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Post by freecharlie on Jul 22, 2019 3:18:03 GMT
I'm sorry. I didnt mean to dump this here. I just don't know what this looks like or what it should feel like. I don't k how anything about this. How it should feel, what it should look like or anything else. This is literally how I find out if my entire lifes work made any difference at all. I don't think many parents are truly ready for this type of thing. They are our babies and while we know they have to fly the nest, it still sucks.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Jul 22, 2019 3:35:50 GMT
I’m sorry. I can hear the pain in your words. My 19-year-old son has chosen not to talk to me for whatever reason. Our last communication over a week and a half a half ago was positive so I don’t know what happened. My texts go un-answered. Our relationship has struggled for years but I never thought it would get to this. I am heartbroken. Hang in there girl. This parenting gig is so hard.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,790
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Jul 22, 2019 3:41:44 GMT
So sad for you, Steph. My Ds 23 can be a colossal jerk, and can make me cry with his thoughtless words and yet he can be so responsible and makes me proud of him. Deep down your boy knows who he can count on, but it doesn't make it easy. Hang in there, maturity will eventually arrive.
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ComplicatedLady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,083
Location: Valley of the Sun
Jul 26, 2014 21:02:07 GMT
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Post by ComplicatedLady on Jul 22, 2019 3:54:04 GMT
How is granny ghost feeling about this? Or are you in a different house now?
I am one of those people that suck at goodbyes. As a result, my ds is too. I’d rather pretend everything is normal and then leave. It seems easier that way. It isn’t, but denial and avoidance tell me it is.
I suspect it’s hard for him to say goodbye to you so he’s pretending everything is normal. You are his rock. You’ve always been strong for him so he may not want to see you break down or he may not want to disappoint you by breaking down in front of you.
Parenting is hard. Hang in there.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jul 22, 2019 4:08:02 GMT
I'm sorry. I didnt mean to dump this here. I just don't know what this looks like or what it should feel like. I don't k how anything about this. How it should feel, what it should look like or anything else. This is literally how I find out if my entire lifes work made any difference at all. Please don't apologize! I think you are hurt and scared and sad, and who wouldn't be in your shoes? Trust yourself and the young man you have raised. Sending you tons of love.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Jul 22, 2019 5:04:42 GMT
I think he’s afraid he’s hurting you with this move, and he can’t face that right now. It has nothing to do with you not being a priority.
It’s hard, and I’m sorry if you are denied your chance for the meaningful goodbye you were envisioning. Kids aren’t fair that way. Life isn’t fair that way.
Every drop of love and energy you poured into that kid goes with him.
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Post by flanz on Jul 22, 2019 5:23:11 GMT
Hes not moving in with his dad, but his grandparents until his apartment is ready after thanksgiving. He will be ok as long as he remembers who he is. It's really not about that as much as the fact that hes moving 16 hours away and hasn't made time for a conversation, let alone a meal together or anything else despite my asking repeatedly. I know my mindset right now is that he prioritized his priorities and I'm not on the list other than to tell me how much he will miss everyone but me. I think I'm going to go see a movie to distract myself. He's probably avoiding you because you will be the hardest one to leave. FOR SURE. I think guys have a harder time expressing what they are feeling and get very good at pushing it all down. This!!!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 3:30:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2019 5:30:13 GMT
I’m so sorry Steph. In my experience, the shine on those situations wears off quickly. I hope that’s the case and that your boy comes home soon. Either way, hugs to you.
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Post by flanz on Jul 22, 2019 5:31:45 GMT
I'm sorry. I didnt mean to dump this here. I just don't know what this looks like or what it should feel like. I don't k how anything about this. How it should feel, what it should look like or anything else. This is literally how I find out if my entire lifes work made any difference at all. Don’t apologize! You need a place where you can feel how you need to feel and that place is here. I’m sorry you are hurting and I hope that your son sees the harm he is causing and at least gives you the “see you soon” that you deserve. Hugs to you! ❤️ YES! Nothing to apologize for Steph!
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Post by FrozenPea on Jul 22, 2019 5:33:19 GMT
Hugs! ❤️
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Post by kkrenn on Jul 22, 2019 6:50:24 GMT
Hugs Steph!
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Post by Memo on Jul 22, 2019 7:16:14 GMT
I'm so sorry, big hugs. As a fellow mother of three boys, I feel your pain. Just trust in all the lessons you've taught him. I'm super close to my middle son and every time he leaves for school, I feel the stress rising from both of us. We argue a lot because that's how missing each other manifests itself. Our oldest son is 1800 miles away in Florida doing the Disney College Program. I've seen him once since February; went and visited him for his birthday in April. He proceeded to tell me that he doesn't think he'll ever come home, he like working for the Mouse.
Hang in there. It's tough, but we've got your back.
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Post by gar on Jul 22, 2019 7:47:24 GMT
It's a wrench when they leave without the complication of where your son is going...((hugs)) Have faith in your parenting, it's all in there, all the lessons and the good stuff you taught him, and now he gets to be the man he's on his way to becoming and I'm sure all will come good. Have a good cry, nothing wrong with that and it won't hurt so much tomorrow
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 3:30:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2019 8:31:21 GMT
It's really not about that as much as the fact that hes moving 16 hours away and hasn't made time for a conversation, let alone a meal together or anything else despite my asking repeatedly. I haven’t read all responses yet but I wanted to speak specifically to this...now that I live overseas and only see my family and friends once every two years, I tend to shut down and “ziplock bag” my emotions if that makes sense. I know this is my coping mechanism of dealing with the heartache of saying goodbye again and again. Maybe this is his way of trying to convince himself this is the right thing to do. Also, you are letting him explore this relationship with his dad. I think you are on the plus side either way because you didn’t keep him from finding out what is on the other side. Hopefully, when he is older, he will come to understand the love it took to do that. When DH and I decided to move overseas, the hardest thing I had to do was tell my dear aunt that raised me. She truly is my “mother”. I will never forget her words....”I hate that you will be gone but I know this will give you and your family a better opportunity for a better life and I love you too much to keep you from that”. You are giving him REAL love Steph. The Peas got you...we are here for you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 3:30:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2019 8:32:05 GMT
I dont know how to transition from prepping for saying goodbye to not saying goodbye at all. “I’m always here if you need me”! Perfect! This says it all!
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Jul 22, 2019 9:21:38 GMT
Thirty five years later, and I remember like yesterday, treating my parents like shit leading up to moving out, and I was only going to an apartment about 7 minutes away. My mom was a SAHM my entire life, and I thought it would be easier if she was pissed and ready to get rid of me. {{GREAT BIG HUG}} Mama. Your boys know how blessed they are having you.
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Post by christine58 on Jul 22, 2019 22:27:18 GMT
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Jul 22, 2019 22:39:32 GMT
This is literally how I find out if my entire lifes work made any difference at all. nope - one moment or event does not encapsulate a lifetime of love from you kids shit in the nest so it's easier to leave he'll realize he's been a jackass pretty quickly gina
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Post by hop2 on Jul 22, 2019 23:51:47 GMT
I'm sorry. I didnt mean to dump this here. I just don't know what this looks like or what it should feel like. I don't k how anything about this. How it should feel, what it should look like or anything else. This is literally how I find out if my entire lifes work made any difference at all. No apology necessary - that’s what we are here for - venting thru the crummy times. {{{hugs}}} You’ve been gracious enough to share your many triumphs here and you’ve inspired some of us ( me ) that ‘yes we can do this & yes we are worth more’. So if we can give you a cyber hug when stuff is crappy feel free.
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mallethead
One Post Wonder
Posts: 1
Mar 13, 2019 20:26:48 GMT
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Post by mallethead on Jul 22, 2019 23:54:31 GMT
I’m sorry. I can hear the pain in your words. My 19-year-old son has chosen not to talk to me for whatever reason. Our last communication over a week and a half a half ago was positive so I don’t know what happened. My texts go un-answered. Our relationship has struggled for years but I never thought it would get to this. I am heartbroken. Hang in there girl. This parenting gig is so hard. Sounds like a complete lack of respect to me. That has to suck.
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Post by Chips on Jul 22, 2019 23:56:10 GMT
Just big hugs, love and a glass of wine.
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Post by malibou on Jul 23, 2019 0:41:41 GMT
I'm so sorry. If I were near by, I would get you knee-walking drunk while having a good cry about our boys leaving. Next we were cheer each up and on by talking about what awesome mothers we are. And finally we would laugh ourselves silly making up new products for your line of work.
Mine leaves in less than a month. He has been fine with his dad, but the last few days he has been pushing my buttons big time. Last night I cried while telling dh what he's been doing lately. Once I was done crying and blubbering excessively, dh told me that that morning ds had come to him and asked for help understanding why he's being such an ass to me. He said that he couldn't have had a better mother. That he appreciated that I always told like it was. He said it was easy for him to see how good he had it when he listened to his friends talk about their home life. He asked for help understanding before it gets worse, because he couldn't bear to leave if he hurt our relationship and it was his fault.
I bet the same thoughts are going thru your sons head. He will get his head back on straight, and that adorable, smart, funny boy will be back begging for forgiveness.
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Post by lovemybabes on Jul 23, 2019 12:39:52 GMT
((hugs)) to you. I've found that kids save all the worst moments for the ones they love the most...because they know you will love them no matter what. I hope you are doing okay today.
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 23, 2019 13:03:15 GMT
StephDRebel How are things today? I hope you are in a better place. You did a great job with your boys. He'll be OK and so will you. It might take time!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 3:30:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2019 13:17:40 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this. It sucks BTDT
My son joined the Marines and spent time with EVERYONE else but me and DH and even wasn't going to wake us up to say goodbye when the recruiter came to pick him up at 4 a.m. The recruiter told us not to take it personally (even though it is hard NOT to) because they pull away from the people they love/will miss the most because it makes it easier for them.
Every time he came home on leave he did the same thing.
Hang it there, they see the light eventually!
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Post by unknown pea on Jul 23, 2019 13:33:11 GMT
Aw Steph. I am so sorry. Sending lots of hugs your way.
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Post by worrywart on Jul 23, 2019 14:49:44 GMT
(((hugs!))) Parenting adult children can be so emotionally draining. You are a great mom and someday he will understand and appreciate it!
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
Jun 25, 2014 22:18:04 GMT
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Post by peabrain on Jul 23, 2019 14:55:02 GMT
How are you doing today Steph?
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Post by kellapea on Jul 23, 2019 15:46:24 GMT
Steph- Just letting you know I am going through something similar. I am only sleeping 2-3 hours per night because of it. So, by posting this and reading all the great responses to you, you've really helped me. Thanks for posting
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gina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,298
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:16 GMT
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Post by gina on Jul 23, 2019 16:10:44 GMT
Hope you're feeling at least a teeny little bit better by time you read this. Hugs to you!
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