luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Sept 11, 2019 10:46:39 GMT
Good morning ladies. I have a bit of a situation here in Pittsburgh regarding a lady that was going to be a potential roommate. She did give me $500 cash as a deposit on the room. I did not ask for it but she was afraid I would rent to someone else.
At any rate, as we continued communicating, I found out some things about her and then determined it would not be a match. She got a bit crazy on text and I decided to meet her at a nearby police Station to exchange the money. It was after that that she got verbally abusive with me and threaten to come to my work and kick my ass. She was with two friends and she either used one of their phones or it was her friend doing the texting but then they kicked it up a notch and threatened to shoot me in the head. I did go to the police with that information but in reality, what can they really do? They did offer to call her but I figured that might just aggravate her and opted not to have them do that at this time.
Most of you know by now that I am here in Pittsburgh alone while my significant other I went down to Cincinnati (with my blessing for a jib promotion). I will probably join him at sometime but I don’t know when yet. Therefore, with this lady knowing where I work and live, it definitely makes me nervous to be alone.
I do have a guy friend here who has offered to possibly let me come in and rent a room from him. He would prorate my rent based on income. Of course after hearing that, my significant other freaked out. He has met him so they know about each other.
I am on good terms with his mom and I’m sure she has extra space but has not offered me a place to go. He says he’s going to talk to her and his daughter but I’m not very hopeful on those fronts. Seems like there is some history with family members so not sure that’s an option.
I have met some women here and just on Monday went to a meet up event where there were four ladies and a couple guys. We all had a good time taking a long walk and enjoying a drink around the fireplace at a nearby restaurant. I’m also having a coffee date with another lady this afternoon. I am getting out and meeting people but I just don’t have many connections that may offer me a place.
Not sure what I am going to do but I definitely don’t want to stay where I am long-term and don’t want to head to Cincinnati yet.
Anyway, any tips or pointers would be appreciated. I understand my significant other’s reluctance to have me read from a guy but as far as my personal safety, that might not be such a bad option.
I am heading into work but will check in when I can.
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Post by christine58 on Sept 11, 2019 11:15:29 GMT
Get a restraining order..don't delete any of the texts.
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ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400
Jun 17, 2016 12:36:53 GMT
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Post by ashley on Sept 11, 2019 11:33:32 GMT
I’d expect she’d calm down and move on, so I probably wouldn’t worry too much. I’d also tell my bf where to go if he got upset at my attempt to find a safe living place where I felt comfortable, regardless of the potantial roomate’s gender.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Sept 11, 2019 15:49:29 GMT
Get a restraining order..don't delete any of the texts. I was told by the officer that they don’t do restraining orders in Pennsylvania. I guess if I wanted to pursue it it could wind up in a fine but really what good does do me? I haven’t heard from her in the last 24 hours so hopefully she was just trying to scare me.
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Loydene
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,639
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Jul 8, 2014 16:31:47 GMT
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Post by Loydene on Sept 11, 2019 15:53:25 GMT
Check with the courts on your own, or a lawyer, about whether or not a "restraining order" is a possibility. Don't take legal advise from a cop.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Sept 11, 2019 16:16:41 GMT
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Post by nlwilkins on Sept 11, 2019 16:54:42 GMT
a restraining order is just a piece of paper even if you could get one. It would not stop a person who is determined to harm you. Just be careful and be aware of what is going on around you, don't open your door unless you know who is on the other side and definitely not to this woman. Let the appropriate people at work know what is going on. If there is a building security person, talk to him/her. Curtail your activities a bit for a while and see if you hear from her again. Possibly this woman and friends were intoxicated and venting some unwarranted anger. If you hear just one more thing from them take the police up on their offer to talking to them.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,684
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Sept 11, 2019 17:11:10 GMT
a restraining order is just a piece of paper even if you could get one. It would not stop a person who is determined to harm you. Just be careful and be aware of what is going on around you, don't open your door unless you know who is on the other side and definitely not to this woman. Let the appropriate people at work know what is going on. If there is a building security person, talk to him/her. Curtail your activities a bit for a while and see if you hear from her again. Possibly this woman and friends were intoxicated and venting some unwarranted anger. If you hear just one more thing from them take the police up on their offer to talking to them. I agree with this. Ask your neighbors and co-workers to help you keep an eye out for anything/anyone unusual, maybe crash on a friend's couch for a few nights but it seems a bit soon to up and move. As for your SO, IIRC he's expressed some jealousy in the past and had issue with his ex cheating on him, right? And you guys are still relatively new in your relationship and he's moved away. You can't be surprised that he'd have an issue with you living with a man, right? Of course he should trust you, but you know he struggles with that. You can choose to understand his feelings and not make things worse by having a male roommate or you can take a hardline and move in with the guy anyhow and possibly lose your SO. (FWIW, I'm not saying you should end male friendships but living with one is taking it further than that).
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Sept 11, 2019 17:38:59 GMT
The cop is correct...Pa doesn’t have them, they have PFA but this person would have to be a family member, boyfriend/gf to file it. To be honest a piece of paper won’t keep someone from harming you if they really want to. I would keep your guard up and hopefully let it blow over.
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Post by tc on Sept 11, 2019 17:53:36 GMT
I'm sorry you are dealing with this and I must apologize for derailing, but every time I read a story like this or involved in a story like this as one of the players, I can't help but think, "What does this person think is going to happen? Oh, you threatened to shoot me in the head - now all is forgiven. Absolutely, come and live with me. I'll make you some cocoa and popcorn as we work to unload your items into your new room. Can't wait!"
Again, I don't want to derail, but I just cannot for the life of me understand why people think these kinds of threats or behavior are going to end up being a satisfactory solution to whatever the problem/drama is? When I started dating my now husband, his ex girlfriend made threats. I just couldn't believe she thought that kind of behavior was going to get him to run back to her?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 7:25:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2019 17:58:18 GMT
IMO there have been red flags in what you’ve shared of your relationship with your current SO since the beginning. The fact that he’s more concerned about the gender of the friend offering help than he is about your safety and comfort is a big giant one.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 7:25:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2019 18:22:49 GMT
IMO there have been red flags in what you’ve shared of your relationship with your current SO since the beginning. The fact that he’s more concerned about the gender of the friend offering help than he is about your safety and comfort is a big giant one. Ditto. Perhaps it is time to stop worrying so much about the opposite sex in any way. No male "friends," no boyfriends.
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Post by christine58 on Sept 11, 2019 18:53:01 GMT
IMO there have been red flags in what you’ve shared of your relationship with your current SO since the beginning. The fact that he’s more concerned about the gender of the friend offering help than he is about your safety and comfort is a big giant one. I agree...but back to your original issue---can you move from where you are right now??
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,797
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Sept 11, 2019 19:00:14 GMT
IMO there have been red flags in what you’ve shared of your relationship with your current SO since the beginning. The fact that he’s more concerned about the gender of the friend offering help than he is about your safety and comfort is a big giant one. Ditto. Perhaps it is time to stop worrying so much about the opposite sex in any way. No male "friends," no boyfriends. Ditto and ditto.
Can you afford a small apartment on your own? If I were in your shoes, I'd start looking for a place I didn't have to share with anyone. If that's not possible, take your friend up on his offer until you can find a better solution. Tell your boyfriend to pound sand.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Sept 11, 2019 20:46:10 GMT
IMO there have been red flags in what you’ve shared of your relationship with your current SO since the beginning. The fact that he’s more concerned about the gender of the friend offering help than he is about your safety and comfort is a big giant one. I definitely thought of that too. His insecurities are more important than my safety. Not good. Not sure this is going to stand the long distance effort. Would it be so bad if I was around a guy and his dog with this threat?
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Sept 11, 2019 20:49:01 GMT
IMO there have been red flags in what you’ve shared of your relationship with your current SO since the beginning. The fact that he’s more concerned about the gender of the friend offering help than he is about your safety and comfort is a big giant one. Ditto. Perhaps it is time to stop worrying so much about the opposite sex in any way. No male "friends," no boyfriends. I had pretty much planned to do that and just stay here by myself with the SO a distant priority until this dumbass woman decided to get nasty. A woman alone is definitely more of a target than one with a man around. Hate to say it like that but that’s just the way it is.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Sept 11, 2019 21:08:13 GMT
IMO there have been red flags in what you’ve shared of your relationship with your current SO since the beginning. The fact that he’s more concerned about the gender of the friend offering help than he is about your safety and comfort is a big giant one. I agree...but back to your original issue---can you move from where you are right now?? Our lease expires in December but I’m not even on it. However, we could probably get out of it earlier since it’s a relocation for him.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Sept 11, 2019 21:10:12 GMT
Ditto. Perhaps it is time to stop worrying so much about the opposite sex in any way. No male "friends," no boyfriends. Ditto and ditto.
Can you afford a small apartment on your own? If I were in your shoes, I'd start looking for a place I didn't have to share with anyone. If that's not possible, take your friend up on his offer until you can find a better solution. Tell your boyfriend to pound sand.
I can afford to stay where I am even by myself but I would’ve preferred a roommate to split expenses and just to have somebody else around. I can’t get a place on my own because my credit is in the dumpster from the divorce. I am working on repairing that as we finally settle our last remaining marital debt. It took three years to go through the divorce process and finalize.
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Post by christine58 on Sept 11, 2019 21:12:03 GMT
I had pretty much planned to do that and just stay here by myself with the SO a distant priority until this dumbass woman decided to get nasty. A woman alone is definitely more of a target than one with a man around. Hate to say it like that but that’s just the way it is. I live alone..have for many years and I disagree with being a target. I think there are things you can do to feel safer if need be.
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Post by scrapmaven on Sept 11, 2019 21:20:29 GMT
I'm not sure what you're getting out of this relationship? You moved to PA in order to be w/this guy. Now he's left you for Ohio, but is acting jealous. Personally, I wouldn't take another step until you figure out what you really want going fwd. If you want to be w/him then you'll have to move to Ohio. If you want to be single then you can decide what and where and how. I wouldn't be OK w/my boyfriend being more concerned about jealousy than my safety. You lived years trapped inside a marriage w/a man who was always one step out the door. You deserve better than that. Don't chase him down. Let him earn the chance to be w/you.
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Post by mom on Sept 11, 2019 21:55:37 GMT
Ditto. Perhaps it is time to stop worrying so much about the opposite sex in any way. No male "friends," no boyfriends. I had pretty much planned to do that and just stay here by myself with the SO a distant priority until this dumbass woman decided to get nasty. A woman alone is definitely more of a target than one with a man around. Hate to say it like that but that’s just the way it is. Wait a second - you're saying you intend to make the SO a distant priority but then you say his lease is up in Nov. Whats your plan for after Nov? I get your credit is tanked but what's your plan going forward? And being with a man does not make you less of a target. I mean this in the nicest way possible - but your SO prefers you to be by yourself vs live with a guy friend. If you think for one second he's going to be looking out for your best interest or safety, then you seriously need to set your bar higher. YOU be in control on your safety. Yes, something bad could happen, but if it does, be prepared. Learn how to protect yourself. Women live alone every day and are perfectly capable of protecting themselves. You don't have to live as a victim or in fear. You can do this.
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Post by mom on Sept 11, 2019 21:58:43 GMT
I agree...but back to your original issue---can you move from where you are right now?? Our lease expires in December but I’m not even on it. However, we could probably get out of it earlier since it’s a relocation for him. There, I fixed it for you. Its HIS lease. You need to be thinking about what you are going to be doing in the future. If you're not on the lease, they don't have to legally let you live there without him.
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Post by bc2ca on Sept 11, 2019 22:15:04 GMT
I do have a guy friend here who has offered to possibly let me come in and rent a room from him. He would prorate my rent based on income. Of course after hearing that, my significant other freaked out. He has met him so they know about each other. I am on good terms with his mom and I’m sure she has extra space but has not offered me a place to go. He says he’s going to talk to her and his daughter but I’m not very hopeful on those fronts. Seems like there is some history with family members so not sure that’s an option. Our lease expires in December but I’m not even on it. However, we could probably get out of it earlier since it’s a relocation for him. I would concentrate on finding a shared housing situation that isn't dependent on your SO or any of his family members. Being on good terms with his mom and her having space doesn't mean she has any interest in having a tenant. Ditto for his daughter. You are someone who has been in their life for a very short time and choose not to move with SO - how awkward would things be if you break up? December is only a couple months away. I can't imagine your SO renewing a lease and making that financial commitment while living in a different city. I agree with everything nlwilkins wrote - you don't need a male roommate to be safe. I suspect this woman and her friends have moved on.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 7:25:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2019 0:40:02 GMT
I agree...but back to your original issue---can you move from where you are right now?? Our lease expires in December but I’m not even on it. However, we could probably get out of it earlier since it’s a relocation for him. HIS lease expires in December. HE could probably get out of it earlier since it's a relocation for him. Although I"d be surprised if that was the case. The only place I've lived that allowed a lease to be broken for relocation was for military people since they aren't in control of the job location. Normal people can job hunt after their lease expires. He didn't have to move when he did. Stop looking for a man to make you feel safe. I've lived alone for 14 years now and haven't felt unsafe.
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,922
Nov 14, 2016 23:47:03 GMT
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Post by pinklady on Sept 12, 2019 1:11:41 GMT
You sure do find yourself in an awful lot of drama. Your life must be exhausting.
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Post by tappingmaples on Sept 12, 2019 1:11:44 GMT
I’ve noticed on a local rental boards that many room renters offer 6 month contracts. That might be a good option to rent a room short term while you figure out the SO thing? I certainly would put your safety over his insecurities!
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Post by scrappintoee on Sept 23, 2019 7:11:03 GMT
threaten to come to my work and kick my ass. She was with two friends and she either used one of their phones or it was her friend doing the texting but then they kicked it up a notch and threatened to shoot me in the head. OP......have you heard from those horrible people again? I hope not!
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Sept 23, 2019 13:23:06 GMT
Being on good terms with his mom and her having space doesn't mean she has any interest in having a tenant. Ditto for his daughter. You are someone who has been in their life for a very short time and choose not to move with SO - how awkward would things be if you break up? I think most people would be reluctant to allow a virtual stranger to move in for fear of one of those squatter horror stories where you are powerless to get the person out of your home once you've let them in.
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Post by scrappintoee on Sept 24, 2019 0:55:12 GMT
btt for my question
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Sept 24, 2019 1:56:20 GMT
threaten to come to my work and kick my ass. She was with two friends and she either used one of their phones or it was her friend doing the texting but then they kicked it up a notch and threatened to shoot me in the head. OP......have you heard from those horrible people again? I hope not! No, thankfully.
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