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Post by mom on Nov 13, 2019 5:18:10 GMT
Update - thanks for everyone chiming in. I knew deep down I needed to serve food. I just really don't have confidence in my cooking ability. BUT my close circle of girlfriends asked what they could do and they are great at this kind of thing. So I told them to handle it! Yay for friends you can boss around, lol! (actually they didn't mind at all & know I struggle in this area).
So they are going to make some finger foods, some cookies, etc. I just have to pick up the beverages. I can handle that.
DH's dad was admitted to ICU today so them taking over this is such a huge relief. They've assured me they have it under control and I just need to pick up some drinks.
Thank you all for throwing your two cents in! I appreciate it!
DH's grandmother passed away this week and us, his mom & dad are the only relatives that live in town. The rest of the family (3 uncles + their kids, grandkids) are coming into town and will be staying at hotels.
On Thursday evening, we are meeting the Minister at our house, and those who want to come talk to the minister to share memories, etc will be coming over. We are meeting the minister around 6:30-7:00.
Should I serve food? Most of these people I have never met, and DH hasn't seen some of the uncles, cousins in over 20 years.
DH thinks no food - he doesn't want to encourage anyone to stay any longer than necessary. But he is really unsocial any nature nd he is worried about how his family will behave (some are really mouthy, and quite frankly, obnoxious).
So what would you serve?
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Post by nlwilkins on Nov 13, 2019 5:24:28 GMT
no alcohol for sure if he is worried about "mouthiness"
For such a short time I would serve coffee, tea and sodas - ONLY
What does your husband's mom and dad say? Perhaps they might expect more.
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Post by mom on Nov 13, 2019 5:27:34 GMT
no alcohol for sure if he is worried about "mouthiness" For such a short time I would serve coffee, tea and sodas - ONLY What does your husband's mom and dad say? Perhaps they might expect more. Yeah, we definitely wont serve alcohol. Atleast one of the Uncles is a recovering alcoholic. Honestly, DH and his family dont talk....about anything. I texted his mom and asked what she thought and she was surprised the others would want to meet with the minister at all. This is her mom who passed, and in her mind, since she lived in the same town, she knew her best so she should only be the one to talk. Its a weird dynamic. |
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rodeomom
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Post by rodeomom on Nov 13, 2019 5:28:08 GMT
I would serve something. Some finger foods and drinks.
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Post by lucyg on Nov 13, 2019 5:29:20 GMT
It seems like normal dinner time to me. I hate to say it, but it seems like maybe you ought to offer something (simple!) resembling dinner. A pot of chili, maybe?
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Post by mom on Nov 13, 2019 5:32:39 GMT
It seems like normal dinner time to me. I hate to say it, but it seems like maybe you ought to offer something (simple!) resembling dinner. A pot of chili, maybe? This is kinda what I felt as well. Especially knowing they are all from out of town. Chili would be easy and I can make it ahead of time. My second thought was maybe various desserts (picked up from a bakery) with coffee, cokes, etc. |
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rodeomom
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Post by rodeomom on Nov 13, 2019 5:33:10 GMT
I think I would just go pick up some stuff at Sams. Coffee cake, cookies, maybe small sandwiches if you want. veggie tray and dip. Small paper plates and forks. Then drinks, coffee, coke, water etc.
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Gennifer
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Post by Gennifer on Nov 13, 2019 5:47:34 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss.
I would have food. I'd probably do two different soup options, rolls, and a garden or Caesar salad, plus some cookies for dessert.
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Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 13:29:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2019 5:47:53 GMT
Put out bottle water and nothing else. Your husband is right. Don’t encourage them, your mom needs this time to get a lot paperwork done without having to bother with ( her?) brothers
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Nov 13, 2019 6:01:53 GMT
Unless I was specifically told there'd be food at my 630-7 meeting, I'd make plans to feed myself before or after.
However, if you wanted to put something out as a compromise between a meal and nothing, I would set out some cheese, crackers, and sausage, plus water and soda. (And I guess coffee/tea/any other beverages you might feel like offering.)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2019 6:24:57 GMT
Is this right after the service? If so, it doesn’t sound like there is time for people to grab dinner before coming to your house and I would feel obligated to serve food. I’d probably do a tray of sandwiches, a salad of some sort, chips and cookies.
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Post by LisaDV on Nov 13, 2019 9:23:55 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss. For only a half hour and starting at 6:30, I would just serve drinks as stated above by nlwilkins. I would make sure everyone else in your family ate beforehand. If I were to put anything out, it would just be an appetizer or two like cheese & cracker tray. This isn't dinner time. This is telling stories to the pastor so he knows the departed and can prepare the service. I would think it would be emotional and you wouldn't want to encourage those who you don't know well to stay around. You'll be spending all day with them at the wake and funeral and you'll need to feed them then. We usually do the wake the day before but always put sandwiches or something out in the family room at the funeral home and on the day of the funeral we feed everyone after the service - either going out to a restaurant or if it's my mom's side of the family a simple meal at a church. |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 13, 2019 12:33:38 GMT
If I had people gathering in my home at that time of evening, I would definitely offer some refreshments.
I don't think a full meal is necessary, but I would do an array of finger food options as well as a few choices on beverages.
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 13, 2019 12:49:11 GMT
I would serve beverages and some small finger foods. I'd probably go with a deli tray of meat and cheese with small buns.
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peabrain
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Post by peabrain on Nov 13, 2019 12:51:54 GMT
Sorry for your loss. I hope it all goes ok.
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schizo319
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Post by schizo319 on Nov 13, 2019 13:16:47 GMT
Ordinarily, I would do a big pot of soup or stew, but in your case (not wanting to encourage folks to linger) I'd just put out a veggie tray and some cheese/crackers with bottled water.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2019 13:20:41 GMT
I would stop at Costco or a similar place and pick up a couple of appetizer types of bits. Not a meal and not a lot. Put out some tea and water. Anyone really hungry can get a few bites of appetizer and go home for dinner. I normally eat dinner about 5:30 so I would have eaten already.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2019 13:23:29 GMT
I would say light, hors d’oeuvres with beverages. I am sorry for your husband's (and your) loss.
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Post by mustlovecats on Nov 13, 2019 13:38:48 GMT
I think food is nice at gatherings. You don’t have to serve a big meal and be there forever but a little food is comforting and gives people something to do with their hands and something to look at. I would just do light snacks that don’t take a lot of prep or cleanup and can be eaten without a lot of fuss. Little deli meat sliders, cheese and crackers, grapes, purchased cookies.
I get that you don’t want people to linger but you also don’t want to rush the process. I think some nibbles gives you enough space without being complicated. I think if this is meant to be a time to share memories then it is right to try to make people as comfortable as they can be.
I would not serve alcohol.
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Post by supersoda on Nov 13, 2019 13:49:43 GMT
In my experience in similar situations, everyone ends up hanging out at the local relative’s house. I’d be surprised if they stayed less than an hour once everyone is together and starts sharing stories about grandma.
Do you think local friends and relatives will start dropping off food? If not I’d pull together some soup or a sandwich platter. Or suggest everyone go out to dinner afterward to reconnect. At least then they’re not in your house and you control when to leave.
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Post by littlemama on Nov 13, 2019 13:57:33 GMT
I would have hors d'oeuvres and pop/ water.
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pilcas
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Post by pilcas on Nov 13, 2019 15:36:12 GMT
I would definitely serve something. A little hospitality is always appreciated.
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smcast
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Post by smcast on Nov 13, 2019 15:42:54 GMT
I would serve dessert options with coffee, water, juice, and pop. I would let them know ahead of time so they don't expect a meal.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 13, 2019 15:47:19 GMT
I think I would do desserts and coffee/tea/water. A crumb cake cut into squares, some cookies, maybe fruit salad. Things they can pick up and eat.
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Post by bc2ca on Nov 13, 2019 15:52:18 GMT
On Thursday evening, we are meeting the Minister at our house, and those who want to come talk to the minister to share memories, etc will be coming over. We are meeting the minister around 6:30-7:00. How was the invitation to others worded? If it was vague and open ended, I'd put out something like a vegetable tray and/or cheese and crackers, along with tea, coffee and water. Heck, even if it was a more specific "he'll be here for an hour and if you have anything you want him to include in the service please let us know you are coming by before or after your dinner" invitation, I'd put out the same. I'm sorry for your loss.  |
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Nov 13, 2019 16:08:22 GMT
Sorry for your loss.
I would serve a deli tray and small dinner rolls for a easy sandwich. Add a veggie tray and a small assortment cookies. I would not serve anything that required someone to sit at a table to eat.
For drinks, water, coffee, iced tea.
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Post by destined2bmom on Nov 13, 2019 16:38:28 GMT
I think I would just go pick up some stuff at Sams. Coffee cake, cookies, maybe small sandwiches if you want. veggie tray and dip. Small paper plates and forks. Then drinks, coffee, coke, water etc. This is what I would do and make the chili that lucyg suggested. |
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Post by mom on Nov 13, 2019 16:49:29 GMT
Is this right after the service? If so, it doesn’t sound like there is time for people to grab dinner before coming to your house and I would feel obligated to serve food. I’d probably do a tray of sandwiches, a salad of some sort, chips and cookies. Its before the service (days before). We are all getting together with the minister of grandma's church. She has been a member of this church for years, but the pastor who will do her service, is new and doesn't really know her. The minister asked to get together with the entire family so he could get a sense of what grandma was like, her favorite verses, etc. |
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Post by jemali on Nov 13, 2019 17:18:08 GMT
I would just do something simple like cookies or bars and a beverage. I think most people would have ate dinner by then.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2019 17:28:19 GMT
What he is going to ask? her favorite bible verse, hymns and a couple of stories. The meeting will take about 45 minutes at the most. There is no time for jibber jabber.
Your mom may not be up to having company afterward.
Why are these people there so early?
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