My brother is mad at me .... just venting

We just had an graduation party for my dd. She coulda cared less what family members were/weren't there. She was too busy hosting all of her friends that came. Apologize to the nephew & don't beat yourself up about it.

Being from the UK we don't place the same importance on graduations as you do, especially not 8th grade (!!) but if you'd already booked a hotel, accepted a wedding invitation (rather than a casual invite) what did your brother expect? Hopefully he'll get over it soon.

I don't get why your brother is mad at you. You already had that date booked for someone's wedding.Did he expect you not to go to the wedding after you had already accepted the invite?

I assume that you told him that when he gave you the grad party date or did you not turn up to the grad party without telling them you were at a wedding on the same day?

I have the same question.... when did you find out? And did you talk to brother when date was announced? If you'd known you could've said no to the wedding - unless it was a member of dh' family, or a close friend, in which case wedding takes precedence.p

Also - was the hotel non-refundable? That makes a difference, too.

He'll get over it and if he doesn't, too sodding bad. Family that expect you to drop everything for their benefit can do one.

My brother did the same thing, and I was furious. Graduations are a big deal around here, my son was Valedictorian, and my brother is my closest sibling and he and my son have a wonderful relationship. I was extremely hurt. I got over it, obviously. But, I was hurt. I bet your brother is too. An heartfelt apology and some understanding could go a long way.

But what did your son think?? Grad parties are big here too but I also know that kids are excited at who is there and don't give a second thought to someone who was unable to come. I know that my nieces and nephews were very understanding to relatives and friends who might not have been able to attend. It's one day in a lifetime of other events. I suggest that lexilu call and talk to her nephew and explain. Kids are more understanding than we think.

Now we don't know your relationship to the wedding couple, but obviously if you responded yes to an out of town wedding that involved travel + hotel, they are more than just an acquaintance.

Those giving the Op a hard time about missing the party, put yourself in the place of the wedding couple after receiving a cancellation from Op and Dh.

And yes, I guess it does depend upon how much advance notice was given, though Op said she RSVP'd to wedding before she knew date of graduation.

I think you did the right thing. You gave nephew a gift and acknowledged his achievement, you didn't just blow it off.

High School graduations are a pretty big deal in my family and we’ve attended all but one of our six nieces and nephews’ high school graduations. (One of my nephews was graduating from high school in Oklahoma the same night my son was graduating from high school in Texas, so we missed that nephew’s graduation). We would start talking about the graduations when the school year began, and everyone would add the graduation weekend to their calendar.

If it was important to your brother that you attend his son’s graduation, he should have told you the date far in advance. He should have known the date when the school year began.

In a way, I understand why your brother’s feelings were hurt that you weren’t at graduation.. However, I think it’s unfair for him to hold a grudge since he didn’t give you the graduation date as soon as he knew it and he didn’t explain to you how important it was to him that you attend.

I hope your brother lets go of his anger and the relationship can be healed. While I think graduations are important, I sure don’t think they are worth destroying a brother/sister relationship.

Sliding out of the same vagina does not obligate you to spend time with siblings if you don't want to.

True but sometimes I think too much emphasis is put on the party. Seriously, pretty much everyone graduates from HS> And honestly, is the party for your child or YOU??

I think it quite commonly is for both the child and the family. Is there something wrong with that? 

To me, it's like weddings while the primary focus is on celebrating the couple, it is quite common for the non-ceremonial aspects to also function as a family reunion.

(I know my dd went to a wedding recently for a friend she made during an internship and the group of friends from that internship viewed the wedding as a way to celebrate Jack and Jill's wedding, but equally as a reunion for them. Surely, we've all gone to events and look forward to the people we will see there above and beyond the person being celebrated.)

IMO, events celebrating individuals in a family are important ways to strengthen family bonds, especially these days when families may not be able to get together for weekly Sunday dinners or regular casual interactions (often because of geographic distance). 

It's unfortunate, but I would have made the same choice.

DH & I missed my favorite nephew's graduation party, too. We had already booked a trip to Alaska. Thankfully, if my sister was mad, she kept it to herself. She said she understood.

I think it's silly to get upset over things like this (missing a grad party). I think most people do what they can to support family & attend events, but that doesn't mean they should drop everything else. My kids & most of their cousins are the same age. Sometimes their events coincide. We've had First Communions, graduations, recitals on the same weekends, so some do have to miss. We missed my niece's graduation party because my dd was in a musical. Also, sometimes dates change. My dd's First Communion changed dates just 6 weeks before the event. My son's graduation date changed in late February due to a high number of snow days. I'm glad everyone in my family is understanding.