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Post by cindytred on Jun 5, 2018 0:15:09 GMT
Ya'll might remember from last summer when I was trying to get a teaching job in Texas and wanted to get a divorce from DH. Well, I'm moving to Houston on Friday - got my own apartment - trusting in God that I'll get a job when I get there. To say I'm excited is an understatement!
One thing thats on my mind is whether I should take the urn with DS's cremains in it with me or not. DH does not care. Our adult DD's said he could just stay in his old room - my current scrapbook room.
Reasons to take it: it creeps out my husband and daughters; I don't know what will happen in the future (another woman moves into the house, DH sells house or loses it somehow)
Reasons to leave it here: this is Zack's home
I'm not open to spreading his remains somewhere. I know a lot of Peas disagree with keeping remains in an urn. What would you do if it was your child?
Cindy
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Deleted
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Jun 23, 2024 2:14:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2018 0:18:06 GMT
If I was against scattering, then I'd take his ashes with me. I would not leave him where 1) people are creeped out by it and 2) risk having them dispose of his ashes.
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Post by SockMonkey on Jun 5, 2018 0:19:18 GMT
Oh, I'm so sorry you're faced with this decision.
Given what you've told us about your husband's and other children's feelings about it, I'd probably take the urn with me to keep it safe.
If you feel comfortable dividing the cremains at all, I know some people who have given some to each of the family members who wished to have a part of their loved one's ashes, but not everyone is comfortable with that (and it sounds like your other kids may not be into that option).
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
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Post by scrappyesq on Jun 5, 2018 0:19:22 GMT
I would take them with you. That way you always know where he is and his remains are being cared about.
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Post by bc2ca on Jun 5, 2018 0:22:24 GMT
Leaving them behind is telling your DH and DD to take care of the cremains. If you are going to be upset with any decisions they make, take them with you. IMHO, you can't leave them behind and dictate what is to be done with them.
Hugs and good luck with the move!
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Deleted
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Jun 23, 2024 2:14:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2018 0:22:27 GMT
I would see what it would cost to have my child's urn interred with a family member or put in a columbria. I would NOT leave them behind where they very well may end up just tossed in the trash. Not knowing what happened to them is going to leave you feeling unsettled at some point, or finding out something you don't approve of happened to them.
Once you leave the house isn't going to stay Zach's home.
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Post by pierkiss on Jun 5, 2018 0:26:31 GMT
I would take them with you, as you are against spreading them elsewhere. Or, you could have them buried or interred somewhere. I would not leave them under the care of someone who doesn’t care/want them. That would break my heart.
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ellen
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Post by ellen on Jun 5, 2018 0:27:21 GMT
My coworkers' son was killed in an accident a few years ago. He was cremated and they buried his ashes at the cemetery closest to where he grew up. I think that is probably what I would do if I were in that situation.
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Post by threegirls on Jun 5, 2018 0:28:32 GMT
I would take them with me.
Would you be able to purchase a cremation niche at a cemetery? That would be another option.
Good luck with your move and job hunting.
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Post by houston249 on Jun 5, 2018 0:28:54 GMT
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Post by myboysnme on Jun 5, 2018 0:30:18 GMT
I would see what it would cost to have my child's urn interred with a family member or put in a columbria This is exactly what I was going to suggest. I have my dad's cremains and I'd like to put them in with my mom when she passes but she is against that (they divorced). If I was unsure where I want the ashes to eventually end up, I would take them with me or scatter them in the garden at the home he lived in. |
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Post by cindytred on Jun 5, 2018 0:33:51 GMT
I would like Zack to be buried with me someday.
Cindy
ETA: That would be his punishment for leaving me to start with. J/K (kinda)
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Post by alexa11 on Jun 5, 2018 0:34:22 GMT
I would take them with me.
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Post by trixiecat on Jun 5, 2018 0:35:57 GMT
Then you definately need to take his remains with you.
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Post by annaintx on Jun 5, 2018 0:38:26 GMT
I would like Zack to be buried with me someday.
Cindy
ETA: That would be his punishment for leaving me to start with. J/K (kinda)
Be sure that your wishes are written down somewhere so others can fulfill them when the time comes. I have a friend whose son was murdered when he was 22 or so. They buried a portion of his cremains, then she and her husband travel a lot and take their son with them to scatter in all the places he loved or would have loved. Good luck with the job hunt in Houston--I wish you all the best. |
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AmandaA
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Post by AmandaA on Jun 5, 2018 0:51:48 GMT
I would take them. Would having him “with” you on this journey be comforting as well... just a thought.
Hope all turns out well for you in Texas.
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Jili
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SLPea
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Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Jun 5, 2018 0:57:00 GMT
Take them with you. His home is where you are.
Best wishes on this new chapter in your life, Cindy. I’m confident you’ll find a job in no time. It sounds like this is a great opportunity for you.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jun 5, 2018 0:59:03 GMT
Well what if you decide that you love Texas and want to spend the rest of your life and want to be buried there? Your son can be interred with you and you will be with him for eternity. That is what we are doing for my parents and myself. My sister is 10 feet away from Mom. I say take his remains and keep them with you.
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Post by compeateropeator on Jun 5, 2018 1:03:13 GMT
I would take him with me. Your husband and daughter may not stay at that house forever, this way he is with you and safe. My parents have some of my Grandmother's ashes at their house. We had kept them with the intention of spreading them in the woods between her house and my parents. However we never ended up doing that and now my Mom will often say she is glad and feels comfort that Connie (her mother-in-law) is in their house with them. I am so happy to hear that you are moving!  Good luck to you and sending you good vibes and thoughts for getting a job. |
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Post by gale w on Jun 5, 2018 1:07:47 GMT
Take them with you. His home is with you.
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Post by #notLauren on Jun 5, 2018 1:09:27 GMT
It sounds like it's important to you to have them and not so much for your ex or your dd. So take them.
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likescarrots
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Post by likescarrots on Jun 5, 2018 1:13:03 GMT
If you're not comfortable spreading the remains then you should take them with you, because who knows what will happen to them if you leave them.
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Post by peasapie on Jun 5, 2018 1:14:00 GMT
I would plant a tree at the home where he lived and put his ashes in the soil with the tree. The tree will always have a part of him in it.
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Post by kelbel827 on Jun 5, 2018 1:15:08 GMT
Take them with you. I love the idea of having some in jewelry, too.
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Post by cindytred on Jun 5, 2018 1:17:17 GMT
I would plant a tree at the home where he lived and put his ashes in the soil with the tree. The tree will always have a part of him in it. Thats a sweet idea. Cindy |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 5, 2018 1:20:13 GMT
I would like Zack to be buried with me someday.
Cindy
ETA: That would be his punishment for leaving me to start with. J/K (kinda)
In light of this, you should take the cremains with you and purchase a vault in a columbarium for the both of you close to where you move. Then put it in your will that you also want to be cremated and placed in the vault with him. That’s what MIL did when FIL passed away unexpectedly. She ended up living another 15 years, and when she passed we put her in with him and it was permanently sealed at that point. |
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Post by donna on Jun 5, 2018 1:20:25 GMT
Definitely take him with you.
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Post by littlemama on Jun 5, 2018 1:23:01 GMT
If the ashes creep out your dh and dd' s, it is a no brainer to take them with you, especially if you have a plan in mind for them down the road.
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kelly8875
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Post by kelly8875 on Jun 5, 2018 1:44:52 GMT
What would I do if it was my child?
I’d take him with me. No question. Especially if you don’t want his remains spread somewhere.
(And congrats on the life change, sounds scary, but a good scary!)
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Post by christine58 on Jun 5, 2018 1:45:38 GMT
Take them with you. Glad that you're taking a leap of faith and moving. I remember your thread from last summer. Here's to finding a great teaching job and beginning anew.
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