Deleted
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May 9, 2024 23:01:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2020 10:44:37 GMT
Well... life has been a whirlwind. Friday he left, went to work, and then went to sign a lease for an apartment. In all fairness he works in an industry that gives him connections in the apartment industry. He claims this was not planned and he arranged the apartment that morning after leaving. He went to sign the lease and could not do it. From there it was a full mental health spiral downward from there that included his counselor, doctor, childhood best friend/pastor. I do believe he has hit what one would call rock bottom. He is currently in a safe place getting the attention he needs to work on himself. Regardless of how it all ends for our marriage, I need for him to figure his crap out for our kids. I have taken steps to protect the kids and myself, but am currently allowing others to deal with him. It is a very humbling place to be to sit and watch someone who you have loved for over 20 years literally fall apart. I appreciate you all so much. Your support, and your distraction have meant the world to me. That is a very sensible decision. Take care (((hugs)))
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,175
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Apr 2, 2020 12:17:07 GMT
Your mind must be spinning trying to adapt to everything thrown at you recently. It sounds like you are doing the best you can for the kids and yourself. Please continue to focus on them and you!
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Post by refugeepea on Apr 2, 2020 13:52:15 GMT
TankTop you are very smart to have other people take care of or deal with your husband. It's good you are doing this now rather than later.
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Post by christine58 on Apr 12, 2020 16:47:07 GMT
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on May 27, 2020 20:09:25 GMT
I was thinking about you a few days ago and came looking today to see how you're doing. I'd read your original post but didn't see the follow up. I hope and pray he's getting the help he needs and that your marriage can be salvaged, if that's what you choose. Hugs to you friend.
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Post by christine58 on May 27, 2020 20:37:01 GMT
I was thinking about you a few days ago and came looking today to see how you're doing. I'd read your original post but didn't see the follow up. I hope and pray he's getting the help he needs and that your marriage can be salvaged, if that's what you choose. Hugs to you friend. I hope she updates too TankTop
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,771
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on May 27, 2020 20:43:28 GMT
Thank you for checking in.
Right now things are going okay. He is working very hard on his demons. There is a lot of deep seeded pain that he needs to work through on his own. I believe he has hit rock bottom and is fighting to get himself out of it.
I am focused on keeping myself and my kids safe and secure.
Right or wrong, I love him and want the best for him. I want him to find peace and healing for himself and our children. If that leads us back to one another, then so be it.
What I do know is I am not settling. I have boundaries for myself.
He knows what he has to do to help himself. Right now he is fighting like hell to save himself and his family. I admire the work he is putting in. I have made no promises to him in regards to our marriage, but I will support him as long as it healthy for me to do so.
Today we took our son golfing. It was a great day and I could see how much his soul needed that.
More than anything I need for him to be whole for himself and our kids. Our relationship is secondary to me. We will either find our way back or find our way through, but I will heal and I will be okay.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,771
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on May 27, 2020 20:46:51 GMT
I also want to say that me stepping out of his recovery and trusting it to a good friend was the best thing I could ever do for myself. It allowed me space. It allowed me time to focus on me. It allowed me to see how much I am capable of.
I am freaking strong as hell! Who knew?
The other thing I have discovered is how much someone who I had considered an acquaintance loves me. She has stepped up in a huge way. I feel blessed to have had light shine on that relationship. It is a true blessing.
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Post by hop2 on May 27, 2020 20:53:24 GMT
I also want to say that me stepping out of his recovery and trusting it to a good friend was the best thing I could ever do for myself. It allowed me space. It allowed me time to focus on me. It allowed me to see how much I am capable of. I am freaking strong as hell! Who knew? The other thing I have discovered is how much someone who I had considered an acquaintance loves me. She has stepped up in a huge way. I feel blessed to have had light shine on that relationship. It is a true blessing. You knew deep down that you are strong as hell.
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on May 27, 2020 21:22:42 GMT
TankTop I'm so glad to hear he's working on himself. And it sounds like you have a very healthy attitude towards the whole situation. Strength? Girl, you're the epitome of strength. I'm also happy to hear that you have a really good friend that you didn't even know you had. It makes a huge difference to have one person, in your RL, that can be there for you. Hang in there friend. <3
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Post by christine58 on May 27, 2020 21:28:14 GMT
The other thing I have discovered is how much someone who I had considered an acquaintance loves me. She has stepped up in a huge way. I feel blessed to have had light shine on that relationship. It is a true blessing. Your attitude ROCKS...I hope he gets better because that will not only help him, but his children also. More than anything I need for him to be whole for himself and our kids. Our relationship is secondary to me. We will either find our way back or find our way through, but I will heal and I will be okay. YES you will be ok!
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Post by scrapmomof2 on May 27, 2020 22:32:56 GMT
I've been thinking of you too and just and to say good luck to you and your kids. Hope life works out for the best, whatever that looks like
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on May 27, 2020 22:46:04 GMT
I am so very sorry that your family is going through this.
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Post by flanz on May 27, 2020 22:48:53 GMT
Sending you love and hugs. Sounds like you're a strong woman who is in a good place emotionally and doing what you need to do to care for yourself and your children. Way to go!
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on May 28, 2020 1:27:58 GMT
Thank you for checking in. Right now things are going okay. He is working very hard on his demons. There is a lot of deep seeded pain that he needs to work through on his own. I believe he has hit rock bottom and is fighting to get himself out of it. I am focused on keeping myself and my kids safe and secure. Right or wrong, I love him and want the best for him. I want him to find peace and healing for himself and our children. If that leads us back to one another, then so be it. What I do know is I am not settling. I have boundaries for myself. He knows what he has to do to help himself. Right now he is fighting like hell to save himself and his family. I admire the work he is putting in. I have made no promises to him in regards to our marriage, but I will support him as long as it healthy for me to do so. Today we took our son golfing. It was a great day and I could see how much his soul needed that. More than anything I need for him to be whole for himself and our kids. Our relationship is secondary to me. We will either find our way back or find our way through, but I will heal and I will be okay. You are a strong woman with a beautiful heart!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 9, 2024 23:01:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2020 1:44:05 GMT
I am sorry that I missed this when you first posted.
You ARE strong as hell. You have a whole ARMY of peas behind you to lift you up as well.
I hope things work out to be whatever is best for you and your family.
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huskergal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,992
Jun 25, 2014 20:22:13 GMT
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Post by huskergal on May 28, 2020 3:06:17 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are in a good place. I hope your husband can get to a good place. Wishing you all the best.
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Post by SunnySmile on May 28, 2020 7:41:20 GMT
I am incredibly sorry this is happening to you.
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Post by mikklynn on May 28, 2020 12:43:43 GMT
TankTop I love your update. We all knew you were strong. I wish you the very best, no matter what you decide.
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Post by sasha on May 28, 2020 18:00:06 GMT
It is not out of the blue. In the fall he got very drunk on a family vacation and I found him in a sexually intimate position with his brothers wife. To my knowledge they did not have sex, but he was mad that I busted them up and got out of the pool with an erection. Since that time I discovered other lies and deception. Gambling, private lunches and dinners with female coworkers, etc. OMG, TankTop, I'm so sorry but if this was going on, just realize that this is the best thing to happen to YOU. You deserve better. Others have given you very good advice. I think you will be much happier in the long run. EDIT: Sorry, I'm just now seeing your update. I hope everything works out okay for you all.
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