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Post by gryroagain on Aug 19, 2014 15:10:56 GMT
I could take care of him as far as the physical stuff- blood and the like don't bother me at all. But the man is a huge pain in the ass when he just has a cold, or most recently plantar fasitis (however that is spelled) so taking care of him for something major- yikes, I don't know. it might be better to just pay someone to put up with him, lol.
Dh is very squeamish, I'm not sure if he could. He would certainly try, I know, but how successful he would be I can't say. Luckily we have both always been really healthy.
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Post by kckckc on Aug 19, 2014 15:18:21 GMT
Yes I could. Gross stuff doesn't bother me too much. But, I don't have much patience and after a week or so I am sure I would not be the most pleasant caregiver. DH could do it also, and would be much kinder than I would be.
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Post by tinydogmafia on Aug 19, 2014 15:20:31 GMT
I'm late to this thread, but here goes nothing....
I'll start by saying I'm a nurse. However, while that's true, in this situation I'm a daughter.
8 weeks ago my dad went into have his gallbladder out. To make a very, very long story short, the surgery went horribly wrong and he ended up in the ICU for 25 days in renal, liver and respiratory failure. He went septic, bilateral pneumonia and a collapsed lung. It really couldn't get any worse and it's beyond a miracle that he is alive.
I came here (to NY) from Florida 24 hours after his surgery and have been with him literally almost every minute since. I had to take a leave of absence from my job, put my entire life on hold and care for him. He's had everything from encephalopathy to wound dressings. Unable to drive. Just everything.
8 weeks ago I would have told you even as a nurse I could not do this. But it is amazing what you can do when you have to. You find a way, you push through and you do the best you can. It's hard work. I work more now than I did working 50+ hours a week at home.
I would not wish this on anyone.
For the OP, I would recommend that your friend try and get a wound care nurse in to show her some tips and tricks. A mask and some vapo rub under the nose can help with the gagging. I wish her so much luck in her recovery.
I haven't read the other replies here yet, but I'm sure there are so many other stories similar to mine and my heart and thoughts go out to you all.
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Post by sisterbdsq on Aug 19, 2014 15:24:33 GMT
I could easily do it. BUT, SO would let me die in pain because he'd puke on me and pass out. Dad would be coming over.
I am a nurse and have cared for dh several times and I thought I did a great job. But apparently I am not too sympathetic. He mentioned in a sermon once that he would have to have a limb amputation before he would get any sympathy from me. This is me too. I am not the warm fuzzy, "oh my sweetie, are you ok?" kind of nursemaid. I'd be better at pushing PT and rehab.
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,819
Location: Houston, TX
Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Aug 19, 2014 15:31:25 GMT
I totally could, but I'm not sure SO could take care of me. He is good at bringing me things like food, magazines, etc, but if an infection, gore, or anything contagious is involved? I can forget about it.
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Post by pretzels on Aug 19, 2014 15:32:25 GMT
Not the exact same thing, but two years ago, DH had a cyst lanced and cleaned out. It was on the back of his head, and I had to unpack and repack the wound for four days. Luckily, his cyst wasn't infected when he had it excised, so there was no awful odor, but I still had to take deep breaths and pause a few times while I was doing it the first couple of days. It was rough though. I got really queasy while I was packing it.
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Post by kkooch on Aug 19, 2014 16:54:22 GMT
Yes I could and have though I must admit that after the time DH kept having wicked nose bleeds the smell of blood gets to me now. Happy to care for any of my family though at times I feel like my coworkers would take better care of me than my family. It doesn't mean they don't love me but for various reasons could not give me the time to care for me.
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bomo
Full Member
Posts: 150
Jun 26, 2014 15:54:49 GMT
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Post by bomo on Aug 19, 2014 16:58:27 GMT
I would like to think I could. The everyday nursing wouldn't bother me but the packing of a wound would be difficult. However, you do what has to be done.
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Post by shevy on Aug 19, 2014 17:08:05 GMT
I'm late to this thread, but here goes nothing.... I'll start by saying I'm a nurse. However, while that's true, in this situation I'm a daughter. 8 weeks ago my dad went into have his gallbladder out. To make a very, very long story short, the surgery went horribly wrong and he ended up in the ICU for 25 days in renal, liver and respiratory failure. He went septic, bilateral pneumonia and a collapsed lung. It really couldn't get any worse and it's beyond a miracle that he is alive. I came here (to NY) from Florida 24 hours after his surgery and have been with him literally almost every minute since. I had to take a leave of absence from my job, put my entire life on hold and care for him. He's had everything from encephalopathy to wound dressings. Unable to drive. Just everything. 8 weeks ago I would have told you even as a nurse I could not do this. But it is amazing what you can do when you have to. You find a way, you push through and you do the best you can. It's hard work. I work more now than I did working 50+ hours a week at home. I would not wish this on anyone. For the OP, I would recommend that your friend try and get a wound care nurse in to show her some tips and tricks. A mask and some vapo rub under the nose can help with the gagging. I wish her so much luck in her recovery. I haven't read the other replies here yet, but I'm sure there are so many other stories similar to mine and my heart and thoughts go out to you all. DH is going over today when the nurse is there so that he can be shown how to care for the wound. The nurse has shown Jena how to care for it and she refuses to even look at it. I think that she's built up so much in her head that it's making it worse that it really is. DH is going to show me how to care for it tomorrow. DH has tried several times to boost her confidence and tell her that she can do anything for the person that she loves and that it's ok to feel sick, but just get through it. I've tried to tell her about wound care from my side of it as the patient and how important it was that DH helped and did it so well. Knowing that I could count on him while recovering was a big stress releiever for me. I'm sure Mary is stressed out knowing that Jena can't care for her. Unfortunately we are out of town this weekend, from Friday to Sunday afternoon and Jena will have to drive Mary to the ER on Friday night and Saturday night for the second wound care those days.
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Post by ~Sherri~ on Aug 19, 2014 17:21:56 GMT
I could and would do it without a moment of hesitation. I have been a CNA for 13 year, with the last 8 being spent working in a hospital. I have seen some incredibly serious wounds in my working years. The only area I would need help in would be lifting DH if he were not ambulatory. He is a big guy. My oldest DD is also a CNA and would not have a problem with caring for her DH or me or her Dad. Youngest DD does not have any desire to do medical work of any sort, so I am not sure if she could handle a serious medical problem that required packing or cleaning wounds. DH would NOT be able to take care of me. He has zero tolerance of blood, fecal matter or urine from someone other than himself. He gagged when he had to change a baby diaper.
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Post by alibama on Aug 19, 2014 18:20:07 GMT
I am squeamish (sp) but I want to say yes I could do it. I may get sick myself but I would suck it up and get the job done. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to take care of someone that has had major surgery or major illness. I know I was exhausted when my husband broke his foot and was unable to move for 6 weeks. This time with his accident was not so bad, it is a pain in the butt the things we have to do but its not major most things he can do by himself.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Aug 19, 2014 18:40:30 GMT
I'm a horrible nurse. I can't handle the neediness. Blood is whatever. I hate poop and barely can do diapers so not sure about dealing with adult diapers. Of course I can suck it up. It's hard to suck it up with a smile.
My spouse is a saint. Kind, patience galore, empathetic. He makes me look like a raging asshole.
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Post by meowgal on Aug 19, 2014 18:43:52 GMT
I'm weak stomached..just talking about it makes me want to pass out. I have taken care of recovery, dying, medical emergencies, CPR, etc for my family, but wound care...I'd struggle. I'd try though...
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MaryC
Full Member
Posts: 213
Jun 25, 2014 21:52:55 GMT
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Post by MaryC on Aug 19, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
It would depend on the type of illness or surgery. I wouldn't be bothered by the ick factor, but DH is more than a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier, and I'm in a wheelchair. As long as he was ambulatory we could manage, but there's no way I could physically lift him or get him up off the floor if he fell.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 19, 2014 20:28:35 GMT
I think I could and I think DH could as well. DH has always been queasy about medical things and at one time had to be laid on a gurney to have a shot or blood draw. Since becoming diabetic he no longer is so squeamish. If I needed some icky home procedure he would buck up and do it. Then he'd likely go have a shot of Old No. 7 !!!
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Post by 2peaornot2pea on Aug 19, 2014 22:05:14 GMT
What you described would be difficult for me. After my husband's hip replacement surgeries I had to ask a friend who is a nurse to come over and change his bandages. I got physically ill when I saw his incision sites.
I can handle illness. Vomiting, messy pants, runny noses, none of that bothers me. Injuries or wounds, blech. I become a MESS.
ETA: My husband could care for me and would. In our family he is in charge of all injuries or wounds. He is who the kids go to if they need first aid. I take care of sick people.
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Post by christaw on Aug 19, 2014 22:44:00 GMT
Yep hubby had a total hip replacement on a Thursday and daughter had a kidney removed the very next day at another hospital. Took care of both of them when they came home. Nights were long with getting up every couple of hours but family did help as much as they could.
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tuesdaysgone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,832
Jun 26, 2014 18:26:03 GMT
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Post by tuesdaysgone on Aug 19, 2014 23:36:04 GMT
I didn't think I could...but I did.
My DH had a five month hospital stay and three abdominal surgeries before coming home.
For the next 11 months he was on IVs 16-20 hours a day and had a huge gaping wound in his mid-section. We only had a home health visit once a week, so I had no choice but to step up.
It was very stressful but it's quite amazing what you can do when your back is against the wall. I became pretty adept at wound care!
Nothing says togetherness like changing an icky wound dressing at 2:00 a.m.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 19, 2014 23:45:23 GMT
When I was pregnant, my mother jokingly asked if I was going to call my husband to come home from work every time the baby had a poopy diaper. I have a gag reflex when something grosses me out but somehow you push that aside and do what you have to for those you love.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 19, 2014 23:59:53 GMT
As long as it doesn't involve unpacking and repacking an open wound I could.
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Post by miss_lizzie on Aug 20, 2014 0:01:36 GMT
Yes, for both of us. We've helped each other through major health issues, and there were things neither one of us particularly enjoyed doing but did because we loved each other.
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Post by withapea on Aug 20, 2014 0:03:42 GMT
Yes. Thinking about doing things is often worse than the reality of doing them. I have hang ups and things that gross me out but when you're faced with doing something unpleasant for someone you love, you do it.
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Post by rumplesnat on Aug 20, 2014 0:05:15 GMT
OMFG! I just asks my husband the same question. I'm having a c-section in November and asked him if he'd be willing to take care of me if the incision got all funky and nasty. His reply? "Absolutely! I dissected a pig in high school." Ass!!!
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maurchclt
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,646
Jul 4, 2014 16:53:27 GMT
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Post by maurchclt on Aug 20, 2014 0:11:33 GMT
YES, but have to say when my DH had surgery, he pretty much took care of his own incision and wound care. I could have done it, but he really is much better at that than I am. I know he would be able to take care of me.
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Post by donna on Aug 20, 2014 0:19:00 GMT
My dh has taken care of me after several major surgeries. He was wonderful!
I took care of my Mom after back surgery when I was 17 years old. This summer I took care of her after her knee replacement surgery. This included cleaning her incision.
Sometimes you just have to suck it up.
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Post by pierogi on Aug 20, 2014 0:36:59 GMT
I didn't think I could until I had to, and I did. I'm super squeamish, but when things need to be taken care of, you just kind of bear down and do it. I told myself I'd give permission for me to wig out later when it was all over, but I never did.
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Post by tinafb on Aug 20, 2014 0:49:31 GMT
I cared for my best friend after 3 surgeries, including helping drain ports and yucky stuff like that. I'm not squeamish, so the actual medical care part wouldn't be a big deal.
However, my husband is another in the "man cold" camp. He has an incredibly low pain tolerance, so any illness or injury feels huge to him. I'm more of the "suck it up and deal" kind of person, so dh frustrates me when he's sick.
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on Aug 20, 2014 1:10:23 GMT
Absolutely!! My grandparents lived right across the road from us when I was growing up. My grandfather was dx quite young with Alzheimer's (early 50s). He went downhill fairly quickly and was bedridden. Even though my grandmother had a hip that was fused to her vertebrae and had difficulty herself getting around, she refused ANY in home type care or a nursing home. We had a decent sized family that all lived close...but me, my mom, my Aunt, Uncle & cousin that lived next door to my grandparents were the primary helpers. We'd go over and help grandma do whatever she needed help with - baths, diaper changes, etc. She cared for him at home until he died....almost 8 years.
I was in high school during that time and when I turned 16, I took training as a CNA and started working in a nursing home. I wanted to go to medical school and thought it would help to have some experience in the medical field. But alas, I met my dh and decided medicine was not for me.
Fast forward to the year 2000 and my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. Just as her mother did, my mom took over care of my dad. For quite a few months, he did ok. He had to have surgery to remove a large tumor, then did chemo. But then he had a couple of setbacks - his colon ruptured and they had to do emergency surgery and because some of the waste from his colon was in his abdomen, they couldn't really close his incision. He had HUGE open wounds that had to heal from the inside out...and they had to be packed with saline soaked gauze. He ended up with a colostomy bag. My mom, while she isn't squeamish, wasn't much on that kind of stuff. But she took care of him...until the day he died, his 51st birthday.
I know, without a doubt, if something were to happen to my dh, I would take care of him at home. I'm his wife...better or worse...sickness and in health. There'd never be a second thought.
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on Aug 20, 2014 1:14:19 GMT
Oh but then there's the flip side. My FIL absolutely could NOT care for MIL if something happened to her. He'd put her in a home as quickly as he could. Besides the fact that they really don't get along well, he has the WEAKEST stomach of anyone I've ever met. He often had to leave the room when the kids were babies and would poo. The smell made him gag.
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Post by mztfied on Aug 20, 2014 2:59:09 GMT
Definitely. I took care of dh after heart bypass surgery. Challenging but you just take it one day at a time.
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