May I Ask A Tough Question

And this response right here is exactly what I was talking about. It's not enough for you. My contribution is not enough for you. OK, then I'm out.

Just to let you know, there's a reason why the dinner thread is so successful. It's because people in there are vulnerable and talk about their lives. They form bonds with others and get to know them on a personal level. They show they care and they mean it. A Call To Action thread will never have the same response if people are consistently told that their contribution to making the world a better place isn't good enough. And you will never form a bond with people when all we know of you is that you come in periodically and tell us where we fall short.

If everything were about me and my feelings then my white self wouldn't bother protesting with Black Lives Matter after Church.  And *that's* the part you don't recognize.

There are a lot of people in this world doing a little, doing what they can, and doing a lot.  And those people deserve recognition for their contributions. Period.  They are not sitting around accepting the status quo. There are a lot of people doing nothing and there are a lot of people doing nasty things and in this era of Trump, the nasty has crawled right out from under their rocks and a lot of us are sacrificing real relationships with people to stand up for what's right.  Holding that sign costs me an hour and some mild weather discomfort.  Telling someone they're xenophobic costs me relationships.  Some with family.  But I do it because it's the right thing to do.  I don't need you to pat me on the back for that.  Because it's not about my feelings.  What I do need is not to be lumped in with a bunch of do nothings and slapped because someone who doesn't even care to get to know me on a personal level comes into a message board once in a while and paints white women with a broad brush because we have the nerve to talk about dinner.   

Do you want me on your side?  Because it seems to me your message is very contradictory.  You do but you don't. You want me to advocate for you (general) but you don't really want to be my sister too.  That's the part you miss.  You can't put me (general) down and then expect me to stand with you against the inequality of the world.  You can't hate people and then expect to be met with love. And the thing is, you have a very unique position.  There are a lot of really vocal women here ready and willing to fight the good fight.  If we could know you, then the things you could help inspire us to do!  It's a very real thing.  The things you have exposed me to are wonderful and I appreciate them.  I just don't understand why lack of knowledge, ignorance, if you will, is the same as being someone deplorable actively working against fair treatment for people of color. I sit here wanting to do better.  If you have a good idea about how to gather the can goods, then by all means, put it out there so I can run with it. 

But none of those threads are labeled Compwalla’s Call to Action, right? Which is what you originally asked about. So what does bumping those old threads have to do with your original question?

I'm sorry if I misread you. But how was this supposed to be taken?

That is most definitely not the case. In fact, I read your thread this morning over coffee about the riots. I intended on seeking out more information about it myself this evening. And I remember PolarGreen12 even sharing a personal story about her family's contribution to protecting people of color. No way, no how do people not appreciate your contribution.

And you have a point there - I don't disagree - but I think when you have a group of people who WANT to help, WANT to make a difference, then honey is the better approach. When you're dealing with people in authority, with the institutions of power? yeah, you're going to need something stronger than vinegar even.

Same. I come here when i need a 'brain break' from work, or I'm bored sitting in an airport. I read more than I type and sometimes I might not check this board for a month. I think it's awesome that some have found a community here, in whatever thread that may be. I've become IRL friends with several ladies I've met on the old board. Hardly any of them post here now, myself included, but we still communicate in real life. I'm just here for the fluff. If I do something in my community that I want to share with the world, I could do so with people I'm close to via Facebook or snapchat or instagram or twitter. This is probably the last place I would think to post about it.

One thing that makes it really hard when discussing through only written words is not being able to discern tone. Words might be intended to be read with no judgment or snark or attitude and sometimes they may be judgmental, critical or snarky. The words may be read with a perceived attitude, and that may or may not be accurate. 

I've found that I sometimes have a hard time knowing how words are intended when I don’t have a relationship with someone or can’t see and hear them speak, especially when on sensitive subjects or when answers seem rather cryptic or the follow up is confusing. 

There have been several posts on this thread, from different people, that have left me wondering about tone and intent. Makes me cautious about posting anything more because I may be way off in my perception of the intent.

I just looked through the first 3 pages of Olan's recent post history, just for my own curiosity to see what I already suspected.

I see bluntness on some of her feelings and opinions. I see facts, I don't see any, "vinegar" nor has she personally attacked anyone.

Just my opinion, maybe some people may see the same thing if they try to view it from a different perspective.

since I'm the one who posted the adage about honey and vinegar- I agree she is blunt, very blunt and very outspoken, that's not necessarily bad and nor is making people uncomfortable about topics which should be uncomfortable.  BUT sometimes that bluntness crosses the line to a place where it pushes people away from the message - that's really what I was meaning. 

I am sorry if I unintentionally implied that she was attacking  - or if I offended with my words.  Meaning and tone are hard to read online and equally hard to type.

I am going to chalk this up to a communication difference or the inability to hear tone and see body language.  But I took this as a very sarcastic commentary on how us white women are sticking our heads in the sand.  And I am just going to hope that I am completely wrong about that and none of this was intended as a slap to us.  

I value your contributions here.  You often bring things to the table here that I don't have exposure to and I am grateful for that.  I know there are other peas who are too.  I would like the chance to know you, as well as one can know a person on this board.  I truly, truly did not mean any harm by any of my posts.  I picked and chose which comments I referenced in the interest of time.  But if you have further questions for me, I will do my best to answer them sincerely.  Peace. 

Olan's delivery clearly rubs some people the wrong way. But that doesn't mean there isn't some truth behind what she says. Case in point, more white women voted for Trump than Hilary Clinton.

This. I'm sorry Olan I'm mad and I'm frustrated and I'm just flat out disappointed in the current state of affairs. I 100% agree with you that equality doesn't exist. And I knew it didn't, I just didn't see it quite the way I see things now. A friend of mine set me straight today. I told her I'm mad. Mad about what this America looks like. Mad about what people are getting away with in this day and age. I thought we were better than this. And she said to me, you're just seeing what we've seen all along. And that's the fact of it, isn't it? I can sit here in my blended lower middle class urban neighborhood and it looks like in my life we live in harmony. Nobody hurting anyone. Nobody thinking they are better than anyone. But maybe that's my insulation. And I'm sorry for that. My friend set me straight.