Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 17:36:33 GMT
...praise your cooking? And if not, does this annoy you? Last night I made a truly outstanding meal: Roast pork so perfectly cooked it cut like butter, with wonderful fresh avocado and tomato salsa. My awesome cole slaw, and sweet corn on the cob. An extravaganza of summer wonderfulness! I was in heaven. But DH sat down, and shoved it into his face like he does, with no comment. No complaints, but no comments either.
I know this is partially a function of how we were raised - I mean in my family talking about food is as natural as breathing. We will discuss with great excitement what we are going to have for dinner while we're still eating - and enthusing over - breakfast. While DH's family seems to consider eating to be mostly a necessity. His mother was a great cook, but no one ever commented on HER food, either, except me. Nevertheless, it still makes me nuts, and I have discussed it with him to no avail. Even more infuriating, on the rare occasion when DH takes it upon himself to create some culinary masterpiece - like toast, for example - he asks me 20 times if it is not the best toast I have ever had. So he GETS it, right? Well, I guess I just have to forgive him on this one bit of passive-aggressive douchebaggery, because he is honestly a gem in most other ways. This was more a vent than anything else, but I do wonder if anyone else experiences this odd behavior from their DH/SO?
ETA - I accidentally LIKED my own post while I was trying to edit it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 17:37:54 GMT
He does talk food and offer compliments. I love it.
If he doesn't I have these little conversations with myself about how nice this meal was and such.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 17:39:16 GMT
No, I have the opposite problem: DH raves so much about everything I make, even when it's absolutely HORRIBLE, that I don't trust his judgement on food. But I do appreciate that he appreciates my efforts.
I'm sorry your DH doesn't vocally appreciate your cooking. Making dinner every day is a lot of work! It would hurt my feelings if my family never said anything nice about the food I make.
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lesley
Drama Llama
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Post by lesley on Aug 20, 2014 17:41:00 GMT
I've never really thought about it before, but yes, my DH regularly praises my cooking. And every single time I make dinner, he thanks me for it, even before he's tasted it.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 20, 2014 17:41:49 GMT
I am not a good cook. I hate to cook too. My DH knows I hate to cook, yet I do it every night and he usually walks in the door to dinner ready to serve. He is appreciative of that and does compliment me. I always feel silly when he compliments me because I am usually never preparing anything spectacular. If I make him a lasagna, though, he sings my praises. Last night I made a pot roast in the crockpot. Again, nothing fancy just roast, potatoes, carrots, and onions all thrown together and seasoned a bit. He was happy with dinner last night. I guess I should be glad he is easy to please.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 17:44:56 GMT
Exactly! I get enough praise from other people about my cooking. But honestly, DH doesn't motivate me to bring my A game every night, LOL.
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 20, 2014 17:44:59 GMT
My ex rarely had anything nice to say about my cooking. It bothered me enough that I have raised my children in such a way that they have something to say, even if they don't particularly like what I cooked.
I laughingly say that my "love language" is food, so that when they are ugly about what I serve them, I take it personally so if they would be so kind as to find something to pleasant to say, I would appreciate it. The lesson though, I think, is that they learn to recognize that people have feelings and it is nice to point out when someone has made an effort to please them.
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loco coco
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Post by loco coco on Aug 20, 2014 17:45:57 GMT
lol about the toast my husband never says anything like smells good, looks good, etc. He also never asks me to make something specific so I know I dont have a specialty that he loves. Probably why I dont enjoy cooking that much. However, if I ask him how it was he will say everything was great! I would be more motivated to perfect a special meal if he would just give me something to work with!
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Post by my2apps2 on Aug 20, 2014 17:46:13 GMT
Yep. My hubby always thanks me for dinner and if something is exceptionally good, he will tell me. He also tells me if it's not so good. I appreciate his input. Of course, I'm a tad old fashioned and 1950's thinking. I'm sorry your hubby isn't forthcoming with the complements on dinner...what you made sounded wonderful! If I were you, I'd ask him "So, what did you think of dinner tonight?" It could be that he just never thinks to verbalize it.
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Post by dulcemama on Aug 20, 2014 17:48:06 GMT
I don't think that it's passive aggressive. I think he probably just doesn't think to say it at the moment. If that is the way he grew up, it's hard to change that habit. When you DH cooks, he lets you know what he wants from you. Maybe you should do the same.
DH and I have similar issues around being sick. In his family, when you were sick, you layed on the couch and watched T.V. and everyone fussed over you and got you whatever you wanted to eat or drink. In my family, you went to your bedroom and slept all day and when you started to feel better, you went down stairs and made yourself a piece of toast. So, DH expects lots of fussing over when he is sick, which just doesn't come naturally to me. And when I'm sick, I just want to be left alone, which doesn't come naturally to DH. And after 25 years of marriage, we are still this way. We just need to speak up for ourselves if we want something we aren't getting.
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Post by gorgeouskid on Aug 20, 2014 17:48:04 GMT
Occasionally. He's not one for giving praise in general, so it isn't out of character. I do fish for compliments, though, when I've made something I think is particularly praiseworthy.
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Post by withapea on Aug 20, 2014 17:48:12 GMT
Nope. DH knows I hate to cook, he's always complimentary. ( I'm not a bad cook, I just loathe doing it ) He's a great cook, he enjoys it and cooks often, I'm also quick with the compliments and express my appreciation that he goes to all the trouble to put a meal on the table.
If I were you, I'm pretty sure I'd be feeling a bit hurt and irritated as well.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 17:52:29 GMT
My husband always thanks me for making a meal but he doesn't really praise my cooking. I can't say it bothers me, food is way down on my list of important things to comment on.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 17:55:19 GMT
My DH will compliment me and even go as far as to tell others how good the food I cook is. I've made one or two meals that he didn't like as much...specifically a cheesy ham and potatoes dish. We now compare all bad food to that dish..he'll say "well, it wasn't that great, but it wasn't as bad as the cheesy ham and potatoes".
He will however, not help with the cooking or the cleaning up. He will sometimes come in and set the table. But I would really like him to help more with cleaning up.
I tend to cater to him since he works long hours and isn't always home for dinner.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 17:55:23 GMT
DH has always been very good about complimenting my cooking, even before I really knew what I was doing. He has never, ever said he didn't like something I fixed for him. Instead, he'll say, "You don't have to put that on the meal rotation if you don't want to." But even if I did make it again, he'd eat it.
He has always required our kids to say thank you for the meal, too. No matter who's prepared it. My mom was very impressed when my kids stayed with her that they'd say thank you for everything she fed them, including a pack of poptarts!
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Post by bluepoprocks on Aug 20, 2014 17:55:36 GMT
I don't have a DH/SO. I live with my sister. We both cook but rarely compliment each others cooking mostly because we cook exactly the same because we were both taught to cook by our mom so she doesn't make anything so spectacular that I would mention it and I don't make anything so spectacular that she would mention it just regular every day food.
ETA We do tell each other if something is bad. But it's always good natured kidding no one gets their feelings hurt over it.
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Post by Bitchy Rich on Aug 20, 2014 17:56:10 GMT
My husband praises the hell of out of my cooking. I think part of it is that he's completely inept in the kitchen, and his mother is a terrible cook. He really and truly appreciates the food I make.
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kimpea
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Jun 25, 2014 21:44:25 GMT
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Post by kimpea on Aug 20, 2014 17:56:30 GMT
My Dh always praises my cooking because I don't cook very often so he knows he'd better appreciate it when I do! ; )
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valleyview
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Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Aug 20, 2014 17:57:21 GMT
I laughingly say that my "love language" is food, so that when they are ugly about what I serve them, I take it personally so if they would be so kind as to find something to pleasant to say, I would appreciate it. The lesson though, I think, is that they learn to recognize that people have feelings and it is nice to point out when someone has made an effort to please them. This is me. I think that it is possible whether or not care and love was involved in the making of a meal, even if it is a 15-30 minute prep. My DH is complimentary of most meals, and if there is an error in prep, he tries to help me figure out what went wrong. He was raised to compliment the cook, and his example carried over to our sons. Best of all, when he takes lunch to work, he brags about how well he eats to his co-workers.
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Post by melodyesch on Aug 20, 2014 17:57:41 GMT
Not every one of my meals is praise-worthy, but I ALWAYS get "Thank you for making dinner." Just like I always say, "thank you for grilling the steaks." When a dinner is really good, I'll get a "This is really good!" But when I made a change to a standard recipe, I still got the "thank you for making dinner" thrown in with a "I think I like it the other way better." So we both get thanks and then honesty about whether or not we liked it.
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Post by picotjo on Aug 20, 2014 17:58:29 GMT
Yes, my DH always compliments my food and thanks me for cooking. I never really thought about it before, but I guess it would bother me if I slaved over a hot stove and got nothing but silence!
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NoWomanNoCry
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Aug 20, 2014 17:59:22 GMT
I'm no Betty Crocker but when I do make something Betty Crocker-ish I do get a little bothered if DH don't say something positive. He is real fast to point out all my other cooking flaws so when I do do good I expect some nice feedback haha!
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scrappert
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Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Aug 20, 2014 17:59:25 GMT
It would bother me. My SO does compliment me or just says thank you for cooking. When he cooks, I do the same. Same with cleaning, laundry or anything like that. I have learned that this is more of an appreciation thing. These things don't get done magically, we both work full time, it takes effort to get things done.
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Post by Zee on Aug 20, 2014 18:01:53 GMT
I have the opposite problem...he tells me every day how great everything is, even if it isn't. I think he's just being nice, rather than honest! I also think he grew up with bland, tasteless cooking so maybe he's not the best judge. At least he's appreciative, though. Maybe he just wants to encourage me in continuing to come up with new and varied menus. It's a challenge to not fall into a rut sometimes.
And yes, I DO sound like a 1950s housewife, lol.
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Post by SockMonkey on Aug 20, 2014 18:02:41 GMT
What cooking? LOL!
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Post by moveablefeast on Aug 20, 2014 18:03:11 GMT
I don't need him to fawn over my cooking, but I really appreciate a thank you. That's all.
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Post by gorgeouskid on Aug 20, 2014 18:04:34 GMT
DS is much better about the praise thing. He loves a good meal. However, he is also free with the complaints. I made an amazing dinner the other night, and it had mushrooms. I get that he doesn't like mushrooms, but I left them big and they were mild. He refused to eat it, so DH and I told him he was free to make something else. DS ended up making a can of black beans (something he loves.) This was a meal that DH did praise.
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LeaP
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Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Aug 20, 2014 18:05:05 GMT
When we were first married my husband would make comments like "I'm all riced out" to say that we were eating too much rice or whatever it was. I told him in no uncertain terms that if I cooked there could be only one response and that was "thank you". It has been 15 years and he has eaten it all, spectacularly good meals and abject failures.
Last year, I went on strike because the kids thought I was a short order cook able to fulfill every whim. A few days of pasta with butter (a favorite, but not every day) made them appreciate my efforts. What if you made the same boring meal for an entire week? He might appreciate your effort to soar.
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Post by mikewozowski on Aug 20, 2014 18:06:23 GMT
how about a recipe for the pork??
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 18:06:42 GMT
I don't think that it's passive aggressive. I think he probably just doesn't think to say it at the moment. If that is the way he grew up, it's hard to change that habit. When you DH cooks, he lets you know what he wants from you. Maybe you should do the same. DH and I have similar issues around being sick. In his family, when you were sick, you layed on the couch and watched T.V. and everyone fussed over you and got you whatever you wanted to eat or drink. In my family, you went to your bedroom and slept all day and when you started to feel better, you went down stairs and made yourself a piece of toast. So, DH expects lots of fussing over when he is sick, which just doesn't come naturally to me. And when I'm sick, I just want to be left alone, which doesn't come naturally to DH. And after 25 years of marriage, we are still this way. We just need to speak up for ourselves if we want something we aren't getting. That's interesting - DH and I are EXACTLY like that when it comes to being sick, LOL!! I hate to even mention that I have so much as a headache, because he fusses over me like a mother hen! See, I said he was a gem in other ways!
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