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Post by hmp on Mar 27, 2020 15:05:44 GMT
My jaw hit the floor when I read your post. Listen to the Peas advice & follow it. They are wise & wonderful. All I can offer is great big hugs & you can have as many as you want. (((((HUGS)))))
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ModChick
Drama Llama
True North Strong and Free
Posts: 5,062
Jun 26, 2014 23:57:06 GMT
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Post by ModChick on Mar 27, 2020 15:12:46 GMT
I am so sorry. What an absolute asshole move, wether it was coming or not it did not need to be now and cause more panic. Hugs to you. Great advice from many peas of this thread.
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Post by scrapcat on Mar 27, 2020 15:14:08 GMT
This stinks, sorry to hear.
Whatever accounts you can get or have access to, print out dated statements showing balances, etc. If he tries to withdraw and move money, it's best if you have a track record of what it was before.
Someone I know, recently when her ex left (drug problems, etc) he had withdrawn a bunch of money from shared retirement accounts before lawyers were involved or anything filed and she had no recourse to get the money back. I was going to say is it possible he's just having a mental break because of the isolation and such, but then I saw your post about his behavior, so obvi it's not just this. It's hard, but you have to compartmentalize the emotions for now, and make money/business your priority. You will have time to grieve, but protect yourself financially first.
Talk to a lawyer asap!
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,517
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Mar 27, 2020 15:19:15 GMT
My heart is in my throat for you. Wishing you light and strength.
Remember that this ____storm is NOT YOUR FAULT. There are many decent ways to heal a marriage, or to get out of one if healing isn't in the cards. Your STBXH chose none of the decent ways. That is 100% on HIM.
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Post by freecharlie on Mar 27, 2020 15:25:13 GMT
Okay world... I f’ing hear you.... Just got notified my bank card was hacked and is being shut down. wow. It just keeps coming. At least they caught it quickly...I hope.
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Post by heartland on Mar 27, 2020 15:30:34 GMT
(((Hugs)))
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Mar 27, 2020 15:35:54 GMT
I’m so sorry.
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Post by dewryce on Mar 27, 2020 15:39:09 GMT
What the actual fuck? Sweetie, I am so sorry. You and your children deserve better and he should be ashamed of himself. (((Hugs)))
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Post by hockeyfan06 on Mar 27, 2020 15:39:16 GMT
Hang in there TankTop. The peas are here for you! (((hugs)))
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Post by monklady123 on Mar 27, 2020 15:44:52 GMT
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Post by atomicdog on Mar 27, 2020 15:45:17 GMT
Stay strong and believe in yourself. The husband is a cretin for behaving like this now. This is a reflection on him not you. I don't engage much on here, but I sure see that the peas definitely will be here to support and listen. You are surely NOT alone.
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Post by MichyM on Mar 27, 2020 15:49:42 GMT
I am so sorry. If that doesn’t define jerk moves, I don't know what does. Sending warm hugs and strength to you.
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amypeach1978
Junior Member
Posts: 67
Jul 2, 2014 9:24:34 GMT
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Post by amypeach1978 on Mar 27, 2020 15:52:25 GMT
I'm so sorry. My ex left me in 2010, when my youngest had just turned 3 and my oldest was 6. No cheating, but he had one foot out the door for years and made it very obvious he wasn't in it for the long haul. It was a very hard 2.5 years getting back on my financial feet, I had to move in with my parents during that time. It was very demoralizing. Now, on the other side of things, I'm happier than I have ever been. My first marriage was not a great relationship, but I had no basis for comparison because he was my first boyfriend. We just weren't very compatible. I can see that now because my "new" husband of almost 6 years is soooooo much more compatible. I know it seems hard now, but you will most likely eventually get to where you are glad that it happened. Big higs for you!
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lisaknits
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,358
May 28, 2015 16:14:56 GMT
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Post by lisaknits on Mar 27, 2020 15:59:20 GMT
((HUGS)) to you. I'm sorry that he decided that the best time to take action is in the middle of a pandemic! Jeez.
You have the peas on your side and we're here for you.
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MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,836
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Mar 27, 2020 16:00:23 GMT
Just wanted to say I'm so sorry, TankTop. We are here for you. So many of us have been through this and we can support you through it too. (((((Hugs))))) I know you feel alone but this thread is testament to the exact opposite.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Mar 27, 2020 16:01:00 GMT
I’m so very sorry. Please know we are here for you. I’m sending you hugs and any support you need
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Post by natscraps on Mar 27, 2020 16:03:14 GMT
Also, make a brand new email account that he does not know about. Use it in private browsers only so it doesn't save on the computer. Email yourself scanned or downloaded important & financial papers. This will also be the email you use for legal things from now on. Password lock your computer. make yourself administrator so he can't lock you out of it. Open a new checking account in a new bank. Withdraw no more than half of what's currently in your joint bank account & put it in your new account. (Make note of doing this in your notebook log). Get a PO box in your name only. Let them know it is only for your mail, & not for the husband. Start protecting your sentimental belongings. Photographs, jewelry, etc. Rent a storage unit if you can. Scan your old photos if possible, make a Snapfish or Shutterfly account to keep them in. From now on, every time you shop for anything, get twenty dollars cash back. Pocket this. It doesn't show as separate from your store purchase. If you don't already have a cc in your name, apply for one with you bank now. You are going to get through this. You are worth it. All of this plus if you have a paycheck that goes directly into a joint account, contact your employer immediately and have the deposit switched. Giant hugs! And as you can clearly see by how many pages this thread has gotten to supporting you, you are not alone.
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Post by 950nancy on Mar 27, 2020 16:04:43 GMT
Really no wise words for you. Please take care of yourself and get that paperwork ready.
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MaryMary
Pearl Clutcher
Lazy
Posts: 2,975
Jun 25, 2014 21:56:13 GMT
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Post by MaryMary on Mar 27, 2020 16:05:47 GMT
Oh gosh, what awful timing! I’m so sorry. I wish you much peace.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 20, 2024 13:12:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2020 16:07:39 GMT
He sounds like an a$$ who is showing you his true colors. I know there are a few threads from the past advising what to do like find an attorney, set up a separate bank account, change locks, etc. A little harder to manage with what’s going on, but not impossible. Lots of attorneys are still working and banks are still open. He may have walked out, but after that stunt with your SIL and today, put on your battle gear and start taking charge of your future.
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Post by silverlining on Mar 27, 2020 16:08:18 GMT
Even if your friends are wives of your husband's friends and you might not feel comfortable talking to them, please know that NO ONE is going to look at the timing of this and think it was a decent thing to do.
This might be a terrible thing to say, but I'm glad he moved out. I wouldn't want you to be stuck in a house with anyone as selfish and inconsiderate as he is. You are better off with your son at home and the Peas here for you 24/7.
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Post by scrapmaven on Mar 27, 2020 16:16:12 GMT
Right now this is now all about you. If you can get hold of a good lawyer today that would be ideal. Sure, you could sever his gonads and I'd be happy to do that for you. However, severing his bank account is much more important. He sounds like an absolute swine. You deserve a wonderful life. Trust me. Good men do exist. None of this is your fault. NONE! This is all on him. Don't beat yourself up over this, because you are innocent. He presented a different man to you when you were dating. He chose to become a pig and he lives like one.
There are so many divorced peas who have been in your shoes and are thriving. You've been so unhappy for so long. Now you get to take your life back. From now on you get to make the decision to treat yourself w/respect, love and compassion. You have probably missed these things. If you start to beat yourself up or your negative self-talk goes into overdrive then think or yell STOP. Then think an opposite thought that is filled w/self love.
You have so many friends all over the world. We're here to listen, support and stand w/you.
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Post by marmargirl on Mar 27, 2020 16:20:40 GMT
I’m so sorry you have to go through this right now.
But, as others have said, your life will be so much better in the long run. He is an ass.
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,020
Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
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Post by mimima on Mar 27, 2020 16:23:37 GMT
Oh, hon. I'm so sorry. Virtual hugs and real love
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,218
Jun 26, 2014 0:09:18 GMT
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Post by Peamac on Mar 27, 2020 16:25:15 GMT
<gasp> I'm so sorry! Sending many virtual (((hugs))) and lots of prayers for you all!
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Post by ~summer~ on Mar 27, 2020 16:33:07 GMT
I’m so sorry - you deserve much better. Hang in there and take it one hour at a time.
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Post by sabrinae on Mar 27, 2020 16:37:36 GMT
First, I am so sorry. It sucks. Take a deep breath. Second, if you have someone you know who has recently been through a divorce ask for lawyer recommendations. If not, google your city or county and divorce attorney. Pick 2 or 3 and call to set up a phone consultation— many will do a quick consultation for free Third. Pick an attorney and follow his/her advise.
Good luck. You will come out of this ok.
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Post by kelly316 on Mar 27, 2020 16:39:30 GMT
What the hell?? I don’t know where you are, but generally speaking no one is supposed to leave the house right now! I’m so sorry! Feel free to pour your heart out. Most of us have plenty of extra time on our hands.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Mar 27, 2020 16:40:39 GMT
OMG I am so sorry. I know that I can't breathe and how will I get through this feeling.
Hang in there and even though we don't know each other well, I am happy to talk and listen to you.
You will get through this... take care of yourself.
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Post by femalebusiness on Mar 27, 2020 16:49:51 GMT
Fuck him! Get MAD. Follow the advice you've been given here. I am so, so sorry you have to go through this.
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