaches error and the parents themselves did this to the child. One thing I am very proud of. My extended families have divorces with remarriages in them. None of them treat the step parents as second class. The acknowledge that step parents are intregal parts of their child's new family. What does the bolded part mean?
|
|
|
Post by monklady123 on Aug 17, 2014 20:57:34 GMT
Not Country Ham, obviously, but it means that either the Catholic Church or the church that the stepmom is taking the child to are teaching things that she thinks are wrong. I don't know what denomination Country Ham is, so I'm not sure which side she's accusing of error. But that's what she means, I'm pretty sure.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 6:26:18 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2014 21:01:18 GMT
Before my dh and I were married, we had to take couples counseling. At the end we signed that we would raise our kids in the Catholic faith. My dh is a nonpracticing Baptist. He has thought of converting, but hasn't because of the needed classes and his work schedule. If we were to divorce would I be able to enforce that he maintains the kids Catholic religion because of the paper we signed? Jennifer Depends of the laws of your state, the opinions of your judge, and how good your lawyer is - pretty much in that order. The paper and the agreement, in and of itself, is not legally binding (as far the state is concerned).
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 6:26:18 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2014 21:04:46 GMT
If it matters, i'm Christian with an attraction to and full respect for Catholicism... As a mom, i get to decide what spiritual activities my child is exposed to. It's SO deeply personal. Sorry, step-mom should have no say-so. If Dad feels strongly about it, he can work it out one-on-one with Mom. The step-mom may not have a say with the bio-mom, but since they are married, the dad and step-mom make decisions together. She is part of it and has a say as to what goes on in her house. This notion that the step parent should stay out of anything to do with the child is crap. Should the step-mom not fix the child dinner if the dad isn't home? Not take the child to the movies with her kids? Not help with homework if the child needs it? Should the child be treated as not a part of the family during that every other week weekend? Do I think the step mom should go off the rails? Nope, but as married couples tend to make decisions as a team, she is most definitely a part of this scenario and decision. Ideally the dad and mom would work together and the dad would present the newly married couple's position, but if parents could work that well together, often they wouldn't be divorced (I'm not saying that some divorces are amicable, but many are not) what freecharlie said. Cutting out the step-parent really only hurts the kids. Really.
|
|
|
Post by I-95 on Aug 17, 2014 21:14:55 GMT
CountryHam said:
Nobody is 'hating' on the stepmother. As a Catholic mother of a Catholic child, I wouldn't consider it a blessing to have my child taken to a church I didn't want them taken to. To say that the stepmother has no say in this matter does not amount to hate. Shoot, none of us even know the woman, how could there be hate expressed here? To say I think she's wrong does not amount to hating her.
|
|
|
Post by I-95 on Aug 17, 2014 21:25:40 GMT
Rodeomom said:
It doesn't matter whether they were married in the Church, or not, it's when the baby is baptized that the parents and Godparents promise to raise in the Catholic faith.
|
|
|
Post by monklady123 on Aug 17, 2014 21:37:01 GMT
I think my dh and I signed something when we did our pre-marital sessions with the priest, saying we agreed to raise our children Catholic. lol. Now dh doesn't attend, ds is an atheist, and dd and I are Presbyterians. eta: and, two god parents for each child, but only one of each was Catholic. One of ds's was Baptist, and one of dd's was Episcopalian. lol We're ecumenical, what can I say..
|
|
|
Post by I-95 on Aug 17, 2014 21:56:18 GMT
I think my dh and I signed something when we did our pre-marital sessions with the priest, saying we agreed to raise our children Catholic. lol. Now dh doesn't attend, ds is an atheist, and dd and I are Presbyterians. eta: and, two god parents for each child, but only one of each was Catholic. One of ds's was Baptist, and one of dd's was Episcopalian. lol We're ecumenical, what can I say.. Really? How long ago was that? I was married 27 years ago and didn't have to sign anything agreeing to raising the children Catholic. I thought they quit doing that ages ago.....but then again, there are different sects within the Church so maybe some still do it. We were asked if we planned to raise the children in the Church, but we sure didn't have to put pen to paper over it.
|
|
back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
|
Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 17, 2014 22:03:20 GMT
I think my dh and I signed something when we did our pre-marital sessions with the priest, saying we agreed to raise our children Catholic. lol. Now dh doesn't attend, ds is an atheist, and dd and I are Presbyterians. eta: and, two god parents for each child, but only one of each was Catholic. One of ds's was Baptist, and one of dd's was Episcopalian. lol We're ecumenical, what can I say.. Really? How long ago was that? I was married 27 years ago and didn't have to sign anything agreeing to raising the children Catholic. I thought they quit doing that ages ago.....but then again, there are different sects within the Church so maybe some still do it. We were asked if we planned to raise the children in the Church, but we sure didn't have to put pen to paper over it. I was married 30 years ago, didn't sign anything to agree to raise our children Catholic, but we are both Catholic so I guess it is implied. When I got married, to receive the sacrament of marriage, we had to have the sacraments of baptism, communion and confirmation. I believe the same holds true today. If a non-Catholic marries a Catholic I think they can be granted permission by a Bishop and I would guess the approval being granted is contingent on raising the children as Catholics.
|
|
Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,018
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
|
Post by Sarah*H on Aug 17, 2014 22:08:40 GMT
Regardless of my religion, I would not want a step parent taking my child to a church that is not of my choosing until the child is old enough to make that decision for him/herself. In fact, I can think of few things that would bother me as much and I would absolutely make an issue of it.
|
|
|
Post by monklady123 on Aug 17, 2014 22:09:41 GMT
We were both Catholic so maybe we didn't actually sign anything, just had to agree to it. It was a long time ago (25 years in October) so details have gone out of my mind. lol
|
|
|
Post by I-95 on Aug 17, 2014 22:10:06 GMT
My DH is Jewish and my kids are Catholic...that took some work
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Aug 17, 2014 23:14:00 GMT
Really? Honestly, what control does mom have over what happens when the child is with his dad? I'm sorry, but mom gets to take the child to her church of choice and if the child is with the dad's family, he goes with them where they go. Mom does not get to say what does and does not happen there (without a court order or course)
Are we thinking that the father is staying home? If not, isn't it the FATHER taking his child to his church? Why is that wrong? I can't imagine the step mom is making this decision purely on her own.
|
|
|
Post by pierogi on Aug 17, 2014 23:52:37 GMT
I'm Catholic. Were I the mother, I'd be really uncomfortable with my kid's dad and stepmother taking my child to another church without my consent. I'd want my child attending mass, sunday school, and CCD. I want him/her being prepared for/participating in the sacraments. This is a hill I'd die on.
|
|
|
Post by *KatyCupcake* on Aug 17, 2014 23:54:17 GMT
And this is such a sad part of this discussion. The fact that any church thinks it has the right to turn away anyone from the Lord's table blows my mind. It's not a matter of what doctrine you've been "appropriately schooled under". It's a matter of the individual's heart as they come before Christ. Whether you believe it's symbolic of Christ's body and blood or the real deal- what matters most is that you come to the table as a part of the Family of God and keep in remembrance Christ's ultimate sacrifice. That His body was broken and His blood was shed for the atonement of sins and broke down the barrier between humanity and its Creator. The Bible doesn't dictate who can and cannot come to the communion table and neither should any church.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Aug 17, 2014 23:56:24 GMT
I'm Catholic. Were I the mother, I'd be really uncomfortable with my kid's dad and stepmother taking my child to another church without my consent. I'd want my child attending mass, sunday school, and CCD. I want him/her being prepared for/participating in the sacraments. This is a hill I'd die on. May I ask how you would fight this battle? I'm not trying to be confrontational, but I've been wondering this throughout the thread and yours is the last post (So the question is asked to everybody). Do the courts mandate religion in someone's home or relationship with their child?
|
|
|
Post by Tamhugh on Aug 18, 2014 0:05:17 GMT
For those who think the child shouldn't attend the other church, does it make a difference if the father is attending with the step-mom and child? I would not want my husband staying home from church every Sunday to appease his ex-wife and I am sure that the mother would not be pleased if they left the child home alone. One of my friends hated that her daughters went to Catholic mass when they were with their dad and his new wife, but she knew she didn't have control over it. At the same time, he wasn't thrilled that the girls attended her Methodist church either.
|
|