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Post by annie on Mar 24, 2019 14:34:23 GMT
Peas seem unanimous! What an awesome opportunity for you guys. Do it!
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Post by ralams3 on Mar 24, 2019 14:35:03 GMT
Do it!
I am speaking as the child of a Naval officer.
My parents left us when I was going into second year university and my brother was going into his last year of high school. They moved to the other side of the country. My brother stayed with a family friend. It worked out, and they were gone for 2 years. We went "home" at Christmas.
Belgium would be great!
Chris
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2019 14:39:33 GMT
They're not children. They're adults. The only thing that would give me pause is if I thought my parents were close enough to death to expect it in my absence. But the kids would not give me pause at all for such a short period.
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Post by silverlining on Mar 24, 2019 14:51:58 GMT
I agree! It's what you've wanted for a long time, except maybe before you were imagining living overseas as a whole family, so this is a little different than that picture you had.
You mentioned that your daughter has some mild anxiety. Does she already have a counselor that she can see if necessary, or call? Does she have a doctor who can prescribe or change a medicine if needed? Maybe if those things were in place, you would feel more comfortable. Most likely she won't need this, but it's good for her to know who the people are who could help her.
Tuck some savings into an account for a trip home for you by yourself, so you know you can go if needed for a parent.
I'm a little jealous thinking about the fantastic weekend trips you can take from Belgium!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 24, 2019 14:54:19 GMT
It sounds like an awesome opportunity to me, not only for you but for your kids too since they will be able to come visit you there. DH and I moved out at 19 and were married and in our own house at 22, so they should do just fine. If you can afford to upgrade your son’s living situation so your DD can spend her shorter school breaks with him, that would be a great option.
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Post by pierkiss on Mar 24, 2019 15:01:34 GMT
If you want to take the job, do it. Your children are in college and soon to be in grad school. They are adults. Your son is likely used to being more independent at his point, so I wouldn’t worry too much about him. I would encourage your daughter to move to an apartment, so that she has a “home” during all the breaks. That eliminates the need to have to go stay with extended family members she might not be comfortable with. You said the Air Force will fly her over 1x/year-that could take care of Christmas break and getting to see her for the holidays. For thanksgiving break, encourage her to boast a “refugee thanksgiving” with her friends that are also in town. We used to do this in grad school and it was always a blast. For spring break she can either hole up at home/staycation in her apartment, or maybe she will travel with friends. Summer vacation? She will probably be working and maybe doing an internship/practicum for her field. This will take up a good chunk of her time. Encourage her to start interning and taking practica early to build up her vita/resume. Those experiences are heavily favored by grad schools and future employers.
It will be ok if you are overseas while she is in college. 😁. And if you reallly need some physical contact, you’re only a few airplane rides apart.
As for your parents getting older, that’s a trickier situation. I. Get wanting to spend lots of time with them before they pass away. But if none are in I’ll health now, I would ask you to realistically think about how much time you think you would spend with them while you were here in he same country. Is it a lot, like seeing them every other week, or is it really just a couple of days/week out of the year? If it’s the latter, how will your moving overseas change that dynamic? Remember, you can skype/face time with them too! It’s not the same as being in thier physical presence but it does help tremendously. I have not lived near my parents since I went to grad school 15 years ago. I see them 1-3 times a year when they come visit us. It’s good. It allows us to really spend quality time together because it is so limited and we know it. The rest of the time it’s face time and that is EXCELLENT.
If a parent becomes sick, you can always come home.
I would go. Especially if this was a dream job for. Husband and my kids were in college. Yep, I would totally go on that adventure.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Mar 24, 2019 15:06:21 GMT
I feel like our world just keeps getting smaller. With great air service and easy FaceTime calls you can feel closer even when further away. We have friends who regularly fly to Europe for 2/3 days if needed. Everything is possible. I would go and not worry so much. Think of what you’ll be giving your kids - they can visit and see new cultures and go to new countries - as opposed to what you think they’ll be missing out on.
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Judy26
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Post by Judy26 on Mar 24, 2019 15:15:05 GMT
As someone who had the chance to live in Germany but turned down the opportunity due to family pressure I say GO. It is my biggest regret in life and none of the possible negative scenarios that were used to keep me stateside happened. It was one of the forks in the road where I often think I made the wrong choice out of fear of the unknown.
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Post by flanz on Mar 24, 2019 15:18:47 GMT
Soooo many great reasons to go have already been shared. I hope you do it and I think, like others have said, it will be a win/win for all of you!
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Post by julieinsweden on Mar 24, 2019 15:36:58 GMT
My vote is GO. The good thing is that you would be on almost the same time zone when DD is in Ireland.
I would encourage you to rethink the idea of bringing a car. The cost of converting it to EU requirements, then converting it back will be huge. And depending on which city you live in a small European car will probably be an easier option.
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Post by mrssmith on Mar 24, 2019 15:39:58 GMT
I lived in Belgium for 3.5 years. It is an awesome experience. Your kids are old enough to manage. I like the idea of helping DS get a 2 bedroom, or even just a fold out couch, so DD can stay there sometimes. You would be able to visit her in Ireland too while she's there.
Do you have siblings who can help your mom & dad?
There is an active American Women's Club in Brussels that is great for helping get settled, asking advice about all the day to day living things, taking tours with. You could probably even contact them now if you have questions. At the time I was there they had a "Newcomers" class that gave a rundown of the basics.
The travel opportunities from Belgium are great since it's so central. Many things to see in Belgium, plus hop on train to Amsterdam or Paris or even take the Eurostar to London!
Go. You won't regret it.
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Post by Zee on Mar 24, 2019 15:42:01 GMT
It sounds like a great opportunity! I think your kids will be fine. I moved out the day I turned 18 and did just fine, but I didn't have any anxiety. If it would make you rest easier to have DS have an extra bedroom for her and he's ok with that, then put your mind to rest and start packing!
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Post by mrssmith on Mar 24, 2019 15:42:13 GMT
My vote is GO. The good thing is that you would be on almost the same time zone when DD is in Ireland. I would encourage you to rethink the idea of bringing a car. The cost of converting it to EU requirements, then converting it back will be huge. And depending on which city you live in a small European car will probably be an easier option. Agree about the car. As I recall from friends, it is a bit of a pain. There also are likely other expats who are leaving and selling their cars. Parking spaces/garages are SMALL. Not sure what kind of car you have, but keep that in mind. Brussels isn't that big, so around town you can walk or take the trams. If you want a house further in the suburbs, then a car is more helpful.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Mar 24, 2019 15:50:06 GMT
DD has to live on campus and we would want her to. All students do. She can apply for a waiver, but then she is separate from everyone else. She would hibernate all winter. Most of the dorms are interconnected and there are always friends popping in when we are FaceTiming. She's still at Concordia, right? Those dorms suck! Why doesn't she get in to one of the apartments owned by the college? You can be in them all year round. They don't close.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Mar 24, 2019 15:50:30 GMT
Go and enjoy!
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Post by gillyp on Mar 24, 2019 17:00:01 GMT
I agree with everything that has been said. I think it’s s brilliant opportunity to be seized with both hands. Enjoy every minute of it! Something surprised me and may I ask a question? You mentioned taking a car with you. Is this normal under these circumstances? Would a US family usually ship a car to Europe? The military will ship one vehicle over for most service members. It does vary some by country and by rank. Usually only really junior enlisted aren't allowed to ship a vehicle. More senior enlisted and officers typically get on vehicle shipment. Thank you.
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Rhondito
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Post by Rhondito on Mar 24, 2019 17:29:59 GMT
At first it will be easy—she is studying abroad in Ireland next fall. But then she won’t have anywhere to go for school breaks. I don't know your timeline for when you and your husband would leave, but couldn't she come to Belgium before and after Ireland, covering summer and winter breaks? That takes up a big chunk of two years. You should go. Your children can survive without-ish you for two years.
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FurryP
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Post by FurryP on Mar 24, 2019 17:52:51 GMT
Ok stupid question, but it just popped in my head. What about your dog? Are you allowed to take him/her?
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Post by wendifful on Mar 24, 2019 18:11:53 GMT
In 2017, my parents decided to go on a church mission for 1.5 years in Italy. Even though I knew this was something they had wanted to do for a long time, it still was a shock that it was happening. I was happy for my parents but also had a lot of fears about them being so far away. They recently got home and I have to say, it was okay! There were some inconveniences (like not being in the same time zone), but overall it was a growing experience for me and my siblings. (We are all in our late 20s or 30s so a bit older, so for me, my parents being away meant that I organized holiday get-togethers, etc.)
My parents probably would have gone on their mission much sooner if it weren't for my grandparents. They are very stubborn and have opposed any sort of help with growing older. My parents finally realized that if they didn't go on their mission soon, they wouldn't be able to because they would be too old. Another relative had also just moved into the same house as my grandparents, so that let my parents feel more comfortable with being gone. However, in the past 6 months, my grandfather has gotten progressively sicker, which turned out to be cancer. Because my grandparents refused to acknowledge they were getting older, they hadn't formed any relationships with a caregiver. It was very stressful for my mom to try to help them from overseas and my grandfather was in and out of the hospital quite often. My parents ended up coming home a few weeks early because of my grandparents and my grandfather is now in hospice and not expected to live much longer. I realize admitting you're getting old is not easy for anyone, however, I think if my grandparents had begun to accept a little bit of help when they were more able, it would have made things much easier and not led to so many crises. Anyway, all that is to say that if you're worried about your parents, try to get them to accept a little bit of help now so that if things get worse, they already have a relationship with a caregiver.
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Post by Basket1lady on Mar 24, 2019 18:58:57 GMT
Oh gosh, you guys have given me some good things to think out and research! Thank you so much! To answer so many questions: julieinsweden and mrssmith, I'm not sure if we will take a car or not--I haven't thought that far yet. DH has a new Jeep Cherokee that he loves. He hasn't even had it a year, so I don't know if he would want to take it with us or not. gillyp, the military does ship a car over for us. At least I assume so. They did when we were in Seoul. I mostly just drove around the base, so having the van over there was nice for carpool, as we didn't have bus service for the kids. But I don't have carpool anymore. mikklynn and wellway, I don't think DD would transfer to a college overseas. She has a pretty good base at her current school and a very tight plan to graduate in 4 years. She also has some whopping scholarships that could make it very expensive to transfer to another school if they didn't offer the same. cindyupnorth, no, she isn't at Concordia. Think more central MN, near Kristin. Students have to live on campus and I would want her too. If she applied for a waiver, she would be one of only a handful of students who live off campus and would be pretty isolated. BUT--she gets done in Ireland Dec 2, so that would give her about 2 1/2 months before she needs to be back in the States for Spring Term. I hadn't thought of that! Thanks, Rhondito! pierkiss, I love your refugee T-Day! In reality, DD would probably stay with DS and do T-Day with our family in MN like she has done the past 2 years. But it's something to think about if DS is there alone for this coming Christmas and DD goes from Ireland to us in Belgium. And yes, DD is thinking about an internship next summer. silverlining, that is a good idea to set DD up with an official therapist. Right now, the school has therapists that the students can visit free of charge 6 times a year. But maybe if would be better for her to see someone regularly. She doesn't take medication and is managing herself much better this year than last year. That freshman year is just hard. wendifful, @missjen, mrssmith, and pierkiss, thanks for addressing the issue of the parents. After another 12 hours of thinking about this, that may just be the biggest issue. We do FaceTime with DH's parents about once every week. Not bad for 87 year olds! We usually see them about once a year. That was what was drawing us to Omaha, as they live in Wyoming and we would only be a day's drive from them and Mpls. We did video chat (no idea what platform) with my parents when we were in Seoul, but Dad hated it and I haven't tried since. But that is definitely an option. It wouldn't surprise me to lose DH's parents in the next few years. But I've been saying that for the past few years, so who knows. Both DH and I have a sibling. My brother lives about 30 minutes from my parents and DH's sister lives in MN--not much would change there. Judy26, I'm sorry you missed out on your opportunity. That's why I'm not just saying no. DH and I were laughing and saying it wasn't a good time, but really it's better timing than anytime in the last 6 years. We were determined that the kids would remain in the same HS for all 4 years. When they were younger, we moved every year for about 5 years. It was too much for any of us! For once, I don't have to consider schools and we have enough money to pay for whatever we decide. FurryP--YES!!!! Emma would go with us. That's actually the first thing I looked up, even before I started thinking about the kids. If we follow the protocol before departure, she won't even need to be quarantined. We would have to pay for her transport, which will be very expensive. But it can be done. mrssmith, I have a feeling I will have lots of questions. I have a good friend who was in Brussels a few years ago and they loved it. But we would be with NATO, which would be different that just an AF base.
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likescarrots
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Post by likescarrots on Mar 24, 2019 19:28:44 GMT
Thanks for all of your thoughts! DD has to live on campus and we would want her to. All students do. She can apply for a waiver, but then she is separate from everyone else. She would hibernate all winter. Most of the dorms are interconnected and there are always friends popping in when we are FaceTiming. But, we have thought of supplementing DS’s budget for him to get a 2 bedroom apartment. That way DD would have a place to go on breaks and they do get along very well. Previously, we had pretty much decided that DS wouldn’t get a car and just rely on public transportation and Uber, but we could give them my car, as we would probably only take one vehicle overseas. We would probably be gone 2 years and would then retire. So no big worries about grandchildren or being there permanently. And both kids say they want to finish their master’s before settling down. If you can afford to supplement a 2 bedroom apartment, why wouldn't you just spend that money flying your daughter over for her breaks instead?
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Post by cindyupnorth on Mar 24, 2019 20:37:27 GMT
cindyupnorth, no, she isn't at Concordia. Think more central MN, near Kristin. Students have to live on campus and I would want her too. If she applied for a waiver, she would be one of only a handful of students who live off campus and would be pretty isolated If I'm thinking of the right college, it's only the 1st yr she has to live on campus, and MANY of the students move off campus the 2nd yr. It wouldn't be isolating at all. It's definitely an option, and in fact maybe a bunch of them could get an apt together.
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Post by Basket1lady on Mar 24, 2019 21:47:59 GMT
Thanks for all of your thoughts! DD has to live on campus and we would want her to. All students do. She can apply for a waiver, but then she is separate from everyone else. She would hibernate all winter. Most of the dorms are interconnected and there are always friends popping in when we are FaceTiming. But, we have thought of supplementing DS’s budget for him to get a 2 bedroom apartment. That way DD would have a place to go on breaks and they do get along very well. Previously, we had pretty much decided that DS wouldn’t get a car and just rely on public transportation and Uber, but we could give them my car, as we would probably only take one vehicle overseas. We would probably be gone 2 years and would then retire. So no big worries about grandchildren or being there permanently. And both kids say they want to finish their master’s before settling down. If you can afford to supplement a 2 bedroom apartment, why wouldn't you just spend that money flying your daughter over for her breaks instead? Good question! I’m thinking if she only has 3 days off or only a week off, it seems like a lot of traveling to only be in country a few days. Being a college student (who is a very good student) is tiring. I want her to rest up on those small breaks so that she doesn’t get sick and goes back feeling refreshed, not jet lagged.
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Post by Basket1lady on Mar 24, 2019 21:53:31 GMT
cindyupnorth, no, she isn't at Concordia. Think more central MN, near Kristin. Students have to live on campus and I would want her too. If she applied for a waiver, she would be one of only a handful of students who live off campus and would be pretty isolated If I'm thinking of the right college, it's only the 1st yr she has to live on campus, and MANY of the students move off campus the 2nd yr. It wouldn't be isolating at all. It's definitely an option, and in fact maybe a bunch of them could get an apt together. I’ll PM you the school. All student agree to live on campus all four years. They have to go before a review board and have extenuating circumstances to get a waiver to be able to move off campus. The housing for the older students is very nice and new—town houses with modern kitchens with stone counter tops, common areas, grills, etc. DS’s university just announced a large building project with a similar goal in mind. It must be the new thing for colleges. Off campus housing is where all the parties happened when I was a student.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2019 21:56:59 GMT
You are such a caring mom!! Your kids are about the same ages that mine were when I moved out of my house (ex actually said he'd win the house in our divorce, so he wasnt leaving). I was only 90 min away from them and saw them every other weekend, but it was tough for me. I wished I could have stayed, but it was for the best & they opted to stay in their childhood home for as long as they could.
I'd say that since you have family to count on, I'd go!! It's your final decision and you have to feel comfortable. Good luck. Xo
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Post by bc2ca on Mar 24, 2019 22:31:28 GMT
I'd go in a heartbeat.
I actually hear more from DD(21) when we are on different continents than when we are in the same city. Your DD will still be able to chat and run things by you very easily even though there are a couple extra time zones to consider. My DD also has anxiety issues and having a plan in place is pretty critical for her to keep things under control, but she wants to be involved in that planning. I'd give your DD the option of coming to Belgium for any break over a week long and discuss the alternatives (friends, relative, etc.).
Aging parents is a concern, but the reality is right now, and with a possible move to Omaha, you are a day away from getting to them. Sure, it's easier to jump in the car and drive, but you aren't going to be there that much quicker than jumping on a plane. If you need to go for an extended period, you go.
I can understand your desire to put down roots, but in another couple of years you will have a better feel for where your kids are looking to settle and may change your mind about where you want to retire.
go
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Post by ghislaine on Mar 25, 2019 13:54:23 GMT
Most of my mom's family is in Belgium, so I am totally biased. You should go! You've already figured out the big questions and answers. See what your DD thinks about the landing pad at her brothers and go from there!
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Mar 25, 2019 15:27:33 GMT
Another pea saying GO!
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Post by piebaker on Mar 25, 2019 15:50:48 GMT
Go! Friends had a similar opportunity, stayed home, and regret their decision years later.
I agree you should find your son an apartment. Your daughter will be abroad studying for a few months and will become acclimated to distance between you. Two years will fly by and you will have great memories of places you've dreamed about.
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zella
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Post by zella on Mar 25, 2019 20:21:23 GMT
GO!!!
Seriously, the other stuff will work itself out. Yeah, it'll be a pain if you have to fly back to the US because a parent is ill, but you can't live life thinking only about the bad things that could happen. As for your daughter, if it turns out to be intolerable, she could probably put college on hold and live with you for a while. And anyway, that year in Ireland will probably turn things around for her in the best way possible.
You'll never have another opportunity like this. Grab it. Think of yourselves. You are still young, you'll have time to settle down and stay in one place.
I think if you don't go, you'll always wonder "What if?"
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