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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jul 21, 2019 21:38:57 GMT
Hes not moving in with his dad, but his grandparents until his apartment is ready after thanksgiving. He will be ok as long as he remembers who he is. It's really not about that as much as the fact that hes moving 16 hours away and hasn't made time for a conversation, let alone a meal together or anything else despite my asking repeatedly. I know my mindset right now is that he prioritized his priorities and I'm not on the list other than to tell me how much he will miss everyone but me. I think I'm going to go see a movie to distract myself. I think you’re wrong here. He is probably avoiding you because he knows that leaving you is going to be the hardest and worst of all. He knows you’ll be emotional , and he likely hates that he will too, so he’s coping in a different way.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jul 21, 2019 21:39:42 GMT
I dont know how to transition from prepping for saying goodbye to not saying goodbye at all. “I’m always here if you need me”!
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Post by gorgeouskid on Jul 21, 2019 21:41:33 GMT
Um, isn't he 8 years old?
Edit- I posted before I read that this is really a terrible time for you.
I was just trying to be light and funny. And isn't he only 8? How did this happens so quickly? My son is leaving in less than six weeks- across the country. I'm okay now, but I'm sure I'll be a mess when the time comes.
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 3:38:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2019 21:43:14 GMT
It's really not about that as much as the fact that hes moving 16 hours away and hasn't made time for a conversation, let alone a meal together or anything else despite my asking repeatedly. I'm sorry. I really think he's avoiding it because it may be too emotional for him and he's a little afraid as to what lies ahead. There's no rule that says you can't go visit him once he's settled right? Might be fun to do quarterly or semi annual excursions to that area?
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sweetpeasmom
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Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Jul 21, 2019 21:52:38 GMT
Ugh! Hugs!!!! I can imagine this is ripping you up. I agree with Papercrafter, he most likely is having the hardest time leaving you and doesn’t want to or know how to.
I have no advise but wanted to offer some hugs!!!
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Post by flanz on Jul 21, 2019 21:59:26 GMT
Hes not moving in with his dad, but his grandparents until his apartment is ready after thanksgiving. He will be ok as long as he remembers who he is. It's really not about that as much as the fact that hes moving 16 hours away and hasn't made time for a conversation, let alone a meal together or anything else despite my asking repeatedly. I know my mindset right now is that he prioritized his priorities and I'm not on the list other than to tell me how much he will miss everyone but me. I think I'm going to go see a movie to distract myself. Well that truly sucks. He sounds a bit immature. How old is he? I'm thinking most all of the peas feel as I do, that you are an awesome mom. Our kids can hurt our feelings so very deeply... and they often have no clue that their behaviour is hurtful. Please allow yourself to feel what you feel. And then try to remember it will likely get a whole lot better as he matures. Love yourself, beautiful pea friend! ((((HUGS))))
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grammanisi
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Jun 26, 2014 1:37:37 GMT
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Post by grammanisi on Jul 21, 2019 22:04:27 GMT
I'm sorry Steph. I've learned, the hard way, that his actions aren't directed at you, as much as they are to himself.
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Post by *Shannon on Jul 21, 2019 22:24:30 GMT
They can really be unintentionally heartless at this age. They just don't know how to do it - being an adult. They are adults, but they just don't know how to do it. I have to keep reminding myself of this.
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Post by auntkelly on Jul 21, 2019 22:26:29 GMT
I hope your good byes go smoothly. I’m sure once he gets there and gets settled, he’ll realize how much he misses you.
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inkedup
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Post by inkedup on Jul 21, 2019 22:26:29 GMT
Sending you big hugs. It doesn't make it any less painful, but I'd be willing to bet your son is being snappy because this is hard for him, too. I remember feeling so annoyed by my mom when I was packing for college. Mostly because I wanted to sob and say "I changed my mind!" every time I saw her.
You are a great mom.
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Post by christine58 on Jul 21, 2019 22:27:17 GMT
I know my mindset right now is that he prioritized his priorities and I'm not on the list other than to tell me how much he will miss everyone but me. I think I'm going to go see a movie to distract myself. He SAID that?? Oh I'd be really mad and sad too...
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msliz
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Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
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Post by msliz on Jul 21, 2019 22:38:29 GMT
Just hugs. Big hugs.
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kate
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Post by kate on Jul 21, 2019 23:10:20 GMT
I'm so sorry. I'm having trouble with my oldest right now, so my wounded heart really feels for you.
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PLurker
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Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Jul 21, 2019 23:38:20 GMT
Came to this late but I am reminded of that saying of (something like) having a child is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.
I'm sure he is unconsciously picking a fight for above mention fly-the-nest reasons. It's about him more than you.
But it doesn't stop that heart from aching.
((hugs))
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Post by Baseballmom23 on Jul 21, 2019 23:49:27 GMT
(((hugs))) my son moved out in January and I'm still not over it. I miss him.
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Post by bc2ca on Jul 21, 2019 23:57:29 GMT
Hugs IMHO, because he has always had you in his corner, loving, caring and providing for him, he has NO idea what it is like to live without that unconditional love & support. My bet is this separation will have him appreciating you a whole lot more down the road.
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Post by silverlining on Jul 21, 2019 23:58:19 GMT
I'm trying to think of why he's doing this...
Maybe he's afraid that he will cry. Maybe he's longing to make a move and have an adventure and he isn't able to do that on his own, so he's attracted to the parent who is far away and "new and different." (I predict he'll have his dad figured out within a month and you will start looking very good!) Maybe he thinks that a kid old enough to move away has to act like it's no big deal. Maybe he knows deep-down that his time hanging out with these friends is coming to an end, but that he'll always have an awesome mom who will be there for him no matter what so he doesn't need to say good-bye.
I have no idea why he has to foul the nest on his way out, and I'm sorry.
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Post by gizzy on Jul 21, 2019 23:58:27 GMT
I know it's hard to not take it to heart, they can be jerks at this age. I'm sorry your baby is moving so far away. (((hugs)))
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peasquared
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Jul 6, 2014 23:59:59 GMT
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Post by peasquared on Jul 22, 2019 0:19:51 GMT
I'm sorry Steph. Hang in there.
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ellen
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Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Jul 22, 2019 0:50:44 GMT
In three weeks my daughter moves 1200 miles away. Right now I am just trying to be helpful. Her upcoming job means a lot to her and I don't want to be a drag. The other day she was at work and I let myself be sad that day. My husband and I have talked about how we plan to deal with the day she leaves. Her boyfriend will be part of it. His family lives about 15 minutes from the airport from where she'll leave and he'll have her car. He's driving it out east for her. We could say our goodbyes at our home and they can do the airport thing. Part of me thinks that is the way to go because he is thrilled that she will live less than an hour away from him. I kind of want her to leave with that feeling of excitement about her future. If her dad and I go too, I think it will just be really sad.
I didn't mean to make this about me. I'm sad my kid is moving far away too. It's hard. I kind of look forward to October when she will have several big things done and will be settled into her new home and job. The anticipation of it all is stressful.
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Post by danor98 on Jul 22, 2019 0:51:45 GMT
I'm sorry Steph. I've learned, the hard way, that his actions aren't directed at you, as much as they are to himself. This is so very true. I myself am struggling with this right now. It is so hard.....
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 22, 2019 1:14:46 GMT
It will be ok. Maybe not today, but you know he loves you. He knows you love him.
Sadly, we all know it's unlikely things will work out with his dad. He'll be back.
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StephDRebel
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Post by StephDRebel on Jul 22, 2019 1:19:00 GMT
I'm sorry. I didnt mean to dump this here. I just don't know what this looks like or what it should feel like. I don't k how anything about this. How it should feel, what it should look like or anything else.
This is literally how I find out if my entire lifes work made any difference at all.
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rickmer
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Post by rickmer on Jul 22, 2019 1:40:12 GMT
This is literally how I find out if my entire lifes work made any difference at all. it did, i promise you that. i think it's okay to let him know you are hurt and wanted to spend some time with him before he left. not in an attempt to make him feel guilty, just because those are honest and open words about your feelings. you know, like well-adjusted adults are supposed to have honest conversations. but then buck up, give him a hug, tell him you love him and will miss him, wish him all the best and you can't wait to hear from him when he gets there and settled. i feel your pain. and i am so sorry. trust that the time that you have spent loving him, raising him and putting him first will be recognized... maybe just not right away. ((((hugs)))) to you.
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Post by Outspoken on Jul 22, 2019 1:41:01 GMT
I'm sorry. I didnt mean to dump this here. I just don't know what this looks like or what it should feel like. I don't k how anything about this. How it should feel, what it should look like or anything else. This is literally how I find out if my entire lifes work made any difference at all. Don’t apologize! You need a place where you can feel how you need to feel and that place is here. I’m sorry you are hurting and I hope that your son sees the harm he is causing and at least gives you the “see you soon” that you deserve. Hugs to you! ❤️
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Jul 22, 2019 1:42:47 GMT
Im sorry you’re going through this. Based on the stories you’ve posted of your boys over the years you can bet you made a difference. You just need to get through this and he’ll come around. I’m sure of it.
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Post by yodutchess on Jul 22, 2019 1:55:56 GMT
You made a difference. The hard part is waiting for how long it is going to take for him to realize it. My first two have apologized to me repeatedly for their jerk teenage behavior. It did not come immediately and they went through some stuff to gain perspective. They also have moved back home and out a couple times.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 22, 2019 2:39:34 GMT
Your son is likely a flurry of anxiety, fear, excitement and conflict. You're his safe place to land. So, he can be angry at you and deep down he knows you'll always love him and will always have his back. Keep a light on for him, in case he needs to return. He's waiting for his beloved dad to receive him warmly and w/great hugs. Unfortunately, his dad is the same guy, just older. If his dad does man up and work hard to make amends to his son then that'll be a good thing, but the likelihood is that your son is going to face disappointment, be lonely and end up back home. Either way, you're his rock and despite his attitude today, just know that he loves you more than anyone and if this fizzles you'll be the first one he runs to.
I hope you saw a movie. Distraction is your friend right now.
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Post by eventhinker on Jul 22, 2019 2:41:16 GMT
I am sorry. I might think that he knows you don’t approve and is avoiding a confrontation.
When end I was 25 I decided I just had to get a job an hour away from home and moved to the city (Pittsburgh). My father was against it. I was incredibly close to my dad, but I needed to have more independence. My mother and I weren’t close at the time, and I just picked fights with her over so many little things that by the time I moved she didn’t care if I came home for Christmas the following month.
I did quickly realize after a few months that I was pretty hasty in my move, but I still stayed in the city and got a different apartment that was closer to them, and it evened out.
Perhaps Steph, he will realize it wasn’t a great move...but all the good you have taught him through the years will be there, and your son will be closer to you than ever....and if it turns out he thrives where he plants himself, you’ll know it’s because of you!
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Post by andreasmom on Jul 22, 2019 2:45:19 GMT
Florida, to be closer to his dad who never wanted anything to do with him. ((((Big hugs))))
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