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Post by gillyp on Mar 27, 2020 13:54:47 GMT
It is not out of the blue. In the fall he got very drunk on a family vacation and I found him in a sexually intimate position with his brothers wife. To my knowledge they did not have sex, but he was mad that I busted them up and got out of the pool with an erection. Since that time I discovered other lies and deception. Gambling, private lunches and dinners with female coworkers, etc. Oh hon, you deserve so much better than this! You will be in pain for awhile and think that you won’t be able to handle it. But eventually you will suddenly realize that you haven’t thought of him for an entire day. And you will feel happiness just knowing that he can’t hurt you and expose you to any STDs any longer. I know it will take time, but some day, I pray you find a man who values you and would never dream of causing you any pain. And consider this, you didn’t lose an amazing incredible husband here. You are now getting rid of a piece of $hit poor excuse of a man. Keep reminding yourself that you deserve so much more than this. I hope his brother dealt with the two of them! I can not applaud this loud enough! You do deserve better. The US Peas will keep you straight in what to do and when to do it. Major hugs to you and your kids.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Mar 27, 2020 13:59:32 GMT
You can do this. I'm sorry you have no support system in the outside world. Vent away and take the advice of the peas that have been through this.
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Mar 27, 2020 14:00:27 GMT
TankTop He left. You are in isolation. It will take him a very long time to get his stuff since you are in quarantine for 14 days. Change the locks as you don't know if he is infected. Don't change the locks or move money until you talk to a lawyer. Also, let the lawyer know he moved out, as that could be considered abandonment in your state. State laws vary on this, so you need to talk to someone who knows your state laws. My first lawyer meeting I cried more than talked, but the lawyer was very understanding.
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,410
Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Mar 27, 2020 14:02:18 GMT
Wow, I’m so sorry to hear this. Huge hugs.
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georgie
Full Member
Posts: 123
Jul 23, 2019 1:17:03 GMT
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Post by georgie on Mar 27, 2020 14:02:40 GMT
I’m so sorry you are going through this, especially now. You have received some good advice here. Change your locks so you don’t come home to most of your stuff gone.
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Post by AussieMeg on Mar 27, 2020 14:03:09 GMT
I'm really sorry to hear this. The episode with your DH and his brother's wife must have been horrendous - I can remember the absolute feeling of nausea, literally feeling sick to the stomach. Yep, BTDT decades ago. I hope you have people around who can help you through this. And if not, we're here for you. And like others have said, one day you will be better. Happier. You will feel relieved that you're no longer with him. It's just the getting to that point that sucks.
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Post by mom on Mar 27, 2020 14:05:12 GMT
No, I don’t have anyone. No mom, sister, cousin, etc. I have a dysfunctional father and brother. We don’t even do holidays together, so it is not like I can turn to them. I have 4 female friends. Two are my husband’s friends wives. One is more of an acquaintance. One is working the front lines of covid-19 right now. You have us. We will be your family. I am sending you my number and email. Use it if you need to.
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,746
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Mar 27, 2020 14:06:08 GMT
Oh no. I’m so sorry. What a lump of crap to deal with during an already stressful time. I’m so sorry. Please know that we are here for you. ❤️
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Post by Really Red on Mar 27, 2020 14:09:00 GMT
I am sorry you are going through this. I want you to say this mantra to yourself as many times a day as necessary: This is the best damn thing that could have happened to me!Because as hard as it is to breathe now, and as hard as it is to imagine a different life now, you will be so DAMN grateful that your life is different and changed. You will NEVER want to go back. NEVER. You will never regret for one single minute reclaiming yourself. I am not saying there will not be moments of sadness and what ifs, but your new normal is going to be better than anything you could have ever imagined. It will be!! Please do as others have said. CHANGE THE LOCKS, call a lawyer and let the lawyer tell you what you need to do. Get these two things done today. Tomorrow you can breathe again. You will SOAR TankTop. You will FLY!!! This is the beginning of a great new life for you!!!! It is so hard to see now, but your ex has set you free. Now it is your turn to shine!!
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Post by withapea on Mar 27, 2020 14:10:34 GMT
I'm so sorry. I think you've gotten some great advice. I know you're reeling right now. Please don't think you're alone, so many have been in similar situations AND you have the Peas for support.
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TXMary
Pearl Clutcher
And so many nights I just dream of the ocean. God, I wish I was sailin' again.
Posts: 2,805
Jun 26, 2014 17:25:06 GMT
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Post by TXMary on Mar 27, 2020 14:16:28 GMT
I have no advice but wanted to send hugs. I am so sorry.
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Post by Skellinton on Mar 27, 2020 14:16:50 GMT
It is not out of the blue. In the fall he got very drunk on a family vacation and I found him in a sexually intimate position with his brothers wife. To my knowledge they did not have sex, but he was mad that I busted them up and got out of the pool with an erection. Since that time I discovered other lies and deception. Gambling, private lunches and dinners with female coworkers, etc. Well, sounds like a good thing he left, what a scum bag. I am so very sorry.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Mar 27, 2020 14:17:44 GMT
Do you have a separate bank account? If so move money right NOW today! Go to the bank and get as much as you can into a bank account for YOU and your KIDS preferably in a different back! PRINT every paper you can, DO IT NOW!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,645
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Mar 27, 2020 14:21:28 GMT
I"m really sorry.
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Post by NanaKate on Mar 27, 2020 14:22:04 GMT
HUGS ❤️
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,662
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Mar 27, 2020 14:24:16 GMT
No, I don’t have anyone. No mom, sister, cousin, etc. I have a dysfunctional father and brother. We don’t even do holidays together, so it is not like I can turn to them. I have 4 female friends. Two are my husband’s friends wives. One is more of an acquaintance. One is working the front lines of covid-19 right now. You have us. We will be your family. I am sending you my number and email. Use it if you need to. mom - you are such an incredibly kind person
Do you go to church? If so, you can reach out to them for help. I've been there too and as others have said, you'll get through it. It's just going to suck for a while, but you can do it.
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,417
Jun 26, 2014 3:11:50 GMT
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Post by YooHoot on Mar 27, 2020 14:25:11 GMT
I remember you saying you guys weren’t in a good place. I’m so sorry that he did that. He sounds like he wasn’t able to have his cake and eat it too. I wish you peace in the coming days. And when you said you didn’t have a support system, you are wrong. We are here day and night.
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Post by danor98 on Mar 27, 2020 14:29:55 GMT
I was expecting a story about crazy neighbors having a pool party or some other social distancing faux pas. I am so sorry for this kick in the gut that you have received. We are here for your moral support and for you to hang onto when you feel as if you’re drowning. Hugs to you.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Mar 27, 2020 14:38:10 GMT
Walk me through this. What do I need? Start at the basics and work your way up: pay stubs, bank statements, savings accounts, credit card statements, mortgage, car loans, car titles, other loans, investment accounts, retirement. If you have online access, print out statements, make copies, and keep it somewhere safe. In the beginning, I made a goal to do one thing a day that needed to be done. If I did more, that's great, but at least one thing got done everyday. Then I moved it to three things. Just focus on what you can control right now, and worry about the rest later. TankTopAlso, make a brand new email account that he does not know about. Use it in private browsers only so it doesn't save on the computer. Email yourself scanned or downloaded important & financial papers. This will also be the email you use for legal things from now on. Password lock your computer. make yourself administrator so he can't lock you out of it. Open a new checking account in a new bank. Withdraw no more than half of what's currently in your joint bank account & put it in your new account. (Make note of doing this in your notebook log). Get a PO box in your name only. Let them know it is only for your mail, & not for the husband. Start protecting your sentimental belongings. Photographs, jewelry, etc. Rent a storage unit if you can. Scan your old photos if possible, make a Snapfish or Shutterfly account to keep them in. From now on, every time you shop for anything, get twenty dollars cash back. Pocket this. It doesn't show as separate from your store purchase. If you don't already have a cc in your name, apply for one with you bank now. You are going to get through this. You are worth it.
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Post by elaine on Mar 27, 2020 14:42:12 GMT
Oh, no! I am beyond speechless. (((Hugs))). I wish that there was something I could do for you.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,771
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Mar 27, 2020 14:43:18 GMT
Okay world... I f’ing hear you....
Just got notified my bank card was hacked and is being shut down.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Mar 27, 2020 14:44:01 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. As others have said, you have us.
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pancakes
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,993
Feb 4, 2015 6:49:53 GMT
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Post by pancakes on Mar 27, 2020 14:46:09 GMT
TankTop He left. You are in isolation. It will take him a very long time to get his stuff since you are in quarantine for 14 days. Change the locks as you don't know if he is infected. Don't change the locks or move money until you talk to a lawyer. Also, let the lawyer know he moved out, as that could be considered abandonment in your state. State laws vary on this, so you need to talk to someone who knows your state laws. My first lawyer meeting I cried more than talked, but the lawyer was very understanding. Please do this. I’m so so sorry about this, TankTop.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,606
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Mar 27, 2020 14:50:44 GMT
While you're in shock and everyone else is being compassionate and offering advice, can I be super, really angry for you? WTAF? What the hell is wrong with his ass? What a fucker! What a cheap-ass, lying coward of a fucker!!!!
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,996
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Mar 27, 2020 14:52:26 GMT
I remember you saying you guys weren’t in a good place. I’m so sorry that he did that. He sounds like he wasn’t able to have his cake and eat it too. I wish you peace in the coming days. And when you said you didn’t have a support system, you are wrong. We are here day and night. this. I am so sorry, and I have nothing different to add because you've gotten so much wonderful advice. <big hugs>
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iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,281
Location: Michigan
Jul 13, 2014 12:40:31 GMT
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Post by iluvpink on Mar 27, 2020 14:52:29 GMT
OMG I am so sorry. Lots of hugs.
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Post by summer on Mar 27, 2020 14:53:19 GMT
I am sorry you are going through this at the worst possible time.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jun 25, 2014 23:25:39 GMT
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Post by katybee on Mar 27, 2020 14:54:56 GMT
Okay world... I f’ing hear you.... Just got notified my bank card was hacked and is being shut down. Could it be your husband?
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Post by freecharlie on Mar 27, 2020 14:57:12 GMT
Omg, I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say. I'd like to kick his ass for you.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jun 25, 2014 23:25:39 GMT
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Post by katybee on Mar 27, 2020 15:01:14 GMT
No, I don’t have anyone. No mom, sister, cousin, etc. I have a dysfunctional father and brother. We don’t even do holidays together, so it is not like I can turn to them. I have 4 female friends. Two are my husband’s friends wives. One is more of an acquaintance. One is working the front lines of covid-19 right now. Like others have said...you have US! You have been a big part of this board for as long as I can remember. We will be here for you—with advice, with humor, with distraction. Look at it this way—with social distancing, you’d be talking to “real-life” friends remotely, too. So, really, it’s no different. Please let the others who have/are going through this be your support. I’m so sorry for you and everyone else going through this. But you are stronger than him and you’ve got this!
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