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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 2, 2017 0:35:19 GMT
Honestly I would probably call CPS. In this circumstance he is being negligent.
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Post by hop2 on Nov 2, 2017 0:35:34 GMT
I don't know what you can do. But HUGS because it must be very difficult to go thru this. I hope someone has advice for you.
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Post by christine58 on Nov 2, 2017 0:46:31 GMT
Since this issue she caused intailed an investigation on my husband and I all this information was overlooked. Your DD needs a lot of help that she apparently isn't getting while at her father's. Call CPS...It also sounds like she needs long term hospitalization to be honest.
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Post by mom on Nov 2, 2017 0:49:30 GMT
I would call CPS. My second call would be to the school she attends. Talk to her counselor there and see if she can help. There is no way I would sit on this information.
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Post by LiLi on Nov 2, 2017 0:52:18 GMT
I will try and make this as short as possible. 5 months ago my 16yr old daughter went to live with her bio dad due her actions that caused extreme issues within the family. I would prefer not go give to much info on the matter since I am still trying to emotionally deal with it. It nearly tore the entire family apart and we all have issues from it. Her actions cause two psychiatric hospitalizations. And between the two she was home for less than 24 hrs before becoming violent and resulted in cops being called and he threatening me while she was at the ER. While she was in the hospital I discovered a whole other side of her I never knew. She had a school issued computer I never touched but she asked my sister to get on it and remove her stories so I got the school to unlock. I was in complete shock. She had been writing and posting stories on wattpad about the family getting murdered, had all our names, address, descriptions of vehicles and rooms. Also were stories she wrote of small children ( 1yr, 3yrs and 5 yr old being raped. A letter written to her grandmother detailing how she would murder her. Since this issue she caused intailed an investigation on my husband and I all this information was overlooked. After the investigation was done she moved and my ex assured me he would get her help. I got a call today from him informing me she only had 4 pills left and she couldn't been seen for 6 weeks. He doesn't have a car and point blank told me if it is to long of a bus ride he will not take her to a specific doctor. His complaint is no one close to him will take tricare or treat teens and he will not travel far to get her care. The primary has already given her a three month supply a month after she got there and will not do it again. He has had nearly 5 months to take care of this. He has never taken her to anything other than a primary care doctor. No therapy, psychiatric absolutely nothing. He has decided to not get her any help and let her go off medication permanently. He says she is just fine and doesn't need it. What if anything can I do I force him to get her the help she needs? Other info. They live in MY. She has tricare insurance and I have called many pychs who could see her but are to far according to him.
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Post by LiLi on Nov 2, 2017 0:55:53 GMT
First: You are the adult.
How can you blame your DAUGHTER, A CHILD who needs help, for your family issues?
But if she is truly in need of help, GET HER HELP. You can't force him to do anything. The best thing would be to call cps, or even the non emergency police number. Do you have her doctor's number? That would be another option. Tell someone, anyone, any one of them that will listen... that your daughter's urgent medical needs are being neglected. They can make sure she is getting the help she needs.
This needs an outsider, a third party to intervene. It sounds like there is nothing you can personally do by arguing with her or her father, except add to the drama in your poor daughter's life. 💔🙁😢
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Post by birukitty on Nov 2, 2017 0:58:55 GMT
You can't force someone to change. You could call CPS but I don't think (my opinion) that they'd remove her from the home since she isn't being harmed. They can't force your husband to take her to her doctor's appointments or to therapy. What I would do as a mother is go and get my teen daughter. If he isn't going to take on the responsibility of taking care of her then I would step in to make sure she was taken care of.
I realize her actions put a lot of stress on your family. But she is mentally ill. She didn't do any of it on purpose to hurt you or anyone in your family. Mental illness is the same thing as physical illness except that it happens in the brain. What she was doing with the stories was crying out for help.
Your ex saying she is fine means the medication is working. But once those 4 pills run out she will be facing a terrible physical reaction. Many psychiatric medications have horrible side effects if you stop them abruptly rather than tapering them off when you stop them. If it were me I'd go get my daughter, refill the medication so she doesn't run out and have her live with me again since your ex has shown he isn't capable of taking care of her properly. This is a very crucial time for your daughter. If she is taken care of, gets to her doctor's appointments and therapists she can heal or have her illness stabilized. If she stays with her father and goes off her meds and gets no medical help her illness will come back and then some. She's your daughter-what do you want for her?
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Post by christine58 on Nov 2, 2017 1:01:50 GMT
What I would do as a mother is go and get my teen daughter. If he isn't going to take on the responsibility of taking care of her then I would step in to make sure she was taken care of. Reading between the lines of her post...something tells me she can't be in the home with mom and step-dad. She mentioned an investigation. I would call CPS.
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Post by teacherlisa on Nov 2, 2017 1:07:02 GMT
As a 911 dispatcher, I urge you to contact CPS as well as the non emergency number in both her area as well as yours. I have no doubt whatsoever that you love her, I am not questioning that, but it sounds possibly like she is a danger to herself and others (including you) Protect yourself, her and your loved ones...then work on the medical help.
As an aside, CPS WILL remove children who are not getting medical care, particularly when the child's health is as risk.
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Post by fkawitchypea on Nov 2, 2017 1:12:47 GMT
He has had nearly 5 months to take care of this. He has never taken her to anything other than a primary care doctor. No therapy, psychiatric absolutely nothing. He has decided to not get her any help and let her go off medication permanently. He says she is just fine and doesn't need it. I would call CPS and a lawyer ASAP. I realize her actions put a lot of stress on your family. But she is mentally ill. She didn't do any of it on purpose to hurt you or anyone in your family. Mental illness is the same thing as physical illness except that it happens in the brain. What she was doing with the stories was crying out for help. This too. I know it is not as easy as it sounds. My cousin's daughter is mentally ill and now an adult. There were many years of back and forth between my cousin and her ex-husband because of the things that the child would do that would be harmful to the parents and their current spouses and children. They were fortunate to have the means to send her to a special boarding school for mentally ill teenage girls. While she now isn't cutting herself, calling the police to accuse her parents of abusing her or threatening to commit suicide in front of the other children and is now an adult, she is still manipulating them to keep her happy enough to keep her at arm's length. My point is that blaming your ex for not getting her the help she needs is not going to help. You need to get on the same page and work together to get her the help she needs. If you can't work together you need to get the state involved so someone is maintaining control. Best of luck. It's a hard road.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Nov 2, 2017 1:17:02 GMT
Not taking her to appointments and allowing her medication to run out without an appointment to get it refilled in time is most definitely a harm to her. That's willful negligence. I can't imagine any location being too far for me to travel to help my child through this. I also can't imagine knowing the information you shared with us and not making sure her mental health was being addressed.
I would be calling CPS, her school, police, anywhere that would listen.
I am so sorry you're going through this.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,072
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Nov 2, 2017 1:21:38 GMT
Is ex still active duty or retired?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 21, 2024 3:19:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2017 1:30:18 GMT
You can't force a 16 y/o to go to treatment or take meds. And yes a child can cause major conflicts. A mentally ill teenager can be extremely manipulative.
Op: I have seen what my neighbor's daughter has done to them and I am sorry you have this road ahead of you. Hugs.
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Post by birukitty on Nov 2, 2017 1:32:09 GMT
What I would do as a mother is go and get my teen daughter. If he isn't going to take on the responsibility of taking care of her then I would step in to make sure she was taken care of. Reading between the lines of her post...something tells me she can't be in the home with mom and step-dad. She mentioned an investigation. I would call CPS. I understand what you are saying. If it is the case that the OP can't have her daughter in her home due to the fact that her daughter is a danger to others in the home than yes, I agree with everyone else to call CPS , the police and anyone else that can help. If however the only thing that happened were the letters on the computer etc. (which I believe were a call for help) and an investigation on her husband and the OP to make sure the teen daughter wasn't being harmed in the OP's home then I still believe it is the OP's responsibility to go get her teen daughter, fill her meds before they run out and get her to her doctor's appointments. If it were my daughter I'd be doing that. At the very least I'd give my daughter a chance to try it again at home especially since she's now been on her meds for many months.
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Post by birukitty on Nov 2, 2017 1:33:35 GMT
You can't force a 16 y/o to go to treatment or take meds. And yes a child can cause major conflicts. A mentally ill teenager can be extremely manipulative. Op: I have seen what my neighbor's daughter has done to them and I am sorry you have this road ahead of you. Hugs. Who says she's not taking her meds? If there are only 4 pills left it sounds to me like she has been taking them. Who says she isn't willing to go to treatment if she was given the chance?
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Post by Lexica on Nov 2, 2017 1:46:04 GMT
Is your ex living too far away for you to go get your daughter and take her to her appointments yourself? And do the same with her medication - take it to her? I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I have no experience of any type, but know that I am pulling for your and your daughter.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Nov 2, 2017 2:02:12 GMT
Can you pay for the transportation to the medical provider? I assume step-dad is the connection to Tri-Care? You might look into seeing if Tri-Care Standard fits better with doctors in his location. How far away from her/ your family is she? You mentioned an aunt. Can anybody else assume control of the medical piece. She is going to go cold turkey on her mental health meds... no, no, no bueno. Depending on what she is on this could be very bad, very painful or a blip on her radar. I'd simply not risk my kids life on her reaction to going off the meds.
Tri-care has a behavioral health consultant hotline. Perhaps you could call it and get some advice. Sometimes they will provide telephonic support (calls that do check in and risk assessment). I'm not sure what Tri-Care region she is in but sometimes the insurance behind the Tri-Care has some different support. For example, United Health offers a transitioning teen program that is also telephonic. The nurse hotline, or website could give you more information.
If you are under investigation or if she is under investigation, I'd call the investigator and ask for advice. They might be able to give you the right point of contact to solicit support.
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Post by LiLi on Nov 2, 2017 2:20:46 GMT
You can't force a 16 y/o to go to treatment or take meds. And yes a child can cause major conflicts. A mentally ill teenager can be extremely manipulative. Op: I have seen what my neighbor's daughter has done to them and I am sorry you have this road ahead of you. Hugs. No. Gross. You absolutely should not blame a mentally ill teenager to be "the cause" of a whole families issues. No f'ing way. If you do, that is no help to the situation. I would even say that attitude may be a big part of the teens issues. This teen (probably the whole family) needs help. 💔
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,009
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on Nov 2, 2017 2:26:24 GMT
You need to call CPS. If they don't have all of the information (journals, info you found on the computer, the records related to involuntary commitment, etc.) you need to give it to them. If your ex-husband is unwilling to ensure proper treatment, she'll need to be placed into a foster or group home. It's not ideal but at least you can be certain she'll get some sort of treatment.
One large red flag which sticks out to me is the story about the young children being raped. You mention that these stories were ignored in the investigation. Who did the investigating? Was there an active case with CPS when the initial events occurred 5 months ago? Obviously, this raises huge concerns about whether or not she was the victim of sexual assault, when that might have happened, if that could be related to her psychiatric issues and if she remains at risk. If it is the case that there was an open CPS investigation in your jurisdiction which did not take into consideration the information found on the computer, it might be better to initiate a new/different investigation with CPS in your ex-husband's jurisdiction. It may get tossed back to the original investigating agency but there is a chance it won't.
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Post by LiLi on Nov 2, 2017 2:34:08 GMT
Lili, What tragic things have I posted? I will edit it, because of it was you. you would know so I think I may have mixed you up with someone else. I sincerely apologize and will delete that part of my post. For the last post, I won't quote because you didn't have to say ANY of that and I would encourage you to delete it. It made me feel more strongly about my first posts. I *was* your daughter in a way (some differences of course but my whole life was spent in therapy and my teen years were the worst, I acted out and it was horrible for my parents and siblings). Please help her with love. Don't involve yourself in the drama of it. Just get her help. The rest of your family, too. If you need to work out all of that stuff, do it on your own (or with your husband & other children) with a counselor. If and when she is healthy again, you can work through it with her and a counselor at a later date. Hugs and best wishes for you and her.
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,009
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on Nov 2, 2017 2:34:25 GMT
Okay, I just read your update. First, I am going to give you a virtual hug. You did all of the right things. You took her to the hospital and you reported her allegations. You didn't try to hide it, you didn't automatically come to the defense of your current husband and you waited for the outcome of the investigation. I can't tell you how many times parents do NOT make the right decisions in that circumstance but you did and I'm sure it was one of the hardest things you've ever been through.
Borderline personality is a tough diagnosis. Have you done some research on the causes and long term implications? That should be something you think about when determining where is the best placement for her now. You have the option to go back to CPS and explain that your ex-husband is refusing to get her proper treatment and ask for them to take custody and get her into a therapeutic placement.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Nov 2, 2017 2:35:05 GMT
You can't force a 16 y/o to go to treatment or take meds. And yes a child can cause major conflicts. A mentally ill teenager can be extremely manipulative. Op: I have seen what my neighbor's daughter has done to them and I am sorry you have this road ahead of you. Hugs. No. Gross. You absolutely should not blame a mentally ill teenager to be "the cause" of a whole families issues. No f'ing way. If you do, that is no help to the situation. I would even say that attitude may be a big part of the teens issues. This poster spoke recently of some pretty tragic things in their lives. This poor teen (probably the whole family) needs help. 💔 You are so busy being sanctimonious that you aren't even understanding what OP is saying. Mental illness does not mean that OP is under any obligation to put herself and her other children at risk. Her daughter is obviously mentally ill, but it bothers me that mental illness is used to excuse abuse of others. The daughter obviously needs help. it seems that her mother is trying to do her best. She isn't blaming her daughter for anything. She is asking for help.
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Post by mom on Nov 2, 2017 2:36:09 GMT
You need to call CPS. If they don't have all of the information (journals, info you found on the computer, the records related to involuntary commitment, etc.) you need to give it to them. If your ex-husband is unwilling to ensure proper treatment, she'll need to be placed into a foster or group home. It's not ideal but at least you can be certain she'll get some sort of treatment.
One large red flag which sticks out to me is the story about the young children being raped. You mention that these stories were ignored in the investigation. Who did the investigating? Was there an active case with CPS when the initial events occurred 5 months ago? Obviously, this raises huge concerns about whether or not she was the victim of sexual assault, when that might have happened, if that could be related to her psychiatric issues and if she remains at risk. If it is the case that there was an open CPS investigation in your jurisdiction which did not take into consideration the information found on the computer, it might be better to initiate a new/different investigation with CPS in your ex-husband's jurisdiction. It may get tossed back to the original investigating agency but there is a chance it won't. Its also possible that she will get a guardian ad litem - basically she will have someone who is in her corner, and will help the courts decide what is in her best interest. SaveSave
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Post by LiLi on Nov 2, 2017 2:36:57 GMT
No. Gross. You absolutely should not blame a mentally ill teenager to be "the cause" of a whole families issues. No f'ing way. If you do, that is no help to the situation. I would even say that attitude may be a big part of the teens issues. This poster spoke recently of some pretty tragic things in their lives. This poor teen (probably the whole family) needs help. 💔 You are so busy being sanctimonious that you aren't even understanding what OP is saying. Mental illness does not mean that OP is under any obligation to put herself and her other children at risk. Her daughter is obviously mentally ill, but it bothers me that mental illness is used to excuse abuse of others. You are reading me way wrong.
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Post by freecharlie on Nov 2, 2017 2:38:55 GMT
You are so busy being sanctimonious that you aren't even understanding what OP is saying. Mental illness does not mean that OP is under any obligation to put herself and her other children at risk. Her daughter is obviously mentally ill, but it bothers me that mental illness is used to excuse abuse of others. You are reading me way wrong. Then I am as well. Please try to explain the right way.
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Post by LiLi on Nov 2, 2017 2:44:17 GMT
Well, I didn't say ANY of those things, for starters. Plus, I was responding to a different poster.
I do think the op's daughter needs help and the rest of her family deserves to be safe and live in a peaceful non-stressful home. Especially her other children.
Perhaps I am not eloquent, but you are reading me wrong.
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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 2, 2017 2:58:43 GMT
I'm very concerned that your dd has been sexually abused. Cutting and stories about raping children send off loads of alarm bells. Don't assume that she's inventing stories due to a psychiatric illness. Just because she had a negative SANE exam doesn't mean she wasn't raped or sexually assaulted. I'm concerned that abuse has triggered her mental illness. You're doing everything possible to protect her and I think it's time to call CPS right now. Don't let her go one day w/o her meds. Her father is not providing a good home for her and as her mother you need to find her care. There are great treatment facilities for mental illness and it sounds like she needs more care than you can provide. I'm sorry that your daughter is suffering and I wish you all peace.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Nov 2, 2017 3:05:59 GMT
If he doesn't have a car then he can only work within a certain distance to get her health care whether it be mental health or medical help. How will calling CPS change that? Is it court ordered that she has to see doctors that far away? I mean if someone doesn't take a person's insurance, they have no car etc I am not sure how CPS can alter that.
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Post by Basket1lady on Nov 2, 2017 3:15:59 GMT
If you contact your ex-DH's commanding officer, that person can move things along very quickly. You can also call the triage nurse at the MTF (military treatment facility) and explain why your DD needs to be seen quickly. The CO can see that she gets to the appointment. The CO also likely has contacts with the mental health clinic that can be called. Also, long term care, you can make an appeal to have your DD seen closer to home. Sometimes that works, but it wouldn't happen this week.
You also have the option of other levels of Tricare. If she has Prime (must try to be seen at an MTF), she must be seen in 28 days or they need to refer her to another (usually civilian) dr. You can also choose to see a civilian dr, paying out of pocket or cost shares (depending on your Tricare level), but Prime members have a cap of $1,000 per year. A lot of Tricare Standard and Tricare Extra just changed--DH literally brought home some print outs tonight. The number for Tricare in my area is 877-874-2273. You can call that number and they can help you talk to the right region, or you can look the number up online.
If you have primary custody of your DD, you will be able to speak to most Tricare people on her behalf, a minor, until she turns 18. I'm trying to think and can't remember a time that I had to get DH officially involved with the kids' care, other than to register her in DEERS (where she would first initially be verified as a dependent--probably done when she was born if she has always had Tricare.)
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Post by kernriver on Nov 2, 2017 3:32:04 GMT
Whatever you do, do not let her in your house or be alone with her. This feels awful to say but I think someone should say it.
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