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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Mar 27, 2020 11:48:58 GMT
I am so sorry.
Big, big (((Hugs)))
Right now, it's mission time.
Print off every financial "snapshot" you can. Bank account balance, cc balance owed, savings, everything.
Keep all the important papers. Social security numbers, house deed, etc. Pay stubs.
Start a log in a notebook. It starts today. Write that he walked. Write his stated intentions.
Start calling attorneys. Call the very best. You most likely want the house. You want to keep your half of the savings. You put in time equity & deserve your share.
Feel free to keep coming back to us to talk it through, to ask questions, anything. We're here for you.
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,034
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:10 GMT
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Post by artbabe on Mar 27, 2020 11:55:47 GMT
I am so very, very sorry.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Mar 27, 2020 12:03:16 GMT
I can’t believe I am posting this here, but I have nowhere else to turn. I have nobody. In the middle of a world wide pandemic, my husband walked out on us this morning. What? Oh no! {{{hugs}}}
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Post by mom on Mar 27, 2020 12:04:26 GMT
I am so sorry - but as some has pointed out, you have things to do, TODAY.
Get your financial paperwork together before he locks you out of any accounts. Make copies of tax returns, paychecks, retirement accounts and really anything you can get your hands on. This cannot wait. Once you have copies, store them somewhere else that he does not have access to.
You will have time to deal with your feelings later (I know, its hard to not wallow in them right now). But you might not have much more time to get these copies before you lose your chance. You have to do what you can to protect any monies that could come your way.
Many of us have been in your shoes. It's hard. But you are resilient and will get through this.
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Post by stargazer on Mar 27, 2020 12:09:07 GMT
So, so sorry. Take the good advice here for you and remember you aren’t alone: we’re here x
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Post by gillyp on Mar 27, 2020 12:09:34 GMT
Gosh, I'm so sorry, I think a lot of us are doing a collective What??!!
Was it out of the blue? Could it be that he feels he can't protect you and the children during all this and you are better off without him? Sorry, you don't need questions right now. I am so sorry you have had this shock.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,771
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Mar 27, 2020 12:11:39 GMT
Walk me through this. What do I need?
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,771
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Mar 27, 2020 12:13:44 GMT
It is not out of the blue. In the fall he got very drunk on a family vacation and I found him in a sexually intimate position with his brothers wife. To my knowledge they did not have sex, but he was mad that I busted them up and got out of the pool with an erection. Since that time I discovered other lies and deception. Gambling, private lunches and dinners with female coworkers, etc.
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Post by refugeepea on Mar 27, 2020 12:14:28 GMT
Oh my hell. I am so very sorry.
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Post by refugeepea on Mar 27, 2020 12:16:39 GMT
I am so sorry. I am going through kind of the same thing, my soon to be ex is having an affair. The first week after I found out I had no idea how to eat, breath, live, survive. Take things minute by minute, even by second some days. As much as you can, focus on the good, and try to find the joy in every day. When someone first told me that I laughed at them, but it really does help. At first the joy was just the sun shining, or a friend just saying hi. Praying for you, I know how absolutely horrible this is, and how it just takes your breath away. May I suggest a name change to luckyexwife. That bastard.
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Mar 27, 2020 12:16:47 GMT
Walk me through this. What do I need? Start at the basics and work your way up: pay stubs, bank statements, savings accounts, credit card statements, mortgage, car loans, car titles, other loans, investment accounts, retirement. If you have online access, print out statements, make copies, and keep it somewhere safe. In the beginning, I made a goal to do one thing a day that needed to be done. If I did more, that's great, but at least one thing got done everyday. Then I moved it to three things. Just focus on what you can control right now, and worry about the rest later.
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Post by Jockscrap on Mar 27, 2020 12:19:11 GMT
I am so sorry for you and others here that are going through this. What an unbelievable blow.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Mar 27, 2020 12:26:50 GMT
I’m so sorry. I’ll repeat the most helpful thing said to me when my world fell apart:
You. Will. Get. Through. This.
Because it’s true. It will be hard, and painful, and a million “ what ifs “ will haunt your thoughts, but you will get through it and make a good life.
Now go follow that good advice and get/print those papers. Don’t put it off.
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Post by gar on Mar 27, 2020 12:27:42 GMT
Has he always had such a prefect sense of timing?? 😧 I’m so very sorry ((hugs)) I would guess you just be right now...that is enough today. Yes. I have also had a very good way of rug sweeping until I couldn’t rug sweep any longer. There’ll be time for scolding yourself later - for now follow the advice of the Peas who know about this ((hugs))
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Post by malibou on Mar 27, 2020 12:29:08 GMT
Damn Damn Damn. It is not supposed to turn out like this. I am so sorry he has made the decision to force you down a different life path. Though I don't expect it to come to you soon, I do hope that new path brings you much joy.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Mar 27, 2020 12:29:21 GMT
It is not out of the blue. In the fall he got very drunk on a family vacation and I found him in a sexually intimate position with his brothers wife. To my knowledge they did not have sex, but he was mad that I busted them up and got out of the pool with an erection. Since that time I discovered other lies and deception. Gambling, private lunches and dinners with female coworkers, etc. He may have been planning this move since then—so he’s got a “head start” on you in regards to financial stuff. Get your ducks in a row stat!
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anniebeth24
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,544
Jun 26, 2014 14:12:17 GMT
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Post by anniebeth24 on Mar 27, 2020 12:29:22 GMT
So sad and mad for you. Very sorry this is happening any time, but especially now.
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Post by jenjie on Mar 27, 2020 12:40:54 GMT
Oh friend first is {{{hugs}}}, I’m so sad for you. Next is [insert something inspirational here] because I’m pissed off on your behalf after reading your follow up.
The peas have given good advice. I’m praying for you. You already had so much on your plate.
Ok the inspiration is coming to me LOL... Suit up, girlfriend. You can do this. You have no choice, but you. can. do. this. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. One step at a time. And you will find you are so much stronger than you think you are. Although you can’t see it today, there’s a beautiful future ahead for you. 😘
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Mar 27, 2020 12:41:10 GMT
I am so sorry, TankTop. Mostly for the panic you feel right now. I don't know how long it will be for you, but I know with 100% certainty you will look back on this and not recognize yourself right now, and you won't wish to be back to yesterday either. You'll see what a blessing it is that he left. Because a man who is capable of literally walking away like this, at a time like this, is not a man you want to be married to. Look at who he's revealed himself to be, and be glad he revealed it. This may not help with the immediate panic you feel. That will work itself out as you walk through the practical things you need to face right now that have already been posted above. Each step you take to gather the information you need and to protect yourself and your children will build such strength and independence in you. Determine that you will be better for this, and you will. Strong hugs, friend. You will make it through this.
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Post by jemmls4 on Mar 27, 2020 12:44:25 GMT
I am so sorry!
As others said, get papers in order. I would even call bank and set up another account with just your name and transfer some money into it that he can’t touch. Log in to whatever you can regarding finances, property, stocks, bonds, retirement, etc. and get screenshots/printouts. Gather all other legal documents too and keep them safe somewhere.
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Post by Merge on Mar 27, 2020 12:45:07 GMT
Tanktop, I am so very sorry. I don't have any advice on the financial stuff, but I want to encourage you to reach out and talk about it here or elsewhere as much as you need to. You are not alone.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Mar 27, 2020 12:49:47 GMT
I don’t know what the future holds for you but I can tell you, you are stronger than you know. You will survive this. We are here for you no matter how this turns out for you. Many of us have been where you are and will be there to lend an ear and offer any advice you may ask for. i agree. i am so very sorry. that man is incredibly selfish. shame on him. but the peas are right... he has a head start. collect anything and everything related to income, bills, taxes, bank accounts, statements, investments, mortgage, credit credits, phone bills as soon as possible. save it *all* - in my experience better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. when my marriage split - i was in shock. we were still in the same house and he just had this hang dog look on his face, moping around all day. i had no idea what that was hiding. i was complacent and gave him months to remove assets from the house. anything of substantial value, take pictures of and copies of ownership documents or appraisals if possible. the peas are smart, resourceful and kind. you have friends here.
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Post by salem on Mar 27, 2020 12:53:21 GMT
I’m so sorry.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 27, 2020 12:54:11 GMT
Wait, what? I’m so sorry! That really, REALLY sucks. Sending you huge, huge hugs.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 10, 2024 3:03:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2020 12:55:24 GMT
I'm so very sorry TankTop. Do you have family or a very good friend that you can call on for support? Please reach out to them if you do, you and the kids need that support. Gosh, I can't get my head round his timing.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,772
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Mar 27, 2020 12:55:59 GMT
I am so very sorry. What a crappy thing to do right at this moment. I think we all want to find him and give him a what for. Sounds like in the long run, you will be better off. He does not sound like someone you need or should be with. As others have said, one moment at a time. Start distracting yourself with getting the documents together that you need.
Nice big cyber hugs to you.
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Post by jenjie on Mar 27, 2020 13:00:25 GMT
I am so sorry, TankTop. Mostly for the panic you feel right now. I don't know how long it will be for you, but I know with 100% certainty you will look back on this and not recognize yourself right now, and you won't wish to be back to yesterday either. You'll see what a blessing it is that he left. Because a man who is capable of literally walking away like this, at a time like this, is not a man you want to be married to. Look at who he's revealed himself to be, and be glad he revealed it.. Yes!! I couldn’t say it right so I didn’t try. But yes so well said!!
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Mar 27, 2020 13:04:33 GMT
It is not out of the blue. In the fall he got very drunk on a family vacation and I found him in a sexually intimate position with his brothers wife. To my knowledge they did not have sex, but he was mad that I busted them up and got out of the pool with an erection. Since that time I discovered other lies and deception. Gambling, private lunches and dinners with female coworkers, etc. Did you share about that here? I know I’ve read something very similar that a pea shared, and I’ve wondered how she was. Didn’t want to dredge it up in any of the update threads. Whether that was you, or not, your husband should be so terribly ashamed. And, while it may not seem like it now, the silver lining is the slimiest ones are the easiest to put behind us. But, hugs, today.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,036
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Mar 27, 2020 13:04:54 GMT
I’m so sorry.
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Post by auntkelly on Mar 27, 2020 13:08:03 GMT
I would start calling attorneys ASAP. Even if your state is under a lockdown order, most states are including legal services as essential services.
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